Positive and Procrastination
I got up this morning and had a hard time getting the cobwebs out of my head.
This 2 days awake then 1 night of sleep isn’t good for me. I’m definitely going to discuss my insomnia with my GP in April when I go for my 3 month checkup. BUT I’m also going to get a referral for a new GP. Since my old dr moved to Colorado, I’ve not been happy with this new one. And I think it’s time... I’m going to get a referral for a therapist. Too much heavy painful stuff these past years that I think I need to still work on sorting through. I want to be the Best me I can be. I’ve been doing major work on my physical. Now I need to work on my emotional and mental.
So when I woke up my big plan was to hit the laptop running. I had my coffee, even though I wanted to sleep more. But my body kept waking me up so I quit fighting it and got up to start my day. The coffee definitely helped with the cobwebs. Even though it took Hours of tossing and turning to fall asleep last night, I’m glad I skipped using Xanax to help sleep. If I was this foggy headed this morning without it, I can imagine how bad it’d have been With it. So after coffee and a chat, time to get busy job hunting. I did a few loads of laundry. I did dishes. I vacuumed the apt, made the bed, and dusted the bedroom. I did the cat box and took the trash to the curb. I washed a few knick knacks. Aired out the apartment since it was a fairly warm day, and smudged the entire apartment. I talked with Nicki a bit on the phone, and listened to the first chapter on a self help book she recommended called “Stop Feeling Like Shit”. (Haha cute title, but it’s pretty good so far). I fried up some pork chops in MCT oil and used my almond flour to coat them (keto friendly). Put on my make up to make myself feel nice looking... along with my pretty jewelry. Felt good about being productive.
But did I do my job hunting? No. Haha and I know myself well enough... I was so productive doing everything else, so I could feel good about those things and try to not feel badly about not job hunting. It was enough. I did enough that I don’t feel TOO badly about not job hunting. I even laid down for an hour to try to nap because I was feeling tired, but it was that same fitful half awake “twilight sleep” that doesn’t make me feel rested. More uneasy than anything. I think I’m going to start going back to the gym. It’s the next step in my “take care of me” aka “get my shit together” campaign.
The human will is pretty fkn awesome! The things that can be accomplished if true will power is applied. 96 lbs down is no joke. Nor are the rest of the things I need to focus on. I’m done “eatin’ off the scraps of Long Shank’s table because I forgot my god given right to something better” (Braveheart).