urgh...
I got my IUD today. Hooray for monogamy which has allowed me this five year wonder no babies method.
Oh god. So the good first: I will not have to go get birth control again for five years. It only cost 15 dollars.
I'm certain now, that it will be a while before I'll want to jump into having babies.
Okay, so I took a lorazepam and 1000mg of ibuprofen before heading to the gyn office, like they told me to do. I don't think that the lorazepam worked the way it was supposed to, because the first bit I was on the edge of hysterics. Before they even got my pants off I was freaked out.
I don't think I want to know what that would feel like if I hadn't taken anything. It hurt, not like broken bone hurt, but it was pain I have never felt before. You never want to hear your gyn say as he's assessing you for an IUD to say "well, you have a really narrow cervix." I can promise you this will lead to horrible pain.
We ended up having to go get an ultrasound, which explained why he was having trouble getting anything to go.
Uterine ultrasounds are odd. I'm thinking it's gonna be like the belly ultrasound... then Dr. Leach whips out this frigging ultrasound dildo thing. WTF... so we go on with it and he goes "well that explains it" and he shows me where a normal uterus would be, and then where mine is... there's a huge difference.
Most uteruses go like so:
Mine goes something like this... only bent backwards.
Not a bad thing, but not common either. Dr. Leach was surprised I don't have a lot of intercourse pain. Well that's good... that I don't have sex pain when apparently I should. It also means that the angles he normally uses are completely wrong for me and explain the trouble he was having in the first procedure room.
So I'm thinking, "ok well the worst part has o be over now that he has it right" GOD BLESS AMERICA, I was WRONG!
The actual placement of the thing wasn't bad at all, after the ultrasound. It was the God Blessed cervical dilators. Cervical dilators are quite possibly the most horrible things ever invented, I was like "please, stop, I'll tell you anything you want to know, just make the pain stop!" The only reason they didn't hurt so much the first time was that he wasn't at the right angle and they weren't actually getting in far enough to do any dilating. AUGH. When it comes time to pop out the babies, I am going to be like gimme the drugs, dammit. I don't care if they make my baby retarded, give me drugs!
I was "delighted" to hear that I was the best problem placement he's done and he was impressed with how well I did. By delighted I mean, mystified. What, do women kick and scream? I freaking listened to the nurse and breathed in and out and waited for it to be over. What was I supposed to do? Apparently, cry moan and throw hysterics, from the nurse gossip going on outside my room while I put my pants back on. I've never understood how retarded women allow themselves to be about gynecological stuff. Being shitty to the doctor and freaking out isn't going to help me get done and out sooner.
He also said that if I was comfortable with it, I should check the IUD strings regularly. WAIT, WHAT? WTF. I swear... women... really. It's just a vagina, it's not like a toxic waste pit, or a no man's land. Why would you be uncomfortable checking to see if your BC method is still in place, and if you are... maybe you shouldn't be getting something you can't handle. [/rant]
I'm off to go cramp to sleep.
Oh god. So the good first: I will not have to go get birth control again for five years. It only cost 15 dollars.
I'm certain now, that it will be a while before I'll want to jump into having babies.
Okay, so I took a lorazepam and 1000mg of ibuprofen before heading to the gyn office, like they told me to do. I don't think that the lorazepam worked the way it was supposed to, because the first bit I was on the edge of hysterics. Before they even got my pants off I was freaked out.
I don't think I want to know what that would feel like if I hadn't taken anything. It hurt, not like broken bone hurt, but it was pain I have never felt before. You never want to hear your gyn say as he's assessing you for an IUD to say "well, you have a really narrow cervix." I can promise you this will lead to horrible pain.
We ended up having to go get an ultrasound, which explained why he was having trouble getting anything to go.
Uterine ultrasounds are odd. I'm thinking it's gonna be like the belly ultrasound... then Dr. Leach whips out this frigging ultrasound dildo thing. WTF... so we go on with it and he goes "well that explains it" and he shows me where a normal uterus would be, and then where mine is... there's a huge difference.
Most uteruses go like so:
Mine goes something like this... only bent backwards.
Not a bad thing, but not common either. Dr. Leach was surprised I don't have a lot of intercourse pain. Well that's good... that I don't have sex pain when apparently I should. It also means that the angles he normally uses are completely wrong for me and explain the trouble he was having in the first procedure room.
So I'm thinking, "ok well the worst part has o be over now that he has it right" GOD BLESS AMERICA, I was WRONG!
The actual placement of the thing wasn't bad at all, after the ultrasound. It was the God Blessed cervical dilators. Cervical dilators are quite possibly the most horrible things ever invented, I was like "please, stop, I'll tell you anything you want to know, just make the pain stop!" The only reason they didn't hurt so much the first time was that he wasn't at the right angle and they weren't actually getting in far enough to do any dilating. AUGH. When it comes time to pop out the babies, I am going to be like gimme the drugs, dammit. I don't care if they make my baby retarded, give me drugs!
I was "delighted" to hear that I was the best problem placement he's done and he was impressed with how well I did. By delighted I mean, mystified. What, do women kick and scream? I freaking listened to the nurse and breathed in and out and waited for it to be over. What was I supposed to do? Apparently, cry moan and throw hysterics, from the nurse gossip going on outside my room while I put my pants back on. I've never understood how retarded women allow themselves to be about gynecological stuff. Being shitty to the doctor and freaking out isn't going to help me get done and out sooner.
He also said that if I was comfortable with it, I should check the IUD strings regularly. WAIT, WHAT? WTF. I swear... women... really. It's just a vagina, it's not like a toxic waste pit, or a no man's land. Why would you be uncomfortable checking to see if your BC method is still in place, and if you are... maybe you shouldn't be getting something you can't handle. [/rant]
I'm off to go cramp to sleep.