Life and shit.
I even made him a valentine's day card. I don't do shit like that. It was fucking beautiful. It said "Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain."
I like you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
Well that's a big fucking lie.
I cleaned my room too. And bought new underware. I don't wear pink Victoria's Secret lacey shit. I did that for you, you asshole.
I didn't want flowers, or candy, or a card. I didn't want you to take me out to dinner, or write me fucking poems. I didn't even expect the mix cd that you promised you'd make me (after I spent three hours making you one).
I just wanted to be with you. To be near you. To have some one to care about, for once, on this scam of a holiday.
But I couldn't even have that. You had to go home and go to sleep?? Okay. Fuck you.
So of course I cry like a little bitch, wondering what I did wrong. Was it that time that I...? Maybe he didn't like my outfit...? Am I too agressive...?
Well fuck that. I'm not supposed to be thinking shit like that. It's not what I do.
And it's NOT my fault. He's the fucking 21 year old loser who's still living with his parents.
God.
I just don't get why he had to start this. What the fuck did he want from me?
And the sad part is, he probably won't even know anything's wrong. Because I'm not going to tell him. I feel like that'd just be giving him more power. I used to be the one with the power. I'm fucking taking it back.
I think the main problem is, that he doesn't have the capability to think of anyone, ANYONE, besides himself.
Happy fucking Velentine's Day, you selfish condescending prick. You're not worth my fucking tears.
But last night was good, despite, yeah.
Rachel made me my favorite food! And it was so good. And we watched Bring it On. And I was happy. And I stopped thinking about how much I hurt inside.
Party tonight, and I'm fucking there. I'm feeling wreckless.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 minutes, but I think I would rather die.
I had cookies for breakfast. They were shaped like hearts.
I want to scream really loud. Or run fast. But instead, I'm going to go take a shower.