Tales from the Boobie Bar!
Know what customer behaviour irks me probably more than any other?
When they try to shit talk the other dancers to me.
I mean, yes. We girls are all, technically, in competition with each other-in the mans mind, anyway. I just wish the customers would realize one thing, though...
...we don't really care about what's going on in your mind. You might THINK we all hate each other, but really, we don't. Oh, there's some toe-stepping here and some you-stole-my-dance there, but it's really quite rare. Because, at the end of the day, we girls are all there for the same reason, and we've got nobody to look out for each other BUT each other.
So we do.
That's why, 'dear sir', your attempt to get me to agree with your assessment of dancer K as a 'fat bitch' fell flat.
Him: Well, look at you, an' look at her!
Ok sir, let's do that.
K has a small, firm ass, long, firm legs, a flat stomach, HUGE tits (seriously, I could (and have) comfortably nap on this chicks rack), and a friendly, cheerful demeanor.
Him: *sputters a bit before formulating this gem of a response:* I...I should take you out on my Harley at 100mph and straighten your ass out, woman!
Bitch, please.
You might have noticed at this point that your riding buddy was openly laughing at you. That might be why you shut up and left. I'm not sure.
But hey, at least your buddy wasn't a dick and tipped me very well ^_~
Now, guys.
Let's say you have some great doggystyle sex with your girlfriend. Let's also say that you decide that since her back is turned anyway, hey, why not take some quick pictures with your camera phone.
That's cool, I can dig that.
I don't want to see it, but I can get why you'd do it.
What I don't get is why you'd have this amazing sex with your girlfriend, then promptly leave without so much as a fare-thee-well and head to the strip club.
But hey, maybe she's cool with that. That's fine.
But, really...
...if you're sitting at the bar, right in front of the stage, and staring at the blurry picture of your laughable cock going in your girl instead of enjoying the show you're, you know, paying for? Don't be too suprised or upset when the DJ calls you out on it.
Guy: *sitting right in front of the stage, staring at this picture, ignoring the girls as they come around*
Assorted girls: *mention this to DJ*
DJ: And that's H coming down off the main stage...
Next dancer: *waiting for her announcement to go up*
DJ: Oh, gimmie just a sec, Next Dancer, I'm looking at this porn picture on this guys phone.
Guy: *oblivious*
Bar in general: *snickers, points*
DJ: Oh, yeah, bet she liked that. Y'know, I can just totally see how that tiny little camera phone picture is so much more interesting than actual live, mostly naked women several inches from your face.
Guy: *light is dawning*
Dude next to the guy: *pokes him* Dude! He means you.
Guy: *gets it, goes up to the DJ booth and holds up the picture* See? I fucked my girlfriend before I came!
DJ: That's usually how it works.
Guy: *misses point*
DJ: So, yeah. You're here because...?
Guy: Um, naked women?
DJ: Right, so put the phone away now, k?
Guy: Oh. OH! Uh, okay. *slinks back to his seat*
Honestly.
Now, this last story requires a little bit of backstory.
See, my bar has 3 owners, each owning 33.3%.
2 of those owners are awesome.
1 of them is a dick, and by majority vote of 2 to 1, is not actually allowed in the bar due to his insane assholery. Seriously, he's like the worst of all my sucky customers, all rolled up in one.
Now.
Certain laws in my state have changed. Topless bars that serve alcohol now have the option of 'flashing' onstage (read: losing the g-string) and doing nude couch dances. However, a thong must be worn while on the floor collecting tips, talking to customers, etc.
My bar does not do this because the stage is behind the bar itself. There are also small ovens behind the bar for preparing pizzas, etc, for the customers. Since it's technically a food prep area, our naughty bits have to stay covered.
Very simple to understand.
So. This guy comes in. When I go around to him, he claims to be 'one of the owners', and then he orders me to remove my thong. I explain sweetly that I can't do that.
He gets angry and says I *have to* because he says so.
I tell him I *don't have to* because the LAW SAYS SO.
After giving him a quick lesson on my states laws regarding topless bars, I mentioned that gee, I know the two owners that are allowed in, and that the third isn't...so maybe I should mention that the 'third owner' who is banned from his own bar (definition of fail) is here and trying to coerce the dancers into breaking the law to the actual owners, right?
At which point he backpedalled and said he was just fooling around. I told him I knew he was, I just really like messing with idiots. He got sorta quiet after that.
But thanks:
To the three guys who all mistook me for dancer S-who is, in my opinion, the most gorgeous woman I have ever, ever laid eyes on. Highest physical compliment ever, thank you ^____^
To the youngish guys by the stage who, when I did a fairly simple (for me) pole trick, hooted and clapped and threw money on the stage-it's rare people actually appreciate the polework we do, so thank you ^_^
And to dancer MK for being my 'hustle partner' a few nights ago without being territorial.