Nice to meet you :) You write about very interesting moments, which are exotic to me. I think your poems will benefit if you avoid unnecessary words, for a start ...
Manila Bay - the setting sun that eyes could see
-- may be written like this:
Manila Bay -- all my eyes can see the setting sun
And the second poem
by the roadside fat crabs for sale compete with oysters
-- may be transformed into something like:
roadside -- the fat crabs compete with the oysters
Comments 3
Manila Bay -
the setting sun
that eyes could see
-- may be written like this:
Manila Bay --
all my eyes can see
the setting sun
And the second poem
by the roadside
fat crabs for sale
compete with oysters
-- may be transformed into something like:
roadside --
the fat crabs compete
with the oysters
Welcome to LJ! :)
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http://origa.livejournal.com/145364.html?nc=112
:)
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