Re: Not that I'm voicing an opinion but...metamorphosJanuary 12 2006, 15:39:07 UTC
There's no problem with voicing an opinion (it's clear that's what you are doing, so don't bother saying you're not), especially when you're pretty much correct. I thought offering 4 statements would be more interesting than just saying, "How do you think sex works in relationships?" The first two are what my straight girl friend thought, while the second two are what I, the gay male, thought.
But they're all specific answers to that question, and I didn't say you had to agree with any of them. In fact, I'm interested to know what you think now.
1 2 and 3 are dumb. well, at least 1 and 2 are dumb, though 3 isn't necessarily true. it is possible for sexaul intimacy to come before emotional intimacy.
four is the only one i agree with. although, the concept of 'too much sex' is definately an interesting one. what would you consider too much sex? cuz i don't know that there is such a thing, imo. people often talk about emotional needs and whosawhat, but people have physical needs as well, and i think they're often underrated.
i think what really matters is the timing. the timing of sex in a relationship can make or break it. not waiting long enough, or waiting too long can lead to it not working out. but just how long is too long or not long enough depends solely on the situation and the people involved.
Thank you for actually saying why you agree with four. I agree with 3 and 4 too.
3 does need to be refined. One person brought up the point to me that you can be emotionally intimate with a close friend or family member and not want to be sexually intimate. I meant this point to be used solely in the case of romantic relationships. In that case, I think it almost always holds. The statement, you're right, doesn't account for sexual intimacy coming first, but I think that's irrelevant.
Especially with gay men, I don't think "too much sex" every happens... :)
I really do agree that the timing is the biggest factor, too. My friend told me a saying that gay men have sex and then consider entering a relationship, but lesbians enter a relationship and then have sex. I think it's pretty true.
i'd say your last statement is a bit of a generalization. i'd agree with you that it is true (in my perception) at least most of the time.
i think people underwrite sex as this shallow thing that shouldn't matter. but the fact of the matter is, it has, it does, and it will. im not saying it's everything, but it's definately something.
and i think it comes in to play even before it happens. the initial attraction that leads to romantic interest is case and point. you can't base your initial attaction on emotional things: "gee, from across the room, that guy has a really nice sense of humor." or "man, look at the character on that guy." and don't forget "he's got really pretty intellect."
so i'd argue that, at least in general, it's the sexual attraction that initially opens the door for the emotional attaction/attachment/intimacy. but, it's just a catalyst.
I'd say cliches are inherently generalizations, but that doesn't mean they're not at least... 75% true. :P
I think the sexual attraction opens the door and the physical sex keeps it open. Then hopefully an emotional connection grows; if it doesn't, then the door will probably shut.
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2 false
3 false
4 true
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But they're all specific answers to that question, and I didn't say you had to agree with any of them. In fact, I'm interested to know what you think now.
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four is the only one i agree with. although, the concept of 'too much sex' is definately an interesting one. what would you consider too much sex? cuz i don't know that there is such a thing, imo.
people often talk about emotional needs and whosawhat, but people have physical needs as well, and i think they're often underrated.
i think what really matters is the timing. the timing of sex in a relationship can make or break it. not waiting long enough, or waiting too long can lead to it not working out. but just how long is too long or not long enough depends solely on the situation and the people involved.
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3 does need to be refined. One person brought up the point to me that you can be emotionally intimate with a close friend or family member and not want to be sexually intimate. I meant this point to be used solely in the case of romantic relationships. In that case, I think it almost always holds. The statement, you're right, doesn't account for sexual intimacy coming first, but I think that's irrelevant.
Especially with gay men, I don't think "too much sex" every happens... :)
I really do agree that the timing is the biggest factor, too. My friend told me a saying that gay men have sex and then consider entering a relationship, but lesbians enter a relationship and then have sex. I think it's pretty true.
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i think people underwrite sex as this shallow thing that shouldn't matter. but the fact of the matter is, it has, it does, and it will. im not saying it's everything, but it's definately something.
and i think it comes in to play even before it happens. the initial attraction that leads to romantic interest is case and point. you can't base your initial attaction on emotional things: "gee, from across the room, that guy has a really nice sense of humor." or "man, look at the character on that guy." and don't forget "he's got really pretty intellect."
so i'd argue that, at least in general, it's the sexual attraction that initially opens the door for the emotional attaction/attachment/intimacy.
but, it's just a catalyst.
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I think the sexual attraction opens the door and the physical sex keeps it open. Then hopefully an emotional connection grows; if it doesn't, then the door will probably shut.
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