Enigma Variations, 19: it's not the long walk home that'll change this heart
Title: Enigma Variations, 19/?:
Summary: it’s the morning after the morning after, and things have changed
Rating: G
Warnings: lack of punctuation, and see Spoilers
Spoilers: there are red roses and a soppy love song
Length: about 1050 words, short and sweet
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: this is the end of my second Naboo-story. Comments and concrit will be loved and welcomed. Many thanks to everyone who’s stuck with me this far! Remaining loose ends will be tied up in the third part, unless I forget about them, which is fairly likely given the long and rambling nature of this tale. Oh, and if you want to hear the song, it’s here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cTxNlxPasw
Enigma Variations
19 it’s not the long walk home that’ll change this heart
you wake up in your own bed
the sun is coming through a gap in the red curtains and making the mirror-hangings sparkle with tiny rainbow reflections
for a minute you think you’ve just had a really bizarre dream
but your back hurts a little bit, and your unmale parts hurt a little bit too, not in a bad way, just enough to convince you that it may have been bizarre alright, but it wasn’t a dream
it’s always such a relief having been through the crunch and come out the other side, your energy and your magic returning, your mind and body readjusting themselves back to normal for the next half-century
this time there is going to be rather more readjusting than usual, and you have a feeling that normality isn’t in the same place it was
so it’s deeply reassuring to find that bollo is snoring beside you, his fur tickling your nose
at least some things are still the way they’re supposed to be
you stretch your aching body in bollo’s animal-smelling warmth and watch the little rainbows dancing on the ceiling, and think about the gift your human friends have given you, about the two of them working together to save you
you thought they only stayed here because they’d never get a job anywhere normal, you always worried that they’d leave you
but the tealeaves said you had to stick with them, and you will, even though it’s out of tealeaf jurisdiction now
yesterday afternoon they were so careful, so gentle, somehow they understood what you needed even though you didn’t really understand it yourself
they got you off just by being kind
it was when howard said that people weren’t kind to you very often… that was when you admitted to yourself that that was what you craved, that was what -
- go on, you have to think of him sooner or later -
- what saboo wasn’t giving you, except when he’d hurt you first
and that slow, ecstatic, mind-blurring climax yesterday proved to you beyond any doubt that you were wrong about the sex all these years
you were too young when you started down this road and you thought it was the dominance you wanted when all the time it was just him
you thought he’d despise you or worse, leave, if you tried to change things
now, for better or worse, you’ve changed things
you had to change things
taking the risk, now that you both know you’ll be able to survive, somehow, even if he doesn’t want to be with you any more…
won’t be much fun
best not think about that until it happens, because perhaps it won’t
perhaps he’ll watch that recording and understand that it’s the comfort that does it for you, not the hurt
perhaps one day it’ll be him giving you a nice time with no strings attached
you feel more hopeful this morning
bollo snorts awake, the way he does every day
- hey bollo
- hey naboo, how you feelin’?
- ok
he pulls back the covers and checks you over, gentle and thorough
this powerful creature can knock out a horse or break a man’s spine with a flick of his arm
but he’s your familiar, that power is at your command, your life is totally safe in these big warm hands
he grunts approval - vince and harold did a good job
- call howard by his right name from now on, the man saved my life, you don’t have to like him, but show him a bit of respect
- thought you said precious vince saved you
- it took both of them, both of them together, they’re a team
- like you and me?
- yeah - you hug him - like you and me
- an’ what about saboo?
that throws you for a loop, you didn’t think bollo knew about that, and you gave him a heavily edited version of your crunch night, just told him saboo came back too late and you sent him packing
he looks into your eyes - bollo did know, bollo always knew, from first time bollo saw you two together at shaman council, but not bollo’s place to say anything… so, what about him?
- don’t know, not yet
he nods - let bollo take care of you while you wait to find out, yes?
- yes - you hide your face in his shoulder, and promise yourself you’ll never ever think about upgrading your familiar again
he pats you on the back - good, now how about some breakfast, you still way too skinny, one puff of breeze in forest would blow you away like fragile twig
suddenly ravenously hungry, you pull on your robe and head to the kitchen
you halt in the doorway, something’s not right in here
a faint smell of mothballs, a stray black feather on the floor…
your heart lurches into your throat
on the table in a glass vase is a big bunch of roses, so dark red they are almost black, velvety and fragrant
their stems are held together with a thin strand of wire that you recognise at once
no, no, no, not more messing with your head, you are so over all that
tears of rage and disappointment welling up, you reach for the flowers to put the whole lot in the bin but then you stop
underneath the vase is a piece of vintage sheet music
with a little metallic cube resting on it
and a message written at the top
- principles rethought, it pains me to admit it but the humans may have a point - call me when you’re ready, little one
you can’t read the earth-notated tune, you make a mental note to ask howard to play it for you later
but the lyrics make you bury your face in bollo’s fur and cry and cry with unbearable relief and hope
You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all;
You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall;
You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall;
So if I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.
Summary: it’s the morning after the morning after, and things have changed
Rating: G
Warnings: lack of punctuation, and see Spoilers
Spoilers: there are red roses and a soppy love song
Length: about 1050 words, short and sweet
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: this is the end of my second Naboo-story. Comments and concrit will be loved and welcomed. Many thanks to everyone who’s stuck with me this far! Remaining loose ends will be tied up in the third part, unless I forget about them, which is fairly likely given the long and rambling nature of this tale. Oh, and if you want to hear the song, it’s here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cTxNlxPasw
Enigma Variations
19 it’s not the long walk home that’ll change this heart
you wake up in your own bed
the sun is coming through a gap in the red curtains and making the mirror-hangings sparkle with tiny rainbow reflections
for a minute you think you’ve just had a really bizarre dream
but your back hurts a little bit, and your unmale parts hurt a little bit too, not in a bad way, just enough to convince you that it may have been bizarre alright, but it wasn’t a dream
it’s always such a relief having been through the crunch and come out the other side, your energy and your magic returning, your mind and body readjusting themselves back to normal for the next half-century
this time there is going to be rather more readjusting than usual, and you have a feeling that normality isn’t in the same place it was
so it’s deeply reassuring to find that bollo is snoring beside you, his fur tickling your nose
at least some things are still the way they’re supposed to be
you stretch your aching body in bollo’s animal-smelling warmth and watch the little rainbows dancing on the ceiling, and think about the gift your human friends have given you, about the two of them working together to save you
you thought they only stayed here because they’d never get a job anywhere normal, you always worried that they’d leave you
but the tealeaves said you had to stick with them, and you will, even though it’s out of tealeaf jurisdiction now
yesterday afternoon they were so careful, so gentle, somehow they understood what you needed even though you didn’t really understand it yourself
they got you off just by being kind
it was when howard said that people weren’t kind to you very often… that was when you admitted to yourself that that was what you craved, that was what -
- go on, you have to think of him sooner or later -
- what saboo wasn’t giving you, except when he’d hurt you first
and that slow, ecstatic, mind-blurring climax yesterday proved to you beyond any doubt that you were wrong about the sex all these years
you were too young when you started down this road and you thought it was the dominance you wanted when all the time it was just him
you thought he’d despise you or worse, leave, if you tried to change things
now, for better or worse, you’ve changed things
you had to change things
taking the risk, now that you both know you’ll be able to survive, somehow, even if he doesn’t want to be with you any more…
won’t be much fun
best not think about that until it happens, because perhaps it won’t
perhaps he’ll watch that recording and understand that it’s the comfort that does it for you, not the hurt
perhaps one day it’ll be him giving you a nice time with no strings attached
you feel more hopeful this morning
bollo snorts awake, the way he does every day
- hey bollo
- hey naboo, how you feelin’?
- ok
he pulls back the covers and checks you over, gentle and thorough
this powerful creature can knock out a horse or break a man’s spine with a flick of his arm
but he’s your familiar, that power is at your command, your life is totally safe in these big warm hands
he grunts approval - vince and harold did a good job
- call howard by his right name from now on, the man saved my life, you don’t have to like him, but show him a bit of respect
- thought you said precious vince saved you
- it took both of them, both of them together, they’re a team
- like you and me?
- yeah - you hug him - like you and me
- an’ what about saboo?
that throws you for a loop, you didn’t think bollo knew about that, and you gave him a heavily edited version of your crunch night, just told him saboo came back too late and you sent him packing
he looks into your eyes - bollo did know, bollo always knew, from first time bollo saw you two together at shaman council, but not bollo’s place to say anything… so, what about him?
- don’t know, not yet
he nods - let bollo take care of you while you wait to find out, yes?
- yes - you hide your face in his shoulder, and promise yourself you’ll never ever think about upgrading your familiar again
he pats you on the back - good, now how about some breakfast, you still way too skinny, one puff of breeze in forest would blow you away like fragile twig
suddenly ravenously hungry, you pull on your robe and head to the kitchen
you halt in the doorway, something’s not right in here
a faint smell of mothballs, a stray black feather on the floor…
your heart lurches into your throat
on the table in a glass vase is a big bunch of roses, so dark red they are almost black, velvety and fragrant
their stems are held together with a thin strand of wire that you recognise at once
no, no, no, not more messing with your head, you are so over all that
tears of rage and disappointment welling up, you reach for the flowers to put the whole lot in the bin but then you stop
underneath the vase is a piece of vintage sheet music
with a little metallic cube resting on it
and a message written at the top
- principles rethought, it pains me to admit it but the humans may have a point - call me when you’re ready, little one
you can’t read the earth-notated tune, you make a mental note to ask howard to play it for you later
but the lyrics make you bury your face in bollo’s fur and cry and cry with unbearable relief and hope
You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all;
You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall;
You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall;
So if I broke your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.