Brigits_flame: Brilliance

[bootler]

[Note: I promised a friend of mine that I would write another d&d based story, so here it is. This is with the same characters as my entry for last month's Heavy, but it should stand on its own without too much trouble.]I lay on my back and watch the first fingers of dawn start to creep along the ceiling. The dormitory is quiet, Ivnit still fast

Comments

[smz12231994]

I'm not sure if it's the freezing cold of my house or your awesome story, but now I have goosebumps!
Seriously brilliant writing.

[bootler]

Oh wow, thank you very much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it :)

[lisforliz]

D&D <33. :]

I loved it!

[bootler]

Thanks!

[augustday1]

This read was rich with poetry and adventure. This was so sweet and wonderful--

"You need never fear the night, banished as it is by dawn. Simply be patient, and even the darkest shadow will be burned away."

Longing to chase after the lightning-- that whole concept touched off something in me. I drew me in, too. Wondering where it would lead.

This is another one of a collection of beautifully written passages"

"A storm was coming, and I could feel it in me like a glowing, surging force. A true storm. Perhaps the truest storm I had ever seen. And I knew, I knew, that I had to follow it."

Theres a lot of emotion captured in this piece alongside an interesting
story. Very nice

[bootler]

Thank you very much! I will admit,I had a lot of trouble getting the wording right in this piece. I'm glad it turned out.

Edit 1

[triplescorpio]

This week's main editor for your entry here! Quite honestly, there is not much editing to be done, other than a couple of grammar points, which I feel obliged to mention although they are minor. In the paragraph starting, "We were close for many years . . ." the second sentence is a phrase; and "rose goosebumps on my arm" should be "raised" goosebumps on my arm. Other than that, this piece is incredibly well written. Your descriptive phrases are imaginative and clearly evoke the scene and feelings for the reader. I like the way you convey background information within the narrative of the story avoiding just telling it all to the reader. You have created a very interesting protagonist and conveyed her spirit of adventure through her interest in following storms. As a reader, I am drawn in and want to know more of her story. Keep doing what you are doing - it's wonderful.

Re: Edit 1

[bootler]

Thanks for the feedback! I actually didn't know that about "raised", but I will definitely correct it in future.

Also, thanks for the nice words. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story :)