J2 Fic. Broken 4/6
Title: Broken
Authors: Blueeyedliz, Heatherofnight, Scarlettraven9
Summary: Jared was trying to escape the past by going away to college. With the help of his friend Chad and a hot waiter named Jensen, he might just be able to live again.
Word Count: 2,406 (this part)
Rating: NC/17 - bad language and violent scenes including implied non-con (although the violence is part of a back-story and only made referance to.)
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Disclaimer: None of us own Jared or Jensen or any of the recognizable names used and no disrespect is intended. We just like to play, a lot.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3
Part Four
Jared is out of breath and clean out of tears by the time he reaches his dorm. But he stops before he crosses over the threshold. However hard he tries, he can’t get Jensen out of his head. Like the jingle to some crappy television commercial, Jensen Ackles has well and truly made himself at home in Jared’s brain.
It’s starting to rain and it’s a heavy shower but rather than go inside, Jared takes a seat on a wooden bench out front of his building and lets the water soak into his clothes. The rain plasters his hair to his forehead and droplets drip down from his bangs forming tiny streams which trickle down his forehead into his eyes.
In no time at all, he’s soaked through to the skin and shivering so hard his teeth are chattering but he doesn’t want to move and take shelter inside. Why did he push Jensen away? Jensen is everything he’s ever wanted and he pushed him away. Maybe if they took things slower, maybe then one day Jared would be able to build up the courage to tell Jensen the truth about what happened to him back home in Texas and then who knows, maybe Jensen wouldn’t be repulsed by the thought of having a boyfriend who’s so fucked up not only mentally but physically too.
After the soft kisses they shared tonight and the way in which Jared had felt safe and secure by Jensen’s side, the possibility of not being with Jensen again is devastating. Jared knows for certain then that he can’t, he won’t, throw away what could possibly be the best thing which has ever happened to him.
He finally gets up from his seat but instead of heading into his dorm, he turns and starts walking in the direction of Mo’s Diner.
When Jared walks into the diner, his worries evaporate and his face breaks into a huge smile when he notices that, as he had hoped, Jensen is there alright. Jensen is sitting in a booth with his back to the door talking animatedly to a kid Jared recognizes as someone he’s seen hanging around with Chad, Tom-Tom Welling.
Jared chews on his lip; Jensen and Tom are clearly engaged in some kind of top secret discussion. Their heads are leaning so close together that they are almost touching and Jared hopes to God Jensen isn’t warning Tom about what a gigantic freak Jared Padalecki is.
Jared walks slowly towards them, feeling ill at ease and painfully aware of the fact that his sopping wet clothes are dripping puddles all over the diner floor. Tom is whispering and his words sound a touch slurred. His voice is slow and heavy from what Jared assumes must be all the alcohol he’s probably consumed at the party which took place tonight. If Jared’s honest, he’d completely forgotten about the party until now, even though Chad has been blathering on for days about how legendary Mike Rosenbaum’s parties are. It’d been a beach party...or a house party, Jared can’t remember which seeing as he had been making an effort to ignore Chad. He couldn’t really help but ignore Chad, when his thoughts of Jensen were practically taking up all of his concentration.
Jared doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, he really doesn’t, in fact his hand is half-way to reaching out for Jensen’s shoulder when something Tom says makes Jared freeze stone cold and his heart drops into his boots.
“...raped him. I heard he got cut up too but Chad was so wasted he passed out and didn’t finish telling me the whole story.” Tom stops talking, his mouth is hanging open and it’s a complete deer in the headlights moment when his eyes dart away from Jensen’s face to fix on Jared who is now pretty much standing directly at the side of their table. “Oh shit.”
Jared chokes out a gasping breath and Jensen spins around in his seat. “Jared?” Jensen shuffles quickly out of the booth and stands up, already reaching out as though he wants to hug Jared, or stop him from bolting. Jensen has an expression on his face which Jared has never seen before; Jensen’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy.
Jensen knows. He knows, everything, and it feels like Jared’s world is crashing down around his ears.
“I-I’ve got to go.” Jared turns and leaves, walking away so fast he thinks he might have imagined the feel of Jensen’s fingers brushing against the back of his jacket.
It’s as though he’ll never be able to stop running. He ran away from his past and now he’s running away from his future.
-0-
Chad is laid out on his bed. He’s still half drunk and an aftertaste of tequila and beer lines his tongue even though he’s nearly made his way through an entire bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. His eyes are heavy-lidded and glued to the film which is playing on the television set in the corner of the room. He’s leaning back against his headboard with one hand shoved down the front of his pants and when Jared bursts in Chad makes a show of leaping up off the bed, a blush quickly spreading over his cheeks and down his neck. “Jesus Padalecki! What the...” Chad’s rant stops short when he sees the broken expression on Jared’s face and Chad is pulling on his boots and heading for the door before Jared grabs hold of his arm.
“Chad...”
“What did he do? I’m going to kick Ackles’ ass so hard he’ll not be able to sit down for a week.”
“Chad, he didn’t do anything okay. Dammit, he didn’t do anything.” Jared slumps on to the end of his bed and wraps his arms around himself tightly.
Chad deflates like a balloon and his sudden burst of anger ebbs away as he takes a seat next to his friend and puts a hand to Jared’s back, rubbing small circles. “What happened? And please tell me the truth man, because I am still going to kick his ass unless you convince me otherwise.”
“Jensen knows okay. He knows everything.”
Chad covers his face with his hands. “Oh fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Jared.” Chad groans. “I didn’t mean to get so drunk and Tom kept pressing me for information and...
“I hate being like this, I hate being afraid of letting anyone get too close. When-when I was attacked and they cut me...”
Chad jumps up abruptly and moves to crouch down in front of Jared; he puts out his hands and grips Jared’s shoulder-blades hard enough to leave bruising. “What did you say, Jay?”
“I-I said that when those guys cut me...”
“Jared. They didn’t cut you. Don’t you remember? You’d only been out of the hospital a few days and you were messed up, man...”
“No....”
“Jay, they beat and...they...raped you. But you cut your chest.”
“Nonononono.”
Chad gets up and picks up the phone, his face has gone pale and his lips are squeezed together in a tense white line. “I’m calling your mom.”
Jared doesn’t hear him. His hands are at his chest unbuttoning his shirt, fingers trembling and fumbling over the job of moving the buttons through the holes. When his shirt is open, he looks over at Chad, his eyes brimming with tears. “Tell me. Tell me what you see.”
“Jared, don’t.”
“Please, just tell me.”
“Jared, there’s nothing there. You had surgery and the scarring was removed.” Chad is whispering now, trying for calm but hitting panicked and he pushes Jared’s hand so that it’s forced to press against his bare chest.
Jared’s fingers glide across smooth unblemished skin.
Jared slides off the bed onto the floor and he sits there motionless, arms hugging his knees, seeing nothing. He faintly hears Chad’s voice and knows Chad is close when Chad’s breath ruffles his hair, “I’m going to call Dr. Morgan. It’ll be okay, Jared.”
And all Jared can think is that things can’t possibly be okay.
-0-
After Jared's confession of, well of his delusion that his attackers had cut him up, Chad had immediately called Dr. Morgan.
The good doctor had wanted to talk to Jared, but that hadn't been possible because when Chad went to hand the phone to Jared, he had found his friend curled in a ball rocking. Chad hadn't been able to get Jared to respond to him.
Thankfully, Dr. Morgan had assured him that he was only twenty minutes away and would be there shortly.
For the last ten minutes, Chad has been trying to reach Jared and has failed miserably with every attempt. He hadn't even been able to get Jared to make eye contact.
God this is bad. Chad can’t help but think back to Jared in the hospital, the second visit to the hospital when his friend had mutilated himself. He had mentally checked out then too-and this was hauntingly reminiscent of that time.
Chad is brought out of his musing by a knock at the door. He sighs in relief and gut-wrenching sadness. Help is here, and that’s great, but Jared hasn't even flinched at the sound of the knock.
Chad leaps from his spot on the floor and lets Dr. Morgan in. He points to the corner where Jared continues his rocking motion and the rocking is really starting to freak the fuck out of Chad. The older man immediately puts a hand to Chad’s shoulder and kindly but firmly guides him out of the room into the darkened hallway. “Can you give me some time alone to talk with Jared?”
“Go right ahead Doc, just take care of my boy.” Chad replies and the door swiftly closes as Dr. Morgan disappears back inside. Chad steps away from the door, thinks about heading out to grab a bite to eat from somewhere because it could be awhile before he can get back into his room again, back in to see Jared again. He shivers as he glances down at himself and wishes he was wearing his pants because, yeah, boxer shorts and a t-shirt...really not that warm.
-0-
Chad’s been sitting right outside of the room for at least half an hour when Jensen arrives. He’d kind of been expecting to see Jensen and even though he could have left to go beg some clothes from Justin or Steve, he had a feeling he should stick around, just in case. And as Chad pulls himself up off the floor and looks Jensen hard in the face, it can tell he’s made the right decision.
Jensen doesn’t bother with any preamble, just sticks out his hand and reaches for the door knob. Chad steps in front of him and body-checks Jensen, giving him a shove with his shoulder so that Jensen stumbles back a step. “Now is really not a good time, Jensen.”
“I want to speak to him, just for a minute...”
“I’ve already earned myself the ‘shittiest best friend in California’ award tonight and I’m not looking to go National. Trust me. Leave. Him. Alone.”
Jensen looks conflicted, like he’s sorely tempted to have a go at moving Chad out of the way physically. Chad furrows his brow and puffs out his chest a little, tries to come across as intimidating until he remembers that he’s wearing a too small t-shirt which boldly states ‘there’s a party in my pants and you’re invited’ in big blue letters across his pecs.
Jensen seems to give up on the not so hot idea of having a brawl with Chad and slides down the wall until his sitting on the floor. Chad sighs heavily and takes a seat again too, wondering whether he should consider ordering himself a sofa for out here from E-bay or something. “I wasn’t trying to dig up dirt on Jared, I...I just wanted to understand. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I had no idea he’d gone through all that shit.” Jensen stops talking, pale green eyes threatening tears and Chad grimaces, knowing that having Jared’s boyfriend weeping on his shoulder would make this oh so perfect night complete.
“Jared was popular at high school, star quarterback with matching bubble-gum cheerleader girlfriend....man, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” Chad rubs a hand down his face wearily, catches Jensen’s eye and sees the desperately pitiful expression he’s wearing. And so Chad sucks in a settling breath and continues. “Jared came out as gay in our senior year. He’d met someone, some guy and I think he really cared about him, cared enough that he didn’t want to live a lie anymore. His parents were supportive, a touch disappointed and maybe missing the grandkids they’d never get to enjoy, I suppose. But his ‘girlfriend’ Tracy, didn’t take it well and started shooting her mouth off about what a sick pervert Jared was. When he got attacked and those guys did...what they did to him, Jared felt he deserved it.”
“He really hated himself that much?” Jensen asks, grits his teeth against the answer.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Chad replies and nods once before letting his head fall back to rest against the wall. “It was like he went from being everyone’s favorite guy to the school freak in such a short space of time it left him spinning.”
“How could his friends turn on him like that?”
“High school can be brutal man, but what can you do?” Chad laughs then, dry and humourlessly. “We got the hell out of Nowheresville, Texas as soon as the cap and gown came off. I thought things would be easier for him here and they have been but I didn’t realize how much crap he’s still carrying around with him.” Chad drops his head and then bangs it back against the wall with a painful sounding thump.
“Hey, don’t do....”
“I’m meant to be his friend, his best friend and I’ve screwed up so bad. I...”
Chad doesn’t get to finish his sentence, there’s a soft click and the door to the room opens to reveal Dr. Morgan stood leaning against the door-jam, hands wedged in his trouser pockets as he stares down at them both.
Jensen shoots a look at Chad, confused and silently asking for answers. Chad shakes his head, mouths ‘give me a minute’ and slips inside the room.
-0-
Once again, thank you so much for your comments and support for this story. Click here for Part 5A.