Fic: love is easy growing up is hard (spoilery spec fic .... so fair warning)
She wakes up and it's still dark out. The bed is empty next to her and she feels the anxiety coming up. But then she feels something else -- that warm, tingling sensation that starts at her head and runs down her spine, through her heart and her stomach and between her thighs and down to her toes. She lets out a breath, knowing he didn't leave this time and she rolls over, looking up to see him watching her thoughtfully, his eyes a mix of emotions and his smile turning up just for her.
"Hi," he murmurs, voice soft and deep and perfect.
"Hey. I--" her words stumble over her tongue for a moment. "I thought you left."
He sighs and runs his hands over his face. "I know. I could tell."
She can't help but smile, just as she can't help but ask her next question. "How?"
"Well you reached over and then your nose scrunched up and then your shoulders went all rigid. And then your body relaxed again and I knew you figured out I wasn't gone."
God she misses this. This connection to another person who is just so in tune with you and your movements and feeling like you can show them everything about who you are.
"And what exactly am I thinking right now?" she smirks at him.
"That even though I am here you still don't have me where you want me," he begins, standing up and sauntering over to her. When he leans down and traps her between his arms, she rolls over, both of them knowing exactly where this is headed. "But you've never understood that you always have me, always."
He brings his lips to hers and conversation is limited to sighs and chants and murmurs and "I love you"s until they fall back asleep in each others arms.
*******
The next time she wakes, the morning sun is streaming in the window. His body is trapped beneath hers and she traces the lines that mark the shadows on his body. She loves the rhythm of his heart beneath her ear and knows she's living on borrowed time. Her plane leaves tonight, but she intends to make the most of today.
"Babe, you know that tickles."
She giggles at his complaint."Why do you think I do it?"
He grabs her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. "So I guess we should talk."
She's been waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing it has to intrude on this perfect moment in time that she's been given. "Probably," she sighs.
"I guess ... I'll go first." He pulls her just the slightest bit closer. "Did -- did I help you cheat on your boyfriend last night?"
"What?" she startles and tries to get up to look him in the eyes, but he keeps his arms around her.
"I think I have a right to know."
"He --we -- we've never had a clearly defined relationship. I mean, we've dated but we never said it was exclusive or --"
He scoffs. "You moved him in. You should have been considering yourself exclusive."
"It's -- it's not that simple Finn."
"Well explain the complex inner workings of your relationship to me then please. I am after all just a simple guy from Lima."
Now he's the one trying to shift away, but she's not having it. "I was stupid okay. I rushed things because I wanted to feel like everything was perfect. Because if I could find a way to make something right then maybe I could forget about how the best thing to ever happen to me went so terribly wrong. God, Finn, how can you be exclusive with someone when your heart is literally 900 miles away with someone else?"
His jaw clenches and she watches a tear trailing down his cheek. "Okay. You're right and I think maybe I just like to torture myself sometimes. I -- your relationship with him is your business."
"My relationship with him, whatever it was, is over."
"Okay," he says, his hands circling around her again.
"My turn. Have you figured things out yet? With school or your future?"
He nods a bit. "I think so. Emma -- Mrs. Schue -- helped me with some stuff a couple weeks ago. Applications and scholarships and stuff. I mean, a gap year isn't the worst thing and I think the stuff I've done will help. At least Mrs. Schue thinks so."
"You applied somewhere."
"I applied to a bunch of somewheres."
"Would any of them possibly be in New York?
"Would it matter?" he asks her, his tone clipped.
She moves quicker this time, straddling his body and getting in his face. "Of course it matters. You know I want you there. Nothing has changed that, not breaking up, not 10 Brodys, not even if you had a few Janes or Pams or Gingers."
His warm chuckle reaches her, bathing her in light and happiness, and she tries to memorize it so she'll have it later in her apartment. "Gingers."
"Shutup. You know you've been trying to pick a fight with me all morning."
"Knowing somene so well is annoying, even now." He smiles when she looks at him trying to convey that she knows, but also cherishes it. "It's hard to say goodbye to you and fighting makes it a little easier."
"Then don't say goodbye. Come to New York. Nothing is keeping you here."
"The club --"
"Will have Mr. Schuester in a week. They can live without you."
"So can you."
She nods her head and rolls back off him, snuggling back into his side. "I can live without you, but I don't want to -- not anymore."
It's quiet for a few moments and she listens to his soft, even breathing.
"Several of the schools are in New York, most of them, actually." She beams at that information and her whole body begins to shake, her joy so big it can't be contained inside. "But I don't --you shouldn't -- anything could happen. I could get rejected again or not get financial aid."
"You will."
"And I can't abandon them right before Regionals."
"I know but --"
"No I don't think you do. They barely know Will and before I got there they weren't even really functioning as a team. I can't just turn them over."
She turns her face up to his. "It's your club."
"Yeah? I know it sounds crazy --"
She shakes her head and runs her hand down his chest. "It doesn't. It's always going to be your club and I understand, it was the best part of high school--"
"You were the best part of high school."
"We are the best part of life, Finn. We aren't going to stop. But Glee brought us together. And now it has brought you something that is just yours. I understand. You can't leave them -- not yet."
He kisses the top of her head and she doesn't know how, but she snuggles in tighter. They lie there, just holding each other, light touches and soft kisses, until her phone beeps with a message.
"It's probably my dads. I'm supposed to meet them for brunch." She rises to check the message and then turns and looks at him excitedly. "You should come."
"I think your dads probably don't want to share their time with you trying to entertain me."
"Don't be ridiculous! They still love you. I mean, your mom still loves me, right?" She bounces onto the bed. When Finn can't meet her eyes, she grabs his chin. "Your mom still loves me, right?"
"It's not that she doesn't love you exactly. More like she is really upset with you or us really. I mean it's not just you. Sometimes I catch her staring off into space and then she just turns and glares at me and mumbles something about waste."
"Maybe she's talking about you not going to school."
He shakes his head. "Nope I know she's not because when I told her we weren't talking and that I didn't really want to even think or talk about you she said 'This is even more ridiculous than when you wanted to get married in high school. Who ever resolved anything by not talking?'"
"I just want to say that was your idea so still just you she should be mad at." She jumps back up and starts texting her dad. "Call your mom and tell her and Burt to meet us at The Tavern. And I should text Kurt because he might as well come too."
She finishes her text and grabs her bag to go to the bathroom, but Finn is there, stilling her arm. "You know that you can't force things just by sheer will, right? Rach, nothing has changed. You're still in New York. I'm still in Lima and we don't know when that will be any different."
"You're wrong."
"I'm not. We aren't together." He shakes his head when she starts to protest. "I won't do that again. I won't tie you to me. If you meet someone I want you to feel free to try things."
"That's not going to happen."
"Rach ..." He looks at her and his eyes are the skeptical eyes of someone betrayed one too many times. "It happened before. It could happen again."
"Are you going to ignore my texts?" When he shakes his head no, she continues. "My calls?" He responds again in the negative. "Are you going continue to consider a future that involves New York? Maybe even visit after Regionals?" He looks her in the eyes and nods yes. "Then even if we don't label ourselves a couple, you'll still be in my life. I don't think you've ever appreciated how much I just need to have you actively in my corner, not just quietly, passively rooting me on. You are more than just my boyfriend. You have always been my friend, whether we were together or not, until you put me on that train and stopped talking to me. I'm not forcing us into the past. I'm pointing us toward our future. Which no matter where we are now will eventually involve blending our families. So why not start rebuilding bridges this morning?"
He kisses her, hard at first and then slowly, teasing her with this lips and tongue, before slowing down and pulling back enough to look in her eyes. "You're amazing."
She shakes her head. "What I am is dirty. Unless you plan on explaining to my fathers why I reek of sweat and sex this morning, we should get in the shower."
He laughs and let's himself be pulled into the bathroom. "We kinda suck at the whole not talking thing, you know."
"We're better at it than I want to be. No more running Finn."
"But chasing is okay right?"
"What?"
"I'm giving you a 3 second head start to the bathroom, but you should know we're definitely going to be late for brunch."
"Hi," he murmurs, voice soft and deep and perfect.
"Hey. I--" her words stumble over her tongue for a moment. "I thought you left."
He sighs and runs his hands over his face. "I know. I could tell."
She can't help but smile, just as she can't help but ask her next question. "How?"
"Well you reached over and then your nose scrunched up and then your shoulders went all rigid. And then your body relaxed again and I knew you figured out I wasn't gone."
God she misses this. This connection to another person who is just so in tune with you and your movements and feeling like you can show them everything about who you are.
"And what exactly am I thinking right now?" she smirks at him.
"That even though I am here you still don't have me where you want me," he begins, standing up and sauntering over to her. When he leans down and traps her between his arms, she rolls over, both of them knowing exactly where this is headed. "But you've never understood that you always have me, always."
He brings his lips to hers and conversation is limited to sighs and chants and murmurs and "I love you"s until they fall back asleep in each others arms.
*******
The next time she wakes, the morning sun is streaming in the window. His body is trapped beneath hers and she traces the lines that mark the shadows on his body. She loves the rhythm of his heart beneath her ear and knows she's living on borrowed time. Her plane leaves tonight, but she intends to make the most of today.
"Babe, you know that tickles."
She giggles at his complaint."Why do you think I do it?"
He grabs her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. "So I guess we should talk."
She's been waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing it has to intrude on this perfect moment in time that she's been given. "Probably," she sighs.
"I guess ... I'll go first." He pulls her just the slightest bit closer. "Did -- did I help you cheat on your boyfriend last night?"
"What?" she startles and tries to get up to look him in the eyes, but he keeps his arms around her.
"I think I have a right to know."
"He --we -- we've never had a clearly defined relationship. I mean, we've dated but we never said it was exclusive or --"
He scoffs. "You moved him in. You should have been considering yourself exclusive."
"It's -- it's not that simple Finn."
"Well explain the complex inner workings of your relationship to me then please. I am after all just a simple guy from Lima."
Now he's the one trying to shift away, but she's not having it. "I was stupid okay. I rushed things because I wanted to feel like everything was perfect. Because if I could find a way to make something right then maybe I could forget about how the best thing to ever happen to me went so terribly wrong. God, Finn, how can you be exclusive with someone when your heart is literally 900 miles away with someone else?"
His jaw clenches and she watches a tear trailing down his cheek. "Okay. You're right and I think maybe I just like to torture myself sometimes. I -- your relationship with him is your business."
"My relationship with him, whatever it was, is over."
"Okay," he says, his hands circling around her again.
"My turn. Have you figured things out yet? With school or your future?"
He nods a bit. "I think so. Emma -- Mrs. Schue -- helped me with some stuff a couple weeks ago. Applications and scholarships and stuff. I mean, a gap year isn't the worst thing and I think the stuff I've done will help. At least Mrs. Schue thinks so."
"You applied somewhere."
"I applied to a bunch of somewheres."
"Would any of them possibly be in New York?
"Would it matter?" he asks her, his tone clipped.
She moves quicker this time, straddling his body and getting in his face. "Of course it matters. You know I want you there. Nothing has changed that, not breaking up, not 10 Brodys, not even if you had a few Janes or Pams or Gingers."
His warm chuckle reaches her, bathing her in light and happiness, and she tries to memorize it so she'll have it later in her apartment. "Gingers."
"Shutup. You know you've been trying to pick a fight with me all morning."
"Knowing somene so well is annoying, even now." He smiles when she looks at him trying to convey that she knows, but also cherishes it. "It's hard to say goodbye to you and fighting makes it a little easier."
"Then don't say goodbye. Come to New York. Nothing is keeping you here."
"The club --"
"Will have Mr. Schuester in a week. They can live without you."
"So can you."
She nods her head and rolls back off him, snuggling back into his side. "I can live without you, but I don't want to -- not anymore."
It's quiet for a few moments and she listens to his soft, even breathing.
"Several of the schools are in New York, most of them, actually." She beams at that information and her whole body begins to shake, her joy so big it can't be contained inside. "But I don't --you shouldn't -- anything could happen. I could get rejected again or not get financial aid."
"You will."
"And I can't abandon them right before Regionals."
"I know but --"
"No I don't think you do. They barely know Will and before I got there they weren't even really functioning as a team. I can't just turn them over."
She turns her face up to his. "It's your club."
"Yeah? I know it sounds crazy --"
She shakes her head and runs her hand down his chest. "It doesn't. It's always going to be your club and I understand, it was the best part of high school--"
"You were the best part of high school."
"We are the best part of life, Finn. We aren't going to stop. But Glee brought us together. And now it has brought you something that is just yours. I understand. You can't leave them -- not yet."
He kisses the top of her head and she doesn't know how, but she snuggles in tighter. They lie there, just holding each other, light touches and soft kisses, until her phone beeps with a message.
"It's probably my dads. I'm supposed to meet them for brunch." She rises to check the message and then turns and looks at him excitedly. "You should come."
"I think your dads probably don't want to share their time with you trying to entertain me."
"Don't be ridiculous! They still love you. I mean, your mom still loves me, right?" She bounces onto the bed. When Finn can't meet her eyes, she grabs his chin. "Your mom still loves me, right?"
"It's not that she doesn't love you exactly. More like she is really upset with you or us really. I mean it's not just you. Sometimes I catch her staring off into space and then she just turns and glares at me and mumbles something about waste."
"Maybe she's talking about you not going to school."
He shakes his head. "Nope I know she's not because when I told her we weren't talking and that I didn't really want to even think or talk about you she said 'This is even more ridiculous than when you wanted to get married in high school. Who ever resolved anything by not talking?'"
"I just want to say that was your idea so still just you she should be mad at." She jumps back up and starts texting her dad. "Call your mom and tell her and Burt to meet us at The Tavern. And I should text Kurt because he might as well come too."
She finishes her text and grabs her bag to go to the bathroom, but Finn is there, stilling her arm. "You know that you can't force things just by sheer will, right? Rach, nothing has changed. You're still in New York. I'm still in Lima and we don't know when that will be any different."
"You're wrong."
"I'm not. We aren't together." He shakes his head when she starts to protest. "I won't do that again. I won't tie you to me. If you meet someone I want you to feel free to try things."
"That's not going to happen."
"Rach ..." He looks at her and his eyes are the skeptical eyes of someone betrayed one too many times. "It happened before. It could happen again."
"Are you going to ignore my texts?" When he shakes his head no, she continues. "My calls?" He responds again in the negative. "Are you going continue to consider a future that involves New York? Maybe even visit after Regionals?" He looks her in the eyes and nods yes. "Then even if we don't label ourselves a couple, you'll still be in my life. I don't think you've ever appreciated how much I just need to have you actively in my corner, not just quietly, passively rooting me on. You are more than just my boyfriend. You have always been my friend, whether we were together or not, until you put me on that train and stopped talking to me. I'm not forcing us into the past. I'm pointing us toward our future. Which no matter where we are now will eventually involve blending our families. So why not start rebuilding bridges this morning?"
He kisses her, hard at first and then slowly, teasing her with this lips and tongue, before slowing down and pulling back enough to look in her eyes. "You're amazing."
She shakes her head. "What I am is dirty. Unless you plan on explaining to my fathers why I reek of sweat and sex this morning, we should get in the shower."
He laughs and let's himself be pulled into the bathroom. "We kinda suck at the whole not talking thing, you know."
"We're better at it than I want to be. No more running Finn."
"But chasing is okay right?"
"What?"
"I'm giving you a 3 second head start to the bathroom, but you should know we're definitely going to be late for brunch."