Music both wonderful and terrifying
I have a bit of a dilemma. I've finally gotten around to re-activating my EMusic account and now I am overwhelmed by the sheer volume of options. I've already used up half of my downloads in the last 20 minutes on Murder By Death's cover of We Only Come Out At Night (originally performed by the Smashing Pumpkins) and Anti-Flag's entire Die For Your Government album, because I have concluded that I need more good angry punk in my life, so now I have 22 remaining downloads for the month and not a clue what to use them on. Eddie Izzard's Glorious, The Decemberist's Picaresque, and anything by Frank Zappa or The Tossers are all tempting targets, but right now I'm in the mood for something new, preferably a little dark and involving cellos, because that's how I roll. Any recommendations will be rewarded with cookies. Tasty, tasty cookies.
While on the subject of music, I feel the need to express my intense gratitude that Christmas is finally over and there is no more of that god-awful holiday music at work. It was the same music on a three hour loop day after day for a month and a half, and it was such music as to make poor baby Jesus cry. (Links are provided to prove that I am not making any of this up.) I don't want to hear about the hidden last verse of Rudolph as told to us by Mr Jack Johnson, the fucker, nor do I want Santa to do the mambo, I am under no circumstances waiting for The Man With The Bag, I don't give a shit that it's Cold Outside, and last I checked, neither My Favorite Things nor Hands (yes, Hands, the one by Jewel) were anything remotely resembling Christmas music. Also, I appreciate the effort put forth to find a Christmas song that doesn't actually mention Christmas so as not to offend filthy heathens such as myself, it really was a thoughtful gesture, but I find myself far more more offended by the Winter Holiday piece of crap they dug up than I could be even by as song whose only lyrics were "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus, doesn't he fucking rock?!" The absolute worst offender of the bunch, however, was a song of such overwhelming creepiness that I was unable to find any evidence of it on the internet, which, knowing the internet, is quite an accomplishment. I involved a young woman (not a child, thank the fuck christ) who was sexually attracted to Santa Claus and was about as subtle as the "Fuckmesantafuckmesantafuckmesantafuckmesanta" scene from Bad Santa amidst vague references to beastiality and elf fucking, which I will reproduce to the best of my ability here.
You look so handsome in that bright red suit
For a man of your age, you sure look cute
You smile brighter than a Christmas tree
All the girls want to sit on your knee
I had a special present just for you
But after one kiss up the chimney you flew
(chorus)
Stay a little longer, Santa, honey, won't you stay?
Stay a little longer, Santa, forget about that sleigh
I'll keep you warm, I'll hold you near
A whole lot better than those reindeer
Stay a little longer, Santa, don't you fly away.
So don't be shy, don't be slow
Spent all my money on mistletoe
Dancer and Prancer can fend for themselves
And I don't want to hear about those elves
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Cause I know how to make you VERY JOLLY
(chorus)
I want you all to myself.
I truly wish I could say I was making this up.
Finally, fleb, I have your GDH present. Be afraid.
While on the subject of music, I feel the need to express my intense gratitude that Christmas is finally over and there is no more of that god-awful holiday music at work. It was the same music on a three hour loop day after day for a month and a half, and it was such music as to make poor baby Jesus cry. (Links are provided to prove that I am not making any of this up.) I don't want to hear about the hidden last verse of Rudolph as told to us by Mr Jack Johnson, the fucker, nor do I want Santa to do the mambo, I am under no circumstances waiting for The Man With The Bag, I don't give a shit that it's Cold Outside, and last I checked, neither My Favorite Things nor Hands (yes, Hands, the one by Jewel) were anything remotely resembling Christmas music. Also, I appreciate the effort put forth to find a Christmas song that doesn't actually mention Christmas so as not to offend filthy heathens such as myself, it really was a thoughtful gesture, but I find myself far more more offended by the Winter Holiday piece of crap they dug up than I could be even by as song whose only lyrics were "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus, doesn't he fucking rock?!" The absolute worst offender of the bunch, however, was a song of such overwhelming creepiness that I was unable to find any evidence of it on the internet, which, knowing the internet, is quite an accomplishment. I involved a young woman (not a child, thank the fuck christ) who was sexually attracted to Santa Claus and was about as subtle as the "Fuckmesantafuckmesantafuckmesantafuckmesanta" scene from Bad Santa amidst vague references to beastiality and elf fucking, which I will reproduce to the best of my ability here.
You look so handsome in that bright red suit
For a man of your age, you sure look cute
You smile brighter than a Christmas tree
All the girls want to sit on your knee
I had a special present just for you
But after one kiss up the chimney you flew
(chorus)
Stay a little longer, Santa, honey, won't you stay?
Stay a little longer, Santa, forget about that sleigh
I'll keep you warm, I'll hold you near
A whole lot better than those reindeer
Stay a little longer, Santa, don't you fly away.
So don't be shy, don't be slow
Spent all my money on mistletoe
Dancer and Prancer can fend for themselves
And I don't want to hear about those elves
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Cause I know how to make you VERY JOLLY
(chorus)
I want you all to myself.
I truly wish I could say I was making this up.
Finally, fleb, I have your GDH present. Be afraid.