(Untitled)

[bluenotes]

The more I try to help my mother, the more helpless she becomes

Comments

[drunkierummy]

You're a good, decent person. You've every right to be pissed off, disappointed and even disgusted with the situation. But still, you've got my fullest admiration.

This goodness will come back to you one day, repaid. I honestly believe that.

Re:

[bluenotes]

Thanks...I'm not really in it for the admiration though. I just wish that we could break this ridiculous, vicious circle.

Re:

[drunkierummy]

I do understand, quite a lot in fact.

[drunkierummy]

Of course- and I'd forgotten to add this and this was a crucial bit of business- you've no obligation to her. You help her for you, not for her. You buy your own peace of mind, not hers. You've no obligation here to anyone but yourself.

I'm no professional, I don't know what is the "right" thing to do, as far as "helping" your mother. But I do know that you can't beat yourself up for doing what is inarguably a good thing.

[psychedsunshine]

first of all let me second that. well said. you are good because of your caring nature. nobody can demand goodness out of u.

Re:

[bluenotes]

No, I really think I do have an obligation to make sure my mother is not staying in a homeless shelter and can live out her old age with some shred of dignity. She raised me even though it was "inconvenient." I can't just turn my back on her.

Re:

[bluenotes]

I have to disagree. I believe that I do have an obligation to help her. She's not just anyone, she's my mother!

[quixotic_gal]

that sounds so hard!!! i'm sorry you have to be the adult/the mom in your relationship. hope she gets her act together so she can be a supportive person for you. (at least emotionally, you know)

hope you feel better....

Re:

[bluenotes]

Thanks...she's never been capable of being emotionally supportive...she's more like an emotional black hole.

[devilettenyc]

I never woulda thought you had any roomies....

Re:

[bluenotes]

Huh? Why not?

[devilettenyc]

dunno, I guess I thought you were young urban professional or something. Didn't seem like you were the roomie type. And I never hear you mention them I guess....

[bluenotes]

Well, I am indeed young, urban, and professional, but unfortunately too poor to have my own apartment...thanks to debt and a mom-child. I must say, though, I do like my house and my roomies...nice folks!

[psychedsunshine]

this time your name repels me. why such a profane word? well gives your state of mind. you must be very mad at your mom.

this world thrives on someone else's guilt trips. are you allowing yourself to be guilty everytime and so help your mom?

if your mom is perfectly capable of working i think your "help" is not going to help her improve. you must let her be on her own. let her fend for herself and she will be ok after a major fall.
all people need that once in their life.

just love her all the same and not support her please. i hate the guilt trips and the things done because of it. be strong and not give way to your mom.
good luck.

Re:

[bluenotes]

But letting her take a fall never teaches her any lesson. She's been falling all her life.

Please don't take the name too literally! ;-)

[psychedsunshine]

ok if you think you have the obligation to support her then without any second thought you support her. but you know what supporting her always would make her an invalid.
i am sure you wouldn't want her to be an invalid.

maybe if she has worked very hard to raise you, like you said, then she feels that its your duty to reciprocate now that she is tired. why don't you tell her its NOT your duty to support her and keep finding her a job. and also keep supporting her.

you can't help doing this. but tell her that you are financially strained youself so she should not expect a support very often as your resources are depleting faster (even if they are not, tell her that ;))

[whiteash]

yeeks don't use that word -- invalid -- i'm trying to eradicate it from the english language!!