"The Show Must Go On" ch 22 & Review responses for ch 21 (and more)
Kuja being "mean" - "Kuja is being a meanie! Zidane worked hard to rescue him, and now he's working hard to earn his forgiveness. :("
Zidane's been taking care of Kuja, but Kuja doesn't yet realize that. He wakes up convinced that he's either dead or supposed to be dead. So I think he can be forgiven for being a little snappish and confused. Certainly Zidane doesn't seem to be holding Kuja's attitude against him this time... he's probably so relieved to see him awake that nothing else matters.
Baby Zidane - "I enjoy the "childrearing" bit, I love it when write scenes of Kuja taking care of baby Zidane! So cute~! XD"
Glad you liked the baby Zidane dream. I like the idea that Kuja was clumsily trying his best to take care of Zidane, and now it's Zidane's turn to return the favor.
Love confession - "I probably would've saved the "I love you" bit for when I was sure I had the trust again, had I been in that situation, but hey, this is Zidane we're talking about...
And yeah, I think that reaction of Kuja is both justified and logical. Poor guy..."
Yeah, Zidane was so eager to tell Kuja how he felt, he didn't think about timing. Also, "I think I love you" - you THINK? Not even sure yet Zidane? : D
And I'm glad someone thought Kuja's reaction was justified - for a while there I wondered if I just worded it all poorly. But given everything Kuja's been through, Zidane's probably pretty thrilled that Kuja hasn't gotten up and walked out on him (nevermind the fact that he can't...)
Crying - "I'm glad to see Kuja regain his senses, and I found the crying perfectly justified. It hardly made him look like a "crybaby".
Kuja strikes me as the type who could really cry in the ugliest sort of way if he was driven to it, but that hadn't been part of my original plan in that particular scene. But once I started working on it, I just couldn't see him keeping his composure with his confusion and with everything he'd gone through.
* * *
The following came from a review of multiple chapters up to and including ch 21.
Garnet and the trial - "I liked the way the trial went; how Kuja played cool and could still seem somewhat intimidating, even in his pitiful state, and how Garnet lost her composure for a moment. Though I was a little worried that with Kuja being so insistent on his own execution, she would sentence him to a lifelong imprisonment in total isolation, because that would've been an even worse punishment for him. Yet, fortunately, the girl was
quite mature and reasonable, enough to realize that no matter what game Kuja was playing with her (if any) threats like him needed to be eliminated once and for all. I'm glad you wrote her that way, and no, she didn't seem one bit cruel to me - she was even willing to fulfill Kuja's dying wish, regardless of the fact that he was the person who murdered her mother, among many other things."
It was really important to me that Dagger not come across as being a "vengeful bitch" though I wouldn't blame her if her all she thought about was revenge. I wanted to show that she had matured enough to be a good ruler; her main concern above all was keeping her kingdom safe and also providing some note of closure for the citizens who'd been affected by Kuja's campaign.
Beatrix vs Zidane - "you did well on solving a potential problem by avoiding a fight between Zidane and Beatrix (the problem being: who should win?)."
If Zidane and Beatrix had fought... it's hard to say who would've won. If this had been a younger Zidane, Beatrix would've won easily, but after all they've been through, and with the idea that Zidane was designed to become more powerful as he matured, it's hard to say if either one would be an obvious winner at this point. I think in the end Zidane's desperation to escape might've been enough to give him an edge, but then again if Beatrix wanted to win at all costs then all she'd have to do would be to switch targets...
Very convenient town - "The next round of events seemed a little farfetched to me, though. Nothing too major, but still: Zidane finding a perfect safe haven without too much difficulty was awfully convenient. First the empty house in perfect condition (with running hot water and whatnot), together with a job he can actually do, then the townspeople deciding that they don't mind harboring an infamous criminal, let alone need a huge pile of shiny gil... Oh, well. The plot may still surprise me, and at least you lampshaded the events a little, by pointing out the fact that the protagonist himself is surprised with his luck. And I guess I shouldn't complain much, anyway, because as much as I like reading about various hardships, these two guys deserve a break, at last. And I'm here mostly for the psychological stuff, the relationship and the drama.
Nil is my "town of incredible coincidence." I don't mind admitting that. Every video game has to have one : ) There's actually a bit of explanation as to why the town is what it is (the town's name is a bit of a clue) but that won't come up until far later, and even then... well, it's still the town of incredible coincidence. I mean the baker looks a little like Dagger and there's every stereotype of townspeople in there : )
* * *
Didn't mean to delay this chapter, but real life got in the way : p So it goes...
Latest chapter: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8057142/23/
Zidane's been taking care of Kuja, but Kuja doesn't yet realize that. He wakes up convinced that he's either dead or supposed to be dead. So I think he can be forgiven for being a little snappish and confused. Certainly Zidane doesn't seem to be holding Kuja's attitude against him this time... he's probably so relieved to see him awake that nothing else matters.
Baby Zidane - "I enjoy the "childrearing" bit, I love it when write scenes of Kuja taking care of baby Zidane! So cute~! XD"
Glad you liked the baby Zidane dream. I like the idea that Kuja was clumsily trying his best to take care of Zidane, and now it's Zidane's turn to return the favor.
Love confession - "I probably would've saved the "I love you" bit for when I was sure I had the trust again, had I been in that situation, but hey, this is Zidane we're talking about...
And yeah, I think that reaction of Kuja is both justified and logical. Poor guy..."
Yeah, Zidane was so eager to tell Kuja how he felt, he didn't think about timing. Also, "I think I love you" - you THINK? Not even sure yet Zidane? : D
And I'm glad someone thought Kuja's reaction was justified - for a while there I wondered if I just worded it all poorly. But given everything Kuja's been through, Zidane's probably pretty thrilled that Kuja hasn't gotten up and walked out on him (nevermind the fact that he can't...)
Crying - "I'm glad to see Kuja regain his senses, and I found the crying perfectly justified. It hardly made him look like a "crybaby".
Kuja strikes me as the type who could really cry in the ugliest sort of way if he was driven to it, but that hadn't been part of my original plan in that particular scene. But once I started working on it, I just couldn't see him keeping his composure with his confusion and with everything he'd gone through.
* * *
The following came from a review of multiple chapters up to and including ch 21.
Garnet and the trial - "I liked the way the trial went; how Kuja played cool and could still seem somewhat intimidating, even in his pitiful state, and how Garnet lost her composure for a moment. Though I was a little worried that with Kuja being so insistent on his own execution, she would sentence him to a lifelong imprisonment in total isolation, because that would've been an even worse punishment for him. Yet, fortunately, the girl was
quite mature and reasonable, enough to realize that no matter what game Kuja was playing with her (if any) threats like him needed to be eliminated once and for all. I'm glad you wrote her that way, and no, she didn't seem one bit cruel to me - she was even willing to fulfill Kuja's dying wish, regardless of the fact that he was the person who murdered her mother, among many other things."
It was really important to me that Dagger not come across as being a "vengeful bitch" though I wouldn't blame her if her all she thought about was revenge. I wanted to show that she had matured enough to be a good ruler; her main concern above all was keeping her kingdom safe and also providing some note of closure for the citizens who'd been affected by Kuja's campaign.
Beatrix vs Zidane - "you did well on solving a potential problem by avoiding a fight between Zidane and Beatrix (the problem being: who should win?)."
If Zidane and Beatrix had fought... it's hard to say who would've won. If this had been a younger Zidane, Beatrix would've won easily, but after all they've been through, and with the idea that Zidane was designed to become more powerful as he matured, it's hard to say if either one would be an obvious winner at this point. I think in the end Zidane's desperation to escape might've been enough to give him an edge, but then again if Beatrix wanted to win at all costs then all she'd have to do would be to switch targets...
Very convenient town - "The next round of events seemed a little farfetched to me, though. Nothing too major, but still: Zidane finding a perfect safe haven without too much difficulty was awfully convenient. First the empty house in perfect condition (with running hot water and whatnot), together with a job he can actually do, then the townspeople deciding that they don't mind harboring an infamous criminal, let alone need a huge pile of shiny gil... Oh, well. The plot may still surprise me, and at least you lampshaded the events a little, by pointing out the fact that the protagonist himself is surprised with his luck. And I guess I shouldn't complain much, anyway, because as much as I like reading about various hardships, these two guys deserve a break, at last. And I'm here mostly for the psychological stuff, the relationship and the drama.
Nil is my "town of incredible coincidence." I don't mind admitting that. Every video game has to have one : ) There's actually a bit of explanation as to why the town is what it is (the town's name is a bit of a clue) but that won't come up until far later, and even then... well, it's still the town of incredible coincidence. I mean the baker looks a little like Dagger and there's every stereotype of townspeople in there : )
* * *
Didn't mean to delay this chapter, but real life got in the way : p So it goes...
Latest chapter: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8057142/23/