We'll Always Have Holby : part 23
We'll Always Have Holby
Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8 ~ Part 9 ~ Part 10 ~ Part 11
Part 12 ~ Part 13 ~ Part 14 ~ Part 15 ~ Part 16 ~ Part 17 ~ Part 18 ~ Part 19 ~ Part 20 ~ Part 21 ~ Part 22
The police had spoken to them briefly to get a statement. As Maggie gave hers Charlie couldn't take his eyes off her. What she'd said to Ryan - that had been the truth. He knew it. There had been an undeniable honesty in her voice.
Abducted at gunpoint, god only knows what else had happened... But why couldn't she tell him that? Why the half truths and secrecy?
When the three of them were finally left alone, Maggie met Charlie's gaze. And nodded.
~~
"I told your dad about this village," she said to Louis. "The Red Cross went there to help out with basic health care."
"You said..." Charlie began.
"I know what I said then," she cut across him. "This is what I'm saying now.
"We went there to do basic stuff, immunisations, general health checkups, pre and post natal care, that kind of thing. And it was all fine until I left. I had to get back to the City, but on my way to the car a man ran up to me, said his wife was in labour and that he needed help. I didn't even think, I just went.
"Only there was no wife. His brother had been shot. I knew there and then this wasn't an accident, that someone would be looking for them. At first I tried to get them to the others, get back to where they were, but he wouldn't let me move his brother. So I refused to help.
"That's when he pulled out the gun. And I knew, I just knew that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot me. His brother was dead if I didn't help so what was one more body? One less person to tell the military that he was there.
"So I went with them. I dug a bullet out in the back seat of a car, pulled over by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Once that was done they..."
For a moment she faltered, physically shaking due to the memory. She took a deep breath and continued.
"They put a bag over my head, turned the radio on, and we drove. I don't know for how long... I passed out from the heat. When I came 'round we were in the forest - the one I told you about," she said directly to Charlie, "at their, well, camp I guess you'd call it.
"A whole community, living in secret and in fear of their lives. Wouldn't believe it unless you saw it.
"They wanted me to help. They needed me to help. So many of them hadn't been near a doctor in god knows how long. By this time I didn't dare say no. He was prepared to shoot me there and then in that village... At least then I'd have been found. He'd have left me there and I'd have been found. There? I'd be another missing person, you'd never know..."
She looked straight at Charlie. "I couldn't do it to you. To either of you."
Charlie found his voice. "What happened?"
"I did what they asked. I helped. I couldn't not but I didn't tell them that." Her attempted at humour fell flat and unremarked. "And I got to know them. Know Alexander."
"Who's Alexander?" Louis asked.
"He was a kid, fifteen years old," she explained. "And an absolute dead ringer for you. Almost thought he was at first. After the first few days it was like I'd not been abducted. They never did anything to me, no tying up or anything like that. I had a bed, what food they could spare... It was almost liveable."
"If they didn't hurt you, who did?" Charlie asked. "That news article..."
"What article?" Louis asked.
"I'm getting there," she said quietly. "Alexander's father had been killed by one soldier out to make a point to the whole village. When Alexander heard he was in the area again, he wanted revenge. He wouldn't be talked out of it so off they went. Six of them. Three came back, two walking wounded... and Alexander."
She turned to face Louis. "He died. I tried but I couldn't save him, and all I saw when I looked at him was you. To me... I lost you. Which is why this," she gestured, "scared the hell out of me. Why I wanted you to tell the police everything. Because no one will ever be held accountable for Alexander's death."
"I'm sorry," Louis said, purely because he didn't know what else to say.
"The other two, when they'd recovered, said that word had got out about my disappearance. They didn't know for sure, but there were enough rumours and suspicion for the military to be on the verge of coming to look for me. It's somewhat bad press when a Western doctor gets abducted.
"So I had to leave. If I were found, maybe a few miles from a nearby village... I'd lie to them, give different descriptions and directions. It wasn't the best cover story but we didn't have time to argue."
She stopped and glanced down at the floor. "If I went back without a mark on me then they'd be suspicious. Collaboration is not something you want to be accused of, revered Western doctor or not. It took six of them. Every time one of them actually managed to hurt me they couldn't do anymore and had to leave. I broke my own rib because they just couldn't. The guy who abducted me, held a gun to my chest? He gave me the black eye. He hated himself for it, kept apologising.
"That night I was driven out to a few miles from a village, left with nothing. I was scared that I'd not be found, that something might happen... Come morning there was no one. The road used to be well travelled, but I guess it was a quiet day. I didn't want to start walking because I didn't know where I was."
She looked up at Charlie. "The article you found reported a suspected carjacking because they didn't want to put it out there that people get abducted. When I was found... I got lucky. Dehydration, mild exposure. Worst bit of it all was the broken rib. Think I did too good a job there."
"So if you weren't mugged, what happened to your ring?" Louis asked.
"I handed it over," she said. "It'd make them a fair bit of money, so not something they'd have let me walk off with." She looked over at Charlie, her eyes starting to brim with tears. "I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't you tell me this?" he asked.
"I couldn't tell anyone," she explained. "The counsellor that the Red Cross put me in touch with when I came home is in contact with them in Serbia. I found out by accident that he's reporting back any useful information to the police out there - who are still looking for them. I mentioned something about the forest in one of my first sessions, something I didn't when the Serbian police spoke to me, and when I found out... I didn't want to say anything to anyone."
"I'm hardly anyone," Charlie replied. "At least I thought I wasn't."
"Charlie..."
"I need some air," he said, walking out before she could stop him.
Maggie turned back to Louis. "I didn't want to burden you with this."
"I get it," he said. "Been there, done that... But someone once said to me that hurting those who love you isn't protecting them."
"I've just hurt him..."
"He'll get over it."
"I wouldn't be so sure about it."
"I would."
"You going to be OK?" she asked.
"Policeman still outside my door?" he asked. "Then I'll be fine."
~~
He wasn't in the ED, nor outside on the bench. It was only when she looked for his car and found it gone she knew where he'd be. She caught a cab home, letting herself in and finding him upstairs in their bedroom, sat on the edge.
"Are you happy now that you know?" she asked.
"What?"
"Now that you know? Are you happier than what you were before?"
"How can you ask me that?"
"There was nothing you could do," she said softly. "There was nothing anyone could do."
"That's not the point."
"I know."
Charlie looked up at her in surprise, and it was only then that she saw he'd been crying. Instinctively she walked over to him, standing in front of him and holding him to her body. His arms wrapped around her hips as he lay his head on her stomach and tried not hold back further tears.
"I'd forgotten what this is supposed to be like," she said, kissing the top of his head. "It's been so long since... I'd forgotten how to let go, how to trust someone completely."
"I'm not your ex," Charlie said, lifting his head so he could look up at her.
She held his face in her hands, running her thumbs across his cheeks to wipe away the tear tracks. "I know," she whispered. "That first night in the forest, you know what I kept thinking about? That first night you and I had here together. After the case, you remember?"
He smiled at her. "Vaguely," he joked.
"For the first time I felt so guilty that it was all we'd had. We were so busy fighting and scoring points off each other... And I wondered if that was all we were ever going to have? If I'd just disappear off the face of the planet and you'd forever wonder where I was."
"I'd have come looking."
She smiled and bent down to kiss him gently. "You got me through it. I made up my mind that first night that I was coming home to you. If I made it, I was coming home."
"So that's everything?" he asked. "The whole story?"
She hesitated for a moment.
"Maggie?"
"I hate guns," she blurted out. "My ex shot someone, Louis... I hate them. I lose people I love because of them."
"Louis' still here," Charlie said, but he could tell she wasn't taking it in.
"Before he left, Alexander asked me what I'd do to protect my family, to protect those I love. He put the gun in my hand and he asked who I was most afraid of losing. I went to say you, but then I thought of my kids, of Lana... And it was Louis' name that came out. Jamie's off somewhere, but safe, Jo's got Lana and they're doing fine... And it's the teenage tearaway that springs to mind."
"My teenage tearaway."
"Not at that point. Alexander put me on the spot and he pushed all the right buttons and it... It terrified me. Then he made me channel all that fear and terror into thinking about what I would do to protect him.
"And I understood. When Alexander left, I understood. Hated it, wanted him to stay, but I understood. And when I took that gun from Ryan today it was all I could do not to turn it on him myself."
"You're not that kind of person, Maggie."
"He shot Louis, he nearly tore this family apart... I would have been that kind of person, Charlie."
"But something stopped you," he pointed out.
"You want to know why I go running? Because I need to vent my frustrations. I'm angry, Charlie. I'm angry that Alexander's death will be unpunished, I'm angry that there are people out there who need medical help but aren't getting it. I'm angry that I left you to go out there in the first place and I'm therefore feeling guilty that I'm so happy here with you. I'm angry with Louis for getting himself shot and for letting Jade walk away. I'm angry with myself for keeping secrets from you but then I'm now angry with myself for putting this burden on you."
As she continued to rant she stepped away from him, her arms gesturing as her voice rose in agitation. Charlie got to his feet and held her jaw in his hands, pulling her mouth towards his. The kiss silenced her, arms dropping to her side in surrender.
"You can't fix the world, Maggie," he said softly, "no matter how hard you try. And there will always be people who go without. They shouldn't, but they do. But don't think that what you do here isn't as important. You still do good. If nothing else, this place only felt like a home again when you moved in.
"And as for not wanting to burden me... I love you," he continued. "In my whole life there have only been two women I have loved, and if there is something wrong I want to know about it. I might not be able to fix it or do anything about it, but I still want to know. I don't do things by halves, Maggie."
"I know, I know," she said. "But after my Steve went to prison... It's been so long since I've had someone I can share things with. Even before that, Steve was hardly the D-and-M type."
"I'm not him," he repeated. "Before all this we were friends. We always talked."
She nodded and smiled sadly at him.
"So how about we talk?"
tbc...
Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8 ~ Part 9 ~ Part 10 ~ Part 11
Part 12 ~ Part 13 ~ Part 14 ~ Part 15 ~ Part 16 ~ Part 17 ~ Part 18 ~ Part 19 ~ Part 20 ~ Part 21 ~ Part 22
The police had spoken to them briefly to get a statement. As Maggie gave hers Charlie couldn't take his eyes off her. What she'd said to Ryan - that had been the truth. He knew it. There had been an undeniable honesty in her voice.
Abducted at gunpoint, god only knows what else had happened... But why couldn't she tell him that? Why the half truths and secrecy?
When the three of them were finally left alone, Maggie met Charlie's gaze. And nodded.
~~
"I told your dad about this village," she said to Louis. "The Red Cross went there to help out with basic health care."
"You said..." Charlie began.
"I know what I said then," she cut across him. "This is what I'm saying now.
"We went there to do basic stuff, immunisations, general health checkups, pre and post natal care, that kind of thing. And it was all fine until I left. I had to get back to the City, but on my way to the car a man ran up to me, said his wife was in labour and that he needed help. I didn't even think, I just went.
"Only there was no wife. His brother had been shot. I knew there and then this wasn't an accident, that someone would be looking for them. At first I tried to get them to the others, get back to where they were, but he wouldn't let me move his brother. So I refused to help.
"That's when he pulled out the gun. And I knew, I just knew that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot me. His brother was dead if I didn't help so what was one more body? One less person to tell the military that he was there.
"So I went with them. I dug a bullet out in the back seat of a car, pulled over by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Once that was done they..."
For a moment she faltered, physically shaking due to the memory. She took a deep breath and continued.
"They put a bag over my head, turned the radio on, and we drove. I don't know for how long... I passed out from the heat. When I came 'round we were in the forest - the one I told you about," she said directly to Charlie, "at their, well, camp I guess you'd call it.
"A whole community, living in secret and in fear of their lives. Wouldn't believe it unless you saw it.
"They wanted me to help. They needed me to help. So many of them hadn't been near a doctor in god knows how long. By this time I didn't dare say no. He was prepared to shoot me there and then in that village... At least then I'd have been found. He'd have left me there and I'd have been found. There? I'd be another missing person, you'd never know..."
She looked straight at Charlie. "I couldn't do it to you. To either of you."
Charlie found his voice. "What happened?"
"I did what they asked. I helped. I couldn't not but I didn't tell them that." Her attempted at humour fell flat and unremarked. "And I got to know them. Know Alexander."
"Who's Alexander?" Louis asked.
"He was a kid, fifteen years old," she explained. "And an absolute dead ringer for you. Almost thought he was at first. After the first few days it was like I'd not been abducted. They never did anything to me, no tying up or anything like that. I had a bed, what food they could spare... It was almost liveable."
"If they didn't hurt you, who did?" Charlie asked. "That news article..."
"What article?" Louis asked.
"I'm getting there," she said quietly. "Alexander's father had been killed by one soldier out to make a point to the whole village. When Alexander heard he was in the area again, he wanted revenge. He wouldn't be talked out of it so off they went. Six of them. Three came back, two walking wounded... and Alexander."
She turned to face Louis. "He died. I tried but I couldn't save him, and all I saw when I looked at him was you. To me... I lost you. Which is why this," she gestured, "scared the hell out of me. Why I wanted you to tell the police everything. Because no one will ever be held accountable for Alexander's death."
"I'm sorry," Louis said, purely because he didn't know what else to say.
"The other two, when they'd recovered, said that word had got out about my disappearance. They didn't know for sure, but there were enough rumours and suspicion for the military to be on the verge of coming to look for me. It's somewhat bad press when a Western doctor gets abducted.
"So I had to leave. If I were found, maybe a few miles from a nearby village... I'd lie to them, give different descriptions and directions. It wasn't the best cover story but we didn't have time to argue."
She stopped and glanced down at the floor. "If I went back without a mark on me then they'd be suspicious. Collaboration is not something you want to be accused of, revered Western doctor or not. It took six of them. Every time one of them actually managed to hurt me they couldn't do anymore and had to leave. I broke my own rib because they just couldn't. The guy who abducted me, held a gun to my chest? He gave me the black eye. He hated himself for it, kept apologising.
"That night I was driven out to a few miles from a village, left with nothing. I was scared that I'd not be found, that something might happen... Come morning there was no one. The road used to be well travelled, but I guess it was a quiet day. I didn't want to start walking because I didn't know where I was."
She looked up at Charlie. "The article you found reported a suspected carjacking because they didn't want to put it out there that people get abducted. When I was found... I got lucky. Dehydration, mild exposure. Worst bit of it all was the broken rib. Think I did too good a job there."
"So if you weren't mugged, what happened to your ring?" Louis asked.
"I handed it over," she said. "It'd make them a fair bit of money, so not something they'd have let me walk off with." She looked over at Charlie, her eyes starting to brim with tears. "I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't you tell me this?" he asked.
"I couldn't tell anyone," she explained. "The counsellor that the Red Cross put me in touch with when I came home is in contact with them in Serbia. I found out by accident that he's reporting back any useful information to the police out there - who are still looking for them. I mentioned something about the forest in one of my first sessions, something I didn't when the Serbian police spoke to me, and when I found out... I didn't want to say anything to anyone."
"I'm hardly anyone," Charlie replied. "At least I thought I wasn't."
"Charlie..."
"I need some air," he said, walking out before she could stop him.
Maggie turned back to Louis. "I didn't want to burden you with this."
"I get it," he said. "Been there, done that... But someone once said to me that hurting those who love you isn't protecting them."
"I've just hurt him..."
"He'll get over it."
"I wouldn't be so sure about it."
"I would."
"You going to be OK?" she asked.
"Policeman still outside my door?" he asked. "Then I'll be fine."
~~
He wasn't in the ED, nor outside on the bench. It was only when she looked for his car and found it gone she knew where he'd be. She caught a cab home, letting herself in and finding him upstairs in their bedroom, sat on the edge.
"Are you happy now that you know?" she asked.
"What?"
"Now that you know? Are you happier than what you were before?"
"How can you ask me that?"
"There was nothing you could do," she said softly. "There was nothing anyone could do."
"That's not the point."
"I know."
Charlie looked up at her in surprise, and it was only then that she saw he'd been crying. Instinctively she walked over to him, standing in front of him and holding him to her body. His arms wrapped around her hips as he lay his head on her stomach and tried not hold back further tears.
"I'd forgotten what this is supposed to be like," she said, kissing the top of his head. "It's been so long since... I'd forgotten how to let go, how to trust someone completely."
"I'm not your ex," Charlie said, lifting his head so he could look up at her.
She held his face in her hands, running her thumbs across his cheeks to wipe away the tear tracks. "I know," she whispered. "That first night in the forest, you know what I kept thinking about? That first night you and I had here together. After the case, you remember?"
He smiled at her. "Vaguely," he joked.
"For the first time I felt so guilty that it was all we'd had. We were so busy fighting and scoring points off each other... And I wondered if that was all we were ever going to have? If I'd just disappear off the face of the planet and you'd forever wonder where I was."
"I'd have come looking."
She smiled and bent down to kiss him gently. "You got me through it. I made up my mind that first night that I was coming home to you. If I made it, I was coming home."
"So that's everything?" he asked. "The whole story?"
She hesitated for a moment.
"Maggie?"
"I hate guns," she blurted out. "My ex shot someone, Louis... I hate them. I lose people I love because of them."
"Louis' still here," Charlie said, but he could tell she wasn't taking it in.
"Before he left, Alexander asked me what I'd do to protect my family, to protect those I love. He put the gun in my hand and he asked who I was most afraid of losing. I went to say you, but then I thought of my kids, of Lana... And it was Louis' name that came out. Jamie's off somewhere, but safe, Jo's got Lana and they're doing fine... And it's the teenage tearaway that springs to mind."
"My teenage tearaway."
"Not at that point. Alexander put me on the spot and he pushed all the right buttons and it... It terrified me. Then he made me channel all that fear and terror into thinking about what I would do to protect him.
"And I understood. When Alexander left, I understood. Hated it, wanted him to stay, but I understood. And when I took that gun from Ryan today it was all I could do not to turn it on him myself."
"You're not that kind of person, Maggie."
"He shot Louis, he nearly tore this family apart... I would have been that kind of person, Charlie."
"But something stopped you," he pointed out.
"You want to know why I go running? Because I need to vent my frustrations. I'm angry, Charlie. I'm angry that Alexander's death will be unpunished, I'm angry that there are people out there who need medical help but aren't getting it. I'm angry that I left you to go out there in the first place and I'm therefore feeling guilty that I'm so happy here with you. I'm angry with Louis for getting himself shot and for letting Jade walk away. I'm angry with myself for keeping secrets from you but then I'm now angry with myself for putting this burden on you."
As she continued to rant she stepped away from him, her arms gesturing as her voice rose in agitation. Charlie got to his feet and held her jaw in his hands, pulling her mouth towards his. The kiss silenced her, arms dropping to her side in surrender.
"You can't fix the world, Maggie," he said softly, "no matter how hard you try. And there will always be people who go without. They shouldn't, but they do. But don't think that what you do here isn't as important. You still do good. If nothing else, this place only felt like a home again when you moved in.
"And as for not wanting to burden me... I love you," he continued. "In my whole life there have only been two women I have loved, and if there is something wrong I want to know about it. I might not be able to fix it or do anything about it, but I still want to know. I don't do things by halves, Maggie."
"I know, I know," she said. "But after my Steve went to prison... It's been so long since I've had someone I can share things with. Even before that, Steve was hardly the D-and-M type."
"I'm not him," he repeated. "Before all this we were friends. We always talked."
She nodded and smiled sadly at him.
"So how about we talk?"
tbc...