pancakes...mmMMmm
so mayb getting older isnt so bad.
things are finally lookin' good for me, i had a horrid dream last nite but other than that everything is doing ok.
when "the break up" first happened i was so worried, but i didnt show my true feelings (that i was dying inside) i just played it cool. i started missing him and i just wanted someone to care for me so i just said yes. now granted i do kinda like this guy, but how wrong is it that i am only with him for the comfort of havin someone to take my mind off of the guy i really want.
hes told me numerous times that there will be another chance and somehow i cant seem to overcome that still he likes her, and they may go to prom together. i know he means it that when he says we will be together again i just dont want to wait, and what if they dont get together and we do again and they still go to prom. but even if i cant go with i him i know someone else i can go with, but still i think id rather go with the love of my life.
my dream last nite wasnt that bad it just consisted of him and me at school and we were hugging the crap out of each other and it just felt so good, him being there to hold me, smelling his cologne, i miss him so much.
i kno now that if i ever find that kinda love again, not to loose it, he meant so much to me and now i still fear that i have lost him forever. hes changing, slowly, but surely, hes changing into a grown man, something that i was holding back from him doing. now he is on his own and i miss him. i hate having to watch him grow from the outside. its like hes inside and i have to watch him through the window. onlt watching he cant hear me and i cant touch him.
he knows who he is and if he is reading this i just want for him to kno that i miss him. no longer how long i have to wait, when that moment comes for him i want him back. even if it takes 12 girls for him to go out with im gonna be ok with that(whoever it is) but im gonna still want him back.
i love him with all my heart, and it isnt puppy love. when i say i wanted him to be the father of my kids i sincerely meant it and i still mean it.
so take your time baby. just know that your baby gangsta, genius, girl is waiting...
i found this song that i wanted him to nkow that it made me think of him...
How Long Must I Cry by Kci and JoJo
Baby Listen
I never meant to be so hard on you
But my pride had me thinking that it was the right thing
But boy I really love you
And it’s driving me crazy
That your not here to hold me anymore
How long must I cry
How long do I have to try
To make happiness my friend
And how long will I the
Until you’ve come back to me
And let me feel your love again
I said I really loved you
And boy I’m thinking of you
There’s no one in this world could take the place of you because you are my baby
And you drive me crazy
There’s nothing else I would say or do
If I don’t have you back in my life
I’m willing to live and die for you
Baby don’t you know that my words are true I really love you
Still thinkin of you
Can’t imagine living life without you
I really miss you
No need to dis you
Can’t live another day without you
And everything I say to you, baby it’s true
How long must I cry
How long do I have to try
To make happiness my friend
And how long will it be
Until you’ve come back to me
And let me feel your love again
How long must I cry
How long do I have to try
To make happiness my friend
And how long will it be
Until you’ve come back to me
And let me feel your love again