Elephant in the Room
Drops of sweat were rolling down Donghae’s neck, getting soaked up by the fabric of his t-shirt as soon as they touched it. He ignored the tickling sensation as he moved through the first parts of their new choreography for Miinah, watching his body crouch and jump in the mirrors, weaving through the gaps between his fellow members.
It was still awkward, they’d only started putting things together and working on the finer details, so there was stumbling and jerky movements and muttered curses as the song played on. Donghae stepped into position in the v-shape formation, in between Hyukjae and Ryeowook, and bit his lip when he looked forward into the mirror wall, his gaze inevitably slipping to Kyuhyun at the front of the V, as it always did.
His mouth went dry and his stomach clenched at the expression on Kyuhyun’s face as the singer forced his hips into stuttering thrusts. He was pale and sweating, but Donghae couldn’t help thinking his face looked like orgasmic bliss - the slightly opened mouth, the panting, the small furrow between his heavy eyebrows, the glaze over his hooded eyes. He tried not to think any further (how that face would look underneath him, how that sweat would taste on Kyuhyun’s skin, how it would feel to have those hips pressed up against his own) but the more they practiced this part of the choreography, the harder it became.
Donghae was grateful when Leeteuk called it a day after yet another run of this particular part. He caught the quick, concerned glance the leader threw at their youngest member, drenched in sweat from head to toe so that his clothes were sticking to his skin, large dark spots running down his back and chest where the moisture had accumulated most. Donghae followed Sungmin to their water bottles, intent on forcing his eyes and mind away from Kyuhyun. He felt guilty and dirty in a way that had nothing to do with sweat, but it served as a nice physical reminder.
He tried not to think of how he’d like to stalk over, push Kyuhyun up against those damn mirrors, and kiss him into submission, and instead of how the other members would react to it. He would ruin everything - his friendship with Kyuhyun, his friendship with everyone else, the only family he had near, possibly all of their dreams. He gulped down water, playing the worst case scenario in his head in its entire length to clear away the profane lust.
“Kyuhyun!” Sungmin called next to him, sounding annoyed. He took another large gulp. “Take a break! If you don’t let your body rest a bit, you’ll make no progress!”
Donghae squeezed his eyes shut, seeing Kyuhyun inside his mind: in front of the mirror wall, stubbornly going through his moves, jerky and awkward, his limbs looking gangly. He’d had problems with his pelvis ever since the accident so the hip thrusts were tiring on his body, especially with his awkward stance. He’d work himself sick if someone didn’t point out to him how to make the movement easier.
“Seriously,” Sungmin grumbled lowly, and when Donghae opened his eyes and turned around, the other had already marched over to Kyuhyun, shoving a water bottle into the singer’s hands. His face was thunderous, but he didn’t say anything as he watched Kyuhyun drink from the bottle, choosing instead to press his lips into a tight white line. Even from halfway across the room Donghae could see the slight tremble to Kyuhyun’s limbs, the way his chest heaved with breathless pants.
Fighting with himself for a split second, he swore under his breath, recapped his water, and carelessly threw it back into his bag before sauntering over to Sungmin and Kyuhyun in what he hoped was a casual manner. He made sure to let his smile crinkle up his eyes as he gave Sungmin a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Don’t pull such a face, he’s not that bad.”
Kyuhyun scowled at him over the rim of his bottle, looking even paler up close, and utterly exhausted with the way his hair was plastered onto his forehead with sweat and the red spots on his skin were standing out glaringly. “Very funny, hyung.”
Ignoring the acid tone, Donghae took the water bottle from him and pushed it into Sungmin’s hands, before he crouched down next to Kyuhyun and put his hands on the other’s thighs to arrange them in a different angle. The maknae didn’t even protest, just wordlessly bent his legs as much as Donghae directed him to do. Donghae kept his head down, gritting his teeth against the much too tempting feeling of shifting muscles and rough cotton under his fingers, Kyuhyun’s body heat soaking through it.
He felt his body temperature rise as if in answer, but refused to linger on it, only too aware of Sungmin’s eyes on his back. He slid his hand to Kyuyhun’s knees, adapting their angle, shifting his body weight, then straightened to stand in front of him. “The more you bend your legs, the more leverage you get,” Donghae said, trying to focus on the explanation that Kyuhyun probably didn’t even need instead of the way his hands were now brushing over the sweat-soaked shirt front, pushing lightly against the singer’s stomach. Kyuhyun shivered, a delicate ripple of flesh under his fingers.
Donghae’s voice scratched against his throat. “Tension in your abdominal muscles will make the movement smoother,” he continued, swallowing against the dryness in his mouth as Kyuhyun’s exhales brushed hotly against his cheek. Donghae moved his hands down to Kyuhyun’s hips, avoiding his eyes. “Try it.”
He could feel Kyuhyun’s breath stirring his hair, could hear the soft pants, then the maknae lifted his hips in a thrusting motion, helped along by Donghae’s hands still on his hips, and their groins were aligned, almost touching, molten heat flooding into Donghae’s member and a groan rising in his throat -
Donghae stepped back abruptly when Kyuhyun lowered his hips only to raise them again in a much smoother movement. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants to hide their trembling and ignored the dull throbbing in his groin in favor of plastering a smirk on his face. “Think you got the dry humping down now?”
He heard Sungmin snort, but Kyuhyun only good-naturedly rolled his eyes and briefly clasped his shoulder. “Thank you, hyung,” he said and gave him one of the blinding smiles that left Donghae blinking into space even after Kyuhyun had been dragged aside by Sungmin for a lecture on keeping healthy.
Still too hot and half-hard in his pants, Donghae closed his eyes and focused on the nagging feeling of guilt that was starting to settle uncomfortably in his stomach, hoping it would wash away every last ounce of arousal.
-
Donghae was grateful when promotion finally started. Performing Miinah on stage meant no mirrors to watch Kyuhyun. During the last practices, his expression of deep concentration had been exchanged with the one he’d be wearing live, a bold, dark stare from hooded eyes and a half-smirk that was even worse than the previous look since the predatory quality to it made heat pool straight in Donghae’s groin.
When they started their first promotion performance on Music Bank, the feeling of relief was almost as overwhelming as the exhilaration of being on stage again, hearing the screams of their fans, feeling the heat of the stage lights that made you sweat before you had even done the first step of your choreography. It turned out, though, that mirrors weren’t necessary at all because Donghae’s mind supplied the appropriate image of Kyuhyun doing his routine on its own volition, right down to the heavy gaze and mocking curl of his lips.
The public torture lasted two weeks, then Kyuhyun had to pause performances because of his ear surgery. Donghae did the stage on 4th of June with mixed feelings, the most palpable one being the sense of emptiness. Another member missing, and this time Kyuhyun. The lack of his rich voice in the swelling of their chorus left a gap that wasn’t as easily filled as his solo slots, and it reminded him entirely too much of back then, after the accident.
Everyone had a hard time filling in for Kyuhyun, even Leeteuk with the half-lines that were the pendant to Yesung’s. But he felt his own substitution was lacking the most, and he could see it in others’ eyes that they thought so, too - their manager, for example. He was nice about it, though, patting Donghae’s back after the performance and probably mentally ascribing it to nervousness with the unfamiliar parts. Still, Donghae felt unsatisfied after their stage and was glad to be home when they finally arrived back at the dorms late in the evening.
He retreated into his room immediately after short goodnight wishes and shut the door firmly to indicate that he wanted a moment of privacy. He was dialing the number of the bedside phone in Kyuhyun’s hospital room before he had even sat down on the bed, not thinking about how late it was before it had already rung twice.
“Hello,” Kyuhyun answered the phone, a smile in his voice that was smooth like cool silk, nothing like the rough, scratched tone from back then.
Donghae smiled in relief, feeling stupid and irrational now that he was hearing the difference, not just letting reason supply it. “Kyuhyun-ah, how are you? Are you alright?”
Kyuhyun laughed his quiet laugh. “I’m fine, Donghae-hyung. A bit tired still, but absolutely fine. Better than before, actually.”
“That’s good.” All the awkwardness on his part that had strained their relationship in the past weeks was washed away by the warm content that settled in his chest at how sincere Kyuhyun sounded. He flopped back unto the bed, smiling at the ceiling, and called himself an idiot that he had let this phase of attraction towards the maknae get in the way of their sibling bond. What a horrible elder brother he was.
“I watched your performance,” Kyuhyun informed him from the other end of the line. “You were really great, hyung.”
Even though he knew that was just baseless flattery, Donghae couldn’t suppress a laugh, fed by the mental image of Kyuhyun in his hospital bed snickering over how their dancing looked on TV. He was about to launch into a complimenting ramble, how everyone had missed him terribly and filling his parts felt strange so he should hurry and come back because they’d never be as good as him, when Kyuhyun added, “Teukie-hyung and Sungmin-hyung did a really great job, too, I’m really thankful to you all.”
The strangeness of Kyuhyun openly thanking them caught him off guard and reminded Donghae of how lacking he had felt after substituting, how his voice had come out uncertain, and how he was afraid his discomfort had shown on his face. The ramble died on his tongue, and while he knew that none of that was Kyuhyun’s fault, he still felt vindictive enough to reply, “You should be. After all, everyone worked hard to cover for you.”
He should’ve known Kyuhyun wouldn’t even be fazed by it.
“I could tell,” he said warmly, with another one of his quiet laughs. It’s moments like this that had been missing lately due to the stiffness that had descended on him whenever Donghae got near the singer, so he relished in the sound of Kyuhyun’s laugh and the safety of distance as he closed his eyes and rolled onto his side to find a comfortable position on the bed. Kyuhyun’s voice was still warm and sincere when he continued, “You looked really good dancing, hyung. Very sexy.”
Donghae stilled abruptly and his eyes shot open in shock. What? His heart was beating a mile a minute now and he stared unseeingly at the closet across from the bed, trying to figure out where this had come from and how the hell he was supposed to react and why couldn’t things have stayed as they were a second ago? He knew Kyuhyun was only teasing, he liked to annoy him with pointing out how he was the most popular member in China and possibly in Korea too, exaggerating their fangirls’ reactions by saying they fainted when Donghae only smiled at them. So he said, “ Better than you could ever look, so don’t make fun.”
But he was shaken again, could feel the first coils of arousal in the way his blood was rushing through his veins, way too hot. His mind conjured up an entirely different image of Kyuhyun watching their performance in his hospital bed, one in which his eyes were half-lidded and his cheeks slightly flushed, gripping the remote so tightly his knuckles stood out white. Donghae’s thumping heart almost drowned out Kyuhyun’s next words.
“I think that first part where you filled in for me was especially interesting to look at.”
Donghae had to stifle a groan. The pelvic thrusts. Oh God. He managed an inquiring hum despite the dryness of his mouth and the memories of that one practice rushing back at him.
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun continued conversationally on the other line, sounding like he was telling him about something as casual as his new computer game instead of one of the more promiscuous parts of their choreography, “I’ve never really seen how it looks properly, you know? I’ve always been more focused on getting the damn move done at all.”
“Oh,” Donghae replied weakly, half relieved at the anti-climatic follow-up, half angry at himself for being such a jerk over things when the maknae was still struggling with the dance move. And he himself had nothing better to do than to ogle him while at it.
“Do I look as hot as you did when I do it?
He was caught unawares, not entirely focused on the conversation anymore, but still enough to register what Kyuhyun had said, although thrown off-balance. For a second, his mind drew blank and all he could think of as an answer was an involuntary, “hotter,” because the view of Kyuhyun doing that move had been making him ache with lust for weeks now, driving him insane because he couldn’t do anything about it, wasn’t allowing himself to although he wanted it so fucking much and then he realized the word had already escaped his mouth and there was silence on the other line.
Oh God.
This was what he had tried so hard to avoid, ruining everything because of his misplaced desire for someone just out of reach. He was still fumbling for a joke, a follow-up, an explanation, anything, when Kyuhyun’s voice came from the line again, deeper, silkier, and huskier. “Really?”
It was only two syllables, but somehow Kyuhyun managed to imply something dark and velvety and sinful with it, sending a violent shiver down Donghae’s spine that flooded into his groin like a pool of molten heat and tore an involuntary groan from his throat.
He pressed the end button and threw the phone to the far side of the bed, shocked and panting as he sat up hurriedly, his erection painfully straining against his pants. Suppressing the urge to touch himself, he raked a hand through his hair, thoroughly destroying its careful arrangement. So much for the safety of distance. He didn’t know what had come over Kyuhyun to pull that stunt, but he wasn’t inclined to forgive him for it anytime soon.
-
The next two performances that weekend didn’t go much better than the first one. It felt familiar to be on stage and Donghae had his own part in the song down to perfection, from the expressions he should use to the magic trick. But substituting for Kyuhyun turned out disastrous once again, his voice wavering in a way that had him cringing internally.
Kyuhyun was released from the hospital on Saturday and Donghae avoided looking him in the eye when they all greeted him back with too-loud cheering, then excused himself as soon as he could without arousing suspicion. Kyuhyun didn’t come looking for him in his room and he was grateful for small favors.
On Monday, Leeteuk pulled him aside during the flight back from Singapore and everything went downhill from there. Apparently their manager had told him that while Donghae’s weak substitution parts in Miinah couldn’t be helped, he wanted him to get a better grip on his vocals for the long run. Their manager had approved of Leeteuk’s request to let Donghae work with one of their group’s main vocals, and Donghae was still wondering why Leeteuk had asked for that in the first place when the leader fixed him with one of his seldom but effective no-nonsense gazes and said, “Kyuhyun will help you with this."
Donghae opened his mouth to protest, his mind already reeling with horrified thoughts of how disastrous such a situation would be for his self-control, alone with Kyuhyun in a small, enclosed space, but Leeteuk cut in with, “For whatever reason that I won’t ask about, you have been avoiding him lately. I want you to work this out, Donghae, it’s not good for the group.”
He stood, gave him a gentle smile, and left Donghae in his seat, stunned. He hadn’t even thought about what continued issues with the way he felt attracted to Kyuhyun would do to the group, only about what would happen if he ever acted on it. This new angle to the situation didn’t exactly make it easier, rather made him feel even more torn.
Donghae managed to avoid Kyuhyun for the next few days (which wasn’t too hard because when the maknae was at home he was mostly holed up in his room, still recovering and sensitive to noise), still unsure of how to act now.
But on Friday neither their respective schedules, nor his evasive tactics helped any longer. Before they left for their Music Bank rehearsal, he met Kyuhyun in the 11th floor kitchen after having been kicked out of Hyukjae’s room for being too annoying. Just as he was about to excuse himself and maybe go back to his own dorm, Kyuhyun said, “Teukie-hyung asked me to do a bit of vocal training with you.”
Donghae froze under Kyuhyun’s dark, steady gaze, directed at him over the glass of water the maknae was nursing while he was leaning casually against the sink. Swallowing hard, Donghae tried a smile but it felt unsteady. “That’s what he told me. Are you well enough already? I don’t want you to push yourself, you should take enough time to recover well.”
He probably would’ve added more about how he shouldn’t prolong his recovery with early strain since all the fans were waiting for him to come back, but Kyuhyun made the words die on his lips with a laugh. It was one of his short ones, deep and husky, and it made Donghae lick his lips because his whole mouth suddenly felt parched.
“Don’t worry, hyung, I’m well enough for some singing lessons,” Kyuhyun answered lightly, in absolute contrast to the sinking feeling in Donghae’s stomach. “You’ll be the one doing all the work after all.”
Feeling a twinge of annoyance at the other, Donghae pressed his lips together. “Well, what do you suggest then?” he asked in a clipped tone.
Kyuhyun brushed his rude tone off with an amused curl of his lips. “If you want to, we can start today when you get back from Music Bank. If you’re not too tired, that is, hyung.”
Annoyed at Kyuhyun for not leaving him a way out without sounding like a wimp, annoyed at Leeteuk for landing him in this situation, and most of all annoyed at himself for being unable to control his feelings and failing in his role as older brother, Donghae agreed curtly, then excused himself and fled to the relative safety of his own dorm.
At Music Bank, he threw all he had into the performances, letting loose a little more than usual, trying to jump just a little higher. When they arrived back in the dorms, everyone as usual immediately dispersing for whatever they had scheduled since the night was still young, he managed to snatch the shower before any of the others could. He stank of sweat and make-up, his hair was sticky with the products that held it in place, and as much as he wasn’t inclined to make the following meeting more pleasant for Kyuhyun, he needed to get rid of the grime.
He lingered under the hot water as long as possible, rubbing at his face to get every last rest of make-up off, but eventually, Heechul started pounding on the door and told him to “hurry the fuck up, other people want to get rid of all the shit as well.”
Turning the water off with a sigh, Donghae dried himself and slipped back into the clothes he had changed into at the TV studio. He started gently toweling his wet hair to a merely damp state as he opened the door. His fringe fell into his eyes, blurring his view of his hyung who was impatiently waiting, but the pointed look Heechul gave him worked just fine even half-obscured.
“Stop being such a coward about this, Donghae, you’re just causing unnecessary trouble for everyone. It’s just Kyuhyun, he thinks the sun shines out of your ass.” Heechul rolled his eyes, giving Donghae a firm pat on the cheek that stung more than he had probably intended, then he vanished into the bathroom.
Absentmindedly rubbing the damp towel over his cheek, Donghae pushed Heechul’s words aside in the face of more pressing matters. He didn’t have time to think about them properly, not now when he’d meet with Kyuhyun for practice in a few minutes and their whole weekend was packed with schedules and training to work on No Other and the whole thing was just giving him a headache that made his mood turn sour. Grimacing, he tugged at his bangs a bit harder than necessary as he made his way back to his room, intent on changing into a fresh shirt.
He stopped abruptly in the doorway to his room, the towel still raised, when he saw Kyuhyun sitting at his desk, looking bored. “What are you doing here?” The question came out rather curt.
Kyuhyun only raised his eyebrows at him, used to dealing with his snappy moods because the other members had quickly found out that Kyuhyun seemed to be able to stoically ignore Donghae’s angry verbal lashings, letting even hurtful statements trickle off him like drops of water. “Singing lessons, hyung, remember?”
Letting the towel settle back around his neck, Donghae grabbed both ends with his hands to stop himself from fidgeting. “I thought we’d be going to the studio.”
“Nah, not today,” the maknae replied, idly pushing the desk chair back on its hind legs. “Today’s just some basic stuff, we don’t need a studio for it.”
“Basic stuff,” Donghae repeated blankly, wondering exactly how horrible Kyuhyun thought he was at singing. The thought made his annoyance at the maknae and the whole situation rise even further. Seeing that Kyuhyun wasn’t going to answer, he stiffly marched over to his cupboard, flinging the towel over a rack to dry. Too aware of Kyuhyun’s presence in the room, he awkwardly took of his shirt and chose a new one, never even glancing over his shoulder to see if he was watching. It certainly felt like it. “Basic stuff means what exactly?” he asked aggressively and shut the cupboard door before he turned around, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kyuhyun shrugged. “Breathing exercises, enunciation, pitching. I don’t know, hyung, whatever comes in handy.”
Clenching his teeth, Donghae glared. “I’m not a fucking beginner, Kyuhyun, I know how to breathe properly.”
“Sure, but I have to loosen you up somehow, right?” he replied bluntly, grinning obnoxiously at him from his comfortable seat.
“Maybe being less of a dickheaded brat would help,” Donghae spat, anger rising.
“Okay,” Kyuhyun answered calmly, catching him off guard. Donghae watched as the other tapped his chin in mock thoughtfulness, eyeing him. “What else should I be then? Sweet and caring like Wookie?” He got up from the chair with an impersonation of the wide-eyed expression of worry Ryeowook sometimes wore. “Are you alright, Donghae-hyung? Have you eaten? Would you like some food? Let me make you some, okay?” he imitated their fellow member’s way of caring for the group.
Donghae opened his mouth to tell him that this wasn’t funny, but Kyuhyun grinned and said, “Or Heechul-hyung?” Painting a deep scowl on his face, he glared arrogantly. “You, Lee Donghae, if you have a problem, just say so. If not, stop bitching and shut the fuck up.” The imitation of Heechul’s imperiously pointing finger made Donghae raise his eyebrows.
“Or Teukie-hyung?” Kyuhyun asked impishly. “You’re tense? Are you not feeling well? Really, Donghae, you should stop working so hard and rest more or you’ll get sick. I know you don’t want to disappoint us, but this is really not helping, so go to bed early tonight, okay?” he said hurriedly in a horrible rendering of their leaders distracted fussing, but unashamed of making a fool of himself.
Donghae rolled his eyes. “Kyuhyun…”
The maknae tapped his chin again. “Still no good? Alright, one last shot, okay, hyung?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but instead clasped his hands together in front of his chest and tried his hardest to simper. “Oppa~! Why do you have circles under your eyes? Are you eating well? Donghae-oppa~!”
Achieving to be neither cute nor simpering, Kyuhyun failed hysterically with his fangirl impersonation. It was so ridiculous that Donghae couldn’t help but crack an unwilling smile at the unabashed goofiness the maknae was putting on for him.
Seeing the smile, Kyuhyun pretended to swoon. “Donghai, ni hao shuai! Donghai~!” he ended in high-pitched Chinese, which was the last straw. Kyuhyun imitated the fangirl squeals perfectly but he looked so entirely awkward at the same time that finally made Donghae crack and laugh loudly at him, throwing a high-pitched “Kuixian!” back at the other which effectively killed his swooning as he burst out laughing as well.
It took them a few moments to calm down, and Donghae ended up leaning against his cupboard, grinning stupidly to himself, finally comfortable with being alone with Kyuhyun again. “Okay, I think I prefer you as a brat,” he told the maknae, who was braced on the edge of the desk.
Kyuhyun scoffed. “Just because you like to have a reason to boss me around.”
“Among other things,” Donghae replied happily, pushing off from the cupboard. “Okay, let’s do this.” As he got into a comfortable stance in the middle of the room, he could feel Kyuhyun’s eyes on him, evaluating. He tried not to let it unnerve him and lifted his head to look at the other who was leaning back against the desk in a relaxed pose, watching him closely with dark eyes. “Alright, hyung. Imagine you’re leaning back against something, a wall, for example.”
Trying to ignore Kyuhyun’s heavy gaze and staying relaxed, Donghae closed his eyes and went through the familiar exercise of shifting his weight against an imaginary object.
“Concentrate on that feeling,” Kyuhyun continued in a low voice and Donghae frowned. That was not how he remembered the warm-up. “Feel how strong the object is against your back, secure.” Following the maknae’s slow instructions, Donghae let his mind come up with sensations as he settled into his stance more comfortably. “Feel the smoothness.” The word was almost a whisper. “The warmth.” With his eyes closed, Kyuhyun’s voice enveloped him, deeper than he remembered and a bit hoarse, and it messed with his mind. Made him swallow and clench his fists because he swore he could really feel warmth radiating through his body.
“Good,” Kyuhyun said.
Donghae opened his eyes again and the imaginary feeling disappeared, making a shiver run down his spine. He forced himself to relax again even as he was now too aware of Kyuhyun’s presence in the room, the sound of his voice and breath. “What now?” he asked with deliberate lightness, trying to provoke a sarcastic remark that would dissolve the unfamiliar intensity that had settled over them.
But Kyuhyun remained serious, watching him, and obviously too focused to bother with wit. Donghae resisted the urge to shift.
“Breathe, hyung,” Kyuhyun said simply.
His face had taken on the heavy-lidded look of concentration that had gotten to Donghae so much during Miinah practice and he involuntarily drew in a flat breath as his heart beat tripped and then sped up. He exhaled more calmly, avoiding Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“Again,” Kyuhyun repeated in a low voice.
Donghae drew another breath, forced his diaphragm to contract properly to give his lungs room to expand, but it felt awkward and unnatural and he knew that Kyuhyun would notice.
“You’re too tense, hyung.”
Managing a smile, Donghae replied, “Better crack another joke then, huh?”
But Kyuhyun didn’t reply and when he opened his eyes, the maknae had gotten up from the desk to step over to him. He stopped right in front of him. “You really need to relax, Donghae-hyung.” And then he pushed up Donghae’s shirt and put his hands on the dips right over his hipbones.
Donghae’s breath hitched and he closed his eyes involuntarily as his muscles jerked with the touch of Kyuhyun’s warm fingers on his skin. The maknae’s touch was gentle but firm and his thumbs brushed against Donghae’s ribs. Heat pooled in his groin and his heart pounded in his chest with a heavy rhythm as Kyuhyun shifted closer, his body heat washing over him and his breath stirring the hair on his forehead. Donghae swallowed dryly, not trusting himself to speak for fear it would come out as a groan.
“Try to push against my hands,” Kyuhyun said, his voice a quiet rumble.
He was too close. Too close, too warm, too tempting. Donghae could feel his hands trembling slightly as he tried to hide how affected he was by Kyuhyun’s closeness and push aside the rising lust to focus on his breathing. He inhaled again, flatly, feeling Kyuhyun’s fingers brush against his sides, his palms pressing against his stomach. The breath came out shakily as Donghae once again listed all the reasons why molesting Kyuhyun was a bad idea, why their friendship was more precious than rampant hormones.
He could feel Kyuhyun lean forward, his warm breath brushing over the shell of his ear as he said softly, “Just let go, hyung.”
And then his hot mouth was around Donghae’s earlobe and all the reasons became unimportant as Donghae’s hips jerked and he moaned into Kyuhyun’s neck. In an instant, he was pressing open-mouthed kisses to skin there, tracing sinews with his tongue, scraping his teeth over Kyuhyun’s rapid pulse.
He heard Kyuhyun’s first shaky moan right next to his ear, warm and low and shuddering, and he buried his hand in Kyuhyun’s hair to keep his mouth right there as he slipped his thigh in between the others legs, drinking in every pant and every soft groan.
Kyuhyun’s hands were clenched around his hips, pulling him close as they pressed into each other, breathing hard. Donghae was peppering short, sloppy kisses to his jawline, and then he shifted his hands to tilt Kyuhyun’s had down to press their mouths together for a forceful kiss, moving his lips over Kyuhyun’s hot mouth and feeling him respond just as urgently.
They pulled apart, panting, and Kyuhyun shivered violently when Donghae’s thigh shifted against his hard length. “The bed,” Donghae murmured against his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip as they blindly stumbled towards Donghae’s narrow bed. He vaguely hoped that no one would walk in on this, but didn’t care enough to lock the door.
He pulled Kyuhyun’s shirt over the other’s head, carelessly letting it fall to the floor as Kyuhyun sank down to sit on the edge of the bed and pushed the fabric of Donghae’s shirt up to his chest to ghost his lips over his abdomen. He brushed his free hand over Donghae’s ribs and around to his back, stroking over warm skin and firm muscles. Donghae shuddered as he trailed his tongue around his navel down to the seam of his pants, tangling hands in his hair to push him closer. When the fingers on his chest flicked sharply over a nipple, Donghae groaned and let his head fall back at the sensation, panting breathlessly.
Then Kyuhyun’s mouth was suddenly around his nipple and one of his hands was firmly grasping the bulge in Donghae’s pants, making his hips jerk as he groaned loudly. His whole body was on fire and he was hyper-aware of the feeling of Kyuhyun’s hair under his fingers, his mouth on his skin, his hands around his erection. “God, Kyuhyun,” he rasped, his voice low and hoarse, untangling his hands to pull his own shirt off and push the maknae on his back.
He kissed him again, desperately, as he caged his head with his arms and pressed their hips together roughly. Kyuhyun moaned into his mouth, restless hands wandering over his shoulders and back, tugging at his hair and finally settling on his butt to pull him closer, push their erections together again and again.
Donghae could feel the sweat rolling down his neck as he exchanged another urgent kiss with Kyuhyun, could feel his length straining against his jeans and the pressure building with every jerk of his hips. Hoisting himself onto one arm, he fumbled the button of Kyuhyun’s pants open and Kyuhyun half sat up to tug both his jeans and his underwear off, taking the opportunity to nip and suck at Donghae’s collarbone.
Giving Kyuhyun’s erection a firm tug, Donghae watched with dark eyes as his face contorted in pleasure, his back arching off the bed as his hand reached the tip of his length and his thumb pressed over the slit leaking precum. Kyuhyun let out a low moan, biting his lip as he grabbed Donghae’s wrist, pushing his hand down for another tug. His face looked like back in the practice room, his mouth open and panting, his eyes unfocused and his brows slightly furrowed. Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead and he was groaning Donghae’s name when he jerked his member again.
Donghae would’ve loved to see him come like this, with his hand on Kyuhyun’s member, firmly jerking him off, watching his face as he came undone for him. But Kyuhyun pulled his hand away from his erection and pushed against his shoulder until he was lying flat on his back, Kyuhyun’s lips moving over his own.
He felt the fingers opening the button of his pants, felt them stroke over his erection before Kyuhyun pulled the material off his hips, pushing both the jeans and his boxers down far enough that he could kick them off. And then the maknae was kissing down his chest, leaving a damp trail that cooled rapidly, before he took the tip of his length into his mouth.
A violent jolt of pleasure made his hips jerk and his body arch and he swore loudly as his whole world was reduced to the hot friction at the head of his erection. He blindly fumbled for Kyuhyun’s head even while he was groaning and hissing from the heat of his mouth and the velvety curl of his tongue around him. He was only half conscious that he was whispering Kyuhyhun’s name, only barely aware of the hands stroking his thighs before one of them settled around the base of his shaft with gentle pressure.
And then Kyuhyun pushed lower on his length, the searing heat enveloping him and Donghae pressed his eyes closed, biting harshly at his bottom lip. The ball of heat in his groin was winding tighter, but this was not how he wanted this to end, this was not what is should be like, so he cupped his hands around Kyuhyun’s cheeks and tugged him up for a kiss.
He was half-gone, murmuring nonsensical phrases into Kyuhyun’s mouth as their bodies pushed together, slick with sweat.
“Hyung,” Kyuhyun panted, pressing his lips against his jaw, “Donghae, please. Now.”
Remembering the need for condoms and lubrication, Donghae rolled over to the edge of the bed to get to his bedside table, blindly reaching into the drawer. Kyuhyun’s mouth was on the back of his neck, his teeth scraping lightly over the bumps of his spine, making him clumsily shut the drawer with a bang when he had grabbed hold of the packages. He could feel Kyuhyun placing open-mouthed kissed along his neck, sucking on his pulse as he was rolling the condom down his length and lubricated it with hasty jerks that felt too good.
When he turned back around, Kyuhyun hooked a leg around his hips, pulling his head down to bury his face in his hair as Donghae brushed his entrance with a lubricated finger, slipping it inside of him. He could feel Kyuhyun’s shuddering exhale on his ear as he slowly pushed in another finger, could hear the hitches in his breath as he gently probed deeper. He was hot and tight around him, and his body was shaking under his, his hands restlessly wandering over his back.
“Touch yourself,” Donghae whispered into his hair, feeling him jerk when he stretched him wider. “C’mon, Kyuhyun, touch yourself.” He grazed his teeth over the shell of his ear.
Kyuhyun groaned and slid a hand down to his erection, stroking his erection until the pleasure overrode the pain and his leg was gripping Donghae’s hips tighter, his fingers digging into the small of his back. “Donghae,” he rasped, “please.”
Donghae obediently withdrew his fingers, wrapping them around Kyuhyun’s shaft instead, pushing his hand away as he stroked him firmly. He closed his mouth around his earlobe, pushing inside of him slowly when he felt him shudder and heard his groan. Despite the pleasure, Kyuhyun tensed from the pain, his walls clenching around Donghae who cursed abruptly at the sudden grip, shaking. He was panting harshly, his hair stuck to the back of his neck and his forehead, his arms trembling.
And then Kyuhyun moaned “Fuck, Donghae” and tightened the leg around his hips abruptly so that he pushed into him, making him hiss. Donghae’s brain went numb with the pleasure shooting up his spine and his arms almost gave away. He was half-aware that he was whispering into Kyuhyun’s hair, but too far gone to know what he was saying. He thrust shallowly into Kyuhyun, the friction taking his breath away as the feeling of Kyuhyun’s heat and his skin and his breath on his ear and his name on his lips became the only things that mattered.
Donghae was stroking him, and thrusting deeper with every move of his hips. He lifted his head enough to look at Kyuhyun’s contorted face, saw the sweat rolling down his forehead and his tightly pressed lips. And then he thrust again and Kyuhyun’s mouth opened in a soundless groan, his hands digging into his hips and pressing him closer.
Donghae picked up his pace and pushed deeper, getting lost in the tight heat around his member and the sound of Kyuhyun’s breathless groans. He could feel the pleasure coiling, could feel his balls tightening, and he could feel his world narrow down to fragmented sensations and the sharp movement of his hips. Kyuhyun tensed under him until he dissolved into shudders, Donghae’s hand still stroking him as he came with a broken moan. And then the heat in Donghae’s groin coiled and exploded, his hips jerking erratically and his whole body shivering above Kyuhyun as he came hard and then collapsed.
Kyuhyun lazily ran a hand down his back and up again to curl around his neck. “Fuck,” he said, his voice still hoarse.
“I really shouldn’t have done this,” Donghae murmured into his neck, but couldn’t find the energy to get up. “Oh God, this could just ruin everything.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Kyuhyun said, sounding annoyed. “You know, I’m really getting the feeling that you’re afraid of me.”
Donghae rolled his eyes. “What the heck, Kyuhyun.”
“Tell me you’ve not been avoiding me for weeks.”
He tiredly lifted himself up enough to glare down at Kyuhyun. “Because I was trying not to rip the group apart from the inside, okay? How could I know that you have the hots for me?”
Kyuhyun lifted an eyebrow. “Hyung, I’ve liked you since I came into Super Junior. I wrote you a fucking essay.”
“Just shut up,” Donghae replied and bent down to kiss him. When they broke apart, he flopped down again. “You’re such a brat, I don’t even know why I like you.”
“Because I’m awesome, obviously,” Kyuhyun answered and wrapped his arms around Donghae’s back to pull him closer.
It was still awkward, they’d only started putting things together and working on the finer details, so there was stumbling and jerky movements and muttered curses as the song played on. Donghae stepped into position in the v-shape formation, in between Hyukjae and Ryeowook, and bit his lip when he looked forward into the mirror wall, his gaze inevitably slipping to Kyuhyun at the front of the V, as it always did.
His mouth went dry and his stomach clenched at the expression on Kyuhyun’s face as the singer forced his hips into stuttering thrusts. He was pale and sweating, but Donghae couldn’t help thinking his face looked like orgasmic bliss - the slightly opened mouth, the panting, the small furrow between his heavy eyebrows, the glaze over his hooded eyes. He tried not to think any further (how that face would look underneath him, how that sweat would taste on Kyuhyun’s skin, how it would feel to have those hips pressed up against his own) but the more they practiced this part of the choreography, the harder it became.
Donghae was grateful when Leeteuk called it a day after yet another run of this particular part. He caught the quick, concerned glance the leader threw at their youngest member, drenched in sweat from head to toe so that his clothes were sticking to his skin, large dark spots running down his back and chest where the moisture had accumulated most. Donghae followed Sungmin to their water bottles, intent on forcing his eyes and mind away from Kyuhyun. He felt guilty and dirty in a way that had nothing to do with sweat, but it served as a nice physical reminder.
He tried not to think of how he’d like to stalk over, push Kyuhyun up against those damn mirrors, and kiss him into submission, and instead of how the other members would react to it. He would ruin everything - his friendship with Kyuhyun, his friendship with everyone else, the only family he had near, possibly all of their dreams. He gulped down water, playing the worst case scenario in his head in its entire length to clear away the profane lust.
“Kyuhyun!” Sungmin called next to him, sounding annoyed. He took another large gulp. “Take a break! If you don’t let your body rest a bit, you’ll make no progress!”
Donghae squeezed his eyes shut, seeing Kyuhyun inside his mind: in front of the mirror wall, stubbornly going through his moves, jerky and awkward, his limbs looking gangly. He’d had problems with his pelvis ever since the accident so the hip thrusts were tiring on his body, especially with his awkward stance. He’d work himself sick if someone didn’t point out to him how to make the movement easier.
“Seriously,” Sungmin grumbled lowly, and when Donghae opened his eyes and turned around, the other had already marched over to Kyuhyun, shoving a water bottle into the singer’s hands. His face was thunderous, but he didn’t say anything as he watched Kyuhyun drink from the bottle, choosing instead to press his lips into a tight white line. Even from halfway across the room Donghae could see the slight tremble to Kyuhyun’s limbs, the way his chest heaved with breathless pants.
Fighting with himself for a split second, he swore under his breath, recapped his water, and carelessly threw it back into his bag before sauntering over to Sungmin and Kyuhyun in what he hoped was a casual manner. He made sure to let his smile crinkle up his eyes as he gave Sungmin a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Don’t pull such a face, he’s not that bad.”
Kyuhyun scowled at him over the rim of his bottle, looking even paler up close, and utterly exhausted with the way his hair was plastered onto his forehead with sweat and the red spots on his skin were standing out glaringly. “Very funny, hyung.”
Ignoring the acid tone, Donghae took the water bottle from him and pushed it into Sungmin’s hands, before he crouched down next to Kyuhyun and put his hands on the other’s thighs to arrange them in a different angle. The maknae didn’t even protest, just wordlessly bent his legs as much as Donghae directed him to do. Donghae kept his head down, gritting his teeth against the much too tempting feeling of shifting muscles and rough cotton under his fingers, Kyuhyun’s body heat soaking through it.
He felt his body temperature rise as if in answer, but refused to linger on it, only too aware of Sungmin’s eyes on his back. He slid his hand to Kyuyhun’s knees, adapting their angle, shifting his body weight, then straightened to stand in front of him. “The more you bend your legs, the more leverage you get,” Donghae said, trying to focus on the explanation that Kyuhyun probably didn’t even need instead of the way his hands were now brushing over the sweat-soaked shirt front, pushing lightly against the singer’s stomach. Kyuhyun shivered, a delicate ripple of flesh under his fingers.
Donghae’s voice scratched against his throat. “Tension in your abdominal muscles will make the movement smoother,” he continued, swallowing against the dryness in his mouth as Kyuhyun’s exhales brushed hotly against his cheek. Donghae moved his hands down to Kyuhyun’s hips, avoiding his eyes. “Try it.”
He could feel Kyuhyun’s breath stirring his hair, could hear the soft pants, then the maknae lifted his hips in a thrusting motion, helped along by Donghae’s hands still on his hips, and their groins were aligned, almost touching, molten heat flooding into Donghae’s member and a groan rising in his throat -
Donghae stepped back abruptly when Kyuhyun lowered his hips only to raise them again in a much smoother movement. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants to hide their trembling and ignored the dull throbbing in his groin in favor of plastering a smirk on his face. “Think you got the dry humping down now?”
He heard Sungmin snort, but Kyuhyun only good-naturedly rolled his eyes and briefly clasped his shoulder. “Thank you, hyung,” he said and gave him one of the blinding smiles that left Donghae blinking into space even after Kyuhyun had been dragged aside by Sungmin for a lecture on keeping healthy.
Still too hot and half-hard in his pants, Donghae closed his eyes and focused on the nagging feeling of guilt that was starting to settle uncomfortably in his stomach, hoping it would wash away every last ounce of arousal.
-
Donghae was grateful when promotion finally started. Performing Miinah on stage meant no mirrors to watch Kyuhyun. During the last practices, his expression of deep concentration had been exchanged with the one he’d be wearing live, a bold, dark stare from hooded eyes and a half-smirk that was even worse than the previous look since the predatory quality to it made heat pool straight in Donghae’s groin.
When they started their first promotion performance on Music Bank, the feeling of relief was almost as overwhelming as the exhilaration of being on stage again, hearing the screams of their fans, feeling the heat of the stage lights that made you sweat before you had even done the first step of your choreography. It turned out, though, that mirrors weren’t necessary at all because Donghae’s mind supplied the appropriate image of Kyuhyun doing his routine on its own volition, right down to the heavy gaze and mocking curl of his lips.
The public torture lasted two weeks, then Kyuhyun had to pause performances because of his ear surgery. Donghae did the stage on 4th of June with mixed feelings, the most palpable one being the sense of emptiness. Another member missing, and this time Kyuhyun. The lack of his rich voice in the swelling of their chorus left a gap that wasn’t as easily filled as his solo slots, and it reminded him entirely too much of back then, after the accident.
Everyone had a hard time filling in for Kyuhyun, even Leeteuk with the half-lines that were the pendant to Yesung’s. But he felt his own substitution was lacking the most, and he could see it in others’ eyes that they thought so, too - their manager, for example. He was nice about it, though, patting Donghae’s back after the performance and probably mentally ascribing it to nervousness with the unfamiliar parts. Still, Donghae felt unsatisfied after their stage and was glad to be home when they finally arrived back at the dorms late in the evening.
He retreated into his room immediately after short goodnight wishes and shut the door firmly to indicate that he wanted a moment of privacy. He was dialing the number of the bedside phone in Kyuhyun’s hospital room before he had even sat down on the bed, not thinking about how late it was before it had already rung twice.
“Hello,” Kyuhyun answered the phone, a smile in his voice that was smooth like cool silk, nothing like the rough, scratched tone from back then.
Donghae smiled in relief, feeling stupid and irrational now that he was hearing the difference, not just letting reason supply it. “Kyuhyun-ah, how are you? Are you alright?”
Kyuhyun laughed his quiet laugh. “I’m fine, Donghae-hyung. A bit tired still, but absolutely fine. Better than before, actually.”
“That’s good.” All the awkwardness on his part that had strained their relationship in the past weeks was washed away by the warm content that settled in his chest at how sincere Kyuhyun sounded. He flopped back unto the bed, smiling at the ceiling, and called himself an idiot that he had let this phase of attraction towards the maknae get in the way of their sibling bond. What a horrible elder brother he was.
“I watched your performance,” Kyuhyun informed him from the other end of the line. “You were really great, hyung.”
Even though he knew that was just baseless flattery, Donghae couldn’t suppress a laugh, fed by the mental image of Kyuhyun in his hospital bed snickering over how their dancing looked on TV. He was about to launch into a complimenting ramble, how everyone had missed him terribly and filling his parts felt strange so he should hurry and come back because they’d never be as good as him, when Kyuhyun added, “Teukie-hyung and Sungmin-hyung did a really great job, too, I’m really thankful to you all.”
The strangeness of Kyuhyun openly thanking them caught him off guard and reminded Donghae of how lacking he had felt after substituting, how his voice had come out uncertain, and how he was afraid his discomfort had shown on his face. The ramble died on his tongue, and while he knew that none of that was Kyuhyun’s fault, he still felt vindictive enough to reply, “You should be. After all, everyone worked hard to cover for you.”
He should’ve known Kyuhyun wouldn’t even be fazed by it.
“I could tell,” he said warmly, with another one of his quiet laughs. It’s moments like this that had been missing lately due to the stiffness that had descended on him whenever Donghae got near the singer, so he relished in the sound of Kyuhyun’s laugh and the safety of distance as he closed his eyes and rolled onto his side to find a comfortable position on the bed. Kyuhyun’s voice was still warm and sincere when he continued, “You looked really good dancing, hyung. Very sexy.”
Donghae stilled abruptly and his eyes shot open in shock. What? His heart was beating a mile a minute now and he stared unseeingly at the closet across from the bed, trying to figure out where this had come from and how the hell he was supposed to react and why couldn’t things have stayed as they were a second ago? He knew Kyuhyun was only teasing, he liked to annoy him with pointing out how he was the most popular member in China and possibly in Korea too, exaggerating their fangirls’ reactions by saying they fainted when Donghae only smiled at them. So he said, “ Better than you could ever look, so don’t make fun.”
But he was shaken again, could feel the first coils of arousal in the way his blood was rushing through his veins, way too hot. His mind conjured up an entirely different image of Kyuhyun watching their performance in his hospital bed, one in which his eyes were half-lidded and his cheeks slightly flushed, gripping the remote so tightly his knuckles stood out white. Donghae’s thumping heart almost drowned out Kyuhyun’s next words.
“I think that first part where you filled in for me was especially interesting to look at.”
Donghae had to stifle a groan. The pelvic thrusts. Oh God. He managed an inquiring hum despite the dryness of his mouth and the memories of that one practice rushing back at him.
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun continued conversationally on the other line, sounding like he was telling him about something as casual as his new computer game instead of one of the more promiscuous parts of their choreography, “I’ve never really seen how it looks properly, you know? I’ve always been more focused on getting the damn move done at all.”
“Oh,” Donghae replied weakly, half relieved at the anti-climatic follow-up, half angry at himself for being such a jerk over things when the maknae was still struggling with the dance move. And he himself had nothing better to do than to ogle him while at it.
“Do I look as hot as you did when I do it?
He was caught unawares, not entirely focused on the conversation anymore, but still enough to register what Kyuhyun had said, although thrown off-balance. For a second, his mind drew blank and all he could think of as an answer was an involuntary, “hotter,” because the view of Kyuhyun doing that move had been making him ache with lust for weeks now, driving him insane because he couldn’t do anything about it, wasn’t allowing himself to although he wanted it so fucking much and then he realized the word had already escaped his mouth and there was silence on the other line.
Oh God.
This was what he had tried so hard to avoid, ruining everything because of his misplaced desire for someone just out of reach. He was still fumbling for a joke, a follow-up, an explanation, anything, when Kyuhyun’s voice came from the line again, deeper, silkier, and huskier. “Really?”
It was only two syllables, but somehow Kyuhyun managed to imply something dark and velvety and sinful with it, sending a violent shiver down Donghae’s spine that flooded into his groin like a pool of molten heat and tore an involuntary groan from his throat.
He pressed the end button and threw the phone to the far side of the bed, shocked and panting as he sat up hurriedly, his erection painfully straining against his pants. Suppressing the urge to touch himself, he raked a hand through his hair, thoroughly destroying its careful arrangement. So much for the safety of distance. He didn’t know what had come over Kyuhyun to pull that stunt, but he wasn’t inclined to forgive him for it anytime soon.
-
The next two performances that weekend didn’t go much better than the first one. It felt familiar to be on stage and Donghae had his own part in the song down to perfection, from the expressions he should use to the magic trick. But substituting for Kyuhyun turned out disastrous once again, his voice wavering in a way that had him cringing internally.
Kyuhyun was released from the hospital on Saturday and Donghae avoided looking him in the eye when they all greeted him back with too-loud cheering, then excused himself as soon as he could without arousing suspicion. Kyuhyun didn’t come looking for him in his room and he was grateful for small favors.
On Monday, Leeteuk pulled him aside during the flight back from Singapore and everything went downhill from there. Apparently their manager had told him that while Donghae’s weak substitution parts in Miinah couldn’t be helped, he wanted him to get a better grip on his vocals for the long run. Their manager had approved of Leeteuk’s request to let Donghae work with one of their group’s main vocals, and Donghae was still wondering why Leeteuk had asked for that in the first place when the leader fixed him with one of his seldom but effective no-nonsense gazes and said, “Kyuhyun will help you with this."
Donghae opened his mouth to protest, his mind already reeling with horrified thoughts of how disastrous such a situation would be for his self-control, alone with Kyuhyun in a small, enclosed space, but Leeteuk cut in with, “For whatever reason that I won’t ask about, you have been avoiding him lately. I want you to work this out, Donghae, it’s not good for the group.”
He stood, gave him a gentle smile, and left Donghae in his seat, stunned. He hadn’t even thought about what continued issues with the way he felt attracted to Kyuhyun would do to the group, only about what would happen if he ever acted on it. This new angle to the situation didn’t exactly make it easier, rather made him feel even more torn.
Donghae managed to avoid Kyuhyun for the next few days (which wasn’t too hard because when the maknae was at home he was mostly holed up in his room, still recovering and sensitive to noise), still unsure of how to act now.
But on Friday neither their respective schedules, nor his evasive tactics helped any longer. Before they left for their Music Bank rehearsal, he met Kyuhyun in the 11th floor kitchen after having been kicked out of Hyukjae’s room for being too annoying. Just as he was about to excuse himself and maybe go back to his own dorm, Kyuhyun said, “Teukie-hyung asked me to do a bit of vocal training with you.”
Donghae froze under Kyuhyun’s dark, steady gaze, directed at him over the glass of water the maknae was nursing while he was leaning casually against the sink. Swallowing hard, Donghae tried a smile but it felt unsteady. “That’s what he told me. Are you well enough already? I don’t want you to push yourself, you should take enough time to recover well.”
He probably would’ve added more about how he shouldn’t prolong his recovery with early strain since all the fans were waiting for him to come back, but Kyuhyun made the words die on his lips with a laugh. It was one of his short ones, deep and husky, and it made Donghae lick his lips because his whole mouth suddenly felt parched.
“Don’t worry, hyung, I’m well enough for some singing lessons,” Kyuhyun answered lightly, in absolute contrast to the sinking feeling in Donghae’s stomach. “You’ll be the one doing all the work after all.”
Feeling a twinge of annoyance at the other, Donghae pressed his lips together. “Well, what do you suggest then?” he asked in a clipped tone.
Kyuhyun brushed his rude tone off with an amused curl of his lips. “If you want to, we can start today when you get back from Music Bank. If you’re not too tired, that is, hyung.”
Annoyed at Kyuhyun for not leaving him a way out without sounding like a wimp, annoyed at Leeteuk for landing him in this situation, and most of all annoyed at himself for being unable to control his feelings and failing in his role as older brother, Donghae agreed curtly, then excused himself and fled to the relative safety of his own dorm.
At Music Bank, he threw all he had into the performances, letting loose a little more than usual, trying to jump just a little higher. When they arrived back in the dorms, everyone as usual immediately dispersing for whatever they had scheduled since the night was still young, he managed to snatch the shower before any of the others could. He stank of sweat and make-up, his hair was sticky with the products that held it in place, and as much as he wasn’t inclined to make the following meeting more pleasant for Kyuhyun, he needed to get rid of the grime.
He lingered under the hot water as long as possible, rubbing at his face to get every last rest of make-up off, but eventually, Heechul started pounding on the door and told him to “hurry the fuck up, other people want to get rid of all the shit as well.”
Turning the water off with a sigh, Donghae dried himself and slipped back into the clothes he had changed into at the TV studio. He started gently toweling his wet hair to a merely damp state as he opened the door. His fringe fell into his eyes, blurring his view of his hyung who was impatiently waiting, but the pointed look Heechul gave him worked just fine even half-obscured.
“Stop being such a coward about this, Donghae, you’re just causing unnecessary trouble for everyone. It’s just Kyuhyun, he thinks the sun shines out of your ass.” Heechul rolled his eyes, giving Donghae a firm pat on the cheek that stung more than he had probably intended, then he vanished into the bathroom.
Absentmindedly rubbing the damp towel over his cheek, Donghae pushed Heechul’s words aside in the face of more pressing matters. He didn’t have time to think about them properly, not now when he’d meet with Kyuhyun for practice in a few minutes and their whole weekend was packed with schedules and training to work on No Other and the whole thing was just giving him a headache that made his mood turn sour. Grimacing, he tugged at his bangs a bit harder than necessary as he made his way back to his room, intent on changing into a fresh shirt.
He stopped abruptly in the doorway to his room, the towel still raised, when he saw Kyuhyun sitting at his desk, looking bored. “What are you doing here?” The question came out rather curt.
Kyuhyun only raised his eyebrows at him, used to dealing with his snappy moods because the other members had quickly found out that Kyuhyun seemed to be able to stoically ignore Donghae’s angry verbal lashings, letting even hurtful statements trickle off him like drops of water. “Singing lessons, hyung, remember?”
Letting the towel settle back around his neck, Donghae grabbed both ends with his hands to stop himself from fidgeting. “I thought we’d be going to the studio.”
“Nah, not today,” the maknae replied, idly pushing the desk chair back on its hind legs. “Today’s just some basic stuff, we don’t need a studio for it.”
“Basic stuff,” Donghae repeated blankly, wondering exactly how horrible Kyuhyun thought he was at singing. The thought made his annoyance at the maknae and the whole situation rise even further. Seeing that Kyuhyun wasn’t going to answer, he stiffly marched over to his cupboard, flinging the towel over a rack to dry. Too aware of Kyuhyun’s presence in the room, he awkwardly took of his shirt and chose a new one, never even glancing over his shoulder to see if he was watching. It certainly felt like it. “Basic stuff means what exactly?” he asked aggressively and shut the cupboard door before he turned around, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kyuhyun shrugged. “Breathing exercises, enunciation, pitching. I don’t know, hyung, whatever comes in handy.”
Clenching his teeth, Donghae glared. “I’m not a fucking beginner, Kyuhyun, I know how to breathe properly.”
“Sure, but I have to loosen you up somehow, right?” he replied bluntly, grinning obnoxiously at him from his comfortable seat.
“Maybe being less of a dickheaded brat would help,” Donghae spat, anger rising.
“Okay,” Kyuhyun answered calmly, catching him off guard. Donghae watched as the other tapped his chin in mock thoughtfulness, eyeing him. “What else should I be then? Sweet and caring like Wookie?” He got up from the chair with an impersonation of the wide-eyed expression of worry Ryeowook sometimes wore. “Are you alright, Donghae-hyung? Have you eaten? Would you like some food? Let me make you some, okay?” he imitated their fellow member’s way of caring for the group.
Donghae opened his mouth to tell him that this wasn’t funny, but Kyuhyun grinned and said, “Or Heechul-hyung?” Painting a deep scowl on his face, he glared arrogantly. “You, Lee Donghae, if you have a problem, just say so. If not, stop bitching and shut the fuck up.” The imitation of Heechul’s imperiously pointing finger made Donghae raise his eyebrows.
“Or Teukie-hyung?” Kyuhyun asked impishly. “You’re tense? Are you not feeling well? Really, Donghae, you should stop working so hard and rest more or you’ll get sick. I know you don’t want to disappoint us, but this is really not helping, so go to bed early tonight, okay?” he said hurriedly in a horrible rendering of their leaders distracted fussing, but unashamed of making a fool of himself.
Donghae rolled his eyes. “Kyuhyun…”
The maknae tapped his chin again. “Still no good? Alright, one last shot, okay, hyung?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but instead clasped his hands together in front of his chest and tried his hardest to simper. “Oppa~! Why do you have circles under your eyes? Are you eating well? Donghae-oppa~!”
Achieving to be neither cute nor simpering, Kyuhyun failed hysterically with his fangirl impersonation. It was so ridiculous that Donghae couldn’t help but crack an unwilling smile at the unabashed goofiness the maknae was putting on for him.
Seeing the smile, Kyuhyun pretended to swoon. “Donghai, ni hao shuai! Donghai~!” he ended in high-pitched Chinese, which was the last straw. Kyuhyun imitated the fangirl squeals perfectly but he looked so entirely awkward at the same time that finally made Donghae crack and laugh loudly at him, throwing a high-pitched “Kuixian!” back at the other which effectively killed his swooning as he burst out laughing as well.
It took them a few moments to calm down, and Donghae ended up leaning against his cupboard, grinning stupidly to himself, finally comfortable with being alone with Kyuhyun again. “Okay, I think I prefer you as a brat,” he told the maknae, who was braced on the edge of the desk.
Kyuhyun scoffed. “Just because you like to have a reason to boss me around.”
“Among other things,” Donghae replied happily, pushing off from the cupboard. “Okay, let’s do this.” As he got into a comfortable stance in the middle of the room, he could feel Kyuhyun’s eyes on him, evaluating. He tried not to let it unnerve him and lifted his head to look at the other who was leaning back against the desk in a relaxed pose, watching him closely with dark eyes. “Alright, hyung. Imagine you’re leaning back against something, a wall, for example.”
Trying to ignore Kyuhyun’s heavy gaze and staying relaxed, Donghae closed his eyes and went through the familiar exercise of shifting his weight against an imaginary object.
“Concentrate on that feeling,” Kyuhyun continued in a low voice and Donghae frowned. That was not how he remembered the warm-up. “Feel how strong the object is against your back, secure.” Following the maknae’s slow instructions, Donghae let his mind come up with sensations as he settled into his stance more comfortably. “Feel the smoothness.” The word was almost a whisper. “The warmth.” With his eyes closed, Kyuhyun’s voice enveloped him, deeper than he remembered and a bit hoarse, and it messed with his mind. Made him swallow and clench his fists because he swore he could really feel warmth radiating through his body.
“Good,” Kyuhyun said.
Donghae opened his eyes again and the imaginary feeling disappeared, making a shiver run down his spine. He forced himself to relax again even as he was now too aware of Kyuhyun’s presence in the room, the sound of his voice and breath. “What now?” he asked with deliberate lightness, trying to provoke a sarcastic remark that would dissolve the unfamiliar intensity that had settled over them.
But Kyuhyun remained serious, watching him, and obviously too focused to bother with wit. Donghae resisted the urge to shift.
“Breathe, hyung,” Kyuhyun said simply.
His face had taken on the heavy-lidded look of concentration that had gotten to Donghae so much during Miinah practice and he involuntarily drew in a flat breath as his heart beat tripped and then sped up. He exhaled more calmly, avoiding Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“Again,” Kyuhyun repeated in a low voice.
Donghae drew another breath, forced his diaphragm to contract properly to give his lungs room to expand, but it felt awkward and unnatural and he knew that Kyuhyun would notice.
“You’re too tense, hyung.”
Managing a smile, Donghae replied, “Better crack another joke then, huh?”
But Kyuhyun didn’t reply and when he opened his eyes, the maknae had gotten up from the desk to step over to him. He stopped right in front of him. “You really need to relax, Donghae-hyung.” And then he pushed up Donghae’s shirt and put his hands on the dips right over his hipbones.
Donghae’s breath hitched and he closed his eyes involuntarily as his muscles jerked with the touch of Kyuhyun’s warm fingers on his skin. The maknae’s touch was gentle but firm and his thumbs brushed against Donghae’s ribs. Heat pooled in his groin and his heart pounded in his chest with a heavy rhythm as Kyuhyun shifted closer, his body heat washing over him and his breath stirring the hair on his forehead. Donghae swallowed dryly, not trusting himself to speak for fear it would come out as a groan.
“Try to push against my hands,” Kyuhyun said, his voice a quiet rumble.
He was too close. Too close, too warm, too tempting. Donghae could feel his hands trembling slightly as he tried to hide how affected he was by Kyuhyun’s closeness and push aside the rising lust to focus on his breathing. He inhaled again, flatly, feeling Kyuhyun’s fingers brush against his sides, his palms pressing against his stomach. The breath came out shakily as Donghae once again listed all the reasons why molesting Kyuhyun was a bad idea, why their friendship was more precious than rampant hormones.
He could feel Kyuhyun lean forward, his warm breath brushing over the shell of his ear as he said softly, “Just let go, hyung.”
And then his hot mouth was around Donghae’s earlobe and all the reasons became unimportant as Donghae’s hips jerked and he moaned into Kyuhyun’s neck. In an instant, he was pressing open-mouthed kisses to skin there, tracing sinews with his tongue, scraping his teeth over Kyuhyun’s rapid pulse.
He heard Kyuhyun’s first shaky moan right next to his ear, warm and low and shuddering, and he buried his hand in Kyuhyun’s hair to keep his mouth right there as he slipped his thigh in between the others legs, drinking in every pant and every soft groan.
Kyuhyun’s hands were clenched around his hips, pulling him close as they pressed into each other, breathing hard. Donghae was peppering short, sloppy kisses to his jawline, and then he shifted his hands to tilt Kyuhyun’s had down to press their mouths together for a forceful kiss, moving his lips over Kyuhyun’s hot mouth and feeling him respond just as urgently.
They pulled apart, panting, and Kyuhyun shivered violently when Donghae’s thigh shifted against his hard length. “The bed,” Donghae murmured against his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip as they blindly stumbled towards Donghae’s narrow bed. He vaguely hoped that no one would walk in on this, but didn’t care enough to lock the door.
He pulled Kyuhyun’s shirt over the other’s head, carelessly letting it fall to the floor as Kyuhyun sank down to sit on the edge of the bed and pushed the fabric of Donghae’s shirt up to his chest to ghost his lips over his abdomen. He brushed his free hand over Donghae’s ribs and around to his back, stroking over warm skin and firm muscles. Donghae shuddered as he trailed his tongue around his navel down to the seam of his pants, tangling hands in his hair to push him closer. When the fingers on his chest flicked sharply over a nipple, Donghae groaned and let his head fall back at the sensation, panting breathlessly.
Then Kyuhyun’s mouth was suddenly around his nipple and one of his hands was firmly grasping the bulge in Donghae’s pants, making his hips jerk as he groaned loudly. His whole body was on fire and he was hyper-aware of the feeling of Kyuhyun’s hair under his fingers, his mouth on his skin, his hands around his erection. “God, Kyuhyun,” he rasped, his voice low and hoarse, untangling his hands to pull his own shirt off and push the maknae on his back.
He kissed him again, desperately, as he caged his head with his arms and pressed their hips together roughly. Kyuhyun moaned into his mouth, restless hands wandering over his shoulders and back, tugging at his hair and finally settling on his butt to pull him closer, push their erections together again and again.
Donghae could feel the sweat rolling down his neck as he exchanged another urgent kiss with Kyuhyun, could feel his length straining against his jeans and the pressure building with every jerk of his hips. Hoisting himself onto one arm, he fumbled the button of Kyuhyun’s pants open and Kyuhyun half sat up to tug both his jeans and his underwear off, taking the opportunity to nip and suck at Donghae’s collarbone.
Giving Kyuhyun’s erection a firm tug, Donghae watched with dark eyes as his face contorted in pleasure, his back arching off the bed as his hand reached the tip of his length and his thumb pressed over the slit leaking precum. Kyuhyun let out a low moan, biting his lip as he grabbed Donghae’s wrist, pushing his hand down for another tug. His face looked like back in the practice room, his mouth open and panting, his eyes unfocused and his brows slightly furrowed. Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead and he was groaning Donghae’s name when he jerked his member again.
Donghae would’ve loved to see him come like this, with his hand on Kyuhyun’s member, firmly jerking him off, watching his face as he came undone for him. But Kyuhyun pulled his hand away from his erection and pushed against his shoulder until he was lying flat on his back, Kyuhyun’s lips moving over his own.
He felt the fingers opening the button of his pants, felt them stroke over his erection before Kyuhyun pulled the material off his hips, pushing both the jeans and his boxers down far enough that he could kick them off. And then the maknae was kissing down his chest, leaving a damp trail that cooled rapidly, before he took the tip of his length into his mouth.
A violent jolt of pleasure made his hips jerk and his body arch and he swore loudly as his whole world was reduced to the hot friction at the head of his erection. He blindly fumbled for Kyuhyun’s head even while he was groaning and hissing from the heat of his mouth and the velvety curl of his tongue around him. He was only half conscious that he was whispering Kyuhyhun’s name, only barely aware of the hands stroking his thighs before one of them settled around the base of his shaft with gentle pressure.
And then Kyuhyun pushed lower on his length, the searing heat enveloping him and Donghae pressed his eyes closed, biting harshly at his bottom lip. The ball of heat in his groin was winding tighter, but this was not how he wanted this to end, this was not what is should be like, so he cupped his hands around Kyuhyun’s cheeks and tugged him up for a kiss.
He was half-gone, murmuring nonsensical phrases into Kyuhyun’s mouth as their bodies pushed together, slick with sweat.
“Hyung,” Kyuhyun panted, pressing his lips against his jaw, “Donghae, please. Now.”
Remembering the need for condoms and lubrication, Donghae rolled over to the edge of the bed to get to his bedside table, blindly reaching into the drawer. Kyuhyun’s mouth was on the back of his neck, his teeth scraping lightly over the bumps of his spine, making him clumsily shut the drawer with a bang when he had grabbed hold of the packages. He could feel Kyuhyun placing open-mouthed kissed along his neck, sucking on his pulse as he was rolling the condom down his length and lubricated it with hasty jerks that felt too good.
When he turned back around, Kyuhyun hooked a leg around his hips, pulling his head down to bury his face in his hair as Donghae brushed his entrance with a lubricated finger, slipping it inside of him. He could feel Kyuhyun’s shuddering exhale on his ear as he slowly pushed in another finger, could hear the hitches in his breath as he gently probed deeper. He was hot and tight around him, and his body was shaking under his, his hands restlessly wandering over his back.
“Touch yourself,” Donghae whispered into his hair, feeling him jerk when he stretched him wider. “C’mon, Kyuhyun, touch yourself.” He grazed his teeth over the shell of his ear.
Kyuhyun groaned and slid a hand down to his erection, stroking his erection until the pleasure overrode the pain and his leg was gripping Donghae’s hips tighter, his fingers digging into the small of his back. “Donghae,” he rasped, “please.”
Donghae obediently withdrew his fingers, wrapping them around Kyuhyun’s shaft instead, pushing his hand away as he stroked him firmly. He closed his mouth around his earlobe, pushing inside of him slowly when he felt him shudder and heard his groan. Despite the pleasure, Kyuhyun tensed from the pain, his walls clenching around Donghae who cursed abruptly at the sudden grip, shaking. He was panting harshly, his hair stuck to the back of his neck and his forehead, his arms trembling.
And then Kyuhyun moaned “Fuck, Donghae” and tightened the leg around his hips abruptly so that he pushed into him, making him hiss. Donghae’s brain went numb with the pleasure shooting up his spine and his arms almost gave away. He was half-aware that he was whispering into Kyuhyun’s hair, but too far gone to know what he was saying. He thrust shallowly into Kyuhyun, the friction taking his breath away as the feeling of Kyuhyun’s heat and his skin and his breath on his ear and his name on his lips became the only things that mattered.
Donghae was stroking him, and thrusting deeper with every move of his hips. He lifted his head enough to look at Kyuhyun’s contorted face, saw the sweat rolling down his forehead and his tightly pressed lips. And then he thrust again and Kyuhyun’s mouth opened in a soundless groan, his hands digging into his hips and pressing him closer.
Donghae picked up his pace and pushed deeper, getting lost in the tight heat around his member and the sound of Kyuhyun’s breathless groans. He could feel the pleasure coiling, could feel his balls tightening, and he could feel his world narrow down to fragmented sensations and the sharp movement of his hips. Kyuhyun tensed under him until he dissolved into shudders, Donghae’s hand still stroking him as he came with a broken moan. And then the heat in Donghae’s groin coiled and exploded, his hips jerking erratically and his whole body shivering above Kyuhyun as he came hard and then collapsed.
Kyuhyun lazily ran a hand down his back and up again to curl around his neck. “Fuck,” he said, his voice still hoarse.
“I really shouldn’t have done this,” Donghae murmured into his neck, but couldn’t find the energy to get up. “Oh God, this could just ruin everything.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Kyuhyun said, sounding annoyed. “You know, I’m really getting the feeling that you’re afraid of me.”
Donghae rolled his eyes. “What the heck, Kyuhyun.”
“Tell me you’ve not been avoiding me for weeks.”
He tiredly lifted himself up enough to glare down at Kyuhyun. “Because I was trying not to rip the group apart from the inside, okay? How could I know that you have the hots for me?”
Kyuhyun lifted an eyebrow. “Hyung, I’ve liked you since I came into Super Junior. I wrote you a fucking essay.”
“Just shut up,” Donghae replied and bent down to kiss him. When they broke apart, he flopped down again. “You’re such a brat, I don’t even know why I like you.”
“Because I’m awesome, obviously,” Kyuhyun answered and wrapped his arms around Donghae’s back to pull him closer.