Fanfic: Five Times Beetle Was A Girl (And One Time He Wasn't)
Title: Five Times Beetle Was A Girl (And One Time He Wasn't)
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Booster/Beetle, Gladys, Max Lord, Beatriz da Costa, Sue Dibny, Ralph Dibny, Mary Marvel
Prompt: "Genderswap."
Word Count: 5777
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: A Five Things AU, suggested by phoenixfire_lia. I would've written something sooner, but kirke_novak's prompt ate my brain and became The Big Damn High-School AU That Wouldn't Die (and I have two other ideas for the prompt, so it's not only one huge AU, it's that and two others that I haven't even tried writing yet).
Anyway! After my Boostle femslash pictures, the writing bug hit and the first one popped out of my brain. Then I forgot about it for a while. Then suddenly other ideas started trickling in until this ended up effing HUGE without me even realizing it. (And I absolutely did not, in a fit of genderbent brain overload at work one day, also come up with a list of names for a genderbent JLI. ... *facepalm*)
Originally, one of these was going to be a continuation of Way 5 of " Five Ways Ted Didn't Find Out About Booster's Vasectomy," in which Beetle demands Booster propose to her because apparently Booster's vasectomy reversed somehow and she's not having her baby born out of wedlock (because male or female, can you imagine Beetle passing up an opportunity like that to break Booster's brain?). But then I thought of the fifth one and the extra "One Way" (and believe it or not, the fourth was originally going to be longer but that seemed like a better stopping point) and I decided enough already and just quit while I was ahead.
Unbetaed, please to point out any mistakes.
Five Times Beetle Was A Girl (And One Time He Wasn't)
1. In which Ted has huge tits.
"Oh my god your tits are huge!"
"Booster!"
"Well they are!" Booster says indignantly.
Beetle crosses his arms over his newly-acquired huge tits and glares at his so-called best friend. But that just squishes them and rubs his nipples, and the last thing he needs right now is hard nipples. Especially with Booster's eyes fixed so unwaveringly on his chest.
"How about a little sympathy?" Beetle demands.
"You have huge tits!" Booster argues, waving a hand at Beetle's impressive endowments. "What do you need sympathy for?"
"Because I also don't have a dick, Booster!"
Booster is silent for a moment. His gaze, still focused on Beetle's breasts, is reflective. He opens his mouth to speak.
"I swear to God if the next sentence out of your mouth contains the word 'tits' I won't be the only one emasculated here."
Booster closes his mouth and, finally, raises his eyes to meet Beetle's. He frowns. "So this...isn't a good thing?"
Expression twisting in disbelief, Beetle asks, "How could it possibly be a good thing that I've been turned into a woman?"
Booster sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I forgot," he mumbles. "It's not like it was in my time. It's not as easy to switch."
Opening his mouth to reply, Beetle suddenly stops. He closes his mouth and thinks that over. It would appear that Booster's complete insensitivity to a rather delicate and uncomfortable situation is the result of his upbringing, and his not realizing how big a deal it is that Beetle has a whole new set of reproductive organs.
In that case, Beetle thinks maybe he can forgive him.
"Want to have sex?"
On the other hand, maybe not.
"Why would I want to have sex?" Beetle growls.
"Well, you know, take it for a test drive," Booster says with a shrug.
"I--"
Booster smirks. "You can't tell me you're not curious."
Mentally cursing the fact that Booster knows him so well, Beetle glares at him.
"You know you want to."
Beetle keeps glaring.
"Promise I won't tell anyone."
Beetle grabs Booster's arm as he stalks past him, dragging his friend toward the nearest bed. "If you do, you won't live long enough to enjoy bragging rights."
Grinning, Booster throws an arm around him, hand brushing over Beetle's tit. "Deal."
-----
2. In which Ted has a secret.
Beetle's on his knees behind a dumpster, curled in on himself and wheezing painfully, when they find him.
"Fuck, oh fuck, oh fucking fuck," he mutters, voice sounding odd.
This surprises Booster, because Beetle doesn't usually swear like that. In fact, he's not sure he's ever heard Beetle say "fuck" before. So whatever's wrong with Beetle, and the supervillain's unconscious now so they can't ask him, must be pretty bad.
Booster kneels in front of him and reaches out to touch his shoulder, and whatever's wrong with Beetle must have distracted him a lot because he jerks in surprise and his head shoots up to stare at Booster. Eyes wide with panic, horror, and a little pain, Beetle opens his mouth uncertainly. That's when Booster finally notices.
Beetle's arms are crossed over a chest significantly larger than it was a half hour ago.
Watching Booster realize what's happened to him, Beetle closes his mouth and silently hangs his head with a whimper.
They take Beetle, and the supervillain, back to headquarters and once they get there spend several minutes discussing the ramifications of a supervillain with the power to reverse a person's gender. Then Beetle unhappily interrupts to say, "That's not his power, if anything his power is to undo surgery."
There is silence for a few second before everyone's talking at once and Beetle's slumping down in his chair like he wants to disappear, looking so miserable that Booster kind of wants to hug him. Given the circumstances, though, that would probably be awkward and unwelcome. So he settles for a manly shoulder squeeze and Beetle gives him a look that's so grateful Booster wants to hug him all over again.
It's hours later before they can coax the full story from Beetle (hours during which he changes out of his costume, because apparently it's too tight on his chest and really hurts). He had been born female, felt awkward in his own body for most of his life, then entered college and stumbled upon information about transgenderism and female-to-male surgery. Smart as he was, he made the connections almost immediately and not long after became Ted Kord, man.
"Dad took it pretty well, actually. He'd always wanted a boy," he admits, looking uncomfortable. Beetle doesn't talk about family, ever, if he can help it.
Details are refused and it soon becomes clear that the whole thing is a very touchy subject...after Beetle gives Guy a concussion when the Green Lantern won't leave him alone about it.
So it's probably very, very stupid of Booster to approach Beetle in that condition and ask him out on a date.
Beetle gives him a funny look and says, "I'm not gay."
"Well technically you're a lesbian if--" Booster gets out before he finds himself flat on his back with Beetle's foot on his chest and Beetle's hands fisted in his collar, holding him up as Beetle bends down.
When they're almost nose to nose, Beetle hisses angrily, "I. Am. A. Man."
Booster decides it's in his best interest not to point out how very hot this is and quickly nods, agreeing whole-heartedly. Beetle lets go of him and goes off to build a laser. Booster finds this hot too and wonders if there's something wrong with him.
The supervillain finally wakes up from his coma, which he was in because Booster was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic knocking him out after seeing him take down Beetle. They ask him to turn Beetle back. He refuses.
They threaten him. He refuses.
They leave him alone with Beetle for a few minutes. He agrees and threatens to have them charged with crimes against humanity.
With a minimum of fanfare, Beetle is returned to his previously masculine state (which he's grateful for, because apparently the surgery costs a bundle and he wasn't looking forward to going through that again). Booster, feeling supportive, tells him that he thinks Beetle looks more attractive as a man anyway.
Beetle gives him a funny look and goes off to make sure everything is in place and in working order.
Booster sighs and wonders why he had to fall for someone so oblivious. Then debates the wisdom of following Beetle and offering to help.
Not for the first time, he reflects that the past is a strange and confusing place, but the company sure is nice.
-----
3. In which Ted has high standards.
Blue Beetle is a big, butch, dykey lesbo.
In her own words.
Booster Gold understands her up to "big" and "butch" but gets lost after that. It isn't until later that he finds out the rest means she likes girls. This is something they have in common and they soon become fast friends.
As far as her personality goes, Beetle might as well be a man. Booster likes this about her, it kind of reminds him of some of the women he knew in the future. As far as her appearance goes, Beetle has what Booster considers one of the finest figures in superherodom.
When Booster tells her what he thinks about her looks, Beetle laughs and asks if he thinks she has a chance with Wonder Woman. They're both of the opinion that Diana comes from a society of lesbians, despite the fact that they've seen her date men. Booster thinks she does have a chance but they end up sitting around drinking beer and watching sports because Beetle lacks the self-confidence to ask her out and it depresses her.
It doesn't occur to him until Beetle falls asleep on his side, nose squished against Booster's shoulder a bit and snoring softly, that he may be madly in love with his best friend. The fact that he finds the drool endearing, Booster considers a sure sign.
Beetle is less sure.
"You know I'm a lesbian." There's only a hint of a question to it. They've been over this before at length, so as far as Beetle's concerned there shouldn't be any confusion.
"Well yeah, but...haven't you ever been curious?"
"This is a little surreal," Beetle mutters, almost to herself, then looks Booster in the eye and says, "I tried being straight, Booster. It didn't work so good. Then I went through a lot of confusion and misery before I accepted that I'm a dyke, and now I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I'm okay with who I am. Hell, I'm proud of who I am."
Booster stares at her, wondering what is wrong with this century that they're so rigidly binary about sex. He finds it hard to understand why anyone would give Beetle grief about liking women (he's seen her make out before and it's hot), enough that she could have at one time been ashamed of it. Sex and shame are two things that Booster has trouble connecting in his mind.
And he's glad that Beetle's risen above that, that she's comfortable with who and what she is. Unfortunately, that just makes him love her more.
"What about a kiss?"
Beetle gives him a disbelieving look and Booster quickly adds, "Just a kiss! Just one. Please?"
Rubbing a hand over her face, Beetle glances up at him through her fingers, taking in the pleading expression, and sighs. "Fine," she says reluctantly, dropping her hand. "One kiss."
So Booster leans down and Beetle leans up, scrunching her face a little, and their lips meet. Beetle's clearly uncomfortable and Booster's heart sinks, then Beetle's backing away with a disgusted look on her face.
"I-I'm sorry, Booster, I really am," she says with a grimace, flashing him an apologetic look. "It's just...you're a man. You're pretty, don't get me wrong, but it's man pretty. That's just not enough. If you were a woman, sure, no problem, but.... I'm sorry."
Still processing the fact that wow, that was a truly awful kiss, Beetle's words slowly sink in. Then it hits Booster and his expression brightens.
"I'll be right back," he tells Beetle, grabbing her arms briefly and grinning like a loon. "Stay right here."
Staring after him as he flies off, Beetle scratches her head and wonders what the hell's gotten into her friend. She gets through a few theories that kissing her makes men go crazy, or that she just attracts crazies, before she decides to just let it go and ask Booster when he gets back. After that, she pulls out some paper to write down some ideas for improvements to the Bug.
Time passes, unbeknownst to Beetle, until suddenly she hears a throat clear. Glancing up in surprise, Beetle freezes as she sees who it is.
The woman is tall, blond, and has an athletic build. She's also drop dead gorgeous.
Grinning at Beetle's stunned silence, the woman walks forward and raises her arms at her sides. "So? What do you think?"
Beetle thinks she should wear clothing that fits her, if she can still look so hot in obviously borrowed clothes. "Uh," she says.
"I'll have to modify my costume a little," the woman continues, placing her hands on her hips and looking down at herself. "But I'm still about the same size, so it won't take too much getting used to."
Then it clicks and Beetle really looks at the oddly familiar woman, eyes going wide as she asks in a strangled voice, "Booster?!"
The woman looks up from examining her body and grins again. "Hi, Beetle."
"You're--"
"A woman." Booster holds her arms out again and does a little twirl.
"A woman!"
"What do you think?" Booster asks, his--her?--smile suddenly turning uncertain.
"I--Why?" Beetle asks, unable to think of anything else to say.
Booster blushes a little. "You said if I was a woman it wouldn't be a problem, you and me," she--he?--says, as if this is the most logical thing in the world.
Beetle sputters, trying to wrap her head around this. "So you--"
"Called in a favor," Booster replies, hands on her--definitely her--hips again.
"Oh." Beetle looks her over. Whoever did it does good work. As she understands it, Booster was very attractive as a man and it translates well now that he's a woman.
"So...want to try that kiss again?" Booster asks quietly.
Beetle's head shoots up and she suddenly realizes that Booster's been moving closer while Beetle's been checking her out. She feels a hand, a little smaller than it used to be, touching her side and it takes her a moment to remember Booster asked a question.
"Okay," Beetle whispers as Booster's mouth covers hers. This time...this time everything is right. She won't admit it, but Beetle did feel something when she kissed Booster before. But she had been too distracted and disturbed by his undeniable maleness to actually enjoy it.
But now...now a pair of breasts are pressed against hers, firm and pert, and she can tell Booster didn't bother with a bra. The lips are fuller, softer, and this time Beetle lets herself get into the kiss. Sliding a hand around to the small of Booster's back, Beetle pulls her closer and moans softly when Booster curls a hand around her breast.
They part slowly, reluctantly, but don't let go of each other. Beetle opens her eyes to Booster's hopeful expression and smiles.
"Booster?"
"Yes?"
"I think I love you, too."
Booster grins and kisses her again.
-----
4. In which Teddi has a baby.
Teddi Kord falls in love (or gets knocked up, opinions vary) and drops out of college to get married and be a stay-at-home-mom.
This works out until 1) she realizes her husband is an asshole, 2) she realizes her husband is a cheating asshole, and 3) being a stay-at-home-mom is quickly driving her insane. So she gets a divorce and custody of little Gladys, who was named after her husband's mother while Teddi was passed out post-labor, and then gets a job and child support.
Being a single mother is everything she expects and more, but Teddi does okay. Gladys soon becomes Merit after Merit Ptah, an Egyptian woman who was possibly the world's first physician and besides that being the first female scientist to be known by name. Teddi's always had a fondness for Egyptology and anyway there aren't enough female scientists and her daughter needs strong role models. Wonder Woman is all well and good, but she's kind of preachy sometimes and she runs around in bondage gear. That's not something Teddi wants Merit emulating.
Changing her daughter's name, even if it isn't legally, does not upset Teddi's ex-mother-in-law, who is a decent woman and can't really be held accountable for the fact that she ended up with an asshole for a son. In fact, Gladys approves, and admits that she hadn't approved of her son doing the naming without consulting Teddi. This is news to Teddi and they agree to get together more often to talk, and so Merit can get to know her grandmother.
With Gladys on her side and as a reliable babysitter, Teddi goes back to college and gets her degree. Then another. Then she finally manages to get a job at her father's company, because daughter or no she's not getting a free ride and definitely not getting a job unless she's qualified. "Nepotism" doesn't exist in the Kord family lexicon.
Between working, school, and Merit, Teddi doesn't have much time for dating. In fact, her time for it usually consists of none.
After KORD Inc. hires her, she has a little more time for it, though. Her work hours are more flexible and Gladys is always happy to spend time with Merit. Though Teddi's still taking classes to increase her qualifications, she can afford to ease off her course load a little.
So Teddi goes out.
Whoever said it was just like riding a bicycle never took the damn training wheels off.
Teddi's frustrated and just about to leave when she bumps into him. A tall blond Adonis who looks like he feels just as out of place as she does. He apologizes and babbles a little before Teddi sticks a hand out and introduces herself. The man stares at her hand for a long enough moment that Teddi starts to realize that shaking hands probably isn't as common in bars as it is in the business and technology world. Then he smiles and shakes her hand while relief surges through Teddi.
"I'm B--uh, Mike. Nice to meet you."
So Teddi and Mike find a place to sit and end up talking. And talking. And definitely flirting. Teddi finds out that Mike's awkwardness with the place is that he's from very far out of town and just isn't used to the way things are done around here. Mike looks at pictures of Merit and says she has Teddi's smile, even though she favors her father and that's usually what people notice.
Teddi decides she likes Mike.
For the first time in a depressingly long amount of time, Teddi might have gotten laid. That is, if a couple of Mike's friends hadn't gotten in a fight and Mike hadn't felt obligated to help, or at least try to get them out of there, and in the process Teddi lost track of Mike and never saw him again that night.
She thinks that's the end of it until two days later she gets a phone call from Mike, who refuses to admit how he got her number, sounding embarrassed. Teddi finds this more flattering than creepy, and anyway Mike is really hot and it's not like she's not listed in the phone book. She agrees to a date.
Gladys is going to watch Merit for the day and has promised to take her to a science museum, securing her a place in the hearts of both Kord females. Teddi because she approves of exposing Merit to science at every opportunity and Merit because the Van de Graaff generator makes her hair stand on end (Teddi tries not to think about what this may suggest about hairstyles during Merit's teenage years) and because the museum echoes and Merit loves the sound of her own voice.
Before she and Merit leave for their day of learning through fun, however, Gladys supervises Teddi's choice of wardrobe because, as she says, "I love you like a daughter, dear, but you can't dress yourself. Are you sure you're not colorblind? They have tests for that."
Teddi tolerates this with a minimum of snark because Gladys means well and is also keeping Merit overnight.
A little nervous about both her appearance and the date itself, Teddi gets to the restaurant just a bit after Mike. He stares at her for a long moment and her heart sinks a bit before he suddenly shakes himself and flashes her an approving smile, full of an easy charm that makes her heart float back into place and melt a little.
Mike's pretty easy on the eyes himself, and Teddi contentedly watches his backside as he leads the way to a table. When he stops, she quickly lifts her eyes, only to find Mike glancing at her over his shoulder. Teddi blushes at being caught, but Mike just smiles again, shyly pleased this time.
They sit, they order, they talk. They discuss football, which Teddi suspects Mike once played from the way he talks. They discuss Teddi's work at KORD Inc, which Mike surprisingly seems to follow for the most part. They get along just as well as last time.
Maybe better, because at one point, Mike touches her hand on the table and plays with her fingers a little, lacing them together with his from time to time. So Teddi slides out a foot and runs it up and down the side of his leg. From the heat in Mike's eyes as he gazes at her across the table, Teddi's feeling good about her chances of getting lucky, her skin feeling hypersensitive and her stomach twisting in anxious excitement.
Leaning close, Teddi murmurs an invitation to her home and Mike grins as he accepts.
On the ride there, Mike subtly lays a hand on her knee, fingers moving restlessly to caress her inner thigh. In response, Teddi leans her head on his shoulder and slides an arm around him to settle her hand on his firm, hard abdomen. Biting her lip in anticipation, she shivers a little as Mike's pinkie brushes over a particularly sensitive patch of skin. When she glances up, he watches her closely as he does it again. When she squirms just a bit, he grins.
They barely get to Teddi's door before Mike suddenly presses her against it, one hand on her hip and one on her cheek, staring at her hungrily. "Teddi..." he breathes, a question.
Teddi answers by grabbing his shirt in two fists and tugging him down to align their mouths in a greedy, desperate, ask-me-how-long-it's-been-since-I-had-sex kiss.
Groaning softly, Mike wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer as he buries his hand in her short hair and slides a knee between her legs. They spend what feels like eternity, and not nearly long enough, kissing and rubbing against each other before a sound startles Teddi and as she and Mike jump apart she suddenly realizes it would be better to do such things inside, where the prying, gossipy eyes of neighbors can't see them.
A brief struggle with the lock and key later, they're inside and about to resume their clench when a happy voice pipes up.
"Mommy!"
Startled, Teddi whirls around to see Gladys sitting on the couch with an apologetic expression. Merit stands in front of her, all but vibrating in place and grinning excitedly.
"Uh," says Teddi.
"Er," Mike mutters.
Gladys rises to her feet and spreads her hands. "I'm so sorry, dear. Mildred called and I promised I'd rush over after I dropped off Merit. I know I said I'd take her overnight, but...well, it's Enid again and I just couldn't say no."
Rubbing the side of her face with one hand, Teddi sighs and shakes her head. "It's okay, Gladys, I understand."
"Well, I have to hurry. Merit, give your granny a hug, darling."
"Bye, Gramma!" Merit says, throwing her arms around the woman's middle. "Thanks!"
Gladys ruffles her granddaughter's hair and grabs her purse, quickly heading for the door. As she passes Mike she tilts her head and looks back, then pauses by Teddi and leans close to whisper in her ear, "A keister like that, I'm doubly sorry to do this to you, dear."
Blushing, Teddi waves her off and Gladys calls out "Toodles!" before shutting the door behind her.
Teddi turns back to Mike to apologize for the interruption of their plans, but freezes with her mouth open, staring in plain shock at the man kneeling down to listen to her daughter excitedly ramble about her day. Smiling with bewildered amusement, Mike nods encouragingly as Merit speaks, occasionally asking simple questions like "How big?" and "How many times?"
Right then, watching Mike interact with her daughter as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Teddi's insides melt and she thinks she might be just the tiniest bit in love with the man.
Eventually Merit decides to include Teddi in her account of the day's events and together she and Mike learn that the human body is composed of seventy percent water, that Merit painted a picture of a unicorn, a detailed description of atoms, and an even more detailed description of what Gramma's hair looked like when she got too close to the Van de Graaff machine.
When Merit finally winds down and sleepily slumps against Mike, Teddi gently picks her up and carts her off to bed. Brushing the girl's hair back and kissing her forehead, Teddi tucks her daughter in. Turning, Teddi jumps a little in surprise as she realizes Mike followed her and is watching from the doorway. The warm, affectionate smile on his face makes her want to kiss him.
So she does.
Closing Merit's door behind her, Teddi whispers, "Are you still...?"
"I didn't want to assume," Mike mutters, hands going to her waist. "But if you're still up for it..."
"We'd have to be quiet."
Without a word, Mike pulls her close and seals his mouth over hers.
So they go to Teddi's room, lock the door, and slowly, quietly make love. The only sounds are the glide of their sweat-slick bodies against each other and their increasingly labored breaths, then gasps muffled by a kiss.
Afterward, Mike holds her and kisses her neck softly, whispering endearments. Then he asks, uncertainty in his voice, if he should leave. Freezing for a moment, Teddi glances at the clock. She tells him it's late and snuggles up to his solid warmth without another word. Taking that as the answer it is, Mike leaves his arms around her and relaxes into sleep.
They can figure the rest out in the morning.
-----
5. In which Ted has a better plan.
When Beetle gets kidnapped, Booster thinks he might finally have a chance. It's a classic theme in this century, he's very clear on the matter. Damsel gets distressed, hero comes to the rescue, damsel is grateful and accepts dinner invitation, fade to black on hero and damsel kissing. Classic.
Sure Booster could have skipped the first two steps, but the sad fact is that he has. Many times. As women go, Beetle was at the back of the line when they were handing out female intuition. Or a clue. Or anything that could have tipped her off to the fact that Booster's been trying, in his own slightly confused fashion, to court her. As far as Beetle's concerned, they're just two pals hanging out and having some laughs.
They are best friends, sure, and they do have a lot of fun together, but Booster's hoping for a little more than casual one-armed hugs and playful shoulder nudging.
So Booster is cutting a gallant golden figure as he races through the air toward glory and getting-the-girl.
Of course just as he lands outside the villain's lair (an abandoned building of some sort, another classic), there's a muffled explosion from inside. Moments later, a soot-dusted Beetle appears through the entrance, coughing and waving a hand in front of her face.
Booster stares at her in surprise, his plans going up in as much smoke as whatever she exploded. Looking up, Beetle pauses and looks at him in surprise too.
"Booster?"
"Uh...hi."
Brushing soot off the front of her costume (breasts, breasts, breasts, Booster's hormones sing happily), Beetle asks curiously, "What're you doing here?"
"I'm...here to rescue you," Booster replies, trying to inject some bravado in his voice but probably just sounding disappointed.
"Oh. ...Thanks, I've got it."
Booster rubs the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. "Yeah," he mumbles, his disappointment clear this time.
Frowning, Beetle steps closer and plants her hands on her hips. "So sorry to mess up your plans," she says irritably.
"No, no, I'm glad you're safe," Booster explains, then looks away. "I was just...kind of hoping I could rescue you and...ask you out to dinner."
Beetle stares at him for a long minute, then her eyes widen as she finally, finally gets it. "Ohhhhh."
"Yeah."
"Ah."
Booster thinks it over, then asks, "So what about the bad guy? Didn't he mind you blowing up his base?"
"Probably, but he was a little too distracted by the pain after I kicked him."
"Where'd you ki--Oh, nevermind."
"Yeah." Beetle shrugs. "He made a few suggestions I didn't like."
"Harsh but fair."
"Thanks."
They stare at each other awkwardly for a moment before Beetle suddenly points at Booster and says, "Tell you what. Since I saved the day, how about I ask you to dinner. As a reward for me."
Booster grins. "Sounds good. But how's it a reward for you?"
"Well for one, you're a pretty attractive guy, Booster-buddy," Beetle replies with a smirk. "Plus I'll get a cheesesteak and not count the calories."
"And I'll get a dessert you want so you can eat most of it and pretend it doesn't count because you didn't order it?"
Throwing an arm around Booster's shoulders as they walk off into the sunset, Beetle grins. "Booster, I think this could be the beginning of something beautiful."
-----
1. In which Ted has serious doubts that he's really the best for the job.
"There's no way I'm going to pass as a woman."
Booster looks up in time to see Ted's abortive attempt to cross his arms over his chest only to remember the fake breasts there. His arms fall to his sides for a moment before coming up to his hips.
"We have women on the team, why couldn't one of them do it?" Ted continues.
Standing to the side, Max is looking him over thoughtfully. "Fire's too recognizable," he says, ticking off points on one hand. "Mary...we're not even going to go there. And Sue is a married woman."
"So?"
"She's also scary."
"Oh." Ted slumps a little and sighs. Then a thoughtful look crosses his face and he looks up. "Couldn't Ralph do it? He's flexible, surely he could..." He moves his hands over the air in front of his chest, clearly miming breasts.
"You look hot," Booster blurts without thinking.
All eyes turn to him and he shrinks down a little on the couch, fighting the urge to hide behind the magazine he'd been reading before Ted entered the room. It's just not fair. They can't dress Ted up in that tight, short skirt and all that makeup and those calf-high boots with the slight heel that emphasize his legs and that long, curly wig that's the same shade of almost-auburn brunette as Ted's real hair and those fake breasts in that loose, filmy top that hides most of Ted's muscle and makes him look kind of soft... They just can't do all that and expect Booster not to notice!
Bea smirks, looking smug, and turns to Sue. "We do good work."
They discreetly slap palms while Ted glowers and again attempts to cross his arms over his chest.
The reason they've dressed Ted up in drag is because the Super Buddies have a job.
A group of prostitutes have been targeted by someone who is gradually escalating in violent behavior. The police more or less ignored them, and after one of the girls ended up in the hospital they finally contacted the Super Buddies.
They came during the day, out of "uniform," and were promptly charmed by Mary, who thought they were lovely women and misunderstood "working girls" to mean they were just career-oriented. None of them had the heart, or inclination, to explain things to her.
Thankfully, Mary is away helping Captain Marvel with a problem back home. Though before she left she assured them that she would come as soon as she could if they needed her. They probably won't, if only to avoid explaining why Ted's in a skirt, but it's still sweet of her to offer.
The plan is for Ted to go undercover, hang out with the girls, and keep an eye on things from the street level. The rest of the team will be watching from a discreet distance and listening through a communicator Ted's carrying.
The communicator turns out to be pure comedy gold when it informs them that at least three men in the first hour agree with Booster's assessment of Ted's hotness and proposition the man. After the third, Ted's face is flaming under the thick coating of makeup expertly applied by Bea and Sue.
The next hour is less entertaining, as one of the pros recognizes Ted ("See? I told you! I told you makeup and a wig wouldn't be enough!") from an article in a popular science magazine. They discuss anti-gravity for what seems like an eternity while Booster takes to tugging his hair to stay awake.
Finally, about halfway through the third hour, a female scream rises from a nearby alley and Ted is already running towards the sound ("See?" he huffs triumphantly. "I told you, Bea, stilettos would've been--hhh--stupid.") before Booster's shaken himself from his daze and launched into the air.
When he reaches a rooftop over the alley, Booster can tell the fight probably only lasted seconds. The guy, about as average-looking as one can get, is on his back with a black eye and a bruised chin. Ted is standing over him with one boot resting on the man's chest.
Leaning over (Booster happily notes that it really is a short skirt), Ted flicks the guy's forehead with one finger to get his attention. "This," he says with satisfaction, "is a citizen's arrest, bunky."
The guy passes out and the pros cheer Ted, a few kissing his cheeks, and that's the end of that. Ralph and Bea show up to drag the guy off to the police and provide statements, while Booster hooks his arms under Ted's armpits and lifts him into the air.
The flight to the back door of their headquarters is silent for a while until Ted finally asks, "You're copping a feel of my fake boobs, aren't you?"
"Mmmaybe."
Ted snorts and shakes his head. "Pervert."
"Only by this century's standards."
"You're incorrigible, you know that?"
"You love me anyway," Booster replies, smiling.
"Don't tell anyone, we'd never hear the end of the rumors." Ted pauses and looks around thoughtfully. "I notice we've landed."
"Mm hm."
"And you're still holding me."
"Yep."
Ted pauses again, then says, "I take it you weren't joking earlier when you said I looked hot."
"Still do," Booster answers.
Raising one eyebrow and lowering the other, Ted asks in bewilderment, "You think I look hot as a woman?"
"No."
"No?"
Smoothing his hands down to wrap around Ted's waist, Booster pulls the man back until he's flush against Booster's front. Tilting his head so he can murmur in Ted's ear, Booster slides a hand down to cup his friend through the blessedly short skirt. "I think you look hot as a man pretending to be a woman."
Ted chokes a little, leaning back against Booster, then whispers, "Oh."
Suddenly he straightens and crows, "I knew you had a crush on me! Wait, so is the Wonder Woman costume for you or Gladys? And, uh, can I see it?"
Rolling his eyes, Booster spins Ted around and shuts him up with a kiss.
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Booster/Beetle, Gladys, Max Lord, Beatriz da Costa, Sue Dibny, Ralph Dibny, Mary Marvel
Prompt: "Genderswap."
Word Count: 5777
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: A Five Things AU, suggested by phoenixfire_lia. I would've written something sooner, but kirke_novak's prompt ate my brain and became The Big Damn High-School AU That Wouldn't Die (and I have two other ideas for the prompt, so it's not only one huge AU, it's that and two others that I haven't even tried writing yet).
Anyway! After my Boostle femslash pictures, the writing bug hit and the first one popped out of my brain. Then I forgot about it for a while. Then suddenly other ideas started trickling in until this ended up effing HUGE without me even realizing it. (And I absolutely did not, in a fit of genderbent brain overload at work one day, also come up with a list of names for a genderbent JLI. ... *facepalm*)
Originally, one of these was going to be a continuation of Way 5 of " Five Ways Ted Didn't Find Out About Booster's Vasectomy," in which Beetle demands Booster propose to her because apparently Booster's vasectomy reversed somehow and she's not having her baby born out of wedlock (because male or female, can you imagine Beetle passing up an opportunity like that to break Booster's brain?). But then I thought of the fifth one and the extra "One Way" (and believe it or not, the fourth was originally going to be longer but that seemed like a better stopping point) and I decided enough already and just quit while I was ahead.
Unbetaed, please to point out any mistakes.
Five Times Beetle Was A Girl (And One Time He Wasn't)
1. In which Ted has huge tits.
"Oh my god your tits are huge!"
"Booster!"
"Well they are!" Booster says indignantly.
Beetle crosses his arms over his newly-acquired huge tits and glares at his so-called best friend. But that just squishes them and rubs his nipples, and the last thing he needs right now is hard nipples. Especially with Booster's eyes fixed so unwaveringly on his chest.
"How about a little sympathy?" Beetle demands.
"You have huge tits!" Booster argues, waving a hand at Beetle's impressive endowments. "What do you need sympathy for?"
"Because I also don't have a dick, Booster!"
Booster is silent for a moment. His gaze, still focused on Beetle's breasts, is reflective. He opens his mouth to speak.
"I swear to God if the next sentence out of your mouth contains the word 'tits' I won't be the only one emasculated here."
Booster closes his mouth and, finally, raises his eyes to meet Beetle's. He frowns. "So this...isn't a good thing?"
Expression twisting in disbelief, Beetle asks, "How could it possibly be a good thing that I've been turned into a woman?"
Booster sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I forgot," he mumbles. "It's not like it was in my time. It's not as easy to switch."
Opening his mouth to reply, Beetle suddenly stops. He closes his mouth and thinks that over. It would appear that Booster's complete insensitivity to a rather delicate and uncomfortable situation is the result of his upbringing, and his not realizing how big a deal it is that Beetle has a whole new set of reproductive organs.
In that case, Beetle thinks maybe he can forgive him.
"Want to have sex?"
On the other hand, maybe not.
"Why would I want to have sex?" Beetle growls.
"Well, you know, take it for a test drive," Booster says with a shrug.
"I--"
Booster smirks. "You can't tell me you're not curious."
Mentally cursing the fact that Booster knows him so well, Beetle glares at him.
"You know you want to."
Beetle keeps glaring.
"Promise I won't tell anyone."
Beetle grabs Booster's arm as he stalks past him, dragging his friend toward the nearest bed. "If you do, you won't live long enough to enjoy bragging rights."
Grinning, Booster throws an arm around him, hand brushing over Beetle's tit. "Deal."
-----
2. In which Ted has a secret.
Beetle's on his knees behind a dumpster, curled in on himself and wheezing painfully, when they find him.
"Fuck, oh fuck, oh fucking fuck," he mutters, voice sounding odd.
This surprises Booster, because Beetle doesn't usually swear like that. In fact, he's not sure he's ever heard Beetle say "fuck" before. So whatever's wrong with Beetle, and the supervillain's unconscious now so they can't ask him, must be pretty bad.
Booster kneels in front of him and reaches out to touch his shoulder, and whatever's wrong with Beetle must have distracted him a lot because he jerks in surprise and his head shoots up to stare at Booster. Eyes wide with panic, horror, and a little pain, Beetle opens his mouth uncertainly. That's when Booster finally notices.
Beetle's arms are crossed over a chest significantly larger than it was a half hour ago.
Watching Booster realize what's happened to him, Beetle closes his mouth and silently hangs his head with a whimper.
They take Beetle, and the supervillain, back to headquarters and once they get there spend several minutes discussing the ramifications of a supervillain with the power to reverse a person's gender. Then Beetle unhappily interrupts to say, "That's not his power, if anything his power is to undo surgery."
There is silence for a few second before everyone's talking at once and Beetle's slumping down in his chair like he wants to disappear, looking so miserable that Booster kind of wants to hug him. Given the circumstances, though, that would probably be awkward and unwelcome. So he settles for a manly shoulder squeeze and Beetle gives him a look that's so grateful Booster wants to hug him all over again.
It's hours later before they can coax the full story from Beetle (hours during which he changes out of his costume, because apparently it's too tight on his chest and really hurts). He had been born female, felt awkward in his own body for most of his life, then entered college and stumbled upon information about transgenderism and female-to-male surgery. Smart as he was, he made the connections almost immediately and not long after became Ted Kord, man.
"Dad took it pretty well, actually. He'd always wanted a boy," he admits, looking uncomfortable. Beetle doesn't talk about family, ever, if he can help it.
Details are refused and it soon becomes clear that the whole thing is a very touchy subject...after Beetle gives Guy a concussion when the Green Lantern won't leave him alone about it.
So it's probably very, very stupid of Booster to approach Beetle in that condition and ask him out on a date.
Beetle gives him a funny look and says, "I'm not gay."
"Well technically you're a lesbian if--" Booster gets out before he finds himself flat on his back with Beetle's foot on his chest and Beetle's hands fisted in his collar, holding him up as Beetle bends down.
When they're almost nose to nose, Beetle hisses angrily, "I. Am. A. Man."
Booster decides it's in his best interest not to point out how very hot this is and quickly nods, agreeing whole-heartedly. Beetle lets go of him and goes off to build a laser. Booster finds this hot too and wonders if there's something wrong with him.
The supervillain finally wakes up from his coma, which he was in because Booster was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic knocking him out after seeing him take down Beetle. They ask him to turn Beetle back. He refuses.
They threaten him. He refuses.
They leave him alone with Beetle for a few minutes. He agrees and threatens to have them charged with crimes against humanity.
With a minimum of fanfare, Beetle is returned to his previously masculine state (which he's grateful for, because apparently the surgery costs a bundle and he wasn't looking forward to going through that again). Booster, feeling supportive, tells him that he thinks Beetle looks more attractive as a man anyway.
Beetle gives him a funny look and goes off to make sure everything is in place and in working order.
Booster sighs and wonders why he had to fall for someone so oblivious. Then debates the wisdom of following Beetle and offering to help.
Not for the first time, he reflects that the past is a strange and confusing place, but the company sure is nice.
-----
3. In which Ted has high standards.
Blue Beetle is a big, butch, dykey lesbo.
In her own words.
Booster Gold understands her up to "big" and "butch" but gets lost after that. It isn't until later that he finds out the rest means she likes girls. This is something they have in common and they soon become fast friends.
As far as her personality goes, Beetle might as well be a man. Booster likes this about her, it kind of reminds him of some of the women he knew in the future. As far as her appearance goes, Beetle has what Booster considers one of the finest figures in superherodom.
When Booster tells her what he thinks about her looks, Beetle laughs and asks if he thinks she has a chance with Wonder Woman. They're both of the opinion that Diana comes from a society of lesbians, despite the fact that they've seen her date men. Booster thinks she does have a chance but they end up sitting around drinking beer and watching sports because Beetle lacks the self-confidence to ask her out and it depresses her.
It doesn't occur to him until Beetle falls asleep on his side, nose squished against Booster's shoulder a bit and snoring softly, that he may be madly in love with his best friend. The fact that he finds the drool endearing, Booster considers a sure sign.
Beetle is less sure.
"You know I'm a lesbian." There's only a hint of a question to it. They've been over this before at length, so as far as Beetle's concerned there shouldn't be any confusion.
"Well yeah, but...haven't you ever been curious?"
"This is a little surreal," Beetle mutters, almost to herself, then looks Booster in the eye and says, "I tried being straight, Booster. It didn't work so good. Then I went through a lot of confusion and misery before I accepted that I'm a dyke, and now I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I'm okay with who I am. Hell, I'm proud of who I am."
Booster stares at her, wondering what is wrong with this century that they're so rigidly binary about sex. He finds it hard to understand why anyone would give Beetle grief about liking women (he's seen her make out before and it's hot), enough that she could have at one time been ashamed of it. Sex and shame are two things that Booster has trouble connecting in his mind.
And he's glad that Beetle's risen above that, that she's comfortable with who and what she is. Unfortunately, that just makes him love her more.
"What about a kiss?"
Beetle gives him a disbelieving look and Booster quickly adds, "Just a kiss! Just one. Please?"
Rubbing a hand over her face, Beetle glances up at him through her fingers, taking in the pleading expression, and sighs. "Fine," she says reluctantly, dropping her hand. "One kiss."
So Booster leans down and Beetle leans up, scrunching her face a little, and their lips meet. Beetle's clearly uncomfortable and Booster's heart sinks, then Beetle's backing away with a disgusted look on her face.
"I-I'm sorry, Booster, I really am," she says with a grimace, flashing him an apologetic look. "It's just...you're a man. You're pretty, don't get me wrong, but it's man pretty. That's just not enough. If you were a woman, sure, no problem, but.... I'm sorry."
Still processing the fact that wow, that was a truly awful kiss, Beetle's words slowly sink in. Then it hits Booster and his expression brightens.
"I'll be right back," he tells Beetle, grabbing her arms briefly and grinning like a loon. "Stay right here."
Staring after him as he flies off, Beetle scratches her head and wonders what the hell's gotten into her friend. She gets through a few theories that kissing her makes men go crazy, or that she just attracts crazies, before she decides to just let it go and ask Booster when he gets back. After that, she pulls out some paper to write down some ideas for improvements to the Bug.
Time passes, unbeknownst to Beetle, until suddenly she hears a throat clear. Glancing up in surprise, Beetle freezes as she sees who it is.
The woman is tall, blond, and has an athletic build. She's also drop dead gorgeous.
Grinning at Beetle's stunned silence, the woman walks forward and raises her arms at her sides. "So? What do you think?"
Beetle thinks she should wear clothing that fits her, if she can still look so hot in obviously borrowed clothes. "Uh," she says.
"I'll have to modify my costume a little," the woman continues, placing her hands on her hips and looking down at herself. "But I'm still about the same size, so it won't take too much getting used to."
Then it clicks and Beetle really looks at the oddly familiar woman, eyes going wide as she asks in a strangled voice, "Booster?!"
The woman looks up from examining her body and grins again. "Hi, Beetle."
"You're--"
"A woman." Booster holds her arms out again and does a little twirl.
"A woman!"
"What do you think?" Booster asks, his--her?--smile suddenly turning uncertain.
"I--Why?" Beetle asks, unable to think of anything else to say.
Booster blushes a little. "You said if I was a woman it wouldn't be a problem, you and me," she--he?--says, as if this is the most logical thing in the world.
Beetle sputters, trying to wrap her head around this. "So you--"
"Called in a favor," Booster replies, hands on her--definitely her--hips again.
"Oh." Beetle looks her over. Whoever did it does good work. As she understands it, Booster was very attractive as a man and it translates well now that he's a woman.
"So...want to try that kiss again?" Booster asks quietly.
Beetle's head shoots up and she suddenly realizes that Booster's been moving closer while Beetle's been checking her out. She feels a hand, a little smaller than it used to be, touching her side and it takes her a moment to remember Booster asked a question.
"Okay," Beetle whispers as Booster's mouth covers hers. This time...this time everything is right. She won't admit it, but Beetle did feel something when she kissed Booster before. But she had been too distracted and disturbed by his undeniable maleness to actually enjoy it.
But now...now a pair of breasts are pressed against hers, firm and pert, and she can tell Booster didn't bother with a bra. The lips are fuller, softer, and this time Beetle lets herself get into the kiss. Sliding a hand around to the small of Booster's back, Beetle pulls her closer and moans softly when Booster curls a hand around her breast.
They part slowly, reluctantly, but don't let go of each other. Beetle opens her eyes to Booster's hopeful expression and smiles.
"Booster?"
"Yes?"
"I think I love you, too."
Booster grins and kisses her again.
-----
4. In which Teddi has a baby.
Teddi Kord falls in love (or gets knocked up, opinions vary) and drops out of college to get married and be a stay-at-home-mom.
This works out until 1) she realizes her husband is an asshole, 2) she realizes her husband is a cheating asshole, and 3) being a stay-at-home-mom is quickly driving her insane. So she gets a divorce and custody of little Gladys, who was named after her husband's mother while Teddi was passed out post-labor, and then gets a job and child support.
Being a single mother is everything she expects and more, but Teddi does okay. Gladys soon becomes Merit after Merit Ptah, an Egyptian woman who was possibly the world's first physician and besides that being the first female scientist to be known by name. Teddi's always had a fondness for Egyptology and anyway there aren't enough female scientists and her daughter needs strong role models. Wonder Woman is all well and good, but she's kind of preachy sometimes and she runs around in bondage gear. That's not something Teddi wants Merit emulating.
Changing her daughter's name, even if it isn't legally, does not upset Teddi's ex-mother-in-law, who is a decent woman and can't really be held accountable for the fact that she ended up with an asshole for a son. In fact, Gladys approves, and admits that she hadn't approved of her son doing the naming without consulting Teddi. This is news to Teddi and they agree to get together more often to talk, and so Merit can get to know her grandmother.
With Gladys on her side and as a reliable babysitter, Teddi goes back to college and gets her degree. Then another. Then she finally manages to get a job at her father's company, because daughter or no she's not getting a free ride and definitely not getting a job unless she's qualified. "Nepotism" doesn't exist in the Kord family lexicon.
Between working, school, and Merit, Teddi doesn't have much time for dating. In fact, her time for it usually consists of none.
After KORD Inc. hires her, she has a little more time for it, though. Her work hours are more flexible and Gladys is always happy to spend time with Merit. Though Teddi's still taking classes to increase her qualifications, she can afford to ease off her course load a little.
So Teddi goes out.
Whoever said it was just like riding a bicycle never took the damn training wheels off.
Teddi's frustrated and just about to leave when she bumps into him. A tall blond Adonis who looks like he feels just as out of place as she does. He apologizes and babbles a little before Teddi sticks a hand out and introduces herself. The man stares at her hand for a long enough moment that Teddi starts to realize that shaking hands probably isn't as common in bars as it is in the business and technology world. Then he smiles and shakes her hand while relief surges through Teddi.
"I'm B--uh, Mike. Nice to meet you."
So Teddi and Mike find a place to sit and end up talking. And talking. And definitely flirting. Teddi finds out that Mike's awkwardness with the place is that he's from very far out of town and just isn't used to the way things are done around here. Mike looks at pictures of Merit and says she has Teddi's smile, even though she favors her father and that's usually what people notice.
Teddi decides she likes Mike.
For the first time in a depressingly long amount of time, Teddi might have gotten laid. That is, if a couple of Mike's friends hadn't gotten in a fight and Mike hadn't felt obligated to help, or at least try to get them out of there, and in the process Teddi lost track of Mike and never saw him again that night.
She thinks that's the end of it until two days later she gets a phone call from Mike, who refuses to admit how he got her number, sounding embarrassed. Teddi finds this more flattering than creepy, and anyway Mike is really hot and it's not like she's not listed in the phone book. She agrees to a date.
Gladys is going to watch Merit for the day and has promised to take her to a science museum, securing her a place in the hearts of both Kord females. Teddi because she approves of exposing Merit to science at every opportunity and Merit because the Van de Graaff generator makes her hair stand on end (Teddi tries not to think about what this may suggest about hairstyles during Merit's teenage years) and because the museum echoes and Merit loves the sound of her own voice.
Before she and Merit leave for their day of learning through fun, however, Gladys supervises Teddi's choice of wardrobe because, as she says, "I love you like a daughter, dear, but you can't dress yourself. Are you sure you're not colorblind? They have tests for that."
Teddi tolerates this with a minimum of snark because Gladys means well and is also keeping Merit overnight.
A little nervous about both her appearance and the date itself, Teddi gets to the restaurant just a bit after Mike. He stares at her for a long moment and her heart sinks a bit before he suddenly shakes himself and flashes her an approving smile, full of an easy charm that makes her heart float back into place and melt a little.
Mike's pretty easy on the eyes himself, and Teddi contentedly watches his backside as he leads the way to a table. When he stops, she quickly lifts her eyes, only to find Mike glancing at her over his shoulder. Teddi blushes at being caught, but Mike just smiles again, shyly pleased this time.
They sit, they order, they talk. They discuss football, which Teddi suspects Mike once played from the way he talks. They discuss Teddi's work at KORD Inc, which Mike surprisingly seems to follow for the most part. They get along just as well as last time.
Maybe better, because at one point, Mike touches her hand on the table and plays with her fingers a little, lacing them together with his from time to time. So Teddi slides out a foot and runs it up and down the side of his leg. From the heat in Mike's eyes as he gazes at her across the table, Teddi's feeling good about her chances of getting lucky, her skin feeling hypersensitive and her stomach twisting in anxious excitement.
Leaning close, Teddi murmurs an invitation to her home and Mike grins as he accepts.
On the ride there, Mike subtly lays a hand on her knee, fingers moving restlessly to caress her inner thigh. In response, Teddi leans her head on his shoulder and slides an arm around him to settle her hand on his firm, hard abdomen. Biting her lip in anticipation, she shivers a little as Mike's pinkie brushes over a particularly sensitive patch of skin. When she glances up, he watches her closely as he does it again. When she squirms just a bit, he grins.
They barely get to Teddi's door before Mike suddenly presses her against it, one hand on her hip and one on her cheek, staring at her hungrily. "Teddi..." he breathes, a question.
Teddi answers by grabbing his shirt in two fists and tugging him down to align their mouths in a greedy, desperate, ask-me-how-long-it's-been-since-I-had-sex kiss.
Groaning softly, Mike wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer as he buries his hand in her short hair and slides a knee between her legs. They spend what feels like eternity, and not nearly long enough, kissing and rubbing against each other before a sound startles Teddi and as she and Mike jump apart she suddenly realizes it would be better to do such things inside, where the prying, gossipy eyes of neighbors can't see them.
A brief struggle with the lock and key later, they're inside and about to resume their clench when a happy voice pipes up.
"Mommy!"
Startled, Teddi whirls around to see Gladys sitting on the couch with an apologetic expression. Merit stands in front of her, all but vibrating in place and grinning excitedly.
"Uh," says Teddi.
"Er," Mike mutters.
Gladys rises to her feet and spreads her hands. "I'm so sorry, dear. Mildred called and I promised I'd rush over after I dropped off Merit. I know I said I'd take her overnight, but...well, it's Enid again and I just couldn't say no."
Rubbing the side of her face with one hand, Teddi sighs and shakes her head. "It's okay, Gladys, I understand."
"Well, I have to hurry. Merit, give your granny a hug, darling."
"Bye, Gramma!" Merit says, throwing her arms around the woman's middle. "Thanks!"
Gladys ruffles her granddaughter's hair and grabs her purse, quickly heading for the door. As she passes Mike she tilts her head and looks back, then pauses by Teddi and leans close to whisper in her ear, "A keister like that, I'm doubly sorry to do this to you, dear."
Blushing, Teddi waves her off and Gladys calls out "Toodles!" before shutting the door behind her.
Teddi turns back to Mike to apologize for the interruption of their plans, but freezes with her mouth open, staring in plain shock at the man kneeling down to listen to her daughter excitedly ramble about her day. Smiling with bewildered amusement, Mike nods encouragingly as Merit speaks, occasionally asking simple questions like "How big?" and "How many times?"
Right then, watching Mike interact with her daughter as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Teddi's insides melt and she thinks she might be just the tiniest bit in love with the man.
Eventually Merit decides to include Teddi in her account of the day's events and together she and Mike learn that the human body is composed of seventy percent water, that Merit painted a picture of a unicorn, a detailed description of atoms, and an even more detailed description of what Gramma's hair looked like when she got too close to the Van de Graaff machine.
When Merit finally winds down and sleepily slumps against Mike, Teddi gently picks her up and carts her off to bed. Brushing the girl's hair back and kissing her forehead, Teddi tucks her daughter in. Turning, Teddi jumps a little in surprise as she realizes Mike followed her and is watching from the doorway. The warm, affectionate smile on his face makes her want to kiss him.
So she does.
Closing Merit's door behind her, Teddi whispers, "Are you still...?"
"I didn't want to assume," Mike mutters, hands going to her waist. "But if you're still up for it..."
"We'd have to be quiet."
Without a word, Mike pulls her close and seals his mouth over hers.
So they go to Teddi's room, lock the door, and slowly, quietly make love. The only sounds are the glide of their sweat-slick bodies against each other and their increasingly labored breaths, then gasps muffled by a kiss.
Afterward, Mike holds her and kisses her neck softly, whispering endearments. Then he asks, uncertainty in his voice, if he should leave. Freezing for a moment, Teddi glances at the clock. She tells him it's late and snuggles up to his solid warmth without another word. Taking that as the answer it is, Mike leaves his arms around her and relaxes into sleep.
They can figure the rest out in the morning.
-----
5. In which Ted has a better plan.
When Beetle gets kidnapped, Booster thinks he might finally have a chance. It's a classic theme in this century, he's very clear on the matter. Damsel gets distressed, hero comes to the rescue, damsel is grateful and accepts dinner invitation, fade to black on hero and damsel kissing. Classic.
Sure Booster could have skipped the first two steps, but the sad fact is that he has. Many times. As women go, Beetle was at the back of the line when they were handing out female intuition. Or a clue. Or anything that could have tipped her off to the fact that Booster's been trying, in his own slightly confused fashion, to court her. As far as Beetle's concerned, they're just two pals hanging out and having some laughs.
They are best friends, sure, and they do have a lot of fun together, but Booster's hoping for a little more than casual one-armed hugs and playful shoulder nudging.
So Booster is cutting a gallant golden figure as he races through the air toward glory and getting-the-girl.
Of course just as he lands outside the villain's lair (an abandoned building of some sort, another classic), there's a muffled explosion from inside. Moments later, a soot-dusted Beetle appears through the entrance, coughing and waving a hand in front of her face.
Booster stares at her in surprise, his plans going up in as much smoke as whatever she exploded. Looking up, Beetle pauses and looks at him in surprise too.
"Booster?"
"Uh...hi."
Brushing soot off the front of her costume (breasts, breasts, breasts, Booster's hormones sing happily), Beetle asks curiously, "What're you doing here?"
"I'm...here to rescue you," Booster replies, trying to inject some bravado in his voice but probably just sounding disappointed.
"Oh. ...Thanks, I've got it."
Booster rubs the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. "Yeah," he mumbles, his disappointment clear this time.
Frowning, Beetle steps closer and plants her hands on her hips. "So sorry to mess up your plans," she says irritably.
"No, no, I'm glad you're safe," Booster explains, then looks away. "I was just...kind of hoping I could rescue you and...ask you out to dinner."
Beetle stares at him for a long minute, then her eyes widen as she finally, finally gets it. "Ohhhhh."
"Yeah."
"Ah."
Booster thinks it over, then asks, "So what about the bad guy? Didn't he mind you blowing up his base?"
"Probably, but he was a little too distracted by the pain after I kicked him."
"Where'd you ki--Oh, nevermind."
"Yeah." Beetle shrugs. "He made a few suggestions I didn't like."
"Harsh but fair."
"Thanks."
They stare at each other awkwardly for a moment before Beetle suddenly points at Booster and says, "Tell you what. Since I saved the day, how about I ask you to dinner. As a reward for me."
Booster grins. "Sounds good. But how's it a reward for you?"
"Well for one, you're a pretty attractive guy, Booster-buddy," Beetle replies with a smirk. "Plus I'll get a cheesesteak and not count the calories."
"And I'll get a dessert you want so you can eat most of it and pretend it doesn't count because you didn't order it?"
Throwing an arm around Booster's shoulders as they walk off into the sunset, Beetle grins. "Booster, I think this could be the beginning of something beautiful."
-----
1. In which Ted has serious doubts that he's really the best for the job.
"There's no way I'm going to pass as a woman."
Booster looks up in time to see Ted's abortive attempt to cross his arms over his chest only to remember the fake breasts there. His arms fall to his sides for a moment before coming up to his hips.
"We have women on the team, why couldn't one of them do it?" Ted continues.
Standing to the side, Max is looking him over thoughtfully. "Fire's too recognizable," he says, ticking off points on one hand. "Mary...we're not even going to go there. And Sue is a married woman."
"So?"
"She's also scary."
"Oh." Ted slumps a little and sighs. Then a thoughtful look crosses his face and he looks up. "Couldn't Ralph do it? He's flexible, surely he could..." He moves his hands over the air in front of his chest, clearly miming breasts.
"You look hot," Booster blurts without thinking.
All eyes turn to him and he shrinks down a little on the couch, fighting the urge to hide behind the magazine he'd been reading before Ted entered the room. It's just not fair. They can't dress Ted up in that tight, short skirt and all that makeup and those calf-high boots with the slight heel that emphasize his legs and that long, curly wig that's the same shade of almost-auburn brunette as Ted's real hair and those fake breasts in that loose, filmy top that hides most of Ted's muscle and makes him look kind of soft... They just can't do all that and expect Booster not to notice!
Bea smirks, looking smug, and turns to Sue. "We do good work."
They discreetly slap palms while Ted glowers and again attempts to cross his arms over his chest.
The reason they've dressed Ted up in drag is because the Super Buddies have a job.
A group of prostitutes have been targeted by someone who is gradually escalating in violent behavior. The police more or less ignored them, and after one of the girls ended up in the hospital they finally contacted the Super Buddies.
They came during the day, out of "uniform," and were promptly charmed by Mary, who thought they were lovely women and misunderstood "working girls" to mean they were just career-oriented. None of them had the heart, or inclination, to explain things to her.
Thankfully, Mary is away helping Captain Marvel with a problem back home. Though before she left she assured them that she would come as soon as she could if they needed her. They probably won't, if only to avoid explaining why Ted's in a skirt, but it's still sweet of her to offer.
The plan is for Ted to go undercover, hang out with the girls, and keep an eye on things from the street level. The rest of the team will be watching from a discreet distance and listening through a communicator Ted's carrying.
The communicator turns out to be pure comedy gold when it informs them that at least three men in the first hour agree with Booster's assessment of Ted's hotness and proposition the man. After the third, Ted's face is flaming under the thick coating of makeup expertly applied by Bea and Sue.
The next hour is less entertaining, as one of the pros recognizes Ted ("See? I told you! I told you makeup and a wig wouldn't be enough!") from an article in a popular science magazine. They discuss anti-gravity for what seems like an eternity while Booster takes to tugging his hair to stay awake.
Finally, about halfway through the third hour, a female scream rises from a nearby alley and Ted is already running towards the sound ("See?" he huffs triumphantly. "I told you, Bea, stilettos would've been--hhh--stupid.") before Booster's shaken himself from his daze and launched into the air.
When he reaches a rooftop over the alley, Booster can tell the fight probably only lasted seconds. The guy, about as average-looking as one can get, is on his back with a black eye and a bruised chin. Ted is standing over him with one boot resting on the man's chest.
Leaning over (Booster happily notes that it really is a short skirt), Ted flicks the guy's forehead with one finger to get his attention. "This," he says with satisfaction, "is a citizen's arrest, bunky."
The guy passes out and the pros cheer Ted, a few kissing his cheeks, and that's the end of that. Ralph and Bea show up to drag the guy off to the police and provide statements, while Booster hooks his arms under Ted's armpits and lifts him into the air.
The flight to the back door of their headquarters is silent for a while until Ted finally asks, "You're copping a feel of my fake boobs, aren't you?"
"Mmmaybe."
Ted snorts and shakes his head. "Pervert."
"Only by this century's standards."
"You're incorrigible, you know that?"
"You love me anyway," Booster replies, smiling.
"Don't tell anyone, we'd never hear the end of the rumors." Ted pauses and looks around thoughtfully. "I notice we've landed."
"Mm hm."
"And you're still holding me."
"Yep."
Ted pauses again, then says, "I take it you weren't joking earlier when you said I looked hot."
"Still do," Booster answers.
Raising one eyebrow and lowering the other, Ted asks in bewilderment, "You think I look hot as a woman?"
"No."
"No?"
Smoothing his hands down to wrap around Ted's waist, Booster pulls the man back until he's flush against Booster's front. Tilting his head so he can murmur in Ted's ear, Booster slides a hand down to cup his friend through the blessedly short skirt. "I think you look hot as a man pretending to be a woman."
Ted chokes a little, leaning back against Booster, then whispers, "Oh."
Suddenly he straightens and crows, "I knew you had a crush on me! Wait, so is the Wonder Woman costume for you or Gladys? And, uh, can I see it?"
Rolling his eyes, Booster spins Ted around and shuts him up with a kiss.