Jinhee Kwon
I know you won't read this because you are too busy now. I never realized how much I depended on you for security. Everywhere around me is a reminder of your love and your warmth to keep me company. Every letter, gift, book, and piece of clothing is a constant reminder that you are there for me.
Yesterday, all of that turned around on me. When you confessed your uncertainty about our future, that you were no longer sure that you were going to be with me in the long run, I felt like I had lost my rock. I never had a doubt in my mind that we would be together forever and that made me feel secure. Now, every thing around me, the pictures, clothes, letters, post cards, books, everything around me is a reminder that there is a big possibility that we will not be together. I am falling apart just trying to think of how we could solve this problem. How can I keep the woman I love? So many doubts run through my mind. You're not sure if I'm too late. I hope to God that I am not. I will move to Korea if I have to. You want to be successful and earn money for your family. Do that. I won't stand in your way. I will do my best to help you reach your goals. I don't want you to feel like you are taking care of me anymore.
I have never met anyone with as big a heart as you and I didn't show my appreciation to you enough. I never thought that your heart would tire of me...of us. I will never make such a mistake again. The problem now is how can I show you that? How can I show the woman I love that I truly, truly love her and would do anything for her when she is in another country and we both have no money?
I don't know how you will react, but I plan on going to Korea as soon as I make enough money for the trip. I need to see you. I don't know what I will do exactly and I still don't know how to show you that I love you more than anything in the world. I also don't know if you'll decide to just end it then and there...I don't know how far our love has drifted. I have spent all this time unaware of your doubts. Now that I suddenly know, I feel like I have lost my breath. I found out in a situation where I can't easily get to you.
My fears emerge...have you already decided that you will never be with me? Have you stopped loving me all together? Have you already accepted that I will not be a part of your life anymore? I don't know how to deal with all these fears...
I knew after our first night together, that you were a very special person. I knew so soon after we started dating that I loved you. I knew after I came back to Korea the first time, that you are the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. I knew that I would fight for you, care for you, and do anything for your happiness because you are too important to my life...and now that is being tested. I am in a hard situation and I need to make sure that my love for you reaches your heart.
I am so scared and I am so worried. But I won't just let things end. I will do my best to make things work. I will show you that I am the one you love too.