DRIVE-BY BIRTHDAY FIC FOR luridlolly
I wrote you not one but TWO FICS, except one is a WIP, fml. ENJOY!
Title: Fairy
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh with a hint of Let's Dance
Characters: Howard, Vince, Naboo, Bollo, the Spirit of Dance
Word Count: 390
Rating: PG
Warnings: unimaginable violence against a supernatural being
Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT
"What d'you think you're doin'?"
Vince froze, his arms half raised, his back slightly arched. He turned his head. Behind him was a very small person - or not a person at all? No, it was, in fact, a fairy. A fairy wearing a tutu - and a skeptical sneer.
Vince, however, was completely unfazed. He sneered right back. "What's it look like I'm doin'? I'm pullin' shapes."
"Ha!" The fairy reared her head back and then, much to Vince's horror, spat at him. He leaped out of the way with the elegance of a gazelle. The fairy raised one arm and pointed at him. "You call that 'shapes'? Whot a laugh!" She demonstrated what a laugh it was at some length. Vince became impatient.
"Who're you, and why the hell should I care what you think?" he asked.
"I'm the Spirit of Dance!" she said. "And you need my help. Badly."
"Do I really?" Vince said.
"Yes." She raised one hand. "To the studio!" And she vanished.
Vince stared at the spot where she'd been. "That was a bit rude," he said. "And anyway, I've got a party to go to. Maybe next time." He shrugged.
Thirty minutes later, long after Vince had departed, the fairy reappeared, a furious look on her face. "Well, I never!" She stamped her foot. "Vince Noir, I curse you! You will never da-"
Suddenly a hand clapped over her mouth. Before she knew what was happening, she was unceremoniously dumped in a large burlap sack.
"I'm sorry," Howard said, "but I can't let you do that." He dusted off his hands.
"All right, Bollo," Naboo said, "you know what to do with that." Bollo nodded, and dragged away the writhing sack.
"What is he going to do with that?" Howard asked.
Naboo smiled. "You're probably happier not knowing."
It was some time later that Vince said to Howard, "Do you know I met a fairy?"
"Did you now?" Howard asked.
"Yeah, she was well annoying," Vince said. "She said I couldn't dance. Wanted to give me lessons. Wonder if I'll ever see her again?"
"Unlikely," Howard said.
"Why?" Vince asked innocently.
Howard cleared his throat noisily. "Well, you don't need lessons in dancing, do you, Vince? Clearly she was off her rocker. Blind as a bat. You're a dancing star, Vince."
"Oh," Vince said, and smiled.
...
Title: Powers 1/?
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh/Misfits
Pairing: implied Howard/Vince
Word Count: 574
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Ridiculousness
Disclaimer: AGAIN, DON'T OWN IT
Notes: Remember this idea, Lolly? XD I do actually know where this is going! I think! It just turned out to be too much to finish tonight XD
Howard and Vince weren’t quite sure how they’d been allowed to become probation workers. For one thing, they weren’t certified, and for another, they had absolutely zero experience working with youths. They decided not to question it though. Certainly the administrator who’d hired them had seemed desperate and harried enough to get somebody to fill the position. It seemed like they had a sudden shortage of probation workers.
“Where is this place, anyway, Howard?” Vince asked that morning as they were waiting on the tube. “Wertham? I ain’t never heard of it.”
“That’s because it’s fictional,” Howard said matter-of-factly. “It’s actually Thamesmead, but we’re just going to call it Wertham for this crossover. Now stop drawing attention to it!”
When they arrived at the Wertham Community Centre, they were greeted by a group of sullen kids in orange jumpsuits. Vince drew up short at the sight of them, then bent over, his hand over his mouth, and gagged.
"Vince, what's wrong?" Howard asked.
"Those jumpsuits!" Vince moaned, clutching at Howard's arm for balance. "The color! The cut! I've never seen anything so repulsive, not even in your wardrobe! Howard, I don't know if I can do this!"
"Oi," one of their charges called out. "Are you two boyfriends?"
"I beg your pardon, sir!" Howard shouted, his face red. He gripped Vince by the shoulder. "Vince! You have to be brave, little man. We can do this."
Vince took a deep breath. "I-I-I'll try," he said weakly.
"Good man. Here, I have an idea that might help," Howard said.
Twenty minutes later, the ASBOs were busy collating flyers for a local charity event while Howard and Vince, now wearing a blindfold, supervised them. This wasn't that hard a job at all really - just assign a bunch of menial tasks and maintain a sense of authority. Howard could certainly do that. He scowled menacingly. He wouldn't take any truck from these kids, no sir.
"Howard," whispered Vince, "is it lunchtime yet? This blindfold is well itchy."
"It's only half ten, Vince," Howard whispered back.
Vince whined, and Howard found himself weirdly admiring the entire picture he presented, black cloth wrapped around his eyes, a chastened expression on his face ... Howard felt his ears and neck go red. After a minute he realized someone was staring at him. It was one of the girls - a sullen looking one with a tight ponytail. She looked at him with disgust and shook her head, muttering under her breath.
It had always been one of Howard's nascent fears that people could hear his thoughts. One time, when Bollo and Naboo had fed him psychedelic mushrooms as a joke, he'd freaked out and boarded himself in his and Vince's bedroom, convinced the world had been populated by psychics over night. He'd proceeded to cover his entire body in tin foil before Vince had managed to break down the door and knock him out. Later, Vince had confessed that he'd never seen Howard look better than he did covered head to toe in shiny aluminum.
Now, as Howard felt that hot mixture of shame and paranoia well up in him, he tried to clear his mind of any embarrassing thoughts and remain stoic. Immediately, his brain threw up the image of Vince, naked, bound and gagged. He started choking. Everyone looked at him - except Vince as he couldn't look at anything right now, naturally.
"Let's break early for lunch," Howard said.
...
NEXT TIME: HOWARD AND VINCE EAT LUNCH AND ARE SPIED ON! ALISHA TOUCHES SOMEBODY! NATHAN INSULTS HOWARD! CURTIS ERASES TIME -- actually I don't know if he'll do that yet but I'm sure he will at some point. TILL THEN!
Title: Fairy
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh with a hint of Let's Dance
Characters: Howard, Vince, Naboo, Bollo, the Spirit of Dance
Word Count: 390
Rating: PG
Warnings: unimaginable violence against a supernatural being
Disclaimer: DON'T OWN IT
"What d'you think you're doin'?"
Vince froze, his arms half raised, his back slightly arched. He turned his head. Behind him was a very small person - or not a person at all? No, it was, in fact, a fairy. A fairy wearing a tutu - and a skeptical sneer.
Vince, however, was completely unfazed. He sneered right back. "What's it look like I'm doin'? I'm pullin' shapes."
"Ha!" The fairy reared her head back and then, much to Vince's horror, spat at him. He leaped out of the way with the elegance of a gazelle. The fairy raised one arm and pointed at him. "You call that 'shapes'? Whot a laugh!" She demonstrated what a laugh it was at some length. Vince became impatient.
"Who're you, and why the hell should I care what you think?" he asked.
"I'm the Spirit of Dance!" she said. "And you need my help. Badly."
"Do I really?" Vince said.
"Yes." She raised one hand. "To the studio!" And she vanished.
Vince stared at the spot where she'd been. "That was a bit rude," he said. "And anyway, I've got a party to go to. Maybe next time." He shrugged.
Thirty minutes later, long after Vince had departed, the fairy reappeared, a furious look on her face. "Well, I never!" She stamped her foot. "Vince Noir, I curse you! You will never da-"
Suddenly a hand clapped over her mouth. Before she knew what was happening, she was unceremoniously dumped in a large burlap sack.
"I'm sorry," Howard said, "but I can't let you do that." He dusted off his hands.
"All right, Bollo," Naboo said, "you know what to do with that." Bollo nodded, and dragged away the writhing sack.
"What is he going to do with that?" Howard asked.
Naboo smiled. "You're probably happier not knowing."
It was some time later that Vince said to Howard, "Do you know I met a fairy?"
"Did you now?" Howard asked.
"Yeah, she was well annoying," Vince said. "She said I couldn't dance. Wanted to give me lessons. Wonder if I'll ever see her again?"
"Unlikely," Howard said.
"Why?" Vince asked innocently.
Howard cleared his throat noisily. "Well, you don't need lessons in dancing, do you, Vince? Clearly she was off her rocker. Blind as a bat. You're a dancing star, Vince."
"Oh," Vince said, and smiled.
...
Title: Powers 1/?
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh/Misfits
Pairing: implied Howard/Vince
Word Count: 574
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Ridiculousness
Disclaimer: AGAIN, DON'T OWN IT
Notes: Remember this idea, Lolly? XD I do actually know where this is going! I think! It just turned out to be too much to finish tonight XD
Howard and Vince weren’t quite sure how they’d been allowed to become probation workers. For one thing, they weren’t certified, and for another, they had absolutely zero experience working with youths. They decided not to question it though. Certainly the administrator who’d hired them had seemed desperate and harried enough to get somebody to fill the position. It seemed like they had a sudden shortage of probation workers.
“Where is this place, anyway, Howard?” Vince asked that morning as they were waiting on the tube. “Wertham? I ain’t never heard of it.”
“That’s because it’s fictional,” Howard said matter-of-factly. “It’s actually Thamesmead, but we’re just going to call it Wertham for this crossover. Now stop drawing attention to it!”
When they arrived at the Wertham Community Centre, they were greeted by a group of sullen kids in orange jumpsuits. Vince drew up short at the sight of them, then bent over, his hand over his mouth, and gagged.
"Vince, what's wrong?" Howard asked.
"Those jumpsuits!" Vince moaned, clutching at Howard's arm for balance. "The color! The cut! I've never seen anything so repulsive, not even in your wardrobe! Howard, I don't know if I can do this!"
"Oi," one of their charges called out. "Are you two boyfriends?"
"I beg your pardon, sir!" Howard shouted, his face red. He gripped Vince by the shoulder. "Vince! You have to be brave, little man. We can do this."
Vince took a deep breath. "I-I-I'll try," he said weakly.
"Good man. Here, I have an idea that might help," Howard said.
Twenty minutes later, the ASBOs were busy collating flyers for a local charity event while Howard and Vince, now wearing a blindfold, supervised them. This wasn't that hard a job at all really - just assign a bunch of menial tasks and maintain a sense of authority. Howard could certainly do that. He scowled menacingly. He wouldn't take any truck from these kids, no sir.
"Howard," whispered Vince, "is it lunchtime yet? This blindfold is well itchy."
"It's only half ten, Vince," Howard whispered back.
Vince whined, and Howard found himself weirdly admiring the entire picture he presented, black cloth wrapped around his eyes, a chastened expression on his face ... Howard felt his ears and neck go red. After a minute he realized someone was staring at him. It was one of the girls - a sullen looking one with a tight ponytail. She looked at him with disgust and shook her head, muttering under her breath.
It had always been one of Howard's nascent fears that people could hear his thoughts. One time, when Bollo and Naboo had fed him psychedelic mushrooms as a joke, he'd freaked out and boarded himself in his and Vince's bedroom, convinced the world had been populated by psychics over night. He'd proceeded to cover his entire body in tin foil before Vince had managed to break down the door and knock him out. Later, Vince had confessed that he'd never seen Howard look better than he did covered head to toe in shiny aluminum.
Now, as Howard felt that hot mixture of shame and paranoia well up in him, he tried to clear his mind of any embarrassing thoughts and remain stoic. Immediately, his brain threw up the image of Vince, naked, bound and gagged. He started choking. Everyone looked at him - except Vince as he couldn't look at anything right now, naturally.
"Let's break early for lunch," Howard said.
...
NEXT TIME: HOWARD AND VINCE EAT LUNCH AND ARE SPIED ON! ALISHA TOUCHES SOMEBODY! NATHAN INSULTS HOWARD! CURTIS ERASES TIME -- actually I don't know if he'll do that yet but I'm sure he will at some point. TILL THEN!