Assessment: 6-1-2010
Good: Band doing incredibly well the past month. Awards, Fantastic festival appearance at Sunbanks, good gig in new venue, new venues booked. Incredibly good place to be with band.
I have more than one group of varied friends, all amazing in one way or another.
Which is why most of the other stuff has put me in such a depression.
I had to drop spring classes to look for regular, structured day work. This began in March.
I had one opportunity that I jumped through a lot of hoops for, spent countless hours worrying and/or waiting over. And they offered me the job... at a shift that demands all my band activities cease. I told them That was unacceptable. They pushed out my start date to July 12th, hoping that *Big Search* will follow through on their plan to move both shifts to an 8 to 5. Got a call saying that *Big Search* wants everybody in there quicker, but there are six people in the same boat as I am schedule-wise. Temp agency is going to try everything to fit us in somewhere, big meeting, call next Tues. Called today, (Tues) no reply.
I also have a recruiter for a different Temp agency that's incredibly hot on getting me a test lead position. This is a full time employment position with the temp agency for a new studio for *Megacorp GameDev*, with salary and benefits. Really focusing on me because current game project is music based. Phone interview tomorrow, need someone ASAP. The Problem: job is in Portland. I might be able to keep weekend band gigs I've booked, but for a band that rehearses weekly, this would just be life support. I can't imagine how I could make a weeknight like the Oxford work.
Not to mention the friends I have here.
All of the resumes I've sent out to more realistic jobs that I really wanted, no replies.
Why would I consider Portland at all? The money situation is just that bad, I'm embarrassed to say. I took the last of what I think I could get a loan for down to the pawn shop today to just squeak by my rent check. I did have one of my band members offer to help, and I may still need it, but I do have some gigs this weekend. I haven;t called out for a general request for help, out of embarrassment; fairly recently I was complaining about my situation and a friend pressed a check for $1000 into my hand. Now here's a thing, the last time I got into this kind of trouble, my friends gave me "gifts" and I still paid back... or gave an equal gift back depending on how you look at it... and at the time I though I'd be working again and offering a return to those folks. Hard to explain, it's just a way I'm wired, I want to pay back and pay forward. But I've been struggling and keeping my mouth shut.
Now another bit of embarrassment is that I'm just not getting stuff done on my own, and it's very possibly a mental health thing that gets worse the more behind I am on something or.. I don't know, but one of those things I could be doing is another gift from friends. There is some testing work that I can do at home for some friends, for a project that does some real good in the world. And while it's not intended to be full time work, and things fluctuate, sometimes there is a lot of work to be done and it pays vey decently. And sometimes I can get that done. And sometimes I can't, and I feel all the more horrible about it because these are good friends that are sending me this work.
Plus, there are all the things that I should be doing to advance my music (like just writing a friken song or two, booking, posters, website, cards) and there are things that I should do and practice regularly if I have hope to do animation (what kind of animator doesn't draw daily?) . I did happen to have a massive cleanig fit that got rid of a huge amount of things that I don't need... Which is a big deal if you 've seen how much clutter I tolerate, and how much I packrat, I'm still working, but I did do a lot.
But I do practice. For whatever reason, I can motivate myself to do that no matter my mood or stress level. At the end of the day, all I really wanted, or really feel I'm gifted at, is playing music and entertaining people. That doesn;t excuse me from doing the rest of the things I need to be a social human in a civilized society.
I guess I'm freaking out, only seeing a lifeline for my current problems being a step back in my dreams. There are a lot of other problems that I can identify in myself, but I can't seem to fix despite a whole lot of effort.
Here are my skills: Music
Hands on Software testing (no scripting experience): Predominantly games and educational software, and I tend to get lost in more heady stuff.
Graphics and Animation (lacking real portfolio and reel)
Some computer operation skills (avereage)
Some computer assembly and repair skills (minimal)
Sorry for the whole late night emotional baggage, I'm just hoping for some advice.
I have more than one group of varied friends, all amazing in one way or another.
Which is why most of the other stuff has put me in such a depression.
I had to drop spring classes to look for regular, structured day work. This began in March.
I had one opportunity that I jumped through a lot of hoops for, spent countless hours worrying and/or waiting over. And they offered me the job... at a shift that demands all my band activities cease. I told them That was unacceptable. They pushed out my start date to July 12th, hoping that *Big Search* will follow through on their plan to move both shifts to an 8 to 5. Got a call saying that *Big Search* wants everybody in there quicker, but there are six people in the same boat as I am schedule-wise. Temp agency is going to try everything to fit us in somewhere, big meeting, call next Tues. Called today, (Tues) no reply.
I also have a recruiter for a different Temp agency that's incredibly hot on getting me a test lead position. This is a full time employment position with the temp agency for a new studio for *Megacorp GameDev*, with salary and benefits. Really focusing on me because current game project is music based. Phone interview tomorrow, need someone ASAP. The Problem: job is in Portland. I might be able to keep weekend band gigs I've booked, but for a band that rehearses weekly, this would just be life support. I can't imagine how I could make a weeknight like the Oxford work.
Not to mention the friends I have here.
All of the resumes I've sent out to more realistic jobs that I really wanted, no replies.
Why would I consider Portland at all? The money situation is just that bad, I'm embarrassed to say. I took the last of what I think I could get a loan for down to the pawn shop today to just squeak by my rent check. I did have one of my band members offer to help, and I may still need it, but I do have some gigs this weekend. I haven;t called out for a general request for help, out of embarrassment; fairly recently I was complaining about my situation and a friend pressed a check for $1000 into my hand. Now here's a thing, the last time I got into this kind of trouble, my friends gave me "gifts" and I still paid back... or gave an equal gift back depending on how you look at it... and at the time I though I'd be working again and offering a return to those folks. Hard to explain, it's just a way I'm wired, I want to pay back and pay forward. But I've been struggling and keeping my mouth shut.
Now another bit of embarrassment is that I'm just not getting stuff done on my own, and it's very possibly a mental health thing that gets worse the more behind I am on something or.. I don't know, but one of those things I could be doing is another gift from friends. There is some testing work that I can do at home for some friends, for a project that does some real good in the world. And while it's not intended to be full time work, and things fluctuate, sometimes there is a lot of work to be done and it pays vey decently. And sometimes I can get that done. And sometimes I can't, and I feel all the more horrible about it because these are good friends that are sending me this work.
Plus, there are all the things that I should be doing to advance my music (like just writing a friken song or two, booking, posters, website, cards) and there are things that I should do and practice regularly if I have hope to do animation (what kind of animator doesn't draw daily?) . I did happen to have a massive cleanig fit that got rid of a huge amount of things that I don't need... Which is a big deal if you 've seen how much clutter I tolerate, and how much I packrat, I'm still working, but I did do a lot.
But I do practice. For whatever reason, I can motivate myself to do that no matter my mood or stress level. At the end of the day, all I really wanted, or really feel I'm gifted at, is playing music and entertaining people. That doesn;t excuse me from doing the rest of the things I need to be a social human in a civilized society.
I guess I'm freaking out, only seeing a lifeline for my current problems being a step back in my dreams. There are a lot of other problems that I can identify in myself, but I can't seem to fix despite a whole lot of effort.
Here are my skills: Music
Hands on Software testing (no scripting experience): Predominantly games and educational software, and I tend to get lost in more heady stuff.
Graphics and Animation (lacking real portfolio and reel)
Some computer operation skills (avereage)
Some computer assembly and repair skills (minimal)
Sorry for the whole late night emotional baggage, I'm just hoping for some advice.