Okay line by line. Do I ever attack you with the intent to hurt you? Is that who I've shown myself to be over the years that you've known me? The answer is no, so if you interpret something that way you might check your mood. Because it's never happened
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I would not say that it has never happened. Often, the attack comes because you are stressed, or because you feel your pride is damaged. I do not handle being yelled at well, so I usually do not engage you when you yell at me. I usually leave instead, which may be why you don't remember these incidents.
In what way did I attack you? What did I say to berate you? I do not recall Saying anything more than what I listed here.
I avoided you the rest of the evening, because I felt hurt by your yelling at me.
Discussing my behaviour with the other parent is not out of line, when you are dealing with a child. When dealing with an adult, which I am trying to be even though I'm young, it is usually preferred to discuss a problem with the individual in question. You do not consult your friends' parents when they hurt your feelings, do you? The fact that I am your daughter in this instance should be nigh unto irrelevant. It is no longer your job to steer my behaviour or discipline me.
In what way did you attack me. You raised you voice you repeatedlyrics accused me of talking down to you and of purposefully trying to make you feel inferior. When I said in a calm voice That you were being hurtful with your words...something that you take very seriously when you say it to us you dismissed my statement and left. Also leaving before a disagreement can be worked through is a habit that you get from your mother and I don't consider it a positive trait.
I will have to disagree with you. I believe that talking things through with your other parent can be beneficial. I would eventually have spoken to you as I believe that your behavior was exceptionally rude. While you are an adult now I feel that running conversations through a 3rd party to sanity check them is a wise course of action. I do not believe that your mother has helped in any way by coming to you with our conversation. She in not capable of faithfully representing my view points and I think that she has exacerbated the situation.
I asked you not to talk down to me. Once. I did not dismiss your statement by leaving. I left because I was so angered by your self-contradictory statement that I could no longer respond rationally. You said that my vulnerability was hurting you, so you lashed out at me in return. Listen to that statement again: my vulnerability was hurting you. You believed I was being overly vulnerable, and then you yelled at me. Do you really think that made the situation better
( ... )
Your vulnerability was not hurting me. And I never raised my voice during the entire conflict. What was hurting me were your raised tones and your repeated accusations of wrong doing when I was welcoming you into my home. You continue to read things into this that I have not said and I do not see in what manner I have been contradictory at all. I have not spoken with you because unlike you I have time go away to work and the days from Thursday morning until Tuesday evening are very busy. I have not been home until late and when I arrived I was too tired to start something with you and be certain I could finish it without becoming exhausted.
I am quoting your exact words. I am sorry that you do not remember the same encounter that I do. We are both probably biased.
So, here is what we have established. Correct me if I am wrong:
- I am hurt because I perceived that you talked down to me, yelled at me, demonstrated a lack of the level of internal consistency I need in order to respect someone, and then refused to talk to me directly in any capacity, putting one instance of conflict before many years of love and family.
-You are hurt because you believe that I irrationally and unjustifiably yelled at you, acted rudely, and ignored your expression of hurt.
It's a pretty biased account. I could just easily say that you ignored years of love and respect to immediately assume that I was talking down to you without giving me the benefit of remembering that is not my behavior pattern and moved directly into feeling hurt and assuming the worst of me.
Do you acknowledge that I am also in pain? Regardless of the reason. I don't think that we are going to agree on what happened, and neither of us had a recorder, so no evidence can be proven.
Can I say that we are both sorry that the other one is hurt? I do care about you, and I don't like to see you in pain.
Can I say that we both value our relationship more than we value the hurt we have caused in one another?
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In what way did I attack you? What did I say to berate you? I do not recall Saying anything more than what I listed here.
I avoided you the rest of the evening, because I felt hurt by your yelling at me.
Discussing my behaviour with the other parent is not out of line, when you are dealing with a child. When dealing with an adult, which I am trying to be even though I'm young, it is usually preferred to discuss a problem with the individual in question. You do not consult your friends' parents when they hurt your feelings, do you? The fact that I am your daughter in this instance should be nigh unto irrelevant. It is no longer your job to steer my behaviour or discipline me.
When did you try to broach the subject?
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I will have to disagree with you. I believe that talking things through with your other parent can be beneficial. I would eventually have spoken to you as I believe that your behavior was exceptionally rude. While you are an adult now I feel that running conversations through a 3rd party to sanity check them is a wise course of action. I do not believe that your mother has helped in any way by coming to you with our conversation. She in not capable of faithfully representing my view points and I think that she has exacerbated the situation.
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So, here is what we have established. Correct me if I am wrong:
- I am hurt because I perceived that you talked down to me, yelled at me, demonstrated a lack of the level of internal consistency I need in order to respect someone, and then refused to talk to me directly in any capacity, putting one instance of conflict before many years of love and family.
-You are hurt because you believe that I irrationally and unjustifiably yelled at you, acted rudely, and ignored your expression of hurt.
Am I missing anything?
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Do you acknowledge that I am also in pain? Regardless of the reason. I don't think that we are going to agree on what happened, and neither of us had a recorder, so no evidence can be proven.
Can I say that we are both sorry that the other one is hurt?
I do care about you, and I don't like to see you in pain.
Can I say that we both value our relationship more than we value the hurt we have caused in one another?
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