Why is it easier to nitpick other people's grammatical errors RATHER than my own? ;_; Which just proves that every great writer has a great editor. T_T
his uniform which was once sky blue and khaki was now dust brown.
Now is in present tense. Maybe change "was now" to "became" or "turned". I used to make the same mistake too T___T So remove your nows.
He added, teeming with curiosity.
the bastard made himself gone without a trace. Rephrase. :)
She doesn’t sound surprised. - didn't.
She hardly mentions you, actually.
foetal - fetal, probably? (???)
The first part was...I dunno, but it got really interesting when Melusine arrived in the picture.
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his uniform which was once sky blue and khaki was now dust brown.
Now is in present tense. Maybe change "was now" to "became" or "turned". I used to make the same mistake too T___T So remove your nows.
He added, teeming with curiosity.
the bastard made himself gone without a trace. Rephrase. :)
She doesn’t sound surprised. - didn't.
She hardly mentions you, actually.
foetal - fetal, probably? (???)
The first part was...I dunno, but it got really interesting when Melusine arrived in the picture.
She's YOU, isn't she? XD ^_^
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