Fic: Finding Emo (Brendon/Spencer, various)
Title: Finding Emo
Characters/Pairings: Panic, FOB, MCR and pretty much the rest of Bandom too. Brendon/Spencer, Jon/Ryan, Jon/Tom, Pete/Patrick, Mikey/Alicia, various others mentioned/implied but this’d get ridiculous if I tried to list them all.
Disclaimer: Believe it or not, this never happened.
Word Count: Just over 9000.
Summary/Warnings: Following on from Life in the Rock (n Roll) Pool: Brendon is still missing his babies. Ryan Ross is a bitchy pregnant seahorse. And MikeyWay has run away to the Reef, and the others must brave the unknown to rescue him. Drama! Angst! Less fish puns than the last one! More Mpreg, of sorts. Boys (and girls) as sea creatures
A/N: So, after I finished the last seahorse fic, I got mad at myself for making Brendon sad, and decided to fix it. And then proceeded to make him sadder. Thanks as always to mintyfiend for the hand holding and idea bouncing and wonderful beta job.
“Ugh, that seaweed is making me nauseous,” Ryan said, glaring at the offending plant. “Make it stop.”
Brendon and Spencer exchanged a look. Ryan was a week into his pregnancy, and getting pissier by the day.
“Just stop looking at it,” Spencer suggested helpfully, and Ryan huffed.
“Or,” he said, with a pointed look, “you could stop canoodling with your boyfriend and be a decent best friend and help me.”
Brendon leant closer to Spencer. “I wish Jon would hurry up,” he said in a stage whisper, and Spencer sighed. Jon had gone out for “those really tasty brine shrimp, Jon, you know, the little ones” to feed Ryan’s cravings two hours ago. The only problem was that whenever Jon left his side, Ryan’s bitchy side came out.
Brendon suspected that Spencer envied the way the appearance of Jon caused Ryan to instantly mellow. He didn’t think he could complain too much, not with the spark of jealousy he felt whenever Spencer gave in and pandered to Ryan’s whims.
Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, well you can-“ he started to say, but before Brendon could find out what exactly it was he could do, Gabe swam up.
“Gabe!” Brendon exclaimed, swimming forward to meet the octopus, then stopped in his tracks. Gabe did not look happy.
“Where’s Jon?” he asked. “You guys need to come with me. We’ve got a problem.”
Spencer shot him a worried look. “What sort of problem?”
Gabe gestured at them to follow him. “Quickly,” he said, pushing at Ryan, who was grumbling at having to move. Brendon swam over and flanked Ryan’s side. “It’s Mikey Way.”
Ryan stopped grumbling and looked up at Gabe. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s gone missing,” Gabe said, voice sounding strained. “Seriously, where’s Jon? Gerard wants to talk to him.” Brendon didn’t quite understand the urgency in Gabe’s voice when he said Jon’s name, but Spencer nodded and darted ahead.
“I’ll go and look for him,” Spencer said, and swam off.
Gabe watched him go, then hustled Brendon and Ryan along. “Let’s go,” he insisted.
Brendon reached out and squeezed Ryan’s tail, and the fact that Ryan squeezed back and tugged him forwards without complaint, made Brendon worry more than Gabe’s anxious expression.
~~~
“He’s gone,” Gerard said numbly. He shook himself, and looked over at Ray. “He’s gone,” he repeated, voice cracking.
“Are you sure?” Bob asked, looking at Frank, who was pressed against Ray’s side, unusually still.
“It’s what Bill said,” Frank said miserably, burying himself further into Ray’s tentacles. “That Mikey had been asking questions about the Reef, that he’d stopped by this morning and thanked him and said good bye.”
“I had no idea,” Gerard said woefully and Patrick reached out an arm and patted him lightly on the side. Brendon floated uselessly beside him, wishing there was something comforting he could say. “Did he say anything to anyone else?”
There was a murmur of “no” and the shaking of heads.
“He didn’t mention it to me at all,” Pete said in a small voice. He was perched on the side of the rock face, separated from Patrick for maybe the first time since Brendon had met him. He looked miserable and tiny and alone.
“It doesn’t matter,” Bob spoke up, clicking his claws. “It doesn’t matter if we knew or if we didn’t. We just have to go and get him back.”
Brendon nodded, and was about to ask if they’d made any plans, when Spencer and Jon swam up. Spencer made a beeline for Brendon, chest heaving from the exertion, and Brendon ducked his head under Spencer’s snout in greeting.
Jon stopped at Ryan’s side, and Brendon saw them exchange a look, checking that the other was alright. “What’s happened?” Jon asked, and Ray explained quickly.
"Jon," Frank implored, when Ray had finished. "Please. We need your help. You're the only one who knows the Reef."
Brendon always forgot that Jon was a Reefer, that he came from a different place than he and Spencer and Ryan had. Jon had clicked with them so much from day one, that it sometimes felt like Jon had always been in Brendon’s life. It made him forget that Jon had had a life before him and Spencer and Ryan.
Jon nodded, “I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”
Gerard shook his head and swam over to Jon. “No,” he said. “We need you to come with us. We need a guide.”
“You-“ Jon paused and glanced at Ryan. “No. I can’t. I can’t leave the rock pool.”
“Please!”
Jon ducked his head, looking away. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I wish I could, but…Ryan needs me here. I can’t leave him here to have our babies by himself.”
Brendon felt Spencer go very still beside him. It was the first time Jon had really admitted his and Ryan’s relationship in public, had admitted how involved he felt about the pregnancy. From the look of Ryan’s expression, it was maybe the first time he’d said anything to Ryan either .
“Jon,” Ryan started, but Gerard pressed closer.
“Please,” he said, voice aching with pain. “I know. I understand. I wouldn’t ask, I really wouldn’t. But. It’s Mikey. I can’t just let him go. I need-“
Gerard pressed his face against Jon’s shoulder, muffling the rest of his words, and Jon looked at Ryan for a long, searching moment.
“I-“ Jon said, then stopped, looking pained.
“Go,” Ryan said, firmly. “I mean it,” he added, when Jon opened up his mouth to protest. “I’ll be fine. Really.”
“I’ll stay with him,” Spencer spoke up, letting go of Brendon’s tail to swim forwards. He stopped in front of Ryan and they shared that private look they had, the one Brendon had to fight not to be jealous of. Ryan nodded, and Jon relaxed a little.
“Okay,” Jon said. “Okay. I’ll go. I’ll be your guide.”
Gerard moved back. “Thank you,” he said, gratefully. “Thank you so much.”
“We need to make a plan,” Bob announced, and everyone turned to him. “Who’s coming?” he asked, and Ray made a small, distressed noise and waved his tentacles.
“It’s okay,” Ryan said, hurrying over to him. “We’ll stay here, with you. And they’ll bring him back.”
Spencer nodded, and looked at Brendon.
“Not me,” Brendon said, so suddenly he wasn’t even aware he’d made the decision. “I’m going to look for Mikey.”
Spencer looked surprised, but Brendon forced himself to look away, to look at Gerard.
“I’d like to help,” he said, and Gerard smiled and nodded.
“Brendon,” Spencer said, swimming over to him. Brendon shook his head.
“Ryan doesn’t need both of us to look after him. I’d just get in the way. I can do some good if I go, can help find Mikey. And, maybe. Maybe hear some news about my babies.”
“Our babies,” Spencer’s voice was small, and Brendon felt ashamed for a moment.
“Our babies,” he said. “It’s worth asking around, don’t you think? They must be out there somewhere.”
Spencer hesitated, then nodded. “If there’s a chance…” he sighed. “Find Mikey. And bring Jon back safely.”
“I will,” Brendon said, pressing his snout against Spencer’s.
“And you come back safely too,” Spencer said fiercely. “Promise me.”
Brendon sighed against Spencer’s neck. “I promise,” he said, and they turned back to the others, where Bob was laying out the plans for the rescue mission.
They spent what remained of the afternoon sorting things out, and after a number of arguments between Bob and Gerard, it was decided they would leave at first light.
“Tomorrow,” Gerard said firmly, sounding suddenly hopeful. “Tomorrow we go and save Mikey.”
~~~
That night, back in their own corner of the rock pool, Spencer fussed over Brendon, pressed their bodies close and wound their tails tightly together, and rubbed Brendon’s snout with his own. Brendon could hear the soft murmurings of Jon and Ryan talking, soothing noises floating through the calm water.
“Are you going to be alright?” Brendon asked, quietly, and Spencer laughed.
“Don’t worry about me,” Spencer replied. “I’m not the one who’s going to be facing unknown dangers out there.”
“You’ll be facing unknown dangers here too,” Brendon pointed out, laughing when Spencer gave him a questioning look. “You and I both know that Ryan might seem calm right now, but the moment we swim off, he’s going to freak out.”
Spencer smiled. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“You’re a good friend,” Brendon said, and wished he hadn’t. Even he could hear the scepticism in his voice, the hint of accusation, the irrational demand to know why Spencer would choose to stay with Ryan, rather than to come with Brendon, to find Mikey, to find their babies.
“Brendon-“
“I’m going to miss you,” Brendon interrupted. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not now, not when he was about to leave.
Spencer chuckled, mouth pressed to Brendon’s neck. “I’ll miss you too,” he said. “But you’ll be back soon. Jon says the Reef is no more than a two day journey away. You’ll find Mikey and be back within the week.”
Brendon nodded, and huddled closer. He slept that night curled tightly around Spencer, and was reluctant to let him go when the first rays of sunlight shone down through the water.
The left early enough that Brendon had to squint into the light shining in low on the water as he turned back to wave goodbye. Spencer and Ryan were floating side by side, and Ray was waving all of his tentacles at them, Andy looking tiny and a little lost next to him. The guppies still looked furious at having been turned away by Bob, who insisted they were too young and too tiny to accompany them. Brendon watched over his shoulder as they swam, a pang in his chest that was for home and for Spencer and for friends. Then he turned back, following after Jon, who was leading the way.
They were a rag-tag bunch, Brendon thought as they swam along. Gerard and Frank, who were now the two unhappiest clownfish Brendon had ever seen, flanked Jon, with Joe following in their wake. Both Patrick and Pete were riding on Joe’s shell, but on opposing sides. Pete still looked lost and alone and miserable, and Patrick looked off colour, his usual brilliant red looking faded. Brendon swam beside Joe, enjoying his easy way of striking up a conversation that kept Brendon’s mind off how much he was missing Spencer and the others already, and off the myriad of dangers that most likely faced them ahead.
Bob brought up the rear, firmly wrapped in Gabe’s tentacles, and not looking entirely pleased by the situation. Brendon tried not to turn and smile at Bob too much. Even though Bob’s daring rescue of Spencer had elevated Bob to god-like status in Brendon’s eyes, he was still a little terrified of the way Bob would snap his claws when he was annoyed.
They swam for hours, and Brendon marvelled at the changing scenery, the way their surroundings changed from rock pools to sandy shallows to forests of tall weeds, thicker across than Brendon was tall. The strange creatures they passed were intriguing too, all shapes and sizes and kinds, some so transparent Brendon hardly noticed they were there, some blending in with their surroundings so well that he began to wonder if he’d imagined them, and some so stunningly bright and colourful that Brendon had to pause and stare, not caring if he was being rude. Joe laughed and nudged him to keep moving each time he stopped, but it was beginning to be harder and harder to go on each time.
At the edge of the seaweed forest, Jon paused.
“We should rest here for the night,” he said, and Gerard looked annoyed.
“No, we should keep going. There’s still plenty of daylight left,” he insisted.
Jon shook his head. “We’re on the edge of the trench,” he explained. “It’s deep and dark and dangerous, and there won’t be anywhere to stop until we get to the other side. Everyone’s exhausted. Including you. You’re going to be no use to Mikey if you don’t make it to the Reef at all.”
Gerard shook himself and moved as if to push past Jon. “I don’t care,” he said. “We’re so close. I can’t just-“
“Gerard,” Frank spoke up. He’d been quiet most of the day, withdrawn, and looking even tinier than he usually did. “Don’t be an idiot. Tomorrow. We’ll find him tomorrow. I promise.”
It was a silly promise to make, Brendon thought, but Gerard seemed to believe Frank, let Jon shove him back into the shelter of the weeds.
They settled themselves in for the night, found food, made small talk. Some of the others were trying to hard to be cheery, Gabe trying to entertain them by juggling empty shells and telling rude jokes, but Brendon just settled himself in the shade and tried to picture what Spencer was doing, if he had been constantly at Ryan’s side, at his beck and call. He wondered if Spencer was missing him, and the thought that he might be too busy keeping Ryan occupied to even think of him only depressed Brendon further.
Beside him Jon looked equally as pensive, and Brendon wondered if Jon was having similar thoughts, but was too afraid of the answer to ask the question. He was just about to swim over to Patrick and try and engage the starfish in conversation about anything, just to get Patrick to look less dejected, when he heard a rustling in the seaweed.
“Ouch, get off me Alex,” a familiar voice said.
“They have to be around here somewhere,” another piped up.
“Shh!” said a third. “They’ll hear us. Just be quiet and they’ll-“
Gabe reached out and pulled a curtain of seaweed aside, revealing five guilty looking guppies.
“Um,” one of them said. It was hard to tell them apart, but Brendon could sometimes spot them. He was pretty sure that one was one of the Alexes.
“I thought I told you to stay home,” Bob said, a hint of menace in his voice.
The guppies glanced at each other and huddled closer, before all speaking at once.
“It’s totally Cash’s fault he said-“
“We’re not too young or too small it’s not fair-“
“We want to help to find Mikey too-“
“Nuh-uh, it was all Alex’s idea-“
“We’re not going back, you can’t make us-“
“Shut up,” Bob said, and they all fell silent. He turned and looked at the rest of the group. “One of us is going to have to take them home,” he said.
They all looked at each other, and then as one, they all turned to look at Brendon.
“No,” Brendon said firmly. “No. I am crossing that trench. I am going to the Reef. They’ll just have to come with us.”
As one, the guppies swarmed Brendon, bumping against his sides gleefully.
Bob turned his eyestalks in Brendon’s direction. “Fine,” he said. “But they’re your responsibility.”
“When do we go?” guppy-that-was-probably-Cash asked, and Brendon explained the plans for tomorrow, how they were going to be up before dawn, ready to cross the great expanse to the Reef that was just on the other side.
“Oh good,” guppy-that-might-have-been-Ian said, curling up under Brendon’s fin and yawning. “I’m exhausted.”
The others made agreeing noises and snuggled against Brendon sleepily. Brendon smiled despite himself, and nudged them closer, catching Jon giving him an amused look when he looked up.
There was something wistful about Jon’s expression though. “Ryan’s due to give birth in a week,” he said, and Brendon nodded.
“You’ll be back in time,” Brendon said. “I know you will be. There’s plenty of time to find Mikey and get home. Besides, Spencer is looking after him,” he added, and the hint of bitterness there was almost undetectable.
Jon looked a little happier. “You’re right,” he said, and smiled as Brendon darted out his tail to catch at maybe-Alex who’d stirred and drifted away a little.
“You’d make a great dad,” Jon said, suddenly, and Brendon looked up in surprise.
“You too,” he said, but Jon ducked his head and scuffed his tail along the seabed. “You will,” Brendon insisted, and Jon shook his head.
“It’s not like we even get a chance, though, is it?” he said wistfully. “One minute they’re being born and then they’re gone. Still…who knows. Maybe you’ll find your babies again, Bren,” he finished with a sigh, turning and swimming off towards the others.
Brendon glanced down at the five guppies at his sides, and then thought of his own babies, and what it would be like to hold them like this. The possibility of hearing news of them on the Reef was a spark of hope in Brendon’s heart, and it was the only thing that kept him going the next morning when Jon showed them the very edge of the trench, the dark stretch of water beneath them that went on and on forever, hiding unknown horrors in its murky depths.
Even Gabe, who’d grown up in the ocean, seemed daunted. “How do we get across, without losing our way and getting turned around?” he asked, and Jon indicated a bunch of rocks along the edge further down.
“We head there, take a left and straight-“
“On ‘til morning,” Pete said, and Jon laughed.
“Pretty much. We head straight across- no detours, no delays, no looking down into the trench.”
Brendon shivered, and the guppies clustered closer around him.
“I can’t believe Mikey did this, on his own,” Frank gasped. Gerard made a strangled noise, and then turned to face them.
“Let’s go,” he said decisively, and he led the way to the rocks Jon had indicated, the others following close behind.
“This way,” Jon said, when the reached the rocks, and swam out across the trench. The others followed hesitantly, even Gerard hesitating before zipping out away from the rocks. Brendon paused, the guppies making nervous noises behind him.
“It’ll be fine,” he said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. He closed his eyes and swam forward, until he bumped into Gabe. It felt weird, to have the seabed so far beneath them that he couldn’t see it, but he forged on, following in the wake of Gerard’s determined pace.
They swam and swam, until the sunlight lit the water around them. Brendon looked down, despite himself. The sunlight only penetrated a short distance beneath them, illuminating murky waters that faded to forbidding darkness. Brendon shivered, and flapped his fins, trying to pick up some speed.
“Cash, no, wait!” one of the guppies shouted, and Brendon looked up in time to see Cash darting away.
“Stop!” Brendon called, but Cash kept going.
“Look!” he shouted back, “come and see!”
“Oh for the love of-“ Brendon swam after him. Behind him he heard the others calling his name, could hear them shouting for him to come back, but he couldn’t lose Cash out here.
When he caught up with him, Cash was staring in awe at a creature Brendon had never seen before, but had heard plenty of stories about. A jellyfish.
“Cash,” Brendon said firmly. “Get away from it.”
“But it’s so pretty!” Cash said, flitting around it, marvelling at the blues and purples of its bell. “And squishy!”
“And dangerous,” Gabe added, and Brendon turned round to see the others behind them, looking very worried and unimpressed.
“Hey!” the jellyfish said. “I’m not dangerous! I’m Bert,” he added, waving his long tentacles in greeting, and accidentally hitting Gerard with one of them.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” Bert exclaimed, pressing closer. “I didn’t mean- are you okay? Did I sting you?”
Gerard shook his head. “I live in an anemone,” he said, “I think I’m immune to you.”
Bert looked relieved. “I really am sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Gerard said quickly. “But we really need to get going.”
“One problem,” Jon said. “We’ve gone off course. I don’t know if I can get us back.”
“Sorry,” Cash said in a small voice, moving to hide behind Brendon. “I’m really sorry.”
“You’re going to the Reef?” Bert asked, sounding horrified. “There’s nothing good there.” He looked traumatised, and Brendon wanted to ask what it was that had made him so jittery when he talked about the Reef, but Bob made an exasperated noise.
“Can you tell us how to get there?” he asked impatiently.
“You don’t want to go there,” Bert said firmly. “Trust me.”
“We have to. My brother. He’s there and I need him back,” Gerard said. “We have to find him.”
Something in his voice must have caught Bert’s attention, because he went very still, and gave Gerard a thoughtful look.
No one said anything for a long moment as Gerard gave Bert an imploring look.
“Let’s just go,” Bob said, nudging at Gabe until he started moving.
“No, wait!” Bert thrust out his tentacles to stop them. “That’s the wrong way.”
“Ouch!” Gabe exclaimed as one of Bert’s tentacles brushed against him. He recoiled, jerking away, his own tentacles flailing in pain.
Brendon watched in horror as Gabe released his hold on Bob, and the crab tumbled down into the darkness.
“Bob!” Frank shouted and dived after him, Gerard following close behind, shouting the name of their friend.
Before the others could move to follow, a grey blur sped past.
“Shark!” Patrick shouted, and Joe gasped.
Brendon wanted to scream a warning, to chase after them, but his voice stuck in his throat with fear, and before he could move, the shark swooped down on Bob and swallowed him.
“No!” Gabe cried, and started downwards, but the shark turned, as if drawn by the noise, and swam towards them, chasing Gerard and Frank ahead if it.
Brendon knew he should turn and swim away, that they all needed to, that there was nothing else to do, but he couldn’t move. None of them could. Gerard and Frank were getting closer and closer, until they swam straight into them, sending Jon flying against Gabe.
The shark came to a stop a short distance away and stared at them.
“Give him back!” Frank yelled, turning and swimming straight at the shark.
“Frankie, no!” Gerard shouted, but Frank kept going.
“Give Bob back!” he turned and slapped the shark across the nose with his tail.
“Ow, fuck!” the shark exclaimed. “I was just about to.” He opened his mouth up wide, revealing a very pissed off looking Bob, clinging to his teeth.
Gabe reached out and snatched Bob up.
“I’m so sorry!” he babbled. “Really, Bob, I’m-“
“It was my fault,” Bert said dejectedly. “I always do this. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Bob said, making a strangled sound as Gabe clutched him tightly. “Too tight, too tight!” he choked out and Gabe loosened his grasp, giving Bob a sheepish glance.
“Um” Frank said, still inches away from the shark’s nose. “Thanks. For not eating Bob. We’d probably miss him.”
Bob clicked his claws ominously and muttered something uncomplimentary about Frank that made the tiny clownfish swim over and butt his head against Bob’s shell.
The shark smiled, baring rows of pearly white teeth. “Anytime, little dudes,” he said. “And I wouldn’t have eaten him- I gave up eating fellow fishy friends a long time ago. It’s a vegetarian life for me! The name’s Travis, by the way,” he added.
“I’m Gabe,” Gabe said, moving closer and giving him the once over, his gaze trailing from head to tail and back again. “How you doin’?”
Jon cleared his throat. “No time for that now,” he said pointedly in Gabe’s direction. “We need to get to the Reef, but we’re lost. Do you know how to get there?”
Travis laughed. “Do I know the way? Pssh, of course I do. It’s just over here,” he said, swimming off at a slow pace so the others could follow hot on his tail, Gabe speeding ahead to swim at Travis’s side.
“There it is!” Frank shouted suddenly, and Brendon looked up from checking, once again, that the guppies were all still with them. The Reef was beautiful as they approached, like nothing Brendon had ever seen before, all bright colours and sparkling water. It made their tiny rock pool back home seem dull and grey in comparison, and Brendon was reminded of Spencer.
He’d managed to push all thoughts of Spencer, and Ryan, out of his mind for most of the day, but now all he could think was how much Spencer would have loved to have seen the Reef, seen the way the sunlight shone down through the water and illuminated it, how it teemed with life, with creatures Brendon couldn’t have even begun to imagine. But Spencer wasn’t there, was at home instead, with Ryan who was probably just reaching levels of unbearable if his pregnancy was progressing at the same rate as Brendon’s.
Brendon’s heart beat louder in his chest as they approached- the possibility of news of his babies filled him with excitement, made him speed up until he was level with Gabe and Travis, and could hear their conversation. Gabe was telling Travis how cosy his cave was and making completely unsubtle comments about how long and flexible his tentacles were.
Brendon glanced across at Bob, who rolled his eyestalks at him, and then looked back at the rest of the group. The approaching Reef seemed to have lifted everyone’s spirits- Jon looking incredibly relieved, mouth almost pulled into a smile. Joe was looking chilled and relaxed again, Pete was looking a lot perkier, and some of Patrick’s colour had returned. And Gerard was looking much more hopeful. Only Frank, who kept darting worried glances at both Gerard and Bob, and Bert, who was trailing behind, trying to shoo the guppies away from darting in and out of his tentacles, seemed to be immune to the building excitement.
“Here ya go,” Travis said, stopping a short distance from the Reef. “Here’s where I’ll have to love you and leave you. Some of the folk up there get a bit uncomfortable when a shark shadow passes over their homes. Gabe tells me you’re looking for your brother though?” he asked, looking at Gerard, who nodded. “I’d suggest going and seeing Nick. He’s sort of all knowing. You can find him by-“
“I know how to find Nick,” Jon piped up, and there was an odd tone to his voice that made Brendon look at him in surprise. “We’ll go straight there.”
“Easiest way in is over by that sunken rowboat,” Travis said, indicating the rotting wooden structure perched at the edge of the Reef. “I’ll, uh, hang around here for a couple of days maybe. If you’re heading back this way.” He shot Gabe a meaningful look.
“Me too,” Bert said, floating over to Gerard. “I hope you find your brother,” he added sincerely.
Gerard blinked at him. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll…I’ll see you again. Soon. When we find Mikey. I’d like him to meet you.”
They said their goodbyes, and swam towards the Reef. The water seemed bluer there, tasted sweeter maybe, and Brendon closed his eyes and revelled in the feel of it for one long blissful moment.
“We need to stop here,” Jon said, as they swam under the shade of the rowboat. Wooden planks had rotted away, leaving gaping holes and arches lined with barnacles. “Not for long,” Jon added when Gerard looked like he was about to protest. “But I need to get my bearings. It’s been a long time since I was last here.”
He swam a little way away from the rowboat, looking around, Gerard close behind.
“Hi!” someone said suddenly.
Brendon looked around, giving Gabe a questioning look. He shot Brendon a baffled look back.
“Over here!” the voice said. “Look up!”
Brendon craned his neck, spotting a barnacle waving at them with it’s feathery appendages.
“Oh,” he said. “Hello!”
“You are the prettiest starfish I’ve ever seen,” the barnacle cooed, and Patrick peeled himself away from Joe’s shell and looked up at it.
“Who, me?” he asked, and the feathers waved happily through the water.
“Mmhm,” it said. “What’s your name?”
“Uh,” Patrick said, looking surprised and a little uncomfortable at the attention. “Um. Patrick.”
“Patrick,” it said dreamily. “Patrick. You’re such a good catch. I think you should come and live here with us barnacles. It’s nice here.”
There was a pause, and then a small sucking noise as Pete stood up and shuffled across Joe’s shell, crawling on top of Patrick.
“My Patrick,” he said, firmly, settling himself down.
Patrick made a small noise of protest, but Pete clung on tighter. “Patrick’s happy where he is. With me,” Pete added to the barnacle, who waved at them sadly as Patrick flushed pink and made a pleased sound.
“Sorry,” Patrick said to the barnacle, but it was already hiding away, shell sliding shut.
“Me too,” Pete mumbled.
“I know where we are,” Jon announced, swimming up before Patrick could respond. “And I know how to get to Nick’s place.”
“How do you know he’ll be there?” Gerard asked, worriedly. “Surely he could be anywhere on the Reef right now?”
Jon laughed, and there was that strange edge to his voice again, the one Brendon had noticed earlier when Travis had mentioned this Nick character. “Trust me. He’ll be right where I left him.”
~~~
Nick, it turned out, was a sponge. He was bright and orange and surprised to see Jon when they swam up to him.
“Hello Nick,” Jon greeted him.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you around these parts,” Nick replied.
Jon looked uncomfortable. “Needs must,” he said. “Look, I-“
“Tom was here earlier,” Nick interrupted, and Jon stopped talking abruptly. Brendon watched curiously as Jon went very still.
“I don’t-“ Jon started, then paused. “Now’s not the time, Nick. Please. We’re looking for someone. And no one knows more about what’s going on around here than you.”
“I do sort of…soak up information,” Nick agreed. “Let me guess- tiny, confused clownfish who left his rock pool home to make his fortune on the big Reef?”
“That sounds like Mikey!” Gerard said. “My brother. How did you know?”
Nick made a disparaging noise. “Not much goes down around here without me finding out about it,” he said. “Plus it’s not exactly like he tried to stay under the radar. You might want to warn him that he shouldn’t be so trusting of strange fish.”
Gerard swam forward excitedly. “Do you know where he is?” he exclaimed. “Please, we need to find him.”
Nick paused.
“Nick,” Jon said, a hint of pleading in his voice, and Nick laughed.
“He’s hooked up with a damselfish down on the East quarter of the reef,” he said, rattling off some directions.
“Thank you!” Gerard said earnestly. “Thank you so much.”
“Jon,” Nick called after them as they started to leave. “You should stop by when you’ve found what you’re looking for. Say hello to old friends. See if there’s anything else that catches your eye around here.”
Jon didn’t look back, just kept swimming. Brendon hurried forward to swim beside him.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jon said firmly. “Let’s just get Mikey and go home.”
Brendon wanted to press him, to find out who Tom was, and why he caused the pained expression on Jon’s face. Instead he reached out and brushed his fin against Jon’s, making Jon look at him in surprise. After a moment he smiled and ducked his head, and they swam the rest of the way in silence, punctuated only by the guppies’ building excitement as they neared the place Nick had directed them to.
Under the shade of an overhanging piece of the Reef, Mikey was talking to a beautiful blue fish, with bright yellow fins.
“MIKEY!” Gerard shouted happily, zipping towards him at top speed, Frank right behind him.
Mikey turned, mouth gaping open in surprise when he saw them.
“Gee-“ he started to say, but then Gerard and Frank were on top of him, pressing against him and shouting both happily and reproachfully about how much they missed him and how he was never allowed to leave again. Gabe hurried forward, depositing Bob, who hurriedly joined the huddle. The others hung back until Gerard finally released Mikey and let him drift back beside the other fish.
“What are you all doing here?” Mikey sounded both surprised and touched, as if he hadn’t expected them to come. “Are you insane? It’s a dangerous journey!”
“We know,” Joe said. “And you did it all on your own.”
Mikey looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t all have to come though. I mean- you brought the guppies? To the Reef?”
Gerard looked annoyed now. “We came to bring you home!” he half shouted. “You leave without saying a word, and we think something’s wrong. We didn’t know what had happened to you, weren’t even sure where you’d gone. Why didn’t you tell me?” he finished, voice sounding small and hurt.
Mikey shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t mean to make you worry,” he said. “I just needed to get away. It’s like what Frank and I were talking about-“
“Frank?” Gerard interrupted, and everyone turned to look at the tiny clownfish, who was looking scared and upset.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave!” Frank exclaimed. “I didn’t, Mikey. I thought we were just talking, didn’t realise you’d listen to me.”
Gerard stared at him.
“What did you say?” Bob asked quietly.
Frank made a miserable sound. “Mikey said he thought the rock pool felt too small sometimes, that he wanted something bigger, something better. And I said-“
“That I should do whatever it took to make myself happy. That I should search for whatever it felt like I was missing. That I should take my chances while I could,” Mikey broke in.
“Something like that,” Frank said sadly. “I didn’t mean for you to run away. I didn’t-“ he turned and looked at Gerard and Bob. “I should have told you.”
“It’s okay,” Gerard said after a long moment. “It’s okay. You were right- Mikey should make himself happy. And now he’s seen the Reef and we can go home and everything will be fine.”
“No,” Mikey said quickly. “Gerard, it’s not as simple as that. It’s not just what Frank said. There’s other things too-“
“I’m sorry I ignored you,” Pete spoke up, and they all turned to look at him. “I didn’t mean to. I just got distracted. But I promise I’ll try harder- we can hang out again.”
“I,” Mikey started then stopped. “Pete,” he said. “It was never about that. I understand. Really. I do. This is Alicia,” he added, indicating the pretty fish by his side. “She’s my. Um.”
“Oh,” Pete said. “Oh.” He sounded pleased, and Mikey beamed at him.
Gerard glanced in Alicia’s direction, then shook his head. “You can’t honestly tell me you’re not going to come back home,” he said, and Mikey sighed.
“That life, back home. Maybe it’s not for all of us. Maybe I want more from life than the same thing, the same people every day.”
Gerard looked mad. “You never complained before,” he pointed out. “I don’t understand why-“
“You should probably go and find somewhere to stay for the night,” Bob said to the others, peering upwards at the fading light. “This could take awhile and it’ll be dark soon.”
“You’re staying here?” Brendon asked, and Bob nodded.
“Yeah. Someone needs to stick around and make sure they don’t kill each other.”
~~~
They found a patch of uninhabited Reef and started to settle themselves in for the night. The guppies looked exhausted, worn out from all the excitement, and Brendon watched them huddle together as they slept. Joe pulled his arms and legs into his shell and mumbled sleepily to himself as he tucked his head in too. Patrick and Pete were talking quietly to each other, and Brendon only caught the occasional word- ‘sorry’, ‘guilty’, ‘jealous’, ‘love’ as he swam past them towards Gabe, who was fitting himself neatly into a gap in the Reef.
“Where’s Jon?” Brendon asked, realising he’d not seen the other seahorse since shortly after they’d found somewhere to stay. Gabe shrugged. “No idea. Maybe he went back to see that Nick?”
Brendon nodded. “I might go and check,” he said, as casually as he could manage, and swam slowly away. As soon as he was out of sight, he picked up the pace, heading for Nick. He wondered if Jon would be there, and if that would hinder his plans for long. He had questions that needed answers, and although he was curious about Jon’s recent behaviour, he hoped that Nick could tell him what he was so desperate to know.
As he approached Nick’s place, he could hear voices- one, a very familiar one. Brendon darted behind some coral and peeked out, spotting Jon talking to another seahorse.
“…I don’t want this life anymore, Tom,” Jon said. “I left for a reason.”
“I miss you,” Tom sounded sad. “I don’t understand why you left, but I’m glad you’re back.”
Jon sighed. “I think the fact that you don’t understand why sums this whole thing up, don’t you? This isn’t…I’m not the same seahorse I was back then.”
“You’ve found someone else,” Tom said flatly.
Jon nodded. “I’ve found someone else,” he agreed. “And he’s nothing like you, Tom.”
Tom sidled closer. “I bet you wish he was,” he said softly. “I bet you wish he was me.”
Jon opened his mouth. “I…” he trailed off, and Tom pressed closer.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, curling his tail around Jon’s and rubbing their snouts together. “I’ve got some friends who’re performing tonight. They’re in a group- ‘Twenty Thousand Ivy Leagues Under The Sea. They’re good. You should come. And then afterwards…”
Brendon pushed himself away from the coral, feeling sick. He thought of Ryan, at home with Spencer, so close to giving birth, waiting for Jon to come back to him. Ryan, who didn’t know that Jon had someone else. And Spencer, who would be there for Ryan as much as he needed him, in any way, taking over Jon’s role as both father and-
Brendon stopped and shook himself, trying not to picture Ryan and Spencer forming a happy family unit, just the two of them. He pushed the thoughts from his mind and turned tail, flitting off towards Nick’s place as quickly as he could manage.
“You’re Jon’s friend,” Nick called out as Brendon approached.
“Yeah,” Brendon said. “That’s me. I’m Brendon. I have a question. Or two.”
“Shoot.”
“I. I had some babies. A short while ago. And they left. And I thought maybe you’d know if any unaccompanied baby seahorses had shown up around the Reef recently.”
Nick made a snorting noise. “Baby seahorses? I don’t suppose they’d all be named Dylan, would they?”
Brendon looked up in surprise. “I couldn’t think of a better name than that,” he explained. “And I didn’t want to choose favourites when I named them. They’re here then? On the Reef?” He felt a little dizzy, and reached out with his tail, anchoring himself against a piece of coral.
“A few,” Nick replied. “Half a dozen, maybe.”
“They’re here,” Brendon breathed. “So close. Can you tell me where?”
Nick gave him directions. “Good luck,” he said. “I hope you find them.”
Brendon thanked him profusely, then paused.
“Tom-“ Brendon started, then stopped.
“Is Jon’s story to tell,” Nick said calmly. “Just because I know things, doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone.”
“Oh,” Brendon said. “I understand.” He started to swim away.
“Tell me though,” Nick said, stopping him. “Jon. Where he is now. Is he happy?”
Brendon turned back. “I thought he was. I hoped he was. I’ve never seen him happier than he was before we left the rock pool to come here.”
Nick fell silent. “I hope he makes the right choice then,” he sighed.
“Me too,” Brendon said, swimming away. “I really hope so too. For all of our sakes.”
~~~
Brendon knew them the moment he saw them, two tiny seahorses swimming side by side through the coral. There was a tugging at his heart, a feeling in his stomach that he would never be able to explain, but he knew. Knew they were his.
He followed them, watching as they darted into a tiny cave in the Reef, and he approached slowly, hesitantly.
“Um, hello?” he called, and after a long moment, one of the seahorses stuck its head out and stared at him.
“D-dad?” it stuttered.
“Dylan?”
The tiny seahorse nodded, and darted back inside, and then a swarm of baby seahorses were rushing towards him. Brendon tried to count as they approached, and thought he spotted nine, before they were on him, bumping their bodies against his sides and chest and chattering excitedly.
“I thought I’d lost you all,” Brendon said sadly, and one of them swam up to eye level.
“We’re sorry we left,” it said. “We thought it was what we were supposed to do. But it was…it was scary out there. Dangerous. Most of us didn’t make it. We’re all that survived.”
Brendon’s heart ached as he glanced around the tiny babies that surrounded him.
“Only nine of you survived?” he asked, heart breaking for his poor, lost babies, and for these poor, lonely ones.
They all nodded, and crowded closer.
“It’s going to be okay,” Brendon said firmly. “It’s going to be okay from now on. I’m here now. And I’m never letting you leave me again.”
“Promise?” the tiniest one sniffled, and Brendon nodded.
“I promise. We’ll take you back to the rock pool. You’ll be safe there, happy. Spencer will-“
“We can’t go back!” one of them exclaimed. “We can’t go back that way again. It’s too…” he trailed off and shuddered, and Brendon wanted to know what had happened out there to traumatise them so much, but couldn’t bring himself to ask, to make them relive it.
“Then,” he said slowly, sadly, trying not to think of what he’d be giving up. “Then I’ll have to stay here with you.” It would be hard, he knew, to leave everything he’d ever known and loved behind, to leave Spencer behind, but he had no choice- these were his babies, his own flesh and blood, and he couldn’t abandon them, couldn’t lose them again. He hoped that Spencer, and the others would understand.
Brendon let the babies lead him into their tiny, cramped cave, and settled down for the night, wondering what he’d say to the others in the morning.
He still hadn’t decided when Jon appeared at the mouth of the cave at dawn.
“Nick told me where you were,” he explained, spotting Brendon’s questioning look. “We were worried about you.”
Brendon swam out into the open, leaving the babies still asleep inside.
“We’re leaving soon,” Jon added. “Mikey’s agreed to come home.”
“Gerard convinced him?” Brendon asked disbelievingly. Gerard might have been persuasive, but Mikey was stubborn when he wanted to be.
“No,” Jon said, shaking his head and laughing. “Alicia did. Turns out all she ever really wanted was a quiet life in a quiet pool. I think they’re planning on adopting a couple of sea snails. Mikey seems pretty happy about it. But Gerard wants to leave as soon as possible, just in case he changes his mind.”
Brendon laughed, and then shook his head. “I’m not going,” he said. “I found them, Jon. I found my babies. They’re in there, nine of them, safe and healthy and hopefully happy too. But they can’t leave here, won’t leave. And so I can’t go either.”
Jon stared at him. “What about Spencer?” he asked, looking shocked.
Anger rose inside Brendon, and he glared at Jon. “What about Spencer?” he repeated, ignoring the guilt that flared inside of him at the mention of Spencer’s name. “What about Ryan, Jon. What about Ryan, or did you forget about him now you’ve got your old boyfriend back?”
Jon opened and closed his mouth silently, looking grim. Finally he said, “You’ve been talking to Nick.”
“No,” Brendon said. “I saw you and Tom. Last night. I didn’t mean to, but. Jon. How could you forget about Ryan? How could you do that to him?”
“Nothing happened,” Jon said, quickly. “It was… you don’t understand. Tom was…was my everything for so long. My first love. But I knew it’d never work out, that we’d only end up hurting each other worse and worse, in increasingly creative ways. And so I left. I ran, and I didn’t look back, and I found myself in the rock pools, and I met you guys. And I’ve never been happier in my life, especially with Ryan. But. Seeing Tom again made it all flood back, all those feelings I’d worked so hard to forget. I had to see him, to see if there was something there. And…there wasn’t. Not the way it was before. I don’t know if that’s because of time, or because it wasn’t as real as I’d thought it was back then, or because whatever this thing is with Ryan is so much…so much more, but it’s not the same, not enough. I’m going back,” Jon finished. “And you should too.”
Brendon shook his head stubbornly. “I can’t,” he said. “I just. I’m needed here. I’ve never had that before, Jon. Never been needed like this. And so I’ve got to stay.”
Jon looked like he was about to argue when one of the baby seahorses swam out of the cave, squinting in the sunlight.
“Dad?” it asked, and Brendon rushed over to him, knowing his face was lighting up as he greeted his baby.
When he looked over at Jon, there was a strange look on his face. “Okay then,” Jon said eventually, reluctantly. “Okay.”
Brendon and the babies swam with Jon back to the sunken rowboat to say goodbye to the others. It was sad, seeing his friends about to swim off back to the place that he’d called home for as long as he could remember. But he’d found what he was looking for, found a place where he was wanted and needed like he’d never been wanted or needed before in his life.
Gabe hugged him tightly, as did Patrick, Pete peering over his shoulder and offering him sage pearls of wisdom about surviving life on the Reef, even though he’d never been there before himself. The guppies swam around him, giving the baby seahorses a suspicious look, as if jealous they’d stolen Brendon’s attention away from them.
Gerard was looking both smug and wary, keeping an eye on Mikey who was busy telling Alicia all about the rock pool and Ray and Bill and everyone else who’d remained at home.
“Are you going to tell Ryan?” Brendon asked Jon, making the other seahorse pause and look at him.
“Yes,” Jon said after a long moment. “Yes. Of course I am. I’m going to explain Tom to him, and then tell him that what I felt for Tom pales in comparison.”
Brendon was pleased, but images of a distraught Ryan, unable to deal with Jon having a life before him, being comforted by a protective Spencer flooded his mind unbidden.
“I hope he understands,” Brendon said, and Jon wrapped their tails together, holding Brendon close for a long moment.
“Tell Spencer,” Brendon started to say, then paused, trying to find a way to word what he wanted to say. He eventually gave up and just said. “Um. Tell Spencer. Tell him goodbye.”
Jon looked like he wanted to ask something, to demand for Brendon to say more, but then Gerard called Jon’s name.
“Travis and Bert are out there, waiting to chaperone us across,” Jon explained, and let go of Brendon’s tail reluctantly. “I should go.”
“Good luck!” Brendon called, as he watched them swim away from the Reef, the guppies looking back reluctantly, as if hesitant to leave. “Safe trip. And tell Ryan not to be such a bitch during the birth- it’s not as bad as he’ll make out it is!”
He watched until they were out of sight, and then took his babies back to the cave, trying not to wish he was leaving with them all.
~~~
A week had passed since the others had left the Reef. Brendon was finding it easier and easier to settle into this different way of life, being constantly in demand for attention. He was beginning to learn about his babies, their personalities, their differences, and had begun to piece together some of the events that had taken away the rest of his babies forever.
Brendon was almost able to forget, some days, that life he’d had before, the people he’d known. But he couldn’t forget Spencer, kept picturing him in his mind, imagining he was there with him.
Which was why, on the eighth day since they’d gone, it took him a moment to register Spencer was floating outside the cave, five guppies behind him, and an annoyed look on his face.
“Spencer!” Brendon exclaimed, swimming towards him. “What’re you doing here?”
“You never say goodbye,” Spencer said when Brendon reached him.
“I’m sorry!” Brendon exclaimed, reaching out and brushing his tail against Spencer’s, checking he was really there. “I asked Jon to say it for me.”
Spencer made a frustrated noise. “No, I mean you. Never. Say. Goodbye. Ever. You don’t get to do that. You don’t leave. It’s not allowed, okay? You can’t just…”
“Oh,” Brendon said. “Oh. Sorry?”
Spencer made a strangled noise and looked away, letting the guppies greet Brendon enthusiastically.
“I can’t believe you’re all here,” Brendon exclaimed once the last Alex had shouted his enthusiastic hellos. “Why-“
“We would have been here sooner,” Spencer interrupted. “But Ryan had his babies.”
“How’s he doing?” Brendon asked, and Spencer laughed.
“Same old Ryan, Jon’s still running around after him. He seems to have mellowed a little though, seems a little happier.”
Brendon wasn’t sure if he’s talking about Ryan or Jon, and Spencer seemed to sense his thoughts.
“We know about Tom. Ryan doesn’t care. He understands, I think, and they both seem more together, more in love than they ever did before. Some of the babies stuck around, so it’s amusing seeing Ryan give in to all of their demands and Jon trying to be the one who says no. He’s not very good at it,” Spencer added with a laugh.
There was an awkward pause, loaded with what they should have been talking about, but Brendon was happy to delay that conversation as long as possible.
“Any other news from home?” Brendon asked, and after a moment of hesitation, Spencer settled himself beside him. He was silent for a moment, staring as the baby seahorses slowly emerged from the cave and faced off with the guppies. Spencer seemed to not know what to say, to be searching for the right words, as the two groups of tiny sea creatures obviously decided everything was okay and started to play tag.
Spencer smiled, ducking his head and continued.
“Alicia is settling into life in the rock pool perfectly well. They’ve got a bunch of sea snails already, and she’s perfectly content making them shell covers out of seaweed. Mikey seems happier now too. He’s even been smiling. And Gerard told Ray he was glad Ray couldn’t leave the rock pool, which Ray seemed to take that as the declaration of love it apparently was. It’s just Gerard living in Ray’s tentacles now,” Spencer added.
“What about Frank?” Brendon asked, watching the babies spiral around each other, chasing after one of the guppies who was laughing with delight.
“Oh, he’s perfectly happy sharing that overhanging rock Bob lives under. He says he likes the darkness, but we’re all pretty sure it’s the company rather than the living conditions he prefers, if you know what I mean.”
Brendon widened his eyes. “Oh really?”
Spencer nodded. “And Gabe is ‘keeping in touch’ with Travis,” he added. “Travis made sure we got across the trench safely, and I was lucky enough to hear all about their third date and how Gabe really does have amazingly flexible tentacles and how Travis is really glad Gabe has eight of them.”
“Nice,” Brendon laughed. “What about you?”
Spencer stared at him as if he was insane. “What do you mean, ‘what about me’?” he asked incredulously. “I sat and stared morosely at the walls of the pool for two days after the others came back and told me that you’d chosen to stay behind. And then Ryan had the babies and afterwards he yelled at me until I realised he was right, and that I should come and tell you you’re an idiot. You’re an idiot,” he finished, and Brendon shook his head.
“I’m not going back, Spence,” he said. “I’m sorry, and I love you more than…well, more than almost anything. But I can’t leave them.”
“Did I ask you to?” Spencer asked, sounding pissy. “I didn’t come here to take you back home. I came here to join you. Me and the guppies- they wouldn’t let me leave them behind, which is more than I can say for some people.”
Brendon stared at him in surprise. “But what about Ryan and-“
“You really are an idiot, aren’t you?” Spencer shook his head sadly. “Brendon. I love you. I want to be with you. And if that means I have to stay out here on the Reef for awhile, until we convince our children- who obviously take after you in their common sense stakes- that it’s perfectly safe to cross the trench, particularly if you have a giant shark helping you along, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Oh,” Brendon said weakly. “You. Um. Love me?”
Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course I love you. What did you think, I was standing by you through some sort of guilt, that I couldn’t leave you after you’d just lost the babies?” He stared at Brendon who looked away. “Oh my god, you did! You really thought that! How are you so stupid and yet still alive? I love you, you moron, and it has nothing to do with the babies- our babies, by the way, so you could have thought of that before deciding to be a single parent when you didn’t need to be- or anything else other than the fact that I am hopelessly, inexplicably, eternally in love with you.”
Brendon gaped at him.
“Um,” he said.
“Oh shut up,” Spencer said, turning away, but Brendon could see he was trying not to smile.
Brendon reached out and tugged at Spencer’s tail until their bodies were pressed close together. He brushed his fin along Spencer’s, smiling when Spencer sighed happily, and rubbed his head against Spencer’s snout, turning to look at their family, all fourteen of them, playing happily in the water.
“I love you too,” Brendon said, and Spencer snorted.
“I know,” he said. “Idiot.”
And Brendon smiled.
Characters/Pairings: Panic, FOB, MCR and pretty much the rest of Bandom too. Brendon/Spencer, Jon/Ryan, Jon/Tom, Pete/Patrick, Mikey/Alicia, various others mentioned/implied but this’d get ridiculous if I tried to list them all.
Disclaimer: Believe it or not, this never happened.
Word Count: Just over 9000.
Summary/Warnings: Following on from Life in the Rock (n Roll) Pool: Brendon is still missing his babies. Ryan Ross is a bitchy pregnant seahorse. And MikeyWay has run away to the Reef, and the others must brave the unknown to rescue him. Drama! Angst! Less fish puns than the last one! More Mpreg, of sorts. Boys (and girls) as sea creatures
A/N: So, after I finished the last seahorse fic, I got mad at myself for making Brendon sad, and decided to fix it. And then proceeded to make him sadder. Thanks as always to mintyfiend for the hand holding and idea bouncing and wonderful beta job.
“Ugh, that seaweed is making me nauseous,” Ryan said, glaring at the offending plant. “Make it stop.”
Brendon and Spencer exchanged a look. Ryan was a week into his pregnancy, and getting pissier by the day.
“Just stop looking at it,” Spencer suggested helpfully, and Ryan huffed.
“Or,” he said, with a pointed look, “you could stop canoodling with your boyfriend and be a decent best friend and help me.”
Brendon leant closer to Spencer. “I wish Jon would hurry up,” he said in a stage whisper, and Spencer sighed. Jon had gone out for “those really tasty brine shrimp, Jon, you know, the little ones” to feed Ryan’s cravings two hours ago. The only problem was that whenever Jon left his side, Ryan’s bitchy side came out.
Brendon suspected that Spencer envied the way the appearance of Jon caused Ryan to instantly mellow. He didn’t think he could complain too much, not with the spark of jealousy he felt whenever Spencer gave in and pandered to Ryan’s whims.
Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, well you can-“ he started to say, but before Brendon could find out what exactly it was he could do, Gabe swam up.
“Gabe!” Brendon exclaimed, swimming forward to meet the octopus, then stopped in his tracks. Gabe did not look happy.
“Where’s Jon?” he asked. “You guys need to come with me. We’ve got a problem.”
Spencer shot him a worried look. “What sort of problem?”
Gabe gestured at them to follow him. “Quickly,” he said, pushing at Ryan, who was grumbling at having to move. Brendon swam over and flanked Ryan’s side. “It’s Mikey Way.”
Ryan stopped grumbling and looked up at Gabe. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s gone missing,” Gabe said, voice sounding strained. “Seriously, where’s Jon? Gerard wants to talk to him.” Brendon didn’t quite understand the urgency in Gabe’s voice when he said Jon’s name, but Spencer nodded and darted ahead.
“I’ll go and look for him,” Spencer said, and swam off.
Gabe watched him go, then hustled Brendon and Ryan along. “Let’s go,” he insisted.
Brendon reached out and squeezed Ryan’s tail, and the fact that Ryan squeezed back and tugged him forwards without complaint, made Brendon worry more than Gabe’s anxious expression.
~~~
“He’s gone,” Gerard said numbly. He shook himself, and looked over at Ray. “He’s gone,” he repeated, voice cracking.
“Are you sure?” Bob asked, looking at Frank, who was pressed against Ray’s side, unusually still.
“It’s what Bill said,” Frank said miserably, burying himself further into Ray’s tentacles. “That Mikey had been asking questions about the Reef, that he’d stopped by this morning and thanked him and said good bye.”
“I had no idea,” Gerard said woefully and Patrick reached out an arm and patted him lightly on the side. Brendon floated uselessly beside him, wishing there was something comforting he could say. “Did he say anything to anyone else?”
There was a murmur of “no” and the shaking of heads.
“He didn’t mention it to me at all,” Pete said in a small voice. He was perched on the side of the rock face, separated from Patrick for maybe the first time since Brendon had met him. He looked miserable and tiny and alone.
“It doesn’t matter,” Bob spoke up, clicking his claws. “It doesn’t matter if we knew or if we didn’t. We just have to go and get him back.”
Brendon nodded, and was about to ask if they’d made any plans, when Spencer and Jon swam up. Spencer made a beeline for Brendon, chest heaving from the exertion, and Brendon ducked his head under Spencer’s snout in greeting.
Jon stopped at Ryan’s side, and Brendon saw them exchange a look, checking that the other was alright. “What’s happened?” Jon asked, and Ray explained quickly.
"Jon," Frank implored, when Ray had finished. "Please. We need your help. You're the only one who knows the Reef."
Brendon always forgot that Jon was a Reefer, that he came from a different place than he and Spencer and Ryan had. Jon had clicked with them so much from day one, that it sometimes felt like Jon had always been in Brendon’s life. It made him forget that Jon had had a life before him and Spencer and Ryan.
Jon nodded, “I’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”
Gerard shook his head and swam over to Jon. “No,” he said. “We need you to come with us. We need a guide.”
“You-“ Jon paused and glanced at Ryan. “No. I can’t. I can’t leave the rock pool.”
“Please!”
Jon ducked his head, looking away. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I wish I could, but…Ryan needs me here. I can’t leave him here to have our babies by himself.”
Brendon felt Spencer go very still beside him. It was the first time Jon had really admitted his and Ryan’s relationship in public, had admitted how involved he felt about the pregnancy. From the look of Ryan’s expression, it was maybe the first time he’d said anything to Ryan either .
“Jon,” Ryan started, but Gerard pressed closer.
“Please,” he said, voice aching with pain. “I know. I understand. I wouldn’t ask, I really wouldn’t. But. It’s Mikey. I can’t just let him go. I need-“
Gerard pressed his face against Jon’s shoulder, muffling the rest of his words, and Jon looked at Ryan for a long, searching moment.
“I-“ Jon said, then stopped, looking pained.
“Go,” Ryan said, firmly. “I mean it,” he added, when Jon opened up his mouth to protest. “I’ll be fine. Really.”
“I’ll stay with him,” Spencer spoke up, letting go of Brendon’s tail to swim forwards. He stopped in front of Ryan and they shared that private look they had, the one Brendon had to fight not to be jealous of. Ryan nodded, and Jon relaxed a little.
“Okay,” Jon said. “Okay. I’ll go. I’ll be your guide.”
Gerard moved back. “Thank you,” he said, gratefully. “Thank you so much.”
“We need to make a plan,” Bob announced, and everyone turned to him. “Who’s coming?” he asked, and Ray made a small, distressed noise and waved his tentacles.
“It’s okay,” Ryan said, hurrying over to him. “We’ll stay here, with you. And they’ll bring him back.”
Spencer nodded, and looked at Brendon.
“Not me,” Brendon said, so suddenly he wasn’t even aware he’d made the decision. “I’m going to look for Mikey.”
Spencer looked surprised, but Brendon forced himself to look away, to look at Gerard.
“I’d like to help,” he said, and Gerard smiled and nodded.
“Brendon,” Spencer said, swimming over to him. Brendon shook his head.
“Ryan doesn’t need both of us to look after him. I’d just get in the way. I can do some good if I go, can help find Mikey. And, maybe. Maybe hear some news about my babies.”
“Our babies,” Spencer’s voice was small, and Brendon felt ashamed for a moment.
“Our babies,” he said. “It’s worth asking around, don’t you think? They must be out there somewhere.”
Spencer hesitated, then nodded. “If there’s a chance…” he sighed. “Find Mikey. And bring Jon back safely.”
“I will,” Brendon said, pressing his snout against Spencer’s.
“And you come back safely too,” Spencer said fiercely. “Promise me.”
Brendon sighed against Spencer’s neck. “I promise,” he said, and they turned back to the others, where Bob was laying out the plans for the rescue mission.
They spent what remained of the afternoon sorting things out, and after a number of arguments between Bob and Gerard, it was decided they would leave at first light.
“Tomorrow,” Gerard said firmly, sounding suddenly hopeful. “Tomorrow we go and save Mikey.”
~~~
That night, back in their own corner of the rock pool, Spencer fussed over Brendon, pressed their bodies close and wound their tails tightly together, and rubbed Brendon’s snout with his own. Brendon could hear the soft murmurings of Jon and Ryan talking, soothing noises floating through the calm water.
“Are you going to be alright?” Brendon asked, quietly, and Spencer laughed.
“Don’t worry about me,” Spencer replied. “I’m not the one who’s going to be facing unknown dangers out there.”
“You’ll be facing unknown dangers here too,” Brendon pointed out, laughing when Spencer gave him a questioning look. “You and I both know that Ryan might seem calm right now, but the moment we swim off, he’s going to freak out.”
Spencer smiled. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“You’re a good friend,” Brendon said, and wished he hadn’t. Even he could hear the scepticism in his voice, the hint of accusation, the irrational demand to know why Spencer would choose to stay with Ryan, rather than to come with Brendon, to find Mikey, to find their babies.
“Brendon-“
“I’m going to miss you,” Brendon interrupted. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not now, not when he was about to leave.
Spencer chuckled, mouth pressed to Brendon’s neck. “I’ll miss you too,” he said. “But you’ll be back soon. Jon says the Reef is no more than a two day journey away. You’ll find Mikey and be back within the week.”
Brendon nodded, and huddled closer. He slept that night curled tightly around Spencer, and was reluctant to let him go when the first rays of sunlight shone down through the water.
The left early enough that Brendon had to squint into the light shining in low on the water as he turned back to wave goodbye. Spencer and Ryan were floating side by side, and Ray was waving all of his tentacles at them, Andy looking tiny and a little lost next to him. The guppies still looked furious at having been turned away by Bob, who insisted they were too young and too tiny to accompany them. Brendon watched over his shoulder as they swam, a pang in his chest that was for home and for Spencer and for friends. Then he turned back, following after Jon, who was leading the way.
They were a rag-tag bunch, Brendon thought as they swam along. Gerard and Frank, who were now the two unhappiest clownfish Brendon had ever seen, flanked Jon, with Joe following in their wake. Both Patrick and Pete were riding on Joe’s shell, but on opposing sides. Pete still looked lost and alone and miserable, and Patrick looked off colour, his usual brilliant red looking faded. Brendon swam beside Joe, enjoying his easy way of striking up a conversation that kept Brendon’s mind off how much he was missing Spencer and the others already, and off the myriad of dangers that most likely faced them ahead.
Bob brought up the rear, firmly wrapped in Gabe’s tentacles, and not looking entirely pleased by the situation. Brendon tried not to turn and smile at Bob too much. Even though Bob’s daring rescue of Spencer had elevated Bob to god-like status in Brendon’s eyes, he was still a little terrified of the way Bob would snap his claws when he was annoyed.
They swam for hours, and Brendon marvelled at the changing scenery, the way their surroundings changed from rock pools to sandy shallows to forests of tall weeds, thicker across than Brendon was tall. The strange creatures they passed were intriguing too, all shapes and sizes and kinds, some so transparent Brendon hardly noticed they were there, some blending in with their surroundings so well that he began to wonder if he’d imagined them, and some so stunningly bright and colourful that Brendon had to pause and stare, not caring if he was being rude. Joe laughed and nudged him to keep moving each time he stopped, but it was beginning to be harder and harder to go on each time.
At the edge of the seaweed forest, Jon paused.
“We should rest here for the night,” he said, and Gerard looked annoyed.
“No, we should keep going. There’s still plenty of daylight left,” he insisted.
Jon shook his head. “We’re on the edge of the trench,” he explained. “It’s deep and dark and dangerous, and there won’t be anywhere to stop until we get to the other side. Everyone’s exhausted. Including you. You’re going to be no use to Mikey if you don’t make it to the Reef at all.”
Gerard shook himself and moved as if to push past Jon. “I don’t care,” he said. “We’re so close. I can’t just-“
“Gerard,” Frank spoke up. He’d been quiet most of the day, withdrawn, and looking even tinier than he usually did. “Don’t be an idiot. Tomorrow. We’ll find him tomorrow. I promise.”
It was a silly promise to make, Brendon thought, but Gerard seemed to believe Frank, let Jon shove him back into the shelter of the weeds.
They settled themselves in for the night, found food, made small talk. Some of the others were trying to hard to be cheery, Gabe trying to entertain them by juggling empty shells and telling rude jokes, but Brendon just settled himself in the shade and tried to picture what Spencer was doing, if he had been constantly at Ryan’s side, at his beck and call. He wondered if Spencer was missing him, and the thought that he might be too busy keeping Ryan occupied to even think of him only depressed Brendon further.
Beside him Jon looked equally as pensive, and Brendon wondered if Jon was having similar thoughts, but was too afraid of the answer to ask the question. He was just about to swim over to Patrick and try and engage the starfish in conversation about anything, just to get Patrick to look less dejected, when he heard a rustling in the seaweed.
“Ouch, get off me Alex,” a familiar voice said.
“They have to be around here somewhere,” another piped up.
“Shh!” said a third. “They’ll hear us. Just be quiet and they’ll-“
Gabe reached out and pulled a curtain of seaweed aside, revealing five guilty looking guppies.
“Um,” one of them said. It was hard to tell them apart, but Brendon could sometimes spot them. He was pretty sure that one was one of the Alexes.
“I thought I told you to stay home,” Bob said, a hint of menace in his voice.
The guppies glanced at each other and huddled closer, before all speaking at once.
“It’s totally Cash’s fault he said-“
“We’re not too young or too small it’s not fair-“
“We want to help to find Mikey too-“
“Nuh-uh, it was all Alex’s idea-“
“We’re not going back, you can’t make us-“
“Shut up,” Bob said, and they all fell silent. He turned and looked at the rest of the group. “One of us is going to have to take them home,” he said.
They all looked at each other, and then as one, they all turned to look at Brendon.
“No,” Brendon said firmly. “No. I am crossing that trench. I am going to the Reef. They’ll just have to come with us.”
As one, the guppies swarmed Brendon, bumping against his sides gleefully.
Bob turned his eyestalks in Brendon’s direction. “Fine,” he said. “But they’re your responsibility.”
“When do we go?” guppy-that-was-probably-Cash asked, and Brendon explained the plans for tomorrow, how they were going to be up before dawn, ready to cross the great expanse to the Reef that was just on the other side.
“Oh good,” guppy-that-might-have-been-Ian said, curling up under Brendon’s fin and yawning. “I’m exhausted.”
The others made agreeing noises and snuggled against Brendon sleepily. Brendon smiled despite himself, and nudged them closer, catching Jon giving him an amused look when he looked up.
There was something wistful about Jon’s expression though. “Ryan’s due to give birth in a week,” he said, and Brendon nodded.
“You’ll be back in time,” Brendon said. “I know you will be. There’s plenty of time to find Mikey and get home. Besides, Spencer is looking after him,” he added, and the hint of bitterness there was almost undetectable.
Jon looked a little happier. “You’re right,” he said, and smiled as Brendon darted out his tail to catch at maybe-Alex who’d stirred and drifted away a little.
“You’d make a great dad,” Jon said, suddenly, and Brendon looked up in surprise.
“You too,” he said, but Jon ducked his head and scuffed his tail along the seabed. “You will,” Brendon insisted, and Jon shook his head.
“It’s not like we even get a chance, though, is it?” he said wistfully. “One minute they’re being born and then they’re gone. Still…who knows. Maybe you’ll find your babies again, Bren,” he finished with a sigh, turning and swimming off towards the others.
Brendon glanced down at the five guppies at his sides, and then thought of his own babies, and what it would be like to hold them like this. The possibility of hearing news of them on the Reef was a spark of hope in Brendon’s heart, and it was the only thing that kept him going the next morning when Jon showed them the very edge of the trench, the dark stretch of water beneath them that went on and on forever, hiding unknown horrors in its murky depths.
Even Gabe, who’d grown up in the ocean, seemed daunted. “How do we get across, without losing our way and getting turned around?” he asked, and Jon indicated a bunch of rocks along the edge further down.
“We head there, take a left and straight-“
“On ‘til morning,” Pete said, and Jon laughed.
“Pretty much. We head straight across- no detours, no delays, no looking down into the trench.”
Brendon shivered, and the guppies clustered closer around him.
“I can’t believe Mikey did this, on his own,” Frank gasped. Gerard made a strangled noise, and then turned to face them.
“Let’s go,” he said decisively, and he led the way to the rocks Jon had indicated, the others following close behind.
“This way,” Jon said, when the reached the rocks, and swam out across the trench. The others followed hesitantly, even Gerard hesitating before zipping out away from the rocks. Brendon paused, the guppies making nervous noises behind him.
“It’ll be fine,” he said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. He closed his eyes and swam forward, until he bumped into Gabe. It felt weird, to have the seabed so far beneath them that he couldn’t see it, but he forged on, following in the wake of Gerard’s determined pace.
They swam and swam, until the sunlight lit the water around them. Brendon looked down, despite himself. The sunlight only penetrated a short distance beneath them, illuminating murky waters that faded to forbidding darkness. Brendon shivered, and flapped his fins, trying to pick up some speed.
“Cash, no, wait!” one of the guppies shouted, and Brendon looked up in time to see Cash darting away.
“Stop!” Brendon called, but Cash kept going.
“Look!” he shouted back, “come and see!”
“Oh for the love of-“ Brendon swam after him. Behind him he heard the others calling his name, could hear them shouting for him to come back, but he couldn’t lose Cash out here.
When he caught up with him, Cash was staring in awe at a creature Brendon had never seen before, but had heard plenty of stories about. A jellyfish.
“Cash,” Brendon said firmly. “Get away from it.”
“But it’s so pretty!” Cash said, flitting around it, marvelling at the blues and purples of its bell. “And squishy!”
“And dangerous,” Gabe added, and Brendon turned round to see the others behind them, looking very worried and unimpressed.
“Hey!” the jellyfish said. “I’m not dangerous! I’m Bert,” he added, waving his long tentacles in greeting, and accidentally hitting Gerard with one of them.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” Bert exclaimed, pressing closer. “I didn’t mean- are you okay? Did I sting you?”
Gerard shook his head. “I live in an anemone,” he said, “I think I’m immune to you.”
Bert looked relieved. “I really am sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Gerard said quickly. “But we really need to get going.”
“One problem,” Jon said. “We’ve gone off course. I don’t know if I can get us back.”
“Sorry,” Cash said in a small voice, moving to hide behind Brendon. “I’m really sorry.”
“You’re going to the Reef?” Bert asked, sounding horrified. “There’s nothing good there.” He looked traumatised, and Brendon wanted to ask what it was that had made him so jittery when he talked about the Reef, but Bob made an exasperated noise.
“Can you tell us how to get there?” he asked impatiently.
“You don’t want to go there,” Bert said firmly. “Trust me.”
“We have to. My brother. He’s there and I need him back,” Gerard said. “We have to find him.”
Something in his voice must have caught Bert’s attention, because he went very still, and gave Gerard a thoughtful look.
No one said anything for a long moment as Gerard gave Bert an imploring look.
“Let’s just go,” Bob said, nudging at Gabe until he started moving.
“No, wait!” Bert thrust out his tentacles to stop them. “That’s the wrong way.”
“Ouch!” Gabe exclaimed as one of Bert’s tentacles brushed against him. He recoiled, jerking away, his own tentacles flailing in pain.
Brendon watched in horror as Gabe released his hold on Bob, and the crab tumbled down into the darkness.
“Bob!” Frank shouted and dived after him, Gerard following close behind, shouting the name of their friend.
Before the others could move to follow, a grey blur sped past.
“Shark!” Patrick shouted, and Joe gasped.
Brendon wanted to scream a warning, to chase after them, but his voice stuck in his throat with fear, and before he could move, the shark swooped down on Bob and swallowed him.
“No!” Gabe cried, and started downwards, but the shark turned, as if drawn by the noise, and swam towards them, chasing Gerard and Frank ahead if it.
Brendon knew he should turn and swim away, that they all needed to, that there was nothing else to do, but he couldn’t move. None of them could. Gerard and Frank were getting closer and closer, until they swam straight into them, sending Jon flying against Gabe.
The shark came to a stop a short distance away and stared at them.
“Give him back!” Frank yelled, turning and swimming straight at the shark.
“Frankie, no!” Gerard shouted, but Frank kept going.
“Give Bob back!” he turned and slapped the shark across the nose with his tail.
“Ow, fuck!” the shark exclaimed. “I was just about to.” He opened his mouth up wide, revealing a very pissed off looking Bob, clinging to his teeth.
Gabe reached out and snatched Bob up.
“I’m so sorry!” he babbled. “Really, Bob, I’m-“
“It was my fault,” Bert said dejectedly. “I always do this. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Bob said, making a strangled sound as Gabe clutched him tightly. “Too tight, too tight!” he choked out and Gabe loosened his grasp, giving Bob a sheepish glance.
“Um” Frank said, still inches away from the shark’s nose. “Thanks. For not eating Bob. We’d probably miss him.”
Bob clicked his claws ominously and muttered something uncomplimentary about Frank that made the tiny clownfish swim over and butt his head against Bob’s shell.
The shark smiled, baring rows of pearly white teeth. “Anytime, little dudes,” he said. “And I wouldn’t have eaten him- I gave up eating fellow fishy friends a long time ago. It’s a vegetarian life for me! The name’s Travis, by the way,” he added.
“I’m Gabe,” Gabe said, moving closer and giving him the once over, his gaze trailing from head to tail and back again. “How you doin’?”
Jon cleared his throat. “No time for that now,” he said pointedly in Gabe’s direction. “We need to get to the Reef, but we’re lost. Do you know how to get there?”
Travis laughed. “Do I know the way? Pssh, of course I do. It’s just over here,” he said, swimming off at a slow pace so the others could follow hot on his tail, Gabe speeding ahead to swim at Travis’s side.
“There it is!” Frank shouted suddenly, and Brendon looked up from checking, once again, that the guppies were all still with them. The Reef was beautiful as they approached, like nothing Brendon had ever seen before, all bright colours and sparkling water. It made their tiny rock pool back home seem dull and grey in comparison, and Brendon was reminded of Spencer.
He’d managed to push all thoughts of Spencer, and Ryan, out of his mind for most of the day, but now all he could think was how much Spencer would have loved to have seen the Reef, seen the way the sunlight shone down through the water and illuminated it, how it teemed with life, with creatures Brendon couldn’t have even begun to imagine. But Spencer wasn’t there, was at home instead, with Ryan who was probably just reaching levels of unbearable if his pregnancy was progressing at the same rate as Brendon’s.
Brendon’s heart beat louder in his chest as they approached- the possibility of news of his babies filled him with excitement, made him speed up until he was level with Gabe and Travis, and could hear their conversation. Gabe was telling Travis how cosy his cave was and making completely unsubtle comments about how long and flexible his tentacles were.
Brendon glanced across at Bob, who rolled his eyestalks at him, and then looked back at the rest of the group. The approaching Reef seemed to have lifted everyone’s spirits- Jon looking incredibly relieved, mouth almost pulled into a smile. Joe was looking chilled and relaxed again, Pete was looking a lot perkier, and some of Patrick’s colour had returned. And Gerard was looking much more hopeful. Only Frank, who kept darting worried glances at both Gerard and Bob, and Bert, who was trailing behind, trying to shoo the guppies away from darting in and out of his tentacles, seemed to be immune to the building excitement.
“Here ya go,” Travis said, stopping a short distance from the Reef. “Here’s where I’ll have to love you and leave you. Some of the folk up there get a bit uncomfortable when a shark shadow passes over their homes. Gabe tells me you’re looking for your brother though?” he asked, looking at Gerard, who nodded. “I’d suggest going and seeing Nick. He’s sort of all knowing. You can find him by-“
“I know how to find Nick,” Jon piped up, and there was an odd tone to his voice that made Brendon look at him in surprise. “We’ll go straight there.”
“Easiest way in is over by that sunken rowboat,” Travis said, indicating the rotting wooden structure perched at the edge of the Reef. “I’ll, uh, hang around here for a couple of days maybe. If you’re heading back this way.” He shot Gabe a meaningful look.
“Me too,” Bert said, floating over to Gerard. “I hope you find your brother,” he added sincerely.
Gerard blinked at him. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll…I’ll see you again. Soon. When we find Mikey. I’d like him to meet you.”
They said their goodbyes, and swam towards the Reef. The water seemed bluer there, tasted sweeter maybe, and Brendon closed his eyes and revelled in the feel of it for one long blissful moment.
“We need to stop here,” Jon said, as they swam under the shade of the rowboat. Wooden planks had rotted away, leaving gaping holes and arches lined with barnacles. “Not for long,” Jon added when Gerard looked like he was about to protest. “But I need to get my bearings. It’s been a long time since I was last here.”
He swam a little way away from the rowboat, looking around, Gerard close behind.
“Hi!” someone said suddenly.
Brendon looked around, giving Gabe a questioning look. He shot Brendon a baffled look back.
“Over here!” the voice said. “Look up!”
Brendon craned his neck, spotting a barnacle waving at them with it’s feathery appendages.
“Oh,” he said. “Hello!”
“You are the prettiest starfish I’ve ever seen,” the barnacle cooed, and Patrick peeled himself away from Joe’s shell and looked up at it.
“Who, me?” he asked, and the feathers waved happily through the water.
“Mmhm,” it said. “What’s your name?”
“Uh,” Patrick said, looking surprised and a little uncomfortable at the attention. “Um. Patrick.”
“Patrick,” it said dreamily. “Patrick. You’re such a good catch. I think you should come and live here with us barnacles. It’s nice here.”
There was a pause, and then a small sucking noise as Pete stood up and shuffled across Joe’s shell, crawling on top of Patrick.
“My Patrick,” he said, firmly, settling himself down.
Patrick made a small noise of protest, but Pete clung on tighter. “Patrick’s happy where he is. With me,” Pete added to the barnacle, who waved at them sadly as Patrick flushed pink and made a pleased sound.
“Sorry,” Patrick said to the barnacle, but it was already hiding away, shell sliding shut.
“Me too,” Pete mumbled.
“I know where we are,” Jon announced, swimming up before Patrick could respond. “And I know how to get to Nick’s place.”
“How do you know he’ll be there?” Gerard asked, worriedly. “Surely he could be anywhere on the Reef right now?”
Jon laughed, and there was that strange edge to his voice again, the one Brendon had noticed earlier when Travis had mentioned this Nick character. “Trust me. He’ll be right where I left him.”
~~~
Nick, it turned out, was a sponge. He was bright and orange and surprised to see Jon when they swam up to him.
“Hello Nick,” Jon greeted him.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you around these parts,” Nick replied.
Jon looked uncomfortable. “Needs must,” he said. “Look, I-“
“Tom was here earlier,” Nick interrupted, and Jon stopped talking abruptly. Brendon watched curiously as Jon went very still.
“I don’t-“ Jon started, then paused. “Now’s not the time, Nick. Please. We’re looking for someone. And no one knows more about what’s going on around here than you.”
“I do sort of…soak up information,” Nick agreed. “Let me guess- tiny, confused clownfish who left his rock pool home to make his fortune on the big Reef?”
“That sounds like Mikey!” Gerard said. “My brother. How did you know?”
Nick made a disparaging noise. “Not much goes down around here without me finding out about it,” he said. “Plus it’s not exactly like he tried to stay under the radar. You might want to warn him that he shouldn’t be so trusting of strange fish.”
Gerard swam forward excitedly. “Do you know where he is?” he exclaimed. “Please, we need to find him.”
Nick paused.
“Nick,” Jon said, a hint of pleading in his voice, and Nick laughed.
“He’s hooked up with a damselfish down on the East quarter of the reef,” he said, rattling off some directions.
“Thank you!” Gerard said earnestly. “Thank you so much.”
“Jon,” Nick called after them as they started to leave. “You should stop by when you’ve found what you’re looking for. Say hello to old friends. See if there’s anything else that catches your eye around here.”
Jon didn’t look back, just kept swimming. Brendon hurried forward to swim beside him.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jon said firmly. “Let’s just get Mikey and go home.”
Brendon wanted to press him, to find out who Tom was, and why he caused the pained expression on Jon’s face. Instead he reached out and brushed his fin against Jon’s, making Jon look at him in surprise. After a moment he smiled and ducked his head, and they swam the rest of the way in silence, punctuated only by the guppies’ building excitement as they neared the place Nick had directed them to.
Under the shade of an overhanging piece of the Reef, Mikey was talking to a beautiful blue fish, with bright yellow fins.
“MIKEY!” Gerard shouted happily, zipping towards him at top speed, Frank right behind him.
Mikey turned, mouth gaping open in surprise when he saw them.
“Gee-“ he started to say, but then Gerard and Frank were on top of him, pressing against him and shouting both happily and reproachfully about how much they missed him and how he was never allowed to leave again. Gabe hurried forward, depositing Bob, who hurriedly joined the huddle. The others hung back until Gerard finally released Mikey and let him drift back beside the other fish.
“What are you all doing here?” Mikey sounded both surprised and touched, as if he hadn’t expected them to come. “Are you insane? It’s a dangerous journey!”
“We know,” Joe said. “And you did it all on your own.”
Mikey looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t all have to come though. I mean- you brought the guppies? To the Reef?”
Gerard looked annoyed now. “We came to bring you home!” he half shouted. “You leave without saying a word, and we think something’s wrong. We didn’t know what had happened to you, weren’t even sure where you’d gone. Why didn’t you tell me?” he finished, voice sounding small and hurt.
Mikey shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t mean to make you worry,” he said. “I just needed to get away. It’s like what Frank and I were talking about-“
“Frank?” Gerard interrupted, and everyone turned to look at the tiny clownfish, who was looking scared and upset.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave!” Frank exclaimed. “I didn’t, Mikey. I thought we were just talking, didn’t realise you’d listen to me.”
Gerard stared at him.
“What did you say?” Bob asked quietly.
Frank made a miserable sound. “Mikey said he thought the rock pool felt too small sometimes, that he wanted something bigger, something better. And I said-“
“That I should do whatever it took to make myself happy. That I should search for whatever it felt like I was missing. That I should take my chances while I could,” Mikey broke in.
“Something like that,” Frank said sadly. “I didn’t mean for you to run away. I didn’t-“ he turned and looked at Gerard and Bob. “I should have told you.”
“It’s okay,” Gerard said after a long moment. “It’s okay. You were right- Mikey should make himself happy. And now he’s seen the Reef and we can go home and everything will be fine.”
“No,” Mikey said quickly. “Gerard, it’s not as simple as that. It’s not just what Frank said. There’s other things too-“
“I’m sorry I ignored you,” Pete spoke up, and they all turned to look at him. “I didn’t mean to. I just got distracted. But I promise I’ll try harder- we can hang out again.”
“I,” Mikey started then stopped. “Pete,” he said. “It was never about that. I understand. Really. I do. This is Alicia,” he added, indicating the pretty fish by his side. “She’s my. Um.”
“Oh,” Pete said. “Oh.” He sounded pleased, and Mikey beamed at him.
Gerard glanced in Alicia’s direction, then shook his head. “You can’t honestly tell me you’re not going to come back home,” he said, and Mikey sighed.
“That life, back home. Maybe it’s not for all of us. Maybe I want more from life than the same thing, the same people every day.”
Gerard looked mad. “You never complained before,” he pointed out. “I don’t understand why-“
“You should probably go and find somewhere to stay for the night,” Bob said to the others, peering upwards at the fading light. “This could take awhile and it’ll be dark soon.”
“You’re staying here?” Brendon asked, and Bob nodded.
“Yeah. Someone needs to stick around and make sure they don’t kill each other.”
~~~
They found a patch of uninhabited Reef and started to settle themselves in for the night. The guppies looked exhausted, worn out from all the excitement, and Brendon watched them huddle together as they slept. Joe pulled his arms and legs into his shell and mumbled sleepily to himself as he tucked his head in too. Patrick and Pete were talking quietly to each other, and Brendon only caught the occasional word- ‘sorry’, ‘guilty’, ‘jealous’, ‘love’ as he swam past them towards Gabe, who was fitting himself neatly into a gap in the Reef.
“Where’s Jon?” Brendon asked, realising he’d not seen the other seahorse since shortly after they’d found somewhere to stay. Gabe shrugged. “No idea. Maybe he went back to see that Nick?”
Brendon nodded. “I might go and check,” he said, as casually as he could manage, and swam slowly away. As soon as he was out of sight, he picked up the pace, heading for Nick. He wondered if Jon would be there, and if that would hinder his plans for long. He had questions that needed answers, and although he was curious about Jon’s recent behaviour, he hoped that Nick could tell him what he was so desperate to know.
As he approached Nick’s place, he could hear voices- one, a very familiar one. Brendon darted behind some coral and peeked out, spotting Jon talking to another seahorse.
“…I don’t want this life anymore, Tom,” Jon said. “I left for a reason.”
“I miss you,” Tom sounded sad. “I don’t understand why you left, but I’m glad you’re back.”
Jon sighed. “I think the fact that you don’t understand why sums this whole thing up, don’t you? This isn’t…I’m not the same seahorse I was back then.”
“You’ve found someone else,” Tom said flatly.
Jon nodded. “I’ve found someone else,” he agreed. “And he’s nothing like you, Tom.”
Tom sidled closer. “I bet you wish he was,” he said softly. “I bet you wish he was me.”
Jon opened his mouth. “I…” he trailed off, and Tom pressed closer.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, curling his tail around Jon’s and rubbing their snouts together. “I’ve got some friends who’re performing tonight. They’re in a group- ‘Twenty Thousand Ivy Leagues Under The Sea. They’re good. You should come. And then afterwards…”
Brendon pushed himself away from the coral, feeling sick. He thought of Ryan, at home with Spencer, so close to giving birth, waiting for Jon to come back to him. Ryan, who didn’t know that Jon had someone else. And Spencer, who would be there for Ryan as much as he needed him, in any way, taking over Jon’s role as both father and-
Brendon stopped and shook himself, trying not to picture Ryan and Spencer forming a happy family unit, just the two of them. He pushed the thoughts from his mind and turned tail, flitting off towards Nick’s place as quickly as he could manage.
“You’re Jon’s friend,” Nick called out as Brendon approached.
“Yeah,” Brendon said. “That’s me. I’m Brendon. I have a question. Or two.”
“Shoot.”
“I. I had some babies. A short while ago. And they left. And I thought maybe you’d know if any unaccompanied baby seahorses had shown up around the Reef recently.”
Nick made a snorting noise. “Baby seahorses? I don’t suppose they’d all be named Dylan, would they?”
Brendon looked up in surprise. “I couldn’t think of a better name than that,” he explained. “And I didn’t want to choose favourites when I named them. They’re here then? On the Reef?” He felt a little dizzy, and reached out with his tail, anchoring himself against a piece of coral.
“A few,” Nick replied. “Half a dozen, maybe.”
“They’re here,” Brendon breathed. “So close. Can you tell me where?”
Nick gave him directions. “Good luck,” he said. “I hope you find them.”
Brendon thanked him profusely, then paused.
“Tom-“ Brendon started, then stopped.
“Is Jon’s story to tell,” Nick said calmly. “Just because I know things, doesn’t mean I should share them with everyone.”
“Oh,” Brendon said. “I understand.” He started to swim away.
“Tell me though,” Nick said, stopping him. “Jon. Where he is now. Is he happy?”
Brendon turned back. “I thought he was. I hoped he was. I’ve never seen him happier than he was before we left the rock pool to come here.”
Nick fell silent. “I hope he makes the right choice then,” he sighed.
“Me too,” Brendon said, swimming away. “I really hope so too. For all of our sakes.”
~~~
Brendon knew them the moment he saw them, two tiny seahorses swimming side by side through the coral. There was a tugging at his heart, a feeling in his stomach that he would never be able to explain, but he knew. Knew they were his.
He followed them, watching as they darted into a tiny cave in the Reef, and he approached slowly, hesitantly.
“Um, hello?” he called, and after a long moment, one of the seahorses stuck its head out and stared at him.
“D-dad?” it stuttered.
“Dylan?”
The tiny seahorse nodded, and darted back inside, and then a swarm of baby seahorses were rushing towards him. Brendon tried to count as they approached, and thought he spotted nine, before they were on him, bumping their bodies against his sides and chest and chattering excitedly.
“I thought I’d lost you all,” Brendon said sadly, and one of them swam up to eye level.
“We’re sorry we left,” it said. “We thought it was what we were supposed to do. But it was…it was scary out there. Dangerous. Most of us didn’t make it. We’re all that survived.”
Brendon’s heart ached as he glanced around the tiny babies that surrounded him.
“Only nine of you survived?” he asked, heart breaking for his poor, lost babies, and for these poor, lonely ones.
They all nodded, and crowded closer.
“It’s going to be okay,” Brendon said firmly. “It’s going to be okay from now on. I’m here now. And I’m never letting you leave me again.”
“Promise?” the tiniest one sniffled, and Brendon nodded.
“I promise. We’ll take you back to the rock pool. You’ll be safe there, happy. Spencer will-“
“We can’t go back!” one of them exclaimed. “We can’t go back that way again. It’s too…” he trailed off and shuddered, and Brendon wanted to know what had happened out there to traumatise them so much, but couldn’t bring himself to ask, to make them relive it.
“Then,” he said slowly, sadly, trying not to think of what he’d be giving up. “Then I’ll have to stay here with you.” It would be hard, he knew, to leave everything he’d ever known and loved behind, to leave Spencer behind, but he had no choice- these were his babies, his own flesh and blood, and he couldn’t abandon them, couldn’t lose them again. He hoped that Spencer, and the others would understand.
Brendon let the babies lead him into their tiny, cramped cave, and settled down for the night, wondering what he’d say to the others in the morning.
He still hadn’t decided when Jon appeared at the mouth of the cave at dawn.
“Nick told me where you were,” he explained, spotting Brendon’s questioning look. “We were worried about you.”
Brendon swam out into the open, leaving the babies still asleep inside.
“We’re leaving soon,” Jon added. “Mikey’s agreed to come home.”
“Gerard convinced him?” Brendon asked disbelievingly. Gerard might have been persuasive, but Mikey was stubborn when he wanted to be.
“No,” Jon said, shaking his head and laughing. “Alicia did. Turns out all she ever really wanted was a quiet life in a quiet pool. I think they’re planning on adopting a couple of sea snails. Mikey seems pretty happy about it. But Gerard wants to leave as soon as possible, just in case he changes his mind.”
Brendon laughed, and then shook his head. “I’m not going,” he said. “I found them, Jon. I found my babies. They’re in there, nine of them, safe and healthy and hopefully happy too. But they can’t leave here, won’t leave. And so I can’t go either.”
Jon stared at him. “What about Spencer?” he asked, looking shocked.
Anger rose inside Brendon, and he glared at Jon. “What about Spencer?” he repeated, ignoring the guilt that flared inside of him at the mention of Spencer’s name. “What about Ryan, Jon. What about Ryan, or did you forget about him now you’ve got your old boyfriend back?”
Jon opened and closed his mouth silently, looking grim. Finally he said, “You’ve been talking to Nick.”
“No,” Brendon said. “I saw you and Tom. Last night. I didn’t mean to, but. Jon. How could you forget about Ryan? How could you do that to him?”
“Nothing happened,” Jon said, quickly. “It was… you don’t understand. Tom was…was my everything for so long. My first love. But I knew it’d never work out, that we’d only end up hurting each other worse and worse, in increasingly creative ways. And so I left. I ran, and I didn’t look back, and I found myself in the rock pools, and I met you guys. And I’ve never been happier in my life, especially with Ryan. But. Seeing Tom again made it all flood back, all those feelings I’d worked so hard to forget. I had to see him, to see if there was something there. And…there wasn’t. Not the way it was before. I don’t know if that’s because of time, or because it wasn’t as real as I’d thought it was back then, or because whatever this thing is with Ryan is so much…so much more, but it’s not the same, not enough. I’m going back,” Jon finished. “And you should too.”
Brendon shook his head stubbornly. “I can’t,” he said. “I just. I’m needed here. I’ve never had that before, Jon. Never been needed like this. And so I’ve got to stay.”
Jon looked like he was about to argue when one of the baby seahorses swam out of the cave, squinting in the sunlight.
“Dad?” it asked, and Brendon rushed over to him, knowing his face was lighting up as he greeted his baby.
When he looked over at Jon, there was a strange look on his face. “Okay then,” Jon said eventually, reluctantly. “Okay.”
Brendon and the babies swam with Jon back to the sunken rowboat to say goodbye to the others. It was sad, seeing his friends about to swim off back to the place that he’d called home for as long as he could remember. But he’d found what he was looking for, found a place where he was wanted and needed like he’d never been wanted or needed before in his life.
Gabe hugged him tightly, as did Patrick, Pete peering over his shoulder and offering him sage pearls of wisdom about surviving life on the Reef, even though he’d never been there before himself. The guppies swam around him, giving the baby seahorses a suspicious look, as if jealous they’d stolen Brendon’s attention away from them.
Gerard was looking both smug and wary, keeping an eye on Mikey who was busy telling Alicia all about the rock pool and Ray and Bill and everyone else who’d remained at home.
“Are you going to tell Ryan?” Brendon asked Jon, making the other seahorse pause and look at him.
“Yes,” Jon said after a long moment. “Yes. Of course I am. I’m going to explain Tom to him, and then tell him that what I felt for Tom pales in comparison.”
Brendon was pleased, but images of a distraught Ryan, unable to deal with Jon having a life before him, being comforted by a protective Spencer flooded his mind unbidden.
“I hope he understands,” Brendon said, and Jon wrapped their tails together, holding Brendon close for a long moment.
“Tell Spencer,” Brendon started to say, then paused, trying to find a way to word what he wanted to say. He eventually gave up and just said. “Um. Tell Spencer. Tell him goodbye.”
Jon looked like he wanted to ask something, to demand for Brendon to say more, but then Gerard called Jon’s name.
“Travis and Bert are out there, waiting to chaperone us across,” Jon explained, and let go of Brendon’s tail reluctantly. “I should go.”
“Good luck!” Brendon called, as he watched them swim away from the Reef, the guppies looking back reluctantly, as if hesitant to leave. “Safe trip. And tell Ryan not to be such a bitch during the birth- it’s not as bad as he’ll make out it is!”
He watched until they were out of sight, and then took his babies back to the cave, trying not to wish he was leaving with them all.
~~~
A week had passed since the others had left the Reef. Brendon was finding it easier and easier to settle into this different way of life, being constantly in demand for attention. He was beginning to learn about his babies, their personalities, their differences, and had begun to piece together some of the events that had taken away the rest of his babies forever.
Brendon was almost able to forget, some days, that life he’d had before, the people he’d known. But he couldn’t forget Spencer, kept picturing him in his mind, imagining he was there with him.
Which was why, on the eighth day since they’d gone, it took him a moment to register Spencer was floating outside the cave, five guppies behind him, and an annoyed look on his face.
“Spencer!” Brendon exclaimed, swimming towards him. “What’re you doing here?”
“You never say goodbye,” Spencer said when Brendon reached him.
“I’m sorry!” Brendon exclaimed, reaching out and brushing his tail against Spencer’s, checking he was really there. “I asked Jon to say it for me.”
Spencer made a frustrated noise. “No, I mean you. Never. Say. Goodbye. Ever. You don’t get to do that. You don’t leave. It’s not allowed, okay? You can’t just…”
“Oh,” Brendon said. “Oh. Sorry?”
Spencer made a strangled noise and looked away, letting the guppies greet Brendon enthusiastically.
“I can’t believe you’re all here,” Brendon exclaimed once the last Alex had shouted his enthusiastic hellos. “Why-“
“We would have been here sooner,” Spencer interrupted. “But Ryan had his babies.”
“How’s he doing?” Brendon asked, and Spencer laughed.
“Same old Ryan, Jon’s still running around after him. He seems to have mellowed a little though, seems a little happier.”
Brendon wasn’t sure if he’s talking about Ryan or Jon, and Spencer seemed to sense his thoughts.
“We know about Tom. Ryan doesn’t care. He understands, I think, and they both seem more together, more in love than they ever did before. Some of the babies stuck around, so it’s amusing seeing Ryan give in to all of their demands and Jon trying to be the one who says no. He’s not very good at it,” Spencer added with a laugh.
There was an awkward pause, loaded with what they should have been talking about, but Brendon was happy to delay that conversation as long as possible.
“Any other news from home?” Brendon asked, and after a moment of hesitation, Spencer settled himself beside him. He was silent for a moment, staring as the baby seahorses slowly emerged from the cave and faced off with the guppies. Spencer seemed to not know what to say, to be searching for the right words, as the two groups of tiny sea creatures obviously decided everything was okay and started to play tag.
Spencer smiled, ducking his head and continued.
“Alicia is settling into life in the rock pool perfectly well. They’ve got a bunch of sea snails already, and she’s perfectly content making them shell covers out of seaweed. Mikey seems happier now too. He’s even been smiling. And Gerard told Ray he was glad Ray couldn’t leave the rock pool, which Ray seemed to take that as the declaration of love it apparently was. It’s just Gerard living in Ray’s tentacles now,” Spencer added.
“What about Frank?” Brendon asked, watching the babies spiral around each other, chasing after one of the guppies who was laughing with delight.
“Oh, he’s perfectly happy sharing that overhanging rock Bob lives under. He says he likes the darkness, but we’re all pretty sure it’s the company rather than the living conditions he prefers, if you know what I mean.”
Brendon widened his eyes. “Oh really?”
Spencer nodded. “And Gabe is ‘keeping in touch’ with Travis,” he added. “Travis made sure we got across the trench safely, and I was lucky enough to hear all about their third date and how Gabe really does have amazingly flexible tentacles and how Travis is really glad Gabe has eight of them.”
“Nice,” Brendon laughed. “What about you?”
Spencer stared at him as if he was insane. “What do you mean, ‘what about me’?” he asked incredulously. “I sat and stared morosely at the walls of the pool for two days after the others came back and told me that you’d chosen to stay behind. And then Ryan had the babies and afterwards he yelled at me until I realised he was right, and that I should come and tell you you’re an idiot. You’re an idiot,” he finished, and Brendon shook his head.
“I’m not going back, Spence,” he said. “I’m sorry, and I love you more than…well, more than almost anything. But I can’t leave them.”
“Did I ask you to?” Spencer asked, sounding pissy. “I didn’t come here to take you back home. I came here to join you. Me and the guppies- they wouldn’t let me leave them behind, which is more than I can say for some people.”
Brendon stared at him in surprise. “But what about Ryan and-“
“You really are an idiot, aren’t you?” Spencer shook his head sadly. “Brendon. I love you. I want to be with you. And if that means I have to stay out here on the Reef for awhile, until we convince our children- who obviously take after you in their common sense stakes- that it’s perfectly safe to cross the trench, particularly if you have a giant shark helping you along, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Oh,” Brendon said weakly. “You. Um. Love me?”
Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course I love you. What did you think, I was standing by you through some sort of guilt, that I couldn’t leave you after you’d just lost the babies?” He stared at Brendon who looked away. “Oh my god, you did! You really thought that! How are you so stupid and yet still alive? I love you, you moron, and it has nothing to do with the babies- our babies, by the way, so you could have thought of that before deciding to be a single parent when you didn’t need to be- or anything else other than the fact that I am hopelessly, inexplicably, eternally in love with you.”
Brendon gaped at him.
“Um,” he said.
“Oh shut up,” Spencer said, turning away, but Brendon could see he was trying not to smile.
Brendon reached out and tugged at Spencer’s tail until their bodies were pressed close together. He brushed his fin along Spencer’s, smiling when Spencer sighed happily, and rubbed his head against Spencer’s snout, turning to look at their family, all fourteen of them, playing happily in the water.
“I love you too,” Brendon said, and Spencer snorted.
“I know,” he said. “Idiot.”
And Brendon smiled.