(no subject)
McSweeneys Rip offs.
Titles of Songs I Could Credibly Write If I Became a Rap Star.
BY GREG HOWARD
-Ain't Nothin' but a G Thang, Although I Usually Go by "Greg," to Be Honest
-Mama Said Have Some Milk and Cookies
-Bitches and Hos (I Have Neither/Nor)
-I Know Someone Who Has a Friend of a Friend Who's Chillin' on Death Row
-Ready 2 Take a Nap
-Roll Me a Blunt (Now What Does That Mean Again?)
-The Best Tastee-Freezes Are in My Hood
-YO Gangsta (Do You Know How to Get to Napa Valley? I Appear to Be Lost)
-I Like Medium-Sized Butts ... I Mean, It's Great If They Have Some Dimension but Let's Not Get Carried Away, but on the Other Hand It's No Good When the Legs Just Shoot Straight Up to the Hips and There's Nothing Else There, I Hate That
-Smack My Fax Up
Perks No Longer Allowed to Congress Under the New Proposed Ethics Code.
BY THOMAS HYNES
-The dark turkey meat
-Congressional Slip 'N Slide
-Autographed footballs
-Phone calls during dinner
-Re-entry without hand stamp
-Choice of two or more toppings at congressional sundae bar
-Free ringtones
-Dicking over Native Americans
Possible Reasons My Short Stories Are So Poorly Reviewed by the Other Members of My Writers' Workshop.
BY JARED YOUNG
-They're jealous of my talent.
-They never learned how to read.
-They hate great writing.
Things I Might Be Convinced to Give My Left Arm For.
BY GIBSON HOLUB
-World peace
-Cloak of invisibility
-Bottomless margarita
-Pegasus unicorn
-Fifteen minutes with Jesus (or Bono)
-Magic credit card
-Bionic robot arm
Selected Entries From the Index to the Owner's Handbook of the 2000 Saturn S-Series Sedan.
BY MATTHEW W. GRIECO
-Rotate, If You're Stuck and Your Front Wheels Can't, 100
-Arm, Wearing a Safety Belt Under Your, 26
-Blizzard, If You're Caught in a, 229
-Closed-In Places, Don't Idle in a, 106 [sic]
-Alcohol, Driving Under the Influence of, 202
-Water, Don't Use for Windshield Washer, 123
-Stuck, If Your Ignition Key is, 90
-Why Wear Safety Belts?, 14, 16, 19
-Control, Loss of, 213
Titles of Songs I Could Credibly Write If I Became a Rap Star.
BY GREG HOWARD
-Ain't Nothin' but a G Thang, Although I Usually Go by "Greg," to Be Honest
-Mama Said Have Some Milk and Cookies
-Bitches and Hos (I Have Neither/Nor)
-I Know Someone Who Has a Friend of a Friend Who's Chillin' on Death Row
-Ready 2 Take a Nap
-Roll Me a Blunt (Now What Does That Mean Again?)
-The Best Tastee-Freezes Are in My Hood
-YO Gangsta (Do You Know How to Get to Napa Valley? I Appear to Be Lost)
-I Like Medium-Sized Butts ... I Mean, It's Great If They Have Some Dimension but Let's Not Get Carried Away, but on the Other Hand It's No Good When the Legs Just Shoot Straight Up to the Hips and There's Nothing Else There, I Hate That
-Smack My Fax Up
Perks No Longer Allowed to Congress Under the New Proposed Ethics Code.
BY THOMAS HYNES
-The dark turkey meat
-Congressional Slip 'N Slide
-Autographed footballs
-Phone calls during dinner
-Re-entry without hand stamp
-Choice of two or more toppings at congressional sundae bar
-Free ringtones
-Dicking over Native Americans
Possible Reasons My Short Stories Are So Poorly Reviewed by the Other Members of My Writers' Workshop.
BY JARED YOUNG
-They're jealous of my talent.
-They never learned how to read.
-They hate great writing.
Things I Might Be Convinced to Give My Left Arm For.
BY GIBSON HOLUB
-World peace
-Cloak of invisibility
-Bottomless margarita
-Pegasus unicorn
-Fifteen minutes with Jesus (or Bono)
-Magic credit card
-Bionic robot arm
Selected Entries From the Index to the Owner's Handbook of the 2000 Saturn S-Series Sedan.
BY MATTHEW W. GRIECO
-Rotate, If You're Stuck and Your Front Wheels Can't, 100
-Arm, Wearing a Safety Belt Under Your, 26
-Blizzard, If You're Caught in a, 229
-Closed-In Places, Don't Idle in a, 106 [sic]
-Alcohol, Driving Under the Influence of, 202
-Water, Don't Use for Windshield Washer, 123
-Stuck, If Your Ignition Key is, 90
-Why Wear Safety Belts?, 14, 16, 19
-Control, Loss of, 213