Title: Love today (8/?)
Title: Love today (8/?)
Author: Boldpapermate
Pairing: Callie/Hahn, Callie/Arizona
Rating: R (I think)
Summary: Thanksgiving-ness. Please read and review!
Disclaimer: All the characters are property of ABC and Shonda. I own nothing, and no one. Although sometimes i wish i did
A/N: It's beta free. Please excuse all the mistakes. My computers doing some funky things, so i apologize in advance for anything weird!
Arizona
Arizona had always wondered about things. Take video camera's for instance. Yes, sure, they were used to capture important moments, but Arizona was convinced they were just invented to capture the embarassing moments. Those really embarassing moments that you would rather not remember, like flashing the camera at 5, or college speeches that you stumbled through because public speaking was never your thing, and it makes you want to cry more than it gives you confidence, because you don't handle pressure well.
Or even the English language. Honestly, if the plural word for goose was geese, then why can't the plural word for moose be meese? It just didn't make sense, because a smart person would have done that, Arizona was fairly certain that the person who had made up the language obviously must have been drinking, and must not have cared, otherwise the language wouldn't be so damn confusing.
But the thing Arizona really wondered about, the thing she never really understood was Thanksgiving. Granted she never really understood any holiday, and would always posses so much holiday cheer that people wouldn't have even known that she really didn't get the holiday. What was the point of it all, why were these days better then others? Why was Thanksgiving so important? To Arizona they weren't, she could drink to the point of unhealthy hangover and get fat any day. In fact, she was pretty sure she did that last sunday, the point is though that if anyone can have a day and say that it's worth celebrating, then she would demand that people celebrate The Day of Silence, because that day's important too! Although, how someone can celebrate a day where your supposed to be silent, she wasn't sure. Maybe that wasn't a valid point for this argument, but it was still a point and she had tons!
If you took away the commercial side, if you took away everything that came to your mind when you thought of Thanksgiving, except for the people, that's when you realize what's so special. It isn't what you do on that day, it's who you do it with that matters. god, she was starting to sound like a walking fortune cookie, she really needed to stop falling asleep to her the motivational speakers channel on her TV.
This was the first time in a long time that Arizona was nervous, yes she was hot, and yes she was freaking adorable, but that didn't change the fact that Callie was still with Erica, or the fact that Lexie and Callie were going to be in the same room for a long period of time. She was fairly certain someone would go home injured, and she was hoping it wasn't her, because Arizona bruised easily.
"Hey blondie, you ready?" Arizona nodded as Mark unlocked the door to his apartment, as ready as she'll ever be.
There were two things she noticed when she entered Mark's apartment, the first being that it smelled really good, and Arizona didn't know the man-whore had it in him, and the second the fact that practically everyone from the hospital was there. That's right, everyone. Even Cristina, which, wait. Cristina? Arizona thought bitter people didn't celebrate holiday's.
"It smells good."
Mark grinned and looked over at all the food that was already set up on one table, and then at all the alcohol that was placed on the table right next to it. Was drinking like Seattle's favorite past time? Because whenever people wanted to do something fun, they either drank, were about to drink, or were recovering from all the drinking. These people were going to have rotten livers, they should totally take a page out of Arizona's book because her favorite past time was being awesome, and she was damn good at it. Oh, and drinking coffee, but who doesn't love coffee?
"I can do other things that don't involve sex," Arizona highly doubted that.
"Usually people just have the one thing their good at, and unfortunately for you, whoring seems to be yours. So, give me some room to be shocked that you can actually do normal things." Arizona giggled as Mark frowned. She was avoiding mingling with all the party people a.k.a Lexie and Callie, Arizona knew it, but right now bickering with Mark was a lot more fun than being stabbed with a fork, which she was really, really hoping didn't happen. Really.
"Yeah, well nothing is impossible blondie." Not true!
"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door." She had tried it once, it didn't turn out so well.
Mark looked over towards her and slid off his coat, placing it on the coat rack by his door. "Ya know, I really don't appreciate the lack of confidence you have in me."
"It's not that im not confident in your abilities, or lack there of, it's that im more confident in your ability to be a man-whore."
"Im pretty sure you just insulted me, and complimented me in the same sentence," Mark grinned at her as he shoved his hands in his pockets, "but it's okay, because you can't deny pure talent." Pure talent? The only talent Mark had was almost catching a disease. Arizona rolled her eyes, as she looked at the party people. Lexie was standing in one corner, waving shyly towards her, and on the opposite end Callie was standing with Erica while sipping on a beer.
Alcohol sounded like a good idea, because Arizona was pretty sure it was going to be a long night.
-----
2 hours and a third of a bottle of Tequila later, Arizona wasn't quite as nervous and the party seemed to be meshing a bit better. Meshing, what a funny word! Anyway, Arizona took back what she said about alcohol, it was a fantastic idea because her nerves were gone, and everything seemed a lot more funny, and seemed to run a lot smoother. At one point she had this sudden urge to put her mitten in a toaster, but unfortunately Mark pulled it out before anything cool could happen, he was such a kill joy.
Either way, nothing could kill her high. Well, maybe not nothing. Much to Arizona's amusement, half the people at the party ended up being paged, including the ever forlorn looking Erica. So the Alcohol wasn't really needed because Arizona should have been able to socialize with Callie, well, when she said socialize she meant mumble incoherently and try not to look at Callie's breasts. Because they were like extremely visible in the low cut top Callie was wearing. The only problem was Arizona was afraid. Like extremely afraid.
Two hours and Arizona had remained unscathed by Lexie, and Callie only because she had avoided them both, which wasn't really hard considering she had hid in a closet for about an hour before Mark pulled her out and forced her to go be social. Usually she had the social skills of a butterfly, but today she was like...not social. the alcohol was starting to effect her vocabulary apparently. what she needed right now was some more alcohol, and some food, because she was starting to get a little hungry, but Callie was by the food table and she really preferred not to have Lexie hurt her.
Arizona tiptoed towards the alcohol table, why she was tiptoeing she wasn't sure, she was faintly certain she was a little bit buzzed. Okay, a lot buzzed. Arizona continued towards the table, and ended up standing right next to Cristina, who never once had left the alcohol table. God, that woman was like the queen of drinking alcohol, and like the poster child of...being mean!
"What are you staring at?" Cristina asked, as she frowned towards Arizona. When wasn't she frowning?
"Trying to grab some more Tequila." Arizona whispered as she rocked back and forth on her heels. Tequila was such a funny word.
"Why the hell are you whispering?" Why the hell is Cristina so bitter?
Arizona put a finger in front of her lips as she leaned in towards Cristina, "Shhh. People will hear you."
"Blondie, it's a party, people are boud to hear you." God, why was everyone such a spoil sport?
"Why do people keep calling me that, it isn't my name." Her name was Arizona. Arizona. Arizona. Woah, headrush.
"Do I look like I care?" Cristina grabbed a whole bottle of Tequila as she started to walk away, Arizona caught a glimpse of her shirt and grabbed Cristina's arm before she could walk away.
"Are you touching me?" Well, duh.
"Yes. Are you wearing a Team Lexie t-shirt?" What. The. Hell. Even with her mind muddled by the high amount of Tequila she consumed in the short amount of time, she was pretty sure that a Team Lexie t-shirt was for her situation. But how Cristina even knew about it, she wasn't sure. If Cristina knew, the nthat meant the whole hospital knew, which frankly worried Arizona a bit, because the people were like A+ gossipers, when they should be like A+ workers.
"Maybe. What's it to you?" Arizona wasn't one for violence, but she was pretty sure she wanted to punch Cristina in the face. That must have been the Tequila talking.
"Why are you even here? You weren't invited!" She would have remmebered!
"I'm Cristina, im never invited. If i ackowledged every place i was technically never invited too, then id never get any free alcohol. Plus Callie's my roomate, and right now my person has decided she'd like to not get drunk for once, which sucks for me because i prefer it. And yes, Blondie, it is a Team Lexie t-shirt, now get off of me." Cristina pulled her arm out of Arizona's grasp and walked away.
Where the hell was that alcohol?
-----
Lexie
If Lexie had known that she was going to end up spending most the beginging of Thanksgiving standing in a corner, staring creepily at Arizona, and risking glances towards Callie, then she probably wouldn't have come. No, that's a lie, she would have come anyway, because she didn't want to be alone, which didn't even matter because now she was alone. In a corner. With no substances available to abuse. This freaking sucked.
Lexie watched as Arizona talked with Crisitna, she didn't even know they were friends, but she was nervous, because Crisitna was Merediths best friend, which meant that she probably hated Lexie too. So why she was walking towards Lexie, she wasn't quite sure. Lexie was torn between running away or pretending she was a box hoping that Crisitna would just leave her alone, but she decided to stand her ground. She needed a spine anyway. Cristina stopped in front of Lexie.
"Look number 3, I don't really like you." Cristina said as she opened her bottle of Tequila. Was she wearing a Team Lexie t-shirt? Was Lexie dreaming?
"Um, thanks?" Lexie mumbled in response. How does one repond to such a direct insult?
"Did I say you could talk?"
"No." Was Cristina's whole point of this conversation to make her cry, because if so, Lexie was really close.
"Look, granted Callie is my roomate alright, and im supposed to care about her well being, and i do. But i also care about surgeries, and if you win, that mean's Callie will stay with Hahn, and i'll still have my Cardio god." Cristina quickly took a sip of her Tequila.
"So...this is about you?" The fact that Cristina was even talking to her was a suprise, the fact that she was talking to Lexie to benefit herself, wasn't really.
"Of course." Cristina shrugged and leaned in closer to Lexie, "but i see the way you look at her. It would take an idiot not to notice, and personally, if i were you, id fight for them."
"But...Callie's so pretty, and her boobs are perky, and she's got junk in her trunk, how do i even stand a chance?" How did she?
"One, never utter that phrase again, and two, look Lexie, if you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. So you might as well just do it," Cristina handed Lexie the bottle of Tequila, "this will help, drink some."
Lexie looked over at Arizona who was staring at Callie, then quickly grabbed the bottle and brought it to her lips. Screw it.
-----
Arizona
The side effects of the alcohol were starting to wear off, nothing seemed as funny anymore, and Arizona was tired of trying to tiptoe around Callie and Lexie. Literally, she was trying to tiptoe around them and it was exhausting, not to mention it gave her feet cramps. The whole night was like a game between her and Callie, when nobody was looking Arizona would steal glances at Callie, and vice versa. It was all starting to get to her heart, and it really made her have to pee, so Arizona went into the bathroom, hoping to get five minutes that won't end in hyperventalating. She heard the door open and close behind her, and turned around from the sink to see Callie closing the door slowly behind her. What was with this chick and bathrooms? Especially bathrooms that clearly didn't have enough room for 2 people?
"So," Callie whispered as she closed the space between them, "you haven't said a word to me all night." Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. Arizona was stuck between holding her bladder and trying not to say anything embarassing. She needed to be coy and nonchalant.
"I noticed." What the hell? How was that coy?
Callie placed her hand on Arizona's hip and ran it slowly up and down her torso.
"The what gives? Why the silent treatment? Is it because Lexie's here?" Don't panic, don't pee, don't panic, don't pee.
"Maybe. Erica was here too." Dammit. That's not what she wanted to say. Callie pushed herslef away from Arizona and leaned back towards the door.
"Your right," Callie whispered as she shook her head, "This is so wrong, and ive tried willing it to go away, because i can't...but it it doesn't change-my heart still aches- because i want you." Arizona sighed, this was probably the best Thanksgiving gift god could have given her.
"I want you too." So very, very much.
"But I have Erica, and your with Lexie." Oh, yeah, there was a world outside this bathroom, a world with people, people that had a very big chance of being hurt by her actions. But right now Arizona didn't care. Arizona took a step towards Callie.
"Lexie isn't anything, she doesn't mean anything." Not right now anyway, "this," Arizona placed her hand over Callies heart, "this means everything." Callie closed her eyes, and sighed. They stayed in that position for a good 5 minutes, before Callie leaned in and placed a kiss on Arizona's lips. A kiss that shouldn't have made her heart beat furiously, but it did. Arizona melted as she finally kissed back, trying to savor every taste of peppermint and cirtis that lingered on her lips. As quickly as it started, it had ended, Callie grabbed Arizona's arm and moved it off her body, and opened the door slightly.
"Im sorry." Callie whispered as she placed her hand over her heart, and walked out of the bathroom.
Not only were Arizona's nerves hper aware, but she also no longer had to pee. Arizona slowly walked out of the bathroom in time to see brown hair walking away. A different brown hair, not Callie's, because she would know, she's spent hours memorizing every detail, including Callie's hair, no this was Lexie! Arizona picked up her pace and walked to the side of a hiccuping Lexie.
"Lexie? Have you been drinking?" She had definately been drinking, Arizona could smell it before she Lexie even spoke.
"I swear to drunk im not god." Lexie hiccuped as she moved through the crowd of people towards the door.
"Lexie! You can't leave like this, please just st-"
"What do you care?" Lexie asked her hand on the door, "Im not anything, I don't mean anything." Lexie pulled the handle open.
She had heard everything, everything that Arizona had said. Arizona instantly regretted it, because she was just caught up in Callie mode, and holding her bladder, plus she was still slightly buzzed. She hadn't meant what she said, she cared for Lexie, more then she let herself admit. Lexie slammed the door behind her as Arizona stood dumbfounded. No one had ever run out on her before, it was like being struck by lightning, it just didn't happen. She felt an arm slide over and looked over to see Mark giving her a half hug, at least someone was trying to comfort her.
"Who's the whore now?" Mark said teasingly as Arizona tried to fight tears. At least he was trying, that doesn't mean it was working.
"Shut it, Man-whore."
------
Lexie
Lexie quickly jumped intot he car, ignoring the sound of footsteps behind her, or whats even worse, the lack of. Granted she was indeed slightly intoxicated, okay, maybe not slightly, but she was sure that if anybody were with her, they wouldn't object, considering the humiliation she had just went through. It didn't matter because Lexie was alone.
Again.
Alone. She quicly turned her VW beatle, sounds of a guitar streaming through her speakers, accompanying the quiet hum of her car. She needed to breathe, and not cry, because sge wouldn't let herself cry. No, Lexie woudn't. Lexie pulled out of the parking spot onto the road, good things the roads were dead, cause she had never quite mastered the art of functioning while intoxicated.
"Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
Lexie wasn't sure, maybe she was cursed, bad luck like this couldn't be possible. Hate like this couldn't be necessary. Arizona had been her opportunity, her chance to fell love. She had given Lexie proof.
"Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
She had known it would end badly, things always ended badly for Lexie, but she had hope. She needed hope. Arizona had shocked her alive, she had rebooted Lexie, she felt a pang in her heart and decided to pull over by trees, the pain panging in her chest increasing.
"Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
She was broken, she had always been broken. Sad, uncared for, unwanted, unloved, forgotten, and now hated. Lexie had tried, she was trying, why couldn't people see that? She tried to be what people wanted, but it just wasn't good enough. Not for her father, not for Meredith, and not for Arizona.
"Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
Lexie closed her eyes and pressed one hand over her face, and another over her heart as she tried to stop the mental images, the memories that she had spent so long repressing, as she tried to stop them from coming back. Lexie heard a buzzing and picked up her phone, lookinf at the caller ID, Arizona. Lexie threw it in the seat. Arizona didn't deserve to talk to her right now. She needed air, Lexie quickly stepped out of the car and walked towards some trees. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. She closed her eyes again and repeated the mantra in her head as the radio continued to play.
"Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd OUT DREW YA
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen in the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah"
Lexie silently prayed ash she stood in the cold. She was never one for religion and all that jazz, but she figured it couldn't be too late to start. So she silently prayed, willing the memories not to come back. Lexie cried out loud as she felt the break in her heard re-open and memories flooded through her closed eyes. She fell to her knees as mental images of forgotten birthdays, alone dinners, and drunken nights filled her memory. She suddenly remembered the "I wish you weren't born's," and the "I wish you were better's." She remembered the nights her father had called her Meredith.
She remembered the graduation no one came to, the gifts constantly bought for her by the nanny. everyone had finally succeeded. Her heart was broken, she was giving up. If she refused to hope for it anymore, it couldn't possibly still hurt her. They couldn't still hurt her. Lexie let the tears fall, warming her face as she took a deep breath and whispered a cold and broken
"Hallelujah."
--------
I reallydon't know why it's posting it twice, i think my computer went insane, so i apologize.
I was in the mood for some angst. Let me know how ya'll liked the angsty-ness. I know there wasn't a lot of fluff, but this chapter was epic! it was the hardest to write, but i love it the most so far. Let me know what you think! Reviews are love <3
P.S I had more songs planned, but this song is so epic, i decided it should be the only one. Special kudos goes to those who know the title and artist im thinking of. I recommend this song for when your sad!