Sometimes I wonder if I'm as selfish I feel Edgar is. I love him, I really do, but sometimes he just feels so selfish and then I feel so alone. I probably am just as selfish, but selfishly I look at him and get angry when he's selfish. I don't even know if that makes sense ( Read more... )

So I guess I've started to go into survival mode, thinking about the least amount of money that I can spend every month and how I can have my paychecks strech. It's really something I should have been doing all along, not spending fruitlessly and saving everything I didn't need to stay alive. I guess I think I'm rich or something. I hope one day I ( Read more... )

When I scoffed at my gradmother for giving an overly generous tip at lunch she always said that we needed to be a blessing to others. So, I try as often as possible to be a blessing to others when I tip, after all, most of waiters and bartenders income is in the form of tips ( Read more... )

I broke down today at work. That desk is so suffocating, one way in, one way out and 5 blockades between me and the door. Edgar doesn't understand. All I needed was to sit down for a little while today. Instead, I went home. His selfishness is more than I can handle. Everything is about him. He can't look past himself to see me. Every day is more ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I've really wrote anything down. My general manager, whom I feel like I have a love/hate relationship encouraged me to start journaling again. Of course the first thing that comes out of my mind is work. Work all the time. I dream about work. I have so much anxiety about work. Now I think that everyone is out to get me, ( Read more... )

So the last days are nearing of college. It's been almost a year since I last wrote, how sad. I'm excited college is ending, but I'm so nervous about graduating and not having a job to fall nicely into. Yikes ( Read more... )

For some reason this day has been...a nightmare. It was the most beautiful day, I got to see Tierney and Kira and then I had lunch with Katie on the Hub lawn. The sun was out and I should have been happy ( Read more... )

So a lot has happened since my last post. Edgar and I got back together. Yeah yeah, I know. I've heard every argument against it. I'm not promising any thing. I know things might just end up the same way...but I love him, he loves me and we're going to give it one more try ( Read more... )

I hate him, and by hate, I mean love and that's what I hate. I hate that I can't get this feeling out of my heart. I hate that I can't stop dreaming about him. I hate that he just won't leave me alone and let me get over him. I hate that even we both know it won't work and even though he's said he still has the same feelings for me, he's strong ( Read more... )

I was rereading some of my past posts. I went through the begining...the breakup...a new begining and one hell of a rollercoaster. The part that struck me the most...when I decided to take Edgar back the first time we broke up I vowed to myself that I would only give it one more chance. I was so dead set on it because of all the pain he caused me ( Read more... )