Tales from the Boobie Bar!
More fun from the strip club.
I've been sitting on this first story for a few days now. I don't generally like to post when I'm still pissed off about it (with the exception of the dog one). But just thinking about it is irritating me.
It started off pretty normally. Six youngish guys come in for an impromptu bachelor party. That's cool, I can dig that. Bachelor parties can be a lot of fun.
Or a whole lotta not-fun. I think we all know where this one went.
So. I go around for my tips. (A few other girls had gone before me.) First guy tips a dollar. Second guy doesn't tip at all, saying he didn't bring any money (?!), but tries to grab my ass. I move away. He asks me why all the girls are "so uptight".
Me=How do you mean?
2nd Guy=*looks down* I dunno.
Me=No, I think you do-something prompted you to ask that. What was it?
2nd Guy=Well, I was just playin' around and stuff and touching this one girl and she got all mad at me!
Me=...that's because you're not supposed to touch us.
2nd Guy=Bullshit!
Me=No, really. It's illegal, against bar rules, and beside all that I'm pretty sure she probably wouldn't want you touching her anyway.
2nd Guy=...she wouldn't?
Me=Well, I'm not really seeing a compelling argument as to why she would, here.
2nd Guy=...oh.
Third guy is the bachelor. He gives me a dollar. Next two guys have money sitting out, but refuse to tip because they're married (which I don't consider a legitimate excuse in the least). Last guy tips well, is polite, and compliments my music/clothing/style.
I go upstairs after, and see three of the girls seething and complaining to each other. The guys had all been grabby with them, given lame excuses for not tipping, and other such assholish behaviour.
But then, the night wears on. One of the guys leaves (not the nice one). The others are getting very shitfaced very quickly. All but the nice one start to refuse to tip at all, grab the girls, and act insulting. B took one of the guys back for a couch dance, and all he did was try to mash her tits. Added to this, they start being very, very unruly. Sure, you can clap, cheer, whistle, etc. to your hearts content. We don't mind that at all. But we're not cool with drunken screaming at the girl onstage, trying to tell her to dance only down at your end of the bar. Right then, she is dancing for all the customers, not just you. You want a private dance? You pay for it.
The girls all complain to the manager. As they're complaining, the bachelor says he wants to go down for a double champagne court (two girls, half hour, $350 out of pocket for him total). Manager sends him down with the girls and a bouncer-to his credit, I heard from the two girls that he was very polite while down there. During the courts, we ask again if we can have them thrown out. Manager refuses and says she "doesn't want to deal with it" (most likely because she was hung over, but that's a story for co-workers suck).
All the girls are fed up with them. The DJ is fed up with them, between the screaming AND what they're doing to the girls.
The DJ was Supercool!DJ that I mention on here from time to time. Supercool!DJ is sarcastic, cynical, and doesn't give a sweet damn what the customers think.
So he starts throwing little one-liners out there over the mic between songs.
After one of the guys screamed at another dancer to come home with him: "Man. You have the charisma of a stillborn."
After the champagne court ended, the guy came up with the remnants of his bottle of champagne. The remaining members of their party all stood up and passed the bottle around, cheering each other on and screaming and such. DJ flicks on the microphone: "God, I hope one of them has herpes and doesn't know it yet."
And when I'm onstage, and they're flailing, screaming, disturbing other customers, and generally being a nuisance-I signaled to the DJ that I was ready to kill the fuckers ("Psycho" knife-hand motion). DJ flicks on the mic again, points at the guys, and says, "Skate into an AIDS tree."
Those are only the ones I can remember, though. There were more-and no, the guys never caught on, even though the girls were openly pointing and laughing at some points. Other customers were too, actually-one guy went so far as to ask why they weren't thrown out, and after I told him that the manager refused for some reason, the GUY offered to go bounce (their skulls off the walls). I asked him not to, because assault is generally frowned upon by the local PD (unless it happens to a stripper, of course), and if we have the local PDs cars in our parking lot, we get exactly zero buisness for the rest of the night. Guy agrees, but goes and sits right next to the party to watch anyway.
So then I'm sitting in the DJ booth, watching the guys. Suddenly, I see one of the guys reach down behind the bar and steal one of the "free drink" markers (basically just a small plastic souffle cup, but only big enough to hold a shot of liquor). The manager saw them and yelled at them.
But doesn't kick them out.
After I danced and went around again, I skipped the four asshole members of the party, and went to the nice guy. After he tipped me well and complimented me and all that good shit, I mentioned that his buddies were douchebags. (I really couldn't think of a kinder way to say it.) He said that the bachelor was getting married to his sister in law, and he didn't actually know the other guys at all o.O
They didn't get kicked out until about a half hour later. They were getting ready to leave, and bought six packs to go. Which is fine. But then they started opening their six packs in the bar and drinking them. THEN they got kicked out, finally.
But the suck doesn't stop there!
They go out to their minivan (way to be the hip 20-somethings you try to make yourselves out to be, guys!). Dancer X happened to be pulling into the parking lot at the time (her shift was going to start soon). The guys open the sliding door on the side of the minivan and start hollering for her to come with them, calling her deragatory names and such. (On a related note, I don't understand the logic of not tipping because you're married, yet somehow it's okay to try to get a random girl to go home with you. Does not compute.)
She just shook her head at them. (And stayed in her car, thankfully.)
They gave her the finger.
She flipped them two right back.
They called her a bitch and peeled out of the parking lot.
(Dancer X is new [that was her second day], and I told her that next time that happens to make sure all her doors are locked and to immediately call inside the bar to request a bouncer to come out.)
But wow. Here's hoping they never, ever come back.
Now!
A random, but odd one.
I go around for my tips to an older regular who is renowned for being an asshole to the girls. He does happen to be one of the dancers regular customers-she's the only girl he's nice to at all.
He glances at me and says, "You have hair on your chest!" and snorts.
...
Now, to clarify. I have a small amount of down on my stomach and chest that is very light. Just like (almost) everyone else, I might add. So I point out to the guy that most people generally have some form of hair on their chests and stomachs.
His stellar reply? "SO DO APES HAHA".
I point out that humans are at least 98% similar to primates in terms of DNA (not exact, but close enough for an anthropology lesson at a strip club). He has nothing at all to say after that, but he looks a bit shamefaced. I told his regular dancer about this (she and I happen to be very close), and she ragged on him all night about it =P
And a small update to this post, for those interested.
The dog guy came back again. When I went around, I asked him sweetly if he had brought his dog with him again that night. He said yes. I mentioned that I saw it out in his car in the parking lot that one very cold, below freezing night, and I thought it was a cute dog. Guy gets a little uptight at my description of the climate that night, and gets defensive, claiming the dog would rather be in the car, freezing it's ass off for four hours (his words) then be at home.
Riiiiight.
My little reply of "Oh, I'm sure, sir. I personally find a touch of hypothermia highly invigorating on those long winter nights!" didn't go over well either, and he decided to tell me that I knew nothing about dogs. I countered that not only do I own three dogs of my own, but I've had dogs (big and small) since I was a kid. Running out of steam, he then claimed that his dog lives better than I do, at which point I told him that I doubted it, since I never have to sit outside in a freezing car for hours at a time while the person I rely on for everything gets drunk at a strip club.
He got all butthurt, but oddly didn't complain to the manager or anyone else about me. I think he knows he's wrong.
I mention casually to the Supercool!DJ that the guy was back, and could Supercool!DJ be a dear and run out and get the guys tag numbers for me? DJ was more than happy to oblige. And last night, the vetrinarians assistant who is also a dancer who I work with was more than happy to give me the appropriate numbers to call.
And I'll be more than happy to call them tomorrow morning :)
But thank yous!
To the young guy from Kentucky-thanks for being sweet, talkative, and a decent tipper. I love Southern drawls-feel free to come back anytime :D
To the older military gent for buying me a drink, and just tipping me while I sat there (fully dressed) and talked. About anything. At all. I rambled on topics ranging from architecture to zoology, and he just kept giving me money :D
And to the guy who tips almost exclusively in high denominations on every round-thank you :D