The Barter Economy

[bob_tales]

Title:
Rating:
Word Count:
Prompt:
Character:The Barter Economy
PG-13
3397
still_grrr  154: Classic Literature (1900-1960 Edwardian to Modern Classics)
Drusilla

A/N: Inspired by Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. Thanks to snickfic for help with the Spanish language and angearia for the rapid-fire beta.
Disclaimers: Named characters (except Faramundo) are property of FOX and Mutant

Comments

[bob_tales]

First comment! Hurrah!

Thank you so much for your detailed reading. You've caught all the little half-truths in Dru's words. Poor Faramundo never knew he was her hostage until too late.

I've fixed the typo you mentioned; thank you for pointing it out!

[snickfic]

Yikes! I wasn't sure what to expect, but whatever it was, this vastly exceeded it. Truly a horror story in the old-fashioned sense - none of this post-modern parody. I second dragonyphoenix: there's great foreshadowing in this!

Yet I'm even more fascinated by what might become of Dru now. She's practically the only static recurring character in the Buffyverse, partly because of her insanity, and now she's free.

I think I need to go think about that some more.

(And: I'm honored to be associated with this, even in a small way!)

[bob_tales]

I'm so glad you liked it!

The horror elements sort of crept up on me - this was supposed to be a straightforward story of Drusilla going on her own quest (parallel to Spike getting his soul) to get what she desired: her sanity and hence her ability to take care of herself.

But she needed help getting into the rain forest. And then her guide said, "I'm thinking I should have a Tragic Flaw (TM). How about my naivete?" And then the Lunai'ur were like, "No offense, but we don't want to be type-cast as noble savages. Can you give us some good lines?"

And it all went downhill from there...

Yet I'm even more fascinated by what might become of Dru now.

I KNO RITE!?? All of the malice and none of the ADD. I'm scared just thinking about it.

Thanks so much for your help, and your awesome comments!

[angearia]

It still gives me chills. Love it.

[bob_tales]

Thanks for your help with it!

[rebcake]

There's too much to comment on. Too many parallels and double-reflections and loops and echoes to keep track of them all! Amazing job. And really frightening.

the few with vision were crippled with pain behind the eyes and died

The horrible fate in store for Farramundo, due to ignorance and man's ability to dehumanize man, makes the terrible inevitability of Dru's sight/madness the least of the crimes committed here. (Hates our species, sometimes.)

[bob_tales]

I'm glad you liked it. And were frightened ;)

the few with vision were crippled with pain behind the eyes and died

The horrible fate in store for Farramundo,

Ooh! I guess that's something I should have made clearer. Because Faramundo is part-Kuxtli demon, he's better able to withstand vision headaches than the human Lanai'ur (like Cordy could tolerate visions after becoming part demon). It's also his demon heritage that led the Lanai'ur see him as less than human.

Any suggestions on how I can emphasize this? Would describing him as "part-Kuxtli demon" in the first paragraph help?

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

[rebcake]

No, it's clear that he's going to die from the toxic smoke due to lung collapse, not the vision headaches. I sort of figured it was the smoke that gave the earlier seers cancer/stroke/whathaveyou, but the vision!pain is a cool loop back to canon, too. It is clear that he's half/part demon. I don't think you need to further clarify that.

his demon heritage that led the Lanai'ur see him as less than human

But see? That demonic element is what they need to carry on their tradition, and they plan to reintroduce it to the bloodline anyway, so why can't they make him a respected member of their society (a second coming of Lanai'ka)? But no, they have to degrade him and make his life a living hell. Why? Because people suck, and rarely share the slightest sliver of power. Disgusting, disturbing, and all too common.

[bobthemole]

Oh good. Glad I was clear when I wrote it!

That demonic element is what they need to carry on their tradition, and they plan to reintroduce it to the bloodline anyway, so why can't they make him a respected member of their society (a second coming of Lanai'ka)?

Dude. I never even thought of that. But that would've been way too optimistic, yeah? The Lanai'ur want him to be their tool, not their savior. Saviors don't get Stockholm syndrome, and it's harder to control them.

[duh_i_read]

Ok, I have been literally trying for days to think of more articulate feedback then just high-pitched squeeing.

I love this story. Drusilla bartering her sight away and poor Faramundo caught in the middle.

[bob_tales]

Hee! I'm flattered that you've been think about this story for so long! Thank you so much for commenting.