Fic: It's Not Your Job To Be As Confused As Nigel (Brendon/Spencer)
Title: It’s Not Your Job To Be As Confused As Nigel
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer, mentions of Ryan/Keltie and David/Nigel (Spinal Tap)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not real. Didn’t happen. I don’t own Panic, nor Spinal Tap.
Summary: “Nigel and David are so meant to be,” Brendon remarks one day when they’re watching Tap for approximately the 5348534634 millionth time.
A/N: Written for, and betaed by the lovely mintyfiend. Contains a ridiculous amount of Spinal Tap references because that’s just how I roll.
“Nigel and David are so meant to be,” Brendon remarks one day when they’re watching Tap for approximately the 5348534634 millionth time.
“Nuh uh,” Spencer says, more to bait Brendon than because he really gives a fuck. He’s kind of over the movie, only watches it because Brendon wants to watch it, and he can’t seem to help wanting to do whatever makes Brendon happy. There’s something about the movie that unnerves him a bit- he suspects it’s the disposable nature of their drummers, not so much that they die, but that they’re remembered in that faintly nostalgic way and how the band carries on perfectly fine without them.
Jon seems to be uncomfortable about the movie for probably the same reason, and with perhaps much more justification. Generally, he stays in the back lounge when Brendon’s watching it, and Ryan has started keeping him company more and more of late, which Spencer thinks is nice and so terribly selfless of him.
“Seriously,” Brendon says, nudging Spencer and pointing to the screen. “Look at them and tell me they’re not made for each other! And all the evidence supports it- the way they play to each other on stage, the jealousy Nigel gets around Janine, how David misses Nigel so much when he’s not there but can’t express his emotions so he can’t say what he really feels. They’re a partnership- they write together, they have this bond and you can’t deny it! And you know that after the documentary, David left Janine and told Nigel how much he loved him and they lived happily ever after.”
“Don’t be silly,” Spencer says. “He’s never going to leave Keltie. He loves her, not Nigel.”
Brendon goes very still, and it’s only then that Spencer realises what he’s said.
“Wow,” he says, forcing a laugh. “What is up with my brain tonight? I can’t even get people’s names right anymore. What’s her name? Janine. Yeah, right. That’s who I meant.”
Brendon pauses the DVD. At any other moment, Spencer would have looked at Brendon in mock horror and asked if he was feeling okay, because Brendon is the type of guy who, once he’s started a movie, won’t stop it for anything, not even if the horsemen of the apocalypse were knocking at the door.
“Spence,” Brendon says slowly. “Why did you say ‘Keltie’?”
Spencer shrugs. “Overtired I guess. I must’ve spotted something that reminded me of her. I don’t know.”
“Spencer,” Brendon says again, carefully, as if he’s unsure what to say, and Spencer doesn’t blame him.
“It was a mistake,” Spencer insists and turns to look at him.
Brendon shakes his head. “No, you meant to say it. Freudian slip or whatever. You think Keltie is Janine.”
“No!” Spencer says truthfully. “Janine’s a manipulative bitch who’s going to ruin the band. Keltie is…fuck, Keltie is amazing and wonderful and she makes Ryan happier than I’ve ever seen him in our entire lives. I love her to bits.”
Brendon shakes his head. “I know, I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean, you see Ryan as David, don’t you? And you see me as Nigel?”
Spencer doesn’t say anything and Brendon perseveres.
“And I’ve been sitting here saying how I think Nigel and David are in love with each other and should be together. And you’re probably thinking that it’s my subtle way of telling you I’m in love with Ryan and that if Keltie wasn’t in the picture, Ryan would realise he’s in love with me.”
Spencer hadn’t thought about it too much, hadn’t let himself, but Brendon’s words make it seem real. He’d known it all along, hadn’t been able to admit the thought had terrified him and now…
“I think you should tell him how you feel,” Spencer says, hating himself for the fact that he loved Brendon so much he wanted to see him happy, even if it was with his best friend and not himself.
Brendon nodded. “I think that’s a good plan,” he says. “I’m in love with you.”
He looks at Spencer expectantly.
Spencer’s heart aches, more than it’s ever done before, because he’d kill to have Brendon look at him like that and say those words, and it’s torture to expect him to respond but Brendon is looking at him hopefully so Spencer opens his mouth and manages to choke out “Ye-yeah, I think that’d work.”
Brendon frowns. “No,” he says. “I’m in love with you. I love you.”
Spencer doesn’t understand why Brendon keeps repeating it, as if he knows how much it’s hurting Spencer and wants to twist the knife a bit more.
“Ryan- I don’t know what he’ll say, he never talks to me about that sort of stuff, not anymore, but if you go to him and say it like that, I don’t know how he’ll be able to resist.”
Brendon laughs, slapping at his thigh and then stops abruptly when he sees Spencer’s face. Spencer can’t hide the anguish there, and Brendon’s mouth turns down at the corners.
“Oh,” he says. “Oh no no no.”
He takes Spencer’s hands and squeezes them. “I mean you,” he says. “I don’t love Ryan! I’m perfectly capable of separating fiction from reality, thank you very much. although if I hadn’t realised that you couldn’t, I would never have been brave enough to hope there was a chance you’d say it back. But I love you Spencer, you idiot.”
Spencer stares at him until Brendon sighs and kisses him. It’s soft and tender and sweet and not like Spencer had imagined Brendon would kiss him, if he ever did.
“Our first kiss,” Brendon says, and Spencer smiles.
“So you don’t-“
“Ryan?” Brendon asks, and laughs. “Yeah, our carefully choreographed stage gay was a clever ruse of mine to get into his pants, dontcha know.”
Spencer raises an eyebrow.
“Okay, fine, if I had wanted to get into Ryan’s pants, I totally would have choreographed even more stage gay. I’d have done it with you if you weren’t shielded from me with your fucking drums. But no, I’m not in love with Ryan, and I have no intention of having matching cold sores with him or anything.”
“Oh,” Spencer says, and Brendon kisses him again, before leaning back. “Good,” he says and Brendon grins and keeps hold of Spencer’s hand.
“You’re not the lukewarm water, Spencer,” Brendon tells him. “You’re the ice that quenches me.”
Spencer leans in and presses his mouth to Brendon’s, feeling Brendon’s lips hot and welcoming against his own.
“Let’s watch the rest,” he says, hitting play, grinning when Brendon starts singing along with Nigel’s “looooove puuuuuuump”.
When the movie finishes, Brendon presses Spencer into the bunk and kisses him senseless, grinding their hips together until Spencer gasps his name against Brendon’s sweat-sheened skin.
The next morning, when he’s pouring Cheerios into a bowl, Brendon walks in, a big grin on his face, and steals Spencer’s cereal, just like he does every morning, grabbing his own spoon and eating from the same bowl. Spencer’s humming to himself, and it’s only when Brendon’s grin gets even wider and he winks at him that Spencer realises he’s humming ‘Big Bottom’.
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer, mentions of Ryan/Keltie and David/Nigel (Spinal Tap)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not real. Didn’t happen. I don’t own Panic, nor Spinal Tap.
Summary: “Nigel and David are so meant to be,” Brendon remarks one day when they’re watching Tap for approximately the 5348534634 millionth time.
A/N: Written for, and betaed by the lovely mintyfiend. Contains a ridiculous amount of Spinal Tap references because that’s just how I roll.
“Nigel and David are so meant to be,” Brendon remarks one day when they’re watching Tap for approximately the 5348534634 millionth time.
“Nuh uh,” Spencer says, more to bait Brendon than because he really gives a fuck. He’s kind of over the movie, only watches it because Brendon wants to watch it, and he can’t seem to help wanting to do whatever makes Brendon happy. There’s something about the movie that unnerves him a bit- he suspects it’s the disposable nature of their drummers, not so much that they die, but that they’re remembered in that faintly nostalgic way and how the band carries on perfectly fine without them.
Jon seems to be uncomfortable about the movie for probably the same reason, and with perhaps much more justification. Generally, he stays in the back lounge when Brendon’s watching it, and Ryan has started keeping him company more and more of late, which Spencer thinks is nice and so terribly selfless of him.
“Seriously,” Brendon says, nudging Spencer and pointing to the screen. “Look at them and tell me they’re not made for each other! And all the evidence supports it- the way they play to each other on stage, the jealousy Nigel gets around Janine, how David misses Nigel so much when he’s not there but can’t express his emotions so he can’t say what he really feels. They’re a partnership- they write together, they have this bond and you can’t deny it! And you know that after the documentary, David left Janine and told Nigel how much he loved him and they lived happily ever after.”
“Don’t be silly,” Spencer says. “He’s never going to leave Keltie. He loves her, not Nigel.”
Brendon goes very still, and it’s only then that Spencer realises what he’s said.
“Wow,” he says, forcing a laugh. “What is up with my brain tonight? I can’t even get people’s names right anymore. What’s her name? Janine. Yeah, right. That’s who I meant.”
Brendon pauses the DVD. At any other moment, Spencer would have looked at Brendon in mock horror and asked if he was feeling okay, because Brendon is the type of guy who, once he’s started a movie, won’t stop it for anything, not even if the horsemen of the apocalypse were knocking at the door.
“Spence,” Brendon says slowly. “Why did you say ‘Keltie’?”
Spencer shrugs. “Overtired I guess. I must’ve spotted something that reminded me of her. I don’t know.”
“Spencer,” Brendon says again, carefully, as if he’s unsure what to say, and Spencer doesn’t blame him.
“It was a mistake,” Spencer insists and turns to look at him.
Brendon shakes his head. “No, you meant to say it. Freudian slip or whatever. You think Keltie is Janine.”
“No!” Spencer says truthfully. “Janine’s a manipulative bitch who’s going to ruin the band. Keltie is…fuck, Keltie is amazing and wonderful and she makes Ryan happier than I’ve ever seen him in our entire lives. I love her to bits.”
Brendon shakes his head. “I know, I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean, you see Ryan as David, don’t you? And you see me as Nigel?”
Spencer doesn’t say anything and Brendon perseveres.
“And I’ve been sitting here saying how I think Nigel and David are in love with each other and should be together. And you’re probably thinking that it’s my subtle way of telling you I’m in love with Ryan and that if Keltie wasn’t in the picture, Ryan would realise he’s in love with me.”
Spencer hadn’t thought about it too much, hadn’t let himself, but Brendon’s words make it seem real. He’d known it all along, hadn’t been able to admit the thought had terrified him and now…
“I think you should tell him how you feel,” Spencer says, hating himself for the fact that he loved Brendon so much he wanted to see him happy, even if it was with his best friend and not himself.
Brendon nodded. “I think that’s a good plan,” he says. “I’m in love with you.”
He looks at Spencer expectantly.
Spencer’s heart aches, more than it’s ever done before, because he’d kill to have Brendon look at him like that and say those words, and it’s torture to expect him to respond but Brendon is looking at him hopefully so Spencer opens his mouth and manages to choke out “Ye-yeah, I think that’d work.”
Brendon frowns. “No,” he says. “I’m in love with you. I love you.”
Spencer doesn’t understand why Brendon keeps repeating it, as if he knows how much it’s hurting Spencer and wants to twist the knife a bit more.
“Ryan- I don’t know what he’ll say, he never talks to me about that sort of stuff, not anymore, but if you go to him and say it like that, I don’t know how he’ll be able to resist.”
Brendon laughs, slapping at his thigh and then stops abruptly when he sees Spencer’s face. Spencer can’t hide the anguish there, and Brendon’s mouth turns down at the corners.
“Oh,” he says. “Oh no no no.”
He takes Spencer’s hands and squeezes them. “I mean you,” he says. “I don’t love Ryan! I’m perfectly capable of separating fiction from reality, thank you very much. although if I hadn’t realised that you couldn’t, I would never have been brave enough to hope there was a chance you’d say it back. But I love you Spencer, you idiot.”
Spencer stares at him until Brendon sighs and kisses him. It’s soft and tender and sweet and not like Spencer had imagined Brendon would kiss him, if he ever did.
“Our first kiss,” Brendon says, and Spencer smiles.
“So you don’t-“
“Ryan?” Brendon asks, and laughs. “Yeah, our carefully choreographed stage gay was a clever ruse of mine to get into his pants, dontcha know.”
Spencer raises an eyebrow.
“Okay, fine, if I had wanted to get into Ryan’s pants, I totally would have choreographed even more stage gay. I’d have done it with you if you weren’t shielded from me with your fucking drums. But no, I’m not in love with Ryan, and I have no intention of having matching cold sores with him or anything.”
“Oh,” Spencer says, and Brendon kisses him again, before leaning back. “Good,” he says and Brendon grins and keeps hold of Spencer’s hand.
“You’re not the lukewarm water, Spencer,” Brendon tells him. “You’re the ice that quenches me.”
Spencer leans in and presses his mouth to Brendon’s, feeling Brendon’s lips hot and welcoming against his own.
“Let’s watch the rest,” he says, hitting play, grinning when Brendon starts singing along with Nigel’s “looooove puuuuuuump”.
When the movie finishes, Brendon presses Spencer into the bunk and kisses him senseless, grinding their hips together until Spencer gasps his name against Brendon’s sweat-sheened skin.
The next morning, when he’s pouring Cheerios into a bowl, Brendon walks in, a big grin on his face, and steals Spencer’s cereal, just like he does every morning, grabbing his own spoon and eating from the same bowl. Spencer’s humming to himself, and it’s only when Brendon’s grin gets even wider and he winks at him that Spencer realises he’s humming ‘Big Bottom’.