(Untitled)

[bobsfoot]

She struck me as odd                             swish-swish swish-swish

Kneeling there in the pouring rain

Her face was turned toward the sky, her blue skirt billowing about,

pouring onto the grass below...

Upon a second look I found myself,

staring at a squat man (a gardener to all appearences)                                         swish-swish

Comments

[bobsfoot]

the formatting didnt turn out right, use your imagination

[justinfinite]

wow.

when did you write that?

i really like it. i really really really like it. submit it to polyglot next year.

[bobsfoot]

I want to replace the word "gaping" Its basically supposed to say stare, but it sounds funny. Can you think of a better word?

Its called "What you seem"

[justinfinite]

gaping made sense to me... my thesaurus says that synonyms for "stare" are "gaze, gape, goggle, glare, ogle, peer, gawk." so yes. gape works.

[brokenrx]

do you know david sedaris? when he was little, he had a speech impediment, and tried to avoid 's' so his mother bought him a thesaurus, and thats how his vobaulary became so extensive.

anyways, my favorite line is "windsheild wipers propelled the car onward."
ps. motion city soundtrack = love