Enigma Variations, 23: it was the worst of times
Title: Enigma Variations, 23/?: it was the worst of times
Summary: things still look bleak
Rating: R
Warnings: lack of punctuation, general unpleasantness
Spoilers: Naboo is beginning to despair
Length: about 430 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: I am beginning to despair, too, of ever escaping from this fic... but I have gone too far to turn back, so I'm going to carry on!
Enigma Variations
23 it was the worst of times
there are some things you can’t escape, even with magic
they make you feel a particular kind of despair, a deep hollow ache right through your head and heart
this tank
and the wire
and the crunch
the first time you felt that aching void, the rage against the thing you couldn’t change, the cold hard fact of your own limitations…
that was your first time
your worst time
he was old, far older than you could possibly imagine or had ever imagined possible
he wanted it
you needed it
you hated it
and they gave you no choice
you’d rather have had dennis, he was your swordplay tutor and he seemed harmless (nobody knew about the rabbit, back then)
but he didn’t get to be head shaman until a long time afterwards and it seems nobody told him what you were
either that or they did, but he forgot
he forgets a lot of things, dennis does, you have always wondered why they chose him, maybe nobody else wanted the job, you wouldn’t have taken it but then they would never have offered it you anyway
face it, they mostly don’t give a shit about you, saboo is the only one and what can he do on his own?
even supposing bollo has managed to make it home
oh, bollo
wishing he was here won’t do the trick this time
this lot know all about neutralising magical abilities and they’ve neutralised every single one of yours
doesn’t stop you wishing, all the same
your tears merging with the bitter liquid that fills your eyes and mouth
you wish…
that you’d never taken those pills before you set off
that you’d remembered to have the carpet serviced
that you hadn’t let your familiar drive (rule 2,496 in the big blue book)
that you’d told saboo the truth years ago
that you’d been born a different sex
that you could run time backwards…
but there are some things you can’t escape, even with magic
Summary: things still look bleak
Rating: R
Warnings: lack of punctuation, general unpleasantness
Spoilers: Naboo is beginning to despair
Length: about 430 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: I am beginning to despair, too, of ever escaping from this fic... but I have gone too far to turn back, so I'm going to carry on!
Enigma Variations
23 it was the worst of times
there are some things you can’t escape, even with magic
they make you feel a particular kind of despair, a deep hollow ache right through your head and heart
this tank
and the wire
and the crunch
the first time you felt that aching void, the rage against the thing you couldn’t change, the cold hard fact of your own limitations…
that was your first time
your worst time
he was old, far older than you could possibly imagine or had ever imagined possible
he wanted it
you needed it
you hated it
and they gave you no choice
you’d rather have had dennis, he was your swordplay tutor and he seemed harmless (nobody knew about the rabbit, back then)
but he didn’t get to be head shaman until a long time afterwards and it seems nobody told him what you were
either that or they did, but he forgot
he forgets a lot of things, dennis does, you have always wondered why they chose him, maybe nobody else wanted the job, you wouldn’t have taken it but then they would never have offered it you anyway
face it, they mostly don’t give a shit about you, saboo is the only one and what can he do on his own?
even supposing bollo has managed to make it home
oh, bollo
wishing he was here won’t do the trick this time
this lot know all about neutralising magical abilities and they’ve neutralised every single one of yours
doesn’t stop you wishing, all the same
your tears merging with the bitter liquid that fills your eyes and mouth
you wish…
that you’d never taken those pills before you set off
that you’d remembered to have the carpet serviced
that you hadn’t let your familiar drive (rule 2,496 in the big blue book)
that you’d told saboo the truth years ago
that you’d been born a different sex
that you could run time backwards…
but there are some things you can’t escape, even with magic