Half a smile, Half a frown
I got no sleep the night before last, all because of a thread on the main forum that I post on. You shouldn't be losing sleep over shit like that; concerned about how people you've never met-on the other side of the world think of you....but it does concern me....because i'm an over-sensitive lunatic and i'm bothered about what people think of me. But still....you shouldn't be losing sleep over shit like that.
And it doesn't end there....
Since my previous post here I decided to take a break from social networking, blogs, forums, etc. because I felt I was spending too much time on them and doing nothing productive....and so I stayed away from it all for almost a month.
I came back to find that i'd missed two of my friend's birthdays and a dozen messages waiting for me......well, it seems that some people truely do rely on facebook too much because for some reason i'm being made to feel like a bad person and it's not a nice feeling at all....
I apologised to my friends whose birthdays i'd missed and who'd sent me messages a few weeks ago, and what more could I do? ...I don't have a time machine. It seems that some people will only be satisfied if (for not using facebook for a few weeks) I commit seppuku....slice my stomach open and offer my bowels to them. I say this because one particular "friend" has taken it upon himself to lay a guilt trip on me and is now ignoring me completely. He may aswell punch me in the gut because that's how it feels inside.
I've been really happy and energetic recently, but this coupled with the forum thing....it's really doing it's best to get me down. I am trying my best to repell the feeling though, I know that I am a good person....and I know that my true friends know that.
But anyway, forgetting about the torments....
Japanese exam is coming up in less than 2 weeks!! ....and we're currently getting homework which is just way too hard for our level I think, there's a lot of kanji in our reading tests which aren't even in our syllabus...so I don't quite understand how they expect us to recognise them. Regardless, I am fairly confident about them....but I need some good luck!
I really need to get my ass in gear and do some more shirt designs, i've kinda slacked off a little and I haven't done any for a few weeks. This was the last one I did, it's to do with an old kung fu movie called 'Dreadnaught'.
What am I doing at the moment? ...well, strangely enough, i'm writing poetry. I just randomly decided the other day to start writing something, and i'm enjoying it, i'm planning on writing 10 small poems for a mini project that's slightly forming in my head and so far i've wrote 4. I assure you....i am not on drugs. ;)
So anyway last night I was sat there in my room writing some words down, and I decided to put the TV on for just general background noise....and what happens to be on the box? ...Amelie. What greater source of inspiration for writing poetry?
But I got distracted half-way down the page and all my attention was on the film, a tear tried to escape but I denied it the pleasure...determined not to let it get the better of me...yet I fail to stop my heart fluttering. As the film comes to an end I try to jump into the TV...desperate to be part of the magic....but I fall flat on my face and the stars around my head disappear one-by-one as I return to reality. I finished my poem and then went to sleep.