Reading
"I was the guy at the steak house, removing the jacket with a label reading Sassy Sport. That was me with the darts in his shirt, the fabric slack where it should be filled with breasts. I’d step up to the restroom urinal and remember that these particular pants zipped up the back. At this point, people noticed."
-“Buddy, Can You Spare A Tie?”, When You Are Engulfed In Flames
"At such times you have to wonder how things got to this point. You meet someone and fall in love; then umpteen years later you’re lying on the floor in a foreign country, promising, hoping, as a matter of principle, that you’ll be dead by sunrise."
-“Old Faithful”, When You Are Engulfed In Flames
"She was the sort of person who could talk to anyone, not in the pointed, investigative manner that the situation called for, but generally, casually. Had she been sent to interview Charles Manson, she might have come away saying, 'I never knew he liked bamboo!' It was maddening."
-“Monie Changes Everything”, Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim
"On our worse days, I figure things will work themselves out. Otherwise, I don’t really give our problems much thought. Neither of us would ever publicly display affection; we’re just not that type. We can’t profess love without talking though hand puppets, and we’d never consciously sit down to discuss out relationship."
-“The End Of The Affair”, Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim
"A Dutch parent has a decidedly harrier story to relate, telling his children, 'Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don’t know for sure, but we want you to be prepared.'
This is the reward to living in the Netherlands. As a child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized drugs and prostitution-so what’s not to love about being Dutch?"
-“Six To Eight Black Men”, Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim
"I would clear the table and Hugh would do the dishes, neither of us speaking and both of us wondering if this might just be the one to do it. 'I heard you guys broke up over a plastic hand,' people would say, and my rage would renew itself. The argument would continue until one of use died, and even then it would manage to wage on. If I went first, my tombstone would read IT WAS RUBBER. He’d likely take the adjacent plot and buy a larger tombstone reading NO, IT WAS PLASTIC."
- “Who’s the Chef?”, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
In short, last week I managed to finish Lady Oracle, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, and Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim. Yay, Sedaris. The wonders of having no internet. I'll get to another Atwood once my brain recovers, maybe after I finish Fight Club. Which, by the way, has been fabulous so far. Oh, how I love crazy narrators.