"What's done can not be undone" (Lady Macbeth)
Well, I guess even though nothing turned out how I wanted it to or thought that it would, I finally have closure. That's what I needed.
Now I understand how you feel about everything and that you don't want anything to be idealistically how I want it. Although what you said was very contradicting and I'll never understand how you can like someone more than another person but chose to ignore it. Maybe you were saying that part to make me feel better in a way, but I don't think that's true. I think you really do feel that way, and maybe you don't understand what it means, maybe you were just as confused as I was, but it's what you decided. The fact that someone chooses not to have feelings for you does feel a lot worse then them not actually having feelings for you, a lot worse, a lot, a lot, a lot. But then I guess once upon a time I did the exact same thing you are doing now.
"You either have to deal with it or walk away from it." - Wise words of the mother.
I guess I just couldn't deal with it.
For this reason..
"You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you, and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can't just be your buddy, because as much as I enjoy the concept of being friends, in reality it's a bazaar form of torture, and I'm just not willing to participate in it. So, right now what I want do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore."
-- I'm glad you understand that now...
All in all, sometimes it's easier to pretend to be happy, even pretend in your own mind that you are truly happy, than it is to face the fact that you're sad. Sometimes it's better to pretend that you can go on with things being the same rather than experiance a change, because change is hard. Maybe that's my downfall, the fact that I can't accept change. I realize now that I must change, and put an end to old ties before any new ones can form.
Obviously when you lose something that is important to you or something changes unexpectedly, you're going to want to feel sad. It's like if you choose happiness you are just watching something you loved walk away from you, and not doing anything about it. Even though being sad doesn’t help the situation at all, in a way it's like paying dues I guess, reminding yourself that you did care, and that you still have feelings. What else is there to do but be sad, when a situation is completely out of your control? After all, being happy could mean forgetting... and something like that you never want to forget. The memories may hurt at first of even make you cry, but in time, they just become memories, and you'll be able to look back on them and feel happy; smile even.
I guess right now even though, I'd like to feel happy... of course it's something everyone needs. But I am content being sad at times, and just sorting things out in my head. I know the sadness won't last forever, even when I feel like it will, but it will last long enough for me to remember, the happiness that I once knew.
Fate has a way or working itself out. So no matter what happens now, I know it will be for the best.