Enigma Variations, 15: Darkness is a Harsh Term
Title: Enigma Variations, 15/?:
Summary: Naboo has a few things to say on his own account
Rating: R for language, adult topics, mild threat
Warnings: none
Spoilers: The bedroom light starts working again
Length: about 1500 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: Pretty much smut-less. Also un-beta’d, and this conversation didn’t go entirely to plan. Hence I have struggled muchly with the dynamics, so please, please point out the parts that don’t make sense and I will try to fix them sometime when I can bear to look at this again!
Enigma Variations
15 Darkness is a Harsh Term
“Little one, I hope your next words to me are going to be ‘this isn’t what it looks like’. And that they’ll be delivered in a more respectful tone.”
Vince’s insides lurch with fear, but Naboo sits up, completely unperturbed. “Wrong on both counts, Saboo, ya ballbag. You’ve got nothin’ on me any more, after what you just did… an’ this is exactly what it looks like.”
The other shaman’s lip curls. “You had sex with a human?”
“Two, actually. An’ you know what?”
“Oh, don’t tell me. It was good. They were gentle. You never knew it could be like that… Honestly, you are so naïve.” He raises a hand as Naboo starts to speak. “No, no, when I said ‘don’t tell me’ I meant don’t. Spare me the sordid little details of all your adolescent feelings.”
Howard is grinding his teeth; Vince can hear him. Apparently Naboo can, too, because he leans down and hisses “You stay out of it this time,” before turning back to glare at Saboo. “At least I’ve got feelings.”
“So have I, little one, so have I. Chiefly contempt, at the moment, with a side order of disgust. I mean, inter-species, really… I’d have thought your night of passion with Tony Harrison would have put you off that for life.”
“You were there too.”
“We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others.”
“What about those two goth girls you stopped Bollo’n’me getting’ off with at the club? They were humans. An’ you were in a dress, for fuck’s sake.”
Saboo smiles. “Ah yes, my Gothic threeway…”
Vince feels a pang of regret. He’d been rather keen on a gothic threeway himself. Or preferably fourway. Although even a two-way would have done. Lovely memories flash through his mind: Howard’s arse hanging out of those split trousers, Howard’s hair all spiky and boosted and Howard’s eyes deliciously eyelinered… With an effort, he makes himself listen to what Saboo is saying. It might be important.
“Naboo, you plum, I was doing you and them a favour. Several, if you think about it. And anyway, they fancied each other way more than either of them fancied me. I just… helped them to see that, and then I climbed out of the bathroom window and left them to it. But enough of these romantic reminiscences.” He takes a step closer to the bed, the smile gone as quickly as it came. “Quite apart from the species issue, you’re in bed with your employees. Unprofessional of you. To say nothing of impatient. Couldn’t you have waited?”
“Knew you’d be too late this time.”
“I am never too late when it comes to the crunch. You should know that by now.”
“You’d have been cuttin’ it fuckin’ fine even if I hadn’t been doin’ high-level magic and complex drugs… or was it complex magic an’ high-level drugs… never mind. Point is, I had been doin’ ’em, an’ you would’ve been too late.”
Saboo smirks.
“What’s so funny?” Naboo’s losing his cool; his voice is sharp. “I could’ve died. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“I wasn’t worried. I left you in good hands.”
Realisation hits Vince, and he sees it hit Naboo at about the same time, like a bucket of cold water in the face.
“You bastard.” Naboo is really furious now; his fists are clenched, and Vince can feel him trembling. “It was a setup, you planned to cut it finer than you ever had, you waited until Vince’n’Howard were back before you abandoned me…”
“And I knew you’d panic like a first-timer and ask for help, if these two pathetic softies didn’t offer it first.”
“And that I’d go through hell.” Naboo draws a harsh breath. “And you wouldn’t have wanted to miss seein’ that… OK, you fuckin’ pervert, so where did you hide the recordin’ device?”
Still smiling, Saboo raises his hand, and magically extracts a small metallic block from the light fitting; the bulb comes back to life, and the room suddenly seems very bright. He holds the shiny cube between thumb and forefinger, and makes a mocking bow. “Well done. Top marks for logical deduction. How well you know me, little one.”
Naboo clambers over Vince and gets out of bed. Needing reassurance, Vince shuffles close to Howard’s side and holds his hand. He doesn’t like the way this is going. Tonight has been amazing, yes, but there are parts of it that nobody else needs to see…
“An’ you know me too well an’ all.” Naboo squares up to Saboo, looking very small in comparison. “Even down to knowin’ I wouldn’t want to do it in our bed. But sometimes even you get it wrong.”
“How so?” Saboo looks down on Naboo, as though from some lofty height.
“Arrogant prick,” Howard mutters. “I’d like to -”
Vince shushes him. “Alien shaman domestic, remember? The little guy can handle himself. You watch.”
There is still an edge to Naboo’s voice. “You thought this would be somethin’ else you could punish me for. Another hold you had over me. Another way to humiliate me… Except it didn’t.”
“Oh, really. I’d like to see you tell that to the Shaman Council while they watch this.”
“I’m tellin’ you, it didn’t.” Naboo raises his chin defiantly. “I’m not ashamed. I’ve fucked two humans tonight, and it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. You can take that video and show it to the Council; you can even stick it on XooTube if you want. But you should watch it yourself first, you might learn something.”
Saboo stuffs the device into his pocket, and puts his hands on his hips. “And what might that be?”
“That there’s other ways of lovin’ someone than bein’ shitty to them… that you can be kind to someone without hurtin’ them first… and… and… that I don’t need you any more.”
Naboo’s chest is heaving after this outburst, but Saboo seems unmoved. “Yeah, you do. These two will be geriatric by the time you next come to the crunch. And six feet under by the one after.”
“There are plenty of other humans out there. Sure, I know these two are… unusual… but they can’t be the only ones. I’ve got options.”
Saboo assumes the expression of a tolerant father listening to the earnest ramblings of a small and ignorant child. “And what about me?”
“You’ve got options too. You can change the way you do things - the way we do things...”
“Romance the human way, you mean?” Saboo breaks into scornful laughter. “Little one, you are priceless. Is that what you really want? Red roses and crappy love songs? I can’t see it, somehow.”
“Might be worth a try,” Naboo says, his voice faint but stubborn. “We can’t go on as we are.”
“After the way you’ve behaved tonight?” Saboo twirls the end of his feather boa thoughtfully between his fingers. “I’m not sure there even is a we any more.”
Naboo’s head droops; he catches his breath on a sob.
That’s just wrong. Nobody should treat anybody like that, least of all someone who’s just survived the crunch… Vince ignores his own advice, and loses his rag. “Well, you should’ve been there for ’im, shouldn’t you?” he shouts.
“Shut up, Vince,” Howard says fearfully.
“For once, I agree with the big berk.” Saboo pushes Naboo casually aside and takes a step towards the bed. “Don’t get involved in things that have nothing to do with you.”
“Don’t call Howard a berk. And it does have to do with us.” Vince shakes off the bedclothes, and Howard’s clinging hand, to sit up and look the shaman in the eye. “We just saved Naboo’s life, for fuck’s sake.”
“Yeah, right. You took something that belonged to me.”
“No.” Howard is trembling, his voice barely audible, but he’s doing his best to back Vince up. “You’ve no right to say that.”
“Maybe we took something you wanted,” Vince argues, “but that’s not the same. An’ if you minded… well, you should’ve thought of that before you walked out. Dunno what stupid mind-game you thought you were playin’, but it’s a bit late now to say you didn’t want us to help when it came to the crunch.”
“How dare you,” Saboo thunders, “how dare you human vermin speak to me of the crunch.”
“Cos we’ve been there, you bearded tit.” Vince is too angry to be scared any more. “Been to the crunch, done the crunch, an’ we’ll be getting’ our crunch t-shirts printed tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.” Saboo’s face is contorted with fury; he towers over the bed.
And suddenly there is a naked sword in his hand.
Summary: Naboo has a few things to say on his own account
Rating: R for language, adult topics, mild threat
Warnings: none
Spoilers: The bedroom light starts working again
Length: about 1500 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: Pretty much smut-less. Also un-beta’d, and this conversation didn’t go entirely to plan. Hence I have struggled muchly with the dynamics, so please, please point out the parts that don’t make sense and I will try to fix them sometime when I can bear to look at this again!
Enigma Variations
15 Darkness is a Harsh Term
“Little one, I hope your next words to me are going to be ‘this isn’t what it looks like’. And that they’ll be delivered in a more respectful tone.”
Vince’s insides lurch with fear, but Naboo sits up, completely unperturbed. “Wrong on both counts, Saboo, ya ballbag. You’ve got nothin’ on me any more, after what you just did… an’ this is exactly what it looks like.”
The other shaman’s lip curls. “You had sex with a human?”
“Two, actually. An’ you know what?”
“Oh, don’t tell me. It was good. They were gentle. You never knew it could be like that… Honestly, you are so naïve.” He raises a hand as Naboo starts to speak. “No, no, when I said ‘don’t tell me’ I meant don’t. Spare me the sordid little details of all your adolescent feelings.”
Howard is grinding his teeth; Vince can hear him. Apparently Naboo can, too, because he leans down and hisses “You stay out of it this time,” before turning back to glare at Saboo. “At least I’ve got feelings.”
“So have I, little one, so have I. Chiefly contempt, at the moment, with a side order of disgust. I mean, inter-species, really… I’d have thought your night of passion with Tony Harrison would have put you off that for life.”
“You were there too.”
“We all make mistakes. Some of us more than others.”
“What about those two goth girls you stopped Bollo’n’me getting’ off with at the club? They were humans. An’ you were in a dress, for fuck’s sake.”
Saboo smiles. “Ah yes, my Gothic threeway…”
Vince feels a pang of regret. He’d been rather keen on a gothic threeway himself. Or preferably fourway. Although even a two-way would have done. Lovely memories flash through his mind: Howard’s arse hanging out of those split trousers, Howard’s hair all spiky and boosted and Howard’s eyes deliciously eyelinered… With an effort, he makes himself listen to what Saboo is saying. It might be important.
“Naboo, you plum, I was doing you and them a favour. Several, if you think about it. And anyway, they fancied each other way more than either of them fancied me. I just… helped them to see that, and then I climbed out of the bathroom window and left them to it. But enough of these romantic reminiscences.” He takes a step closer to the bed, the smile gone as quickly as it came. “Quite apart from the species issue, you’re in bed with your employees. Unprofessional of you. To say nothing of impatient. Couldn’t you have waited?”
“Knew you’d be too late this time.”
“I am never too late when it comes to the crunch. You should know that by now.”
“You’d have been cuttin’ it fuckin’ fine even if I hadn’t been doin’ high-level magic and complex drugs… or was it complex magic an’ high-level drugs… never mind. Point is, I had been doin’ ’em, an’ you would’ve been too late.”
Saboo smirks.
“What’s so funny?” Naboo’s losing his cool; his voice is sharp. “I could’ve died. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“I wasn’t worried. I left you in good hands.”
Realisation hits Vince, and he sees it hit Naboo at about the same time, like a bucket of cold water in the face.
“You bastard.” Naboo is really furious now; his fists are clenched, and Vince can feel him trembling. “It was a setup, you planned to cut it finer than you ever had, you waited until Vince’n’Howard were back before you abandoned me…”
“And I knew you’d panic like a first-timer and ask for help, if these two pathetic softies didn’t offer it first.”
“And that I’d go through hell.” Naboo draws a harsh breath. “And you wouldn’t have wanted to miss seein’ that… OK, you fuckin’ pervert, so where did you hide the recordin’ device?”
Still smiling, Saboo raises his hand, and magically extracts a small metallic block from the light fitting; the bulb comes back to life, and the room suddenly seems very bright. He holds the shiny cube between thumb and forefinger, and makes a mocking bow. “Well done. Top marks for logical deduction. How well you know me, little one.”
Naboo clambers over Vince and gets out of bed. Needing reassurance, Vince shuffles close to Howard’s side and holds his hand. He doesn’t like the way this is going. Tonight has been amazing, yes, but there are parts of it that nobody else needs to see…
“An’ you know me too well an’ all.” Naboo squares up to Saboo, looking very small in comparison. “Even down to knowin’ I wouldn’t want to do it in our bed. But sometimes even you get it wrong.”
“How so?” Saboo looks down on Naboo, as though from some lofty height.
“Arrogant prick,” Howard mutters. “I’d like to -”
Vince shushes him. “Alien shaman domestic, remember? The little guy can handle himself. You watch.”
There is still an edge to Naboo’s voice. “You thought this would be somethin’ else you could punish me for. Another hold you had over me. Another way to humiliate me… Except it didn’t.”
“Oh, really. I’d like to see you tell that to the Shaman Council while they watch this.”
“I’m tellin’ you, it didn’t.” Naboo raises his chin defiantly. “I’m not ashamed. I’ve fucked two humans tonight, and it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. You can take that video and show it to the Council; you can even stick it on XooTube if you want. But you should watch it yourself first, you might learn something.”
Saboo stuffs the device into his pocket, and puts his hands on his hips. “And what might that be?”
“That there’s other ways of lovin’ someone than bein’ shitty to them… that you can be kind to someone without hurtin’ them first… and… and… that I don’t need you any more.”
Naboo’s chest is heaving after this outburst, but Saboo seems unmoved. “Yeah, you do. These two will be geriatric by the time you next come to the crunch. And six feet under by the one after.”
“There are plenty of other humans out there. Sure, I know these two are… unusual… but they can’t be the only ones. I’ve got options.”
Saboo assumes the expression of a tolerant father listening to the earnest ramblings of a small and ignorant child. “And what about me?”
“You’ve got options too. You can change the way you do things - the way we do things...”
“Romance the human way, you mean?” Saboo breaks into scornful laughter. “Little one, you are priceless. Is that what you really want? Red roses and crappy love songs? I can’t see it, somehow.”
“Might be worth a try,” Naboo says, his voice faint but stubborn. “We can’t go on as we are.”
“After the way you’ve behaved tonight?” Saboo twirls the end of his feather boa thoughtfully between his fingers. “I’m not sure there even is a we any more.”
Naboo’s head droops; he catches his breath on a sob.
That’s just wrong. Nobody should treat anybody like that, least of all someone who’s just survived the crunch… Vince ignores his own advice, and loses his rag. “Well, you should’ve been there for ’im, shouldn’t you?” he shouts.
“Shut up, Vince,” Howard says fearfully.
“For once, I agree with the big berk.” Saboo pushes Naboo casually aside and takes a step towards the bed. “Don’t get involved in things that have nothing to do with you.”
“Don’t call Howard a berk. And it does have to do with us.” Vince shakes off the bedclothes, and Howard’s clinging hand, to sit up and look the shaman in the eye. “We just saved Naboo’s life, for fuck’s sake.”
“Yeah, right. You took something that belonged to me.”
“No.” Howard is trembling, his voice barely audible, but he’s doing his best to back Vince up. “You’ve no right to say that.”
“Maybe we took something you wanted,” Vince argues, “but that’s not the same. An’ if you minded… well, you should’ve thought of that before you walked out. Dunno what stupid mind-game you thought you were playin’, but it’s a bit late now to say you didn’t want us to help when it came to the crunch.”
“How dare you,” Saboo thunders, “how dare you human vermin speak to me of the crunch.”
“Cos we’ve been there, you bearded tit.” Vince is too angry to be scared any more. “Been to the crunch, done the crunch, an’ we’ll be getting’ our crunch t-shirts printed tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.” Saboo’s face is contorted with fury; he towers over the bed.
And suddenly there is a naked sword in his hand.