Tales from the Boobie Bar!
Just to start, here...
Guys, so you know? Not a therapist. I can't solve your problems. I'm also not really interested in solving your problems, especially ones that are your own damn fault.
There were so many things wrong with this situation, I'm not even sure where to start.
So, this guy. A regular. Always wants me to sit with him, he tips well, buys me drinks, etc. Normal Boobie Bar stuff.
Every time he comes in, he moans and groans about his "damn GIRLFRIEND" and how he just can't stand her, can't stand living with her, yadda yadda. Even showed me how he had her listed in his cell phone as "No".
Oddly enough, this is also normal Boobie Bar stuff.
Well, he came in again last night. Wanted me to sit with him, so I did.
And he is all tore the fuck up over this girl he "can't stand" because she broke up with him and moved out.
That is not the suck.
The suck is that he wouldn't shut the fuck UP about it and kept expecting me to fix it somehow.
Besides which, it seems it was his own damn fault (and you know he must be monumentally stupid if I only heard HIS side and still came to the conclusion that he's a complete jackass).
A few quotes...
"I went away to Vegas! I left Friday night, was supposed to be back Saturday, and ended up staying until yesterday (Wednesday). She broke up with me because I didn't call her while I was gone!"
"But I only cheated on her five times in four years! That's good, right?"
"This isn't my faaaaaaaaaault! She must be crazy!"
Sure buddy. I'll just throw some Staind on for ya and put up the balloons for the pity party. It'll be fun!
So after telling me how much he misses her and wubs her and all that jazz, he decides that I remind him of her.
And he started this...freaky thing. He'd say he hated me, but then change his mind and say he loved me.
o.O
He was talking to me as if I were his ex-girlfriend.
Then he did this thing, where he rubbed his temples while glaring at me, and intoning "You will marry me" over and over. Not in a funny way. In a creepy way. Where he expected it to work.
After trying to get him to knock it off, I put my fingers on my own temples, and squinched my eyes real tight.
"What are you doing?" He asks.
"Killing you with my brain." Says I.
Oh! And he kept threatening to kill himself by drinking himself to death.
Luckily, another dancer, S, saw I was gearing up to my "I will slap you so hard" mode, and came over :3 After three seconds of hints of lesbian tension between she and I, dudes brain went into meltdown and he forgot allllllll about his issues.
But, yeah. It's hard to convey how weird he was through text o.O I would like to meet this ex-girlfriend, shake her hand, and ask her how the hell she held up for four years.
Because, damn.