child of the mountain
totally perfect explanation to the problems i was having with the DD/snape theory Snape took the Unbreakable Vow, because to do otherwise would have broken his cover. Dumbledore knew Malfoy was trying to kill him, because Snape told him. Dumbledore and Snape had been arguing about something throughout most of the book. The general consensus is that Dumbledore ordered Snape to kill him, if it came down to it. Why would Dumbledore do this? Well, he knew that if Malfoy failed, he and his family would be killed. Dumbledore also knew that Malfoy was doing what he was doing not because he was evil, but because he had to. Malfoy, despite being a prat, loves his mother and father, and does not want to see harm come to them. In Dumbledore's eyes, Malfoy is an innocent, and he does not want their lives at risk, even if it means forfeiting his own. Of course, he offered Malfoy a way out at first, because he does not want to throw his life away, but he was willing to give it up if need be. When he began pleading with Snape, he wasn't scared of dying. I think we'd both agree that's out of character for him. He was afraid Snape wouldn't do what he had to, both to protect Malfoy, and to save his own life should he not fulfill his vow. Snape killed Dumbledore because Dumbledore not only wanted him to, but ordered him to, if it was necessary...and it was.
Also, remember Harry's fight with Snape after? Snape was giving him pointers the whole fight. "Learn to fight with your mind closed and your mouth shut," or something to that effect. Snape is now going deep undercover. So deep, that the only person that knows is now dead. thanks to whiterussian9 for clearing that up. also, ann made a great point about also, go back over RAB...there's a mention of an unopenable locket at 12 grimmauld place when they're cleaning. there's your horcrux. perfect jo style too, mention the guy in passing, vaguely alude to something super super important to a later book in a previous book...it just works. so regulus would've left the locket at 12 grimmauld place, not having been able to destroy it for some reason or something. it makes perfect sense. so those are two convictions i've made that i'm sticking to, now. thanks for reinforcing my doubts, folks.
mom started crying today about me leaving. *sigh* i feel bad, but i'm not sad at all. anyways, i'd rather have her feeling sad about me leaving than screaming at me and telling me she can't wait till i'm gone. this way's better.
last night she was commenting on the fact that i haven't shaved my legs all summer, and how it's gross. i told her i just plain don't shave anymore. my reasons for doing so are a) it's a social norm for girls to shave their arm pits and legs but not guys, and i just think that's lame and sexist, b) shaving irritates my sensitive skin and i really don't mind having hair grow where it natuarally does, c) why would i bother shaving my underarms and legs and not my head? i mean, hair grows on my head, and i don't want to shave that, so why should i bother my legs and underarms? they're perfectly fine the way they are. mom told me it was gross and unhygienic not to shave my armpits, and as long as i'm in her house i'll shave them, because she wants her kids to be clean. i asked her why she didn't make justin shave his armpits when he lived here if it was so unhygienic, and why something that is completely natural and normal is unclean. that'd be like saying that fingernails are unhygienic and we need to rip them off of our fingers because it's gross for them to grow where they naturally do. or that eyebrows are disgusting and need to be shaved of because having eyebrows is unclean. i shower daily, brush my teeth and wash my face twice a day, wear clean clothes, and feel comfortable and clean. i don't understand how hair makes me unhygienic, and why it only makes women unhygienic and not men, even though men have more of the hair. personally i think shaving is far more unhygienic, dangerous, and unnatural. i mean, weilding a bacteria-ridden blade over my poor unsuspecting skin, occasionally slicing open my leg and contracting tetanus from the gross razorblade i was using? no thanks. she got all pissed and said she'd ground me if i didn't shave my underarms, so i decided to bite the bullet and avoid conflict as much as possible for her jaded generation-X sake for these last 23 days simply because it's easier that way. and since armpit hair is obviously much more important to her than it is to me, i shaved. haha. i really didn't know something so petty and silly and natural was so controversial to a self-proclaimed feminist and liberal. eek. silly little hypocrite.
i wouldn't have pushed this argument had i not been in a bad mood and thinking about my body in a rather protective manner last night. i have so many body issues, i'm so self-critical and hard on myself about the way i look. obviously i'm a product of my environment, but since i'll be leaving this environment and taking control of my own environment in 23 days, those archaic gen-X thoughts are beginning to shed. for one thing, i've cared far too much how other people perceive the way i look, whether they'll like it or not, whether i look good enough for them. but christ, isn't that silly? i'm the only person who should care what i look like and meet the standards of. i mean, i've got to live in this body for who knows how long. what gives other people the right to dictate how i look? i mean, i'm not speaking in literal terms here...obviously when i walk out the door the people passing by on the street don't tell me i look like shit and to go back inside and "fix" myself. i just mean that for so long i've worried about what other people will think of the way i look. entire days at school were ruined by the fact that (despite how comfortable i felt) i looked ugly or too natural or not like i'd spent hours in front of the mirror before coming to school (god forbid), and i actually slept in a few minutes. but that's so ridiculous. i'm the one that sees me looking back at myself from every reflective surface, i'm the one that spends 24/7 inside this body, i'm the one that's lived 18 years as katherine lynn pennell and will live a few more as her before i die. in short, i am who i am, and i've already wasted time trying to look like someone that isn't me, some elusive image that the rest of the world really likes but that just isn't me. and, well, that's just stupid. i've had it drilled into my head, living here, that what i look like naturally isn't good enough and whenever i step foot outside the door i'd better look like someone i'm not, spend endless amounts of money on "improving" my look, when i could be spending it on something much more healthy, much more useful, much more productive, and much more pleasant and pleasurable. i've never enjoyed that concept, i've never felt good about myself trying to be something else (because of course i will never be something else). far too much negative energy. i'm tired of the excuse, "no, i'm just enhancing my look!" 1) no, i'm not, i'm masking my natural features and pretending i've got other ones, 2) my godamn look doesn't need enhancing, nature molded the body that grew to be me, and natures a hell of a lot smarter than i or anyone else could hope to be, so i'm going to leave it up to her to decide what features i need. FAR too much stock is put into looks. i'm quite guilty of it; it's inherent aquarian nature to be attracted to aestheticism and beautiful things. but beautiful things aren't anything. beautiful people can be horrid inside, and horrid looking people can be incredibly beautiful on the inside. i know it's cliche, but the point i'm trying to make is that beauty is completely relative and, i'm sorry to say, absolutely pointless. i have a fully functioning body (well, for the most part...after august 22 my body will be fully functioning). it has the ability to think happy, enlightening thoughts and create euphoria and make beautiful music and take me anywhere i'd like to go and create new life and simply survive on this planet in perfect harmony without any additions, subtractions, or "enhancements". my skin is soft and protective, my organs productive and helpful, my nerves and brain pleasurable and progressive, my hair is shiny and red and warms me in the winter and whips my face when it dances with the wind, my eyes are green and in good condition and allow me to see how incredible this planet and its creatures are, my nose smells good things and does its job without complaint, my mouth is red and creates song and communicates joy and love and truth and peace with others just like me, my limbs and my fingers and toes propel me through life without complaint, my muscles are strong and supple and support me every day, and my heart faithfully pumps blood to every part of me to nourish my body every day, all day until the day i die and it gets a well deserved rest. i'd say i'm absurdly lucky and priviledged to be who i am and have what i have. my body is a good body and does everything it's asked with passion and fervence. i think that's pretty awesome. i want to treat it how it deserves to be treated. it deserves to be treated nicely and rewarded with rest after a good, hard day of living, and nourished with healthy, good quality fuel, and kept clean and in good working order. if some fellow human decides they like who i am eventually and would interact well with them, then that's quite nice and generous of them. however, i am who i am, and my body is a massive part of who that is, and as i'm the one that lives inside this body, i'll decide what i like it to look like. and i like how i look. i like my blond eyelashes...they're long and protect my eyes well. i like my ruddy skin...it shows lots of color and translates the feelings inside me to the outside rather productively. i like the fact that i have an inherently scottish or welsh look about me. i like how my body behaves. i am perfectly fine just how i am. no subtractions, additions, or "enhancements".
Also, remember Harry's fight with Snape after? Snape was giving him pointers the whole fight. "Learn to fight with your mind closed and your mouth shut," or something to that effect. Snape is now going deep undercover. So deep, that the only person that knows is now dead. thanks to whiterussian9 for clearing that up. also, ann made a great point about also, go back over RAB...there's a mention of an unopenable locket at 12 grimmauld place when they're cleaning. there's your horcrux. perfect jo style too, mention the guy in passing, vaguely alude to something super super important to a later book in a previous book...it just works. so regulus would've left the locket at 12 grimmauld place, not having been able to destroy it for some reason or something. it makes perfect sense. so those are two convictions i've made that i'm sticking to, now. thanks for reinforcing my doubts, folks.
mom started crying today about me leaving. *sigh* i feel bad, but i'm not sad at all. anyways, i'd rather have her feeling sad about me leaving than screaming at me and telling me she can't wait till i'm gone. this way's better.
last night she was commenting on the fact that i haven't shaved my legs all summer, and how it's gross. i told her i just plain don't shave anymore. my reasons for doing so are a) it's a social norm for girls to shave their arm pits and legs but not guys, and i just think that's lame and sexist, b) shaving irritates my sensitive skin and i really don't mind having hair grow where it natuarally does, c) why would i bother shaving my underarms and legs and not my head? i mean, hair grows on my head, and i don't want to shave that, so why should i bother my legs and underarms? they're perfectly fine the way they are. mom told me it was gross and unhygienic not to shave my armpits, and as long as i'm in her house i'll shave them, because she wants her kids to be clean. i asked her why she didn't make justin shave his armpits when he lived here if it was so unhygienic, and why something that is completely natural and normal is unclean. that'd be like saying that fingernails are unhygienic and we need to rip them off of our fingers because it's gross for them to grow where they naturally do. or that eyebrows are disgusting and need to be shaved of because having eyebrows is unclean. i shower daily, brush my teeth and wash my face twice a day, wear clean clothes, and feel comfortable and clean. i don't understand how hair makes me unhygienic, and why it only makes women unhygienic and not men, even though men have more of the hair. personally i think shaving is far more unhygienic, dangerous, and unnatural. i mean, weilding a bacteria-ridden blade over my poor unsuspecting skin, occasionally slicing open my leg and contracting tetanus from the gross razorblade i was using? no thanks. she got all pissed and said she'd ground me if i didn't shave my underarms, so i decided to bite the bullet and avoid conflict as much as possible for her jaded generation-X sake for these last 23 days simply because it's easier that way. and since armpit hair is obviously much more important to her than it is to me, i shaved. haha. i really didn't know something so petty and silly and natural was so controversial to a self-proclaimed feminist and liberal. eek. silly little hypocrite.
i wouldn't have pushed this argument had i not been in a bad mood and thinking about my body in a rather protective manner last night. i have so many body issues, i'm so self-critical and hard on myself about the way i look. obviously i'm a product of my environment, but since i'll be leaving this environment and taking control of my own environment in 23 days, those archaic gen-X thoughts are beginning to shed. for one thing, i've cared far too much how other people perceive the way i look, whether they'll like it or not, whether i look good enough for them. but christ, isn't that silly? i'm the only person who should care what i look like and meet the standards of. i mean, i've got to live in this body for who knows how long. what gives other people the right to dictate how i look? i mean, i'm not speaking in literal terms here...obviously when i walk out the door the people passing by on the street don't tell me i look like shit and to go back inside and "fix" myself. i just mean that for so long i've worried about what other people will think of the way i look. entire days at school were ruined by the fact that (despite how comfortable i felt) i looked ugly or too natural or not like i'd spent hours in front of the mirror before coming to school (god forbid), and i actually slept in a few minutes. but that's so ridiculous. i'm the one that sees me looking back at myself from every reflective surface, i'm the one that spends 24/7 inside this body, i'm the one that's lived 18 years as katherine lynn pennell and will live a few more as her before i die. in short, i am who i am, and i've already wasted time trying to look like someone that isn't me, some elusive image that the rest of the world really likes but that just isn't me. and, well, that's just stupid. i've had it drilled into my head, living here, that what i look like naturally isn't good enough and whenever i step foot outside the door i'd better look like someone i'm not, spend endless amounts of money on "improving" my look, when i could be spending it on something much more healthy, much more useful, much more productive, and much more pleasant and pleasurable. i've never enjoyed that concept, i've never felt good about myself trying to be something else (because of course i will never be something else). far too much negative energy. i'm tired of the excuse, "no, i'm just enhancing my look!" 1) no, i'm not, i'm masking my natural features and pretending i've got other ones, 2) my godamn look doesn't need enhancing, nature molded the body that grew to be me, and natures a hell of a lot smarter than i or anyone else could hope to be, so i'm going to leave it up to her to decide what features i need. FAR too much stock is put into looks. i'm quite guilty of it; it's inherent aquarian nature to be attracted to aestheticism and beautiful things. but beautiful things aren't anything. beautiful people can be horrid inside, and horrid looking people can be incredibly beautiful on the inside. i know it's cliche, but the point i'm trying to make is that beauty is completely relative and, i'm sorry to say, absolutely pointless. i have a fully functioning body (well, for the most part...after august 22 my body will be fully functioning). it has the ability to think happy, enlightening thoughts and create euphoria and make beautiful music and take me anywhere i'd like to go and create new life and simply survive on this planet in perfect harmony without any additions, subtractions, or "enhancements". my skin is soft and protective, my organs productive and helpful, my nerves and brain pleasurable and progressive, my hair is shiny and red and warms me in the winter and whips my face when it dances with the wind, my eyes are green and in good condition and allow me to see how incredible this planet and its creatures are, my nose smells good things and does its job without complaint, my mouth is red and creates song and communicates joy and love and truth and peace with others just like me, my limbs and my fingers and toes propel me through life without complaint, my muscles are strong and supple and support me every day, and my heart faithfully pumps blood to every part of me to nourish my body every day, all day until the day i die and it gets a well deserved rest. i'd say i'm absurdly lucky and priviledged to be who i am and have what i have. my body is a good body and does everything it's asked with passion and fervence. i think that's pretty awesome. i want to treat it how it deserves to be treated. it deserves to be treated nicely and rewarded with rest after a good, hard day of living, and nourished with healthy, good quality fuel, and kept clean and in good working order. if some fellow human decides they like who i am eventually and would interact well with them, then that's quite nice and generous of them. however, i am who i am, and my body is a massive part of who that is, and as i'm the one that lives inside this body, i'll decide what i like it to look like. and i like how i look. i like my blond eyelashes...they're long and protect my eyes well. i like my ruddy skin...it shows lots of color and translates the feelings inside me to the outside rather productively. i like the fact that i have an inherently scottish or welsh look about me. i like how my body behaves. i am perfectly fine just how i am. no subtractions, additions, or "enhancements".