Kroger
I'm in a bad mood. I went shopping just a minute ago, and got into a fight with Kroger:
Warning: this is all in my head, it's not real.
So while casting I got mad and decided I needed to calm down and eat something. So I run to Kroger because they carry Fettucine Rigate and Wal-mart doesn't this is the conversation I had with Kroger:
Tim: Oh sweet, Fettucine Rigate!
Kroger: (Voice from above) You know, it's on sale
Tim: Who's that?
Kroger: I am the essence of this Kroger store, I'm here to help serve you better. This pasta you are looking at is on sale this week
Tim: Oh yea? How much for a box?
Kroger: Well, it's 10 for only $10 if you have a Kroger card
Tim: What?!
Kroger: I know, what a great deal
Tim: No, what did you just say?
Kroger: 10 boxes of any Barilla pasta for only $10 if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: Okay that's ridiculous, what if I want 3? is it still on sale
Kroger: Well, yes if you have a Kroger card
Tim: Can I get one at that price?
Kroger: If you have a Kroger card
Tim: So why don't you just say "All Barilla Pasta on sale for $1"
Kroger: ...if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: okay....so why don't you just say that?
Kroger: Because that's not the promotion
Tim: But you just told me you could get one box for that price!
Kroger: Well, that's because that's how the sale is handled in the computer, it's a discount done by unit...if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: SO what you're saying is that the "10 for 10" is entirely a marketing construct aimed at trying to sucker people into buying more than they need?
Kroger: Uhh, no....it's "10 for 10 with a Kroger card"
Tim: So you won't admit it?
Kroger: That's the promotion sir
Tim: Why the hell do I have to have a Kroger card anyway?
Kroger: Because that shows you are a loyal customer, and in return we offer lower prices to our valued customers
Tim: So you're saying I'm not a valued or preferred customer because I don't squander all my money on your highly priced goods?
Kroger: They would be cheaper if you became a Kroger Member and got your card.
Tim: I don't want to be a part of your stupid club, I just want some spaghetti!
Kroger: All you have to do is fill out a form and you'll get your card at the cash register.
Tim: So wait, if there aren't any requirements for your membership, then how can you tell that person really shops here often, thus being a preferred customer?
Kroger: They show their loyalty by filling out this card at the cash register, just ask your cashier about it. There's no risk involved
Tim: Are you sure your little card program isn't another marketing construct?
Kroger: It's meant solely for our customers.
Tim: Well, if it's meant solely for your customers then you would just have a fucking sale without cards and registration forms. And if there's no requirements or membership dues, then there must be an ulterior motive for these cards. You wouldn't just print up thousands and thousands of cards to give away for free and program your computers to recognize these cards individually and adjust sale prices accordingly if it were just solely for saving important customers money. There's something else about these cards
Kroger: I don't know what you're talking about sir
Tim: Are you sure they aren't being used to track purchases of your customers so you can plot out your demographic? Like what they buy and in what quantities so you can adjust your marketing and product selection to make more money.
Kroger: Well, if you don't want us to be able to better serve you and offer lower prices then don't join
Tim: I'm not going to, I don't want to be a part of your stupid club, and the term "lower prices" doesn't mean shit if it's in reference to the jacked up prices you create for "non-preferred customers". This is all a sham, you jack up the prices to make your "deals" seem better than they really are. Then you use stupid advertising like "10 for 10" to dupe people into spending their hard-earned cash on shit they don't need. I don't want to be a part of your club, I don't want to trudge through all your marketing bullshit, I don't want to have anything to do with this store's prejudice, I just want something to eat dammit!
Kroger: I fail to see how we at Kroger are prejudiced, sir
Tim: It's rather simple, if you have preferred customers, then you must have customers who AREN'T preferred, and I know who you don't prefer.
Kroger: and who would that be sir?
Tim: Cat owners
Kroger: I'm sorry?
Tim: Your dog to cat toy ratio three aisles over is absurd! There are easily 6 times more dog toys than cat toys, and the dog to cat food ratio is off as well! Hell, the dog food selection is bigger than the cat food and litter section combined!
Kroger: I'm sorry sir, that's ridiculous.
Tim: That's what I'm saying! You clearly express a pro-dog bias in your product display and selection and I resent it
Kroger: Our market research shows our demographic to be dog owners
Tim: I knew it, "Market research". Why don't you tell it like it is, this is your elitist card-registration system in action. I knew something was foul here
Kroger: You're being unreasonable sir
Tim: Why doesn't wal-mart next door express the same bias in their product selection if they're serving the same community, hmm? Their ratio is much more even AND they have a greater selection overall. Could it be that they don't use a card tracking system like you? Could it be that they are simply better than you?
Kroger: That's it sir, I don't have to take this, we don't need your business
Tim: Clearly you don't want it. Your cheese selection is total ass! If you wanted my loyalty you'd have to do something about that
Kroger: Listen you little shit, I don't have to take this from you. We have a tub of imported cheeses over in the produce section that's really classy and we have lobsters! You're just an insignificant body that will take what I dole out to you because there's only one other choice around here for food. So you be a good little bitch and buy what I tell you to because you are nothing, and I have lots more money and power than you! Do you undertsand me?
Tim: So.....Wal-mart has bigger tits
Kroger: Get out of my store!!!!!
Tim: I thought you said you were the store
Kroger: I am!
Tim: So shouldn't you be saying, "Get out of me!" If I had a nickel every time I heard that...
Kroger: That is highly inappropriate you nasty little fuck
Tim: If I had a nickel for all of those too I might be as powerful as the almighty Kroger!
Kroger: I hate you!
Tim: It's mutual bitch!
Warning: this is all in my head, it's not real.
So while casting I got mad and decided I needed to calm down and eat something. So I run to Kroger because they carry Fettucine Rigate and Wal-mart doesn't this is the conversation I had with Kroger:
Tim: Oh sweet, Fettucine Rigate!
Kroger: (Voice from above) You know, it's on sale
Tim: Who's that?
Kroger: I am the essence of this Kroger store, I'm here to help serve you better. This pasta you are looking at is on sale this week
Tim: Oh yea? How much for a box?
Kroger: Well, it's 10 for only $10 if you have a Kroger card
Tim: What?!
Kroger: I know, what a great deal
Tim: No, what did you just say?
Kroger: 10 boxes of any Barilla pasta for only $10 if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: Okay that's ridiculous, what if I want 3? is it still on sale
Kroger: Well, yes if you have a Kroger card
Tim: Can I get one at that price?
Kroger: If you have a Kroger card
Tim: So why don't you just say "All Barilla Pasta on sale for $1"
Kroger: ...if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: okay....so why don't you just say that?
Kroger: Because that's not the promotion
Tim: But you just told me you could get one box for that price!
Kroger: Well, that's because that's how the sale is handled in the computer, it's a discount done by unit...if you have a Kroger card.
Tim: SO what you're saying is that the "10 for 10" is entirely a marketing construct aimed at trying to sucker people into buying more than they need?
Kroger: Uhh, no....it's "10 for 10 with a Kroger card"
Tim: So you won't admit it?
Kroger: That's the promotion sir
Tim: Why the hell do I have to have a Kroger card anyway?
Kroger: Because that shows you are a loyal customer, and in return we offer lower prices to our valued customers
Tim: So you're saying I'm not a valued or preferred customer because I don't squander all my money on your highly priced goods?
Kroger: They would be cheaper if you became a Kroger Member and got your card.
Tim: I don't want to be a part of your stupid club, I just want some spaghetti!
Kroger: All you have to do is fill out a form and you'll get your card at the cash register.
Tim: So wait, if there aren't any requirements for your membership, then how can you tell that person really shops here often, thus being a preferred customer?
Kroger: They show their loyalty by filling out this card at the cash register, just ask your cashier about it. There's no risk involved
Tim: Are you sure your little card program isn't another marketing construct?
Kroger: It's meant solely for our customers.
Tim: Well, if it's meant solely for your customers then you would just have a fucking sale without cards and registration forms. And if there's no requirements or membership dues, then there must be an ulterior motive for these cards. You wouldn't just print up thousands and thousands of cards to give away for free and program your computers to recognize these cards individually and adjust sale prices accordingly if it were just solely for saving important customers money. There's something else about these cards
Kroger: I don't know what you're talking about sir
Tim: Are you sure they aren't being used to track purchases of your customers so you can plot out your demographic? Like what they buy and in what quantities so you can adjust your marketing and product selection to make more money.
Kroger: Well, if you don't want us to be able to better serve you and offer lower prices then don't join
Tim: I'm not going to, I don't want to be a part of your stupid club, and the term "lower prices" doesn't mean shit if it's in reference to the jacked up prices you create for "non-preferred customers". This is all a sham, you jack up the prices to make your "deals" seem better than they really are. Then you use stupid advertising like "10 for 10" to dupe people into spending their hard-earned cash on shit they don't need. I don't want to be a part of your club, I don't want to trudge through all your marketing bullshit, I don't want to have anything to do with this store's prejudice, I just want something to eat dammit!
Kroger: I fail to see how we at Kroger are prejudiced, sir
Tim: It's rather simple, if you have preferred customers, then you must have customers who AREN'T preferred, and I know who you don't prefer.
Kroger: and who would that be sir?
Tim: Cat owners
Kroger: I'm sorry?
Tim: Your dog to cat toy ratio three aisles over is absurd! There are easily 6 times more dog toys than cat toys, and the dog to cat food ratio is off as well! Hell, the dog food selection is bigger than the cat food and litter section combined!
Kroger: I'm sorry sir, that's ridiculous.
Tim: That's what I'm saying! You clearly express a pro-dog bias in your product display and selection and I resent it
Kroger: Our market research shows our demographic to be dog owners
Tim: I knew it, "Market research". Why don't you tell it like it is, this is your elitist card-registration system in action. I knew something was foul here
Kroger: You're being unreasonable sir
Tim: Why doesn't wal-mart next door express the same bias in their product selection if they're serving the same community, hmm? Their ratio is much more even AND they have a greater selection overall. Could it be that they don't use a card tracking system like you? Could it be that they are simply better than you?
Kroger: That's it sir, I don't have to take this, we don't need your business
Tim: Clearly you don't want it. Your cheese selection is total ass! If you wanted my loyalty you'd have to do something about that
Kroger: Listen you little shit, I don't have to take this from you. We have a tub of imported cheeses over in the produce section that's really classy and we have lobsters! You're just an insignificant body that will take what I dole out to you because there's only one other choice around here for food. So you be a good little bitch and buy what I tell you to because you are nothing, and I have lots more money and power than you! Do you undertsand me?
Tim: So.....Wal-mart has bigger tits
Kroger: Get out of my store!!!!!
Tim: I thought you said you were the store
Kroger: I am!
Tim: So shouldn't you be saying, "Get out of me!" If I had a nickel every time I heard that...
Kroger: That is highly inappropriate you nasty little fuck
Tim: If I had a nickel for all of those too I might be as powerful as the almighty Kroger!
Kroger: I hate you!
Tim: It's mutual bitch!