The Bluth Yacht, Thursday evening
GOB received a phone call. It was actually the fifth one he received today, but he had been ignoring it. He finally broke down and picked up.
"This is GOB."
"GOB, it's Michael. Why didn't you pick up the first four times I called."
"Michael? Oh, Michael! Sorry, Michael, I thought it was someone else."
"No you didn't, you were avoiding my calls."
"Okay, fine. I was."
"Why?"
"Are you kidding? It's almost Thanksgiving. You're calling to get me to go back and spend time with the family."
"Nobody's calling to get you home for Thanksgiving!" a new voice called out.
"Dad?" GOB asked.
"We don't want you here for Thanksgiving," George Bluth, Sr. said.
"... Why not?" GOB asked.
"GOB, of course we want you here for Thanksgiving," Michael chimed in. "We're calling because--"
"Speak for yourself," George Sr said.
"Okay, I want you here for Thanksgiving, GOB. So does George Michael," Michael said.
"I don't want to come home for Thanksgiving anyway," GOB said just to spite his father, completely forgetting that he was trying to avoid going back home for Thanksgiving in the first place.
"That's fine, too," Michael said. "But that's not why we're calling."
"Fine, don't come home to your family for Thanksgiving if you don't want to!" George Sr said, clearly hurt by GOB saying that he didn't want to come home - which GOB didn't - just because George Sr told him not to come home - which George Sr didn't want him to anyway.
"Maybe I won't!" GOB declared, making the whole thing even sillier.
"Fine!" George Sr said.
"Fine!" GOB said.
Michael's face falling into his palms was audible. "I called because you were subpoenaed for Mother's trial and you didn't get in contact with anyone."
"I didn't get a subpoena," GOB said. He did. It was in a pile of unopened mail that he drunkenly threw overboard on Sunday because he thought it would make the yacht lighter and able to fly. This was just before he passed out, which was right before he woke up from nightmares about zombie fornication and managed to physically get to his bed before passing out for the final time that night.
"Yes, you did," Michael said. "Her trial starts next week, you're needed as a witness. You need to come down here."
"What if I refuse?" GOB asked.
"Then you're not welcome home for Thanksgiving!" George Sr threatened, forgetting the earlier conversation for the sake of the threat.
"Well maybe I don't want to come home for Thanksgiving!" GOB declared.
"As long as you're here for next week, it's up to you what you do for Thanksgiving," Michael stated. "Dad, give me back my cell phone so I can turn off the speaker phone already."
"No," George Sr said.
"Dad. Give it back," Michael said.
"Fine. We'll see if I invite you to Thanksgiving," George Sr said.
"Thanksgiving dinner is taking place at the model home. It's my house," Michael said.
"Fine," George Sr said.
"Okay, GOB, he's off the speaker phone," Michael said.
"Why don't you want to come home?" George Sr yelled in the background.
"And now I'm going outside to finish this call," Michael said.
"So Mother's trial is next week?" GOB asked.
"Yeah. You need to be here," Michael said.
"I can fly out tomorrow," GOB said. "Just don't expect me to stay for Thanksgiving."
"I don't."
"What, you don't want me to stay for Thanksgiving?"
"No, that's not what I--"
"I have a hooker girlfriend who will be more than happy to have a feast of me for Thanksgiving."
"I hope you meant 'feast with you.'"
"Sure. Whatever."
"How is she anyway?"
"She got injured by a ghost."
"I don't know what that's supposed to mean."
"It means that you're not invited to Thanksgiving dinner."
"I thank God for that."
"I'll be there tomorrow."
"See you then, GOB."
GOB packed, ordered last minute plane tickets, arranged for people to cover his nights at the bar, and completely forgot to let anyone else know where he'd be for the next week.
"This is GOB."
"GOB, it's Michael. Why didn't you pick up the first four times I called."
"Michael? Oh, Michael! Sorry, Michael, I thought it was someone else."
"No you didn't, you were avoiding my calls."
"Okay, fine. I was."
"Why?"
"Are you kidding? It's almost Thanksgiving. You're calling to get me to go back and spend time with the family."
"Nobody's calling to get you home for Thanksgiving!" a new voice called out.
"Dad?" GOB asked.
"We don't want you here for Thanksgiving," George Bluth, Sr. said.
"... Why not?" GOB asked.
"GOB, of course we want you here for Thanksgiving," Michael chimed in. "We're calling because--"
"Speak for yourself," George Sr said.
"Okay, I want you here for Thanksgiving, GOB. So does George Michael," Michael said.
"I don't want to come home for Thanksgiving anyway," GOB said just to spite his father, completely forgetting that he was trying to avoid going back home for Thanksgiving in the first place.
"That's fine, too," Michael said. "But that's not why we're calling."
"Fine, don't come home to your family for Thanksgiving if you don't want to!" George Sr said, clearly hurt by GOB saying that he didn't want to come home - which GOB didn't - just because George Sr told him not to come home - which George Sr didn't want him to anyway.
"Maybe I won't!" GOB declared, making the whole thing even sillier.
"Fine!" George Sr said.
"Fine!" GOB said.
Michael's face falling into his palms was audible. "I called because you were subpoenaed for Mother's trial and you didn't get in contact with anyone."
"I didn't get a subpoena," GOB said. He did. It was in a pile of unopened mail that he drunkenly threw overboard on Sunday because he thought it would make the yacht lighter and able to fly. This was just before he passed out, which was right before he woke up from nightmares about zombie fornication and managed to physically get to his bed before passing out for the final time that night.
"Yes, you did," Michael said. "Her trial starts next week, you're needed as a witness. You need to come down here."
"What if I refuse?" GOB asked.
"Then you're not welcome home for Thanksgiving!" George Sr threatened, forgetting the earlier conversation for the sake of the threat.
"Well maybe I don't want to come home for Thanksgiving!" GOB declared.
"As long as you're here for next week, it's up to you what you do for Thanksgiving," Michael stated. "Dad, give me back my cell phone so I can turn off the speaker phone already."
"No," George Sr said.
"Dad. Give it back," Michael said.
"Fine. We'll see if I invite you to Thanksgiving," George Sr said.
"Thanksgiving dinner is taking place at the model home. It's my house," Michael said.
"Fine," George Sr said.
"Okay, GOB, he's off the speaker phone," Michael said.
"Why don't you want to come home?" George Sr yelled in the background.
"And now I'm going outside to finish this call," Michael said.
"So Mother's trial is next week?" GOB asked.
"Yeah. You need to be here," Michael said.
"I can fly out tomorrow," GOB said. "Just don't expect me to stay for Thanksgiving."
"I don't."
"What, you don't want me to stay for Thanksgiving?"
"No, that's not what I--"
"I have a hooker girlfriend who will be more than happy to have a feast of me for Thanksgiving."
"I hope you meant 'feast with you.'"
"Sure. Whatever."
"How is she anyway?"
"She got injured by a ghost."
"I don't know what that's supposed to mean."
"It means that you're not invited to Thanksgiving dinner."
"I thank God for that."
"I'll be there tomorrow."
"See you then, GOB."
GOB packed, ordered last minute plane tickets, arranged for people to cover his nights at the bar, and completely forgot to let anyone else know where he'd be for the next week.