Janis

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((this is another story. I think this one might be connected to the other but i dont know just yet. though i do like how it is turning out. next is fred hehehe i like that focker he's crazy

Comments

[objectsubject]

I like this one better than the last one.

oh, and if you haven't already, check out IAMX. *nods*

i will

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a lot of people like this one more. mostly women it seems too. why do you think this one is better? and i will check it out when i can. still no home line for me

[objectsubject]

ok, for starters, the pace is better.
there are far fewer grammatical errors and better use of details. it feels less stiff, less confined...better regulation of narrative progression. it also feels less like you creating a caricature of yourself, more like you've created something new.
she's familiar (lol) but not so familiar as to see a perfect reflection of someone already known. I would venture say, in my personal opinion, this is the best piece I've read from you...take that however you wish.

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i will take it as a compliment. actually the comments on both pieces are both compliments. the other piece was meant to be to be stiffer. it was meant to be read as a relfection of thomas' mind. something old something new.

It's just Jen

[anonymous]

That was pretty good. I still think you're entirely too unhappy and it shows through when you write, but you still write amazingly well. How have you been doing anyway? Things are good here. Give me a call sometime... sometime when I'm not working or at school.. then let me know when that time is :)

Re: It's just Jen

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well i saw you in school and you didnt say hi. i was about to but you seemed eager not to make eye contact with me. so you will forgive me if i dont run to the phone right away. and i no longer seek happiness but contentment at the very least. at least in the pursuit of contentment i find some on my own while happiness is as illusive as a unicorn in a blizzard.