Gossip Girl fic: The Secret We've Been Looking For (Blair/Serena, Serena/Georgina, R)
Title: The Secret We've Been Looking For
Pairing: Blair/Serena, Serena/Georgina
Rating: R
Words: 8295
Disclaimer: Alas, all characters belong to people that aren't me.
Summary: Blair may not know exactly what she's fighting for, but she's determined not to let Georgina win.
Notes: Thanks to andthatisthat for the beta! This was written for peganix as part of the femslash08 challenge. Title from 'Go Ask Shakespeare' by Rufus Wainwright.
"What do you think of the Chanel?" Blair asks, parading in front of Serena, who's sitting on Blair's bed and flipping through the latest Vogue. There's a party chez Waldorf tomorrow, and Blair's having a fashion crisis that Serena is being less than helpful in diverting.
But Serena glances up eventually, eyes Blair up and down and breaks into a smile at the sight of her in the midnight blue dress. "It's perfect. You look beautiful."
Fighting down a blush, Blair nods, accepting the compliment as her due. She's about to start undressing to try on her second new outfit when Serena's phone beeps with a new message and she's suddenly distracted.
When Serena flips the phone open, she frowns. "It's from Dan. Why--oh God." Her eyes widen and she says nothing, staring at the tiny screen in disbelief.
"Here, let me see," Blair says, not waiting for a reply before she takes the phone from Serena's hand.
"Georgina's back in town. Thought u should know."
Blair doesn't even think about what she's doing; one glance at Serena's pale face and she's calling Humphrey back.
"Serena?" Dan sounds confused to hear from his ex-girlfriend, like he didn't just deliver some major news while carefully omitting any relevant detail.
Blair won't stand for that. "Daniel Humphrey, if you're lying about Georgina Sparks being back in town I will march all the way to Brooklyn myself to personally castrate you and feed your junk to a rabid dog. Do you understand?"
He splutters for about ten hours before he starts making sense. "Blair? Is that--why are you calling me?"
Blair rolls her eyes, realizes he can't see that from all the way in Brooklyn, and settles for a dramatic sigh instead. "I'm calling to threaten your life for upsetting Serena. I know it's hard for you, but try to keep up." She sighs again. "So, tell me what happened with Georgina, and make sure you leave nothing out."
"Well," Dan began, "it's weird, she just--she just showed up at the coffee shop where Vanessa works and, you know, I was there, because they have these amazing new croissants, not that you would care about that, you being you, but anyway, I was there--"
"Get on with it," Blair snaps, rapidly losing patience. "What did she say, what did you do?"
"Uh, I guess I--well, I sort of... glared at her."
Blair rolls her eyes, because it's that or burst out laughing, and she can't have Dan hanging up before he spills. "You glared? Dan, you're about as scary as a newborn puppy, and significantly less cute. What did she want?"
"She asked me where Serena was. I guess she didn't hear that we broke up," he says. "I told her that she wouldn't find Serena around here, and she probably shouldn't go looking for her."
"That's it?"
"Well, then Vanessa noticed her, and she yelled and chased her out of there."
A smile inadvertently forms on Blair's mouth. "I'm glad someone knows the proper way to deal with her." Blair doesn't really like to be complimenting Vanessa, of all people, but she tells herself that it's acceptable when the true goal is to insult a Humphrey, which is always a noble endeavor.
"Listen, Blair," Dan says, and she's surprised that he's still talking. "I know you're not my biggest fan, and I get that, I do, but can you let me speak to Serena? Please? I mean, this is her phone, it seems only fair."
Blair contemplates for a moment, and promptly hangs up. She tosses the phone back to Serena, who catches it and raises a questioning eyebrow.
"So, Georgina's back?"
Blair's mouth sets into a grim line. "Yeah, Georgina's back."
Serena runs a hand through her hair and says, "So what do we do?"
It shouldn't even be a question. "We get that bitch once and for all."
---
The party is a success; they always are. It's nearing the end of the night and Blair looks immaculate, still, because she's Blair Waldorf and perfection is her raison d'être. At her side, Serena sips on a glass of champagne, looking flushed but still amazing in her customary effortless way as she giggles about some businessman who was trying and, Blair fervently hopes, failing to hit on her. But Blair isn't really paying too much attention to Serena, not even when Serena tugs on her sleeve to show an impression of this clueless guy, because it's a party, and Blair is too busy making sure that everything is perfect to have fun.
"And then he said," Serena continues, still with her hand on Blair's arm even though she's no longer tugging, "then he said--oh, fuck."
Blair's head snaps round, the other guests forgotten, as she follows Serena's gaze.
Out of the elevator steps Georgina Sparks.
Rage threatens to boil over inside Blair, but she struggles to keep it in check as she says in a terse voice, "You stay here. I'll deal with this."
"No," Serena says, stilling Blair with the hand on her arm. "No, it's your party, and this is my mess." She smiles. "I'll talk to her. You can't fight all my battles, B."
It's no good; Blair opens her mouth to protest, but already Serena is striding along the hall to meet Georgina, whose grin widens at Serena's approach. The party is too loud for Blair to hear their conversation--which at least means they're not raising their voices and making a scene--but Blair studies them anyway. From where she's standing she can't see Serena's face, only Georgina's, and she can see that Georgina's put on that mock-sincere expression that she so loves, all puppy-dog eyes and seductive pout.
Their voices rise a little; Blair tries to move nearer to hear them, but then Serena is tugging on Georgina's arm and pulling her upstairs and out of sight.
Blair follows them, of course, slipping noiselessly through the throng of people and up the stairs. When she gets to the top she sees that her bedroom door is open and her stomach flips. They must be in there. Blair doesn't know what's more surprising: that Serena would choose her room over any other for a fight with Georgina Sparks, or that she wouldn't think to check that the door was shut all the way. She's tempted to barge right in and straighten everything out but she pauses, remembering Serena's insistence to fight her own battles, and she contents herself with peering in through the crack. It's better for her to be close by so she can intervene if necessary.
Inside the room Serena is brimming with anger; she has Georgina shoved up against the wall, pinning her there with forceful hands against Georgina's shoulders. "What do you want from me, Georgina? Why do you always want to ruin my life? You said you wanted to talk, so let's talk about that." She gives her an extra shove, looking like she's two seconds away from throttling her.
And there's Georgina, dripping fake earnestness once again. "It's not like that, I swear. You hurt me deeply when you left, S, but I've never wanted revenge. All I want is to be a part of your life."
A rush of anger flows through Blair when Serena laughs, a mirthless sound that Blair's never heard, and Blair hates Georgina for doing that to Serena, for making her cynical.
"So you weren't trying to hurt me and everyone around me because you hate me, it's because you love me? Is that what you're saying?"
Silence descends. It's a wonder Blair isn't discovered, her heart is beating so fast and so loud. Georgina doesn't answer Serena right away, just holds her gaze with those big blue eyes for a moment while Serena can draw her own conclusions.
"I'm done playing games," Georgina whispers, tears starting to brim in her eyes--Blair thinks she ought to be on the stage with talent like that--and Serena's grasp on her slackens. "I thought that if you had no one left, you'd turn to me." Her eyes are searching Serena's face, imploring, and even Blair is nearly convinced, that's how good she is.
Serena doesn't stand a chance.
"I fucked everything up--I see that now. And I'm sorry." A single tear, perfectly timed, drops down Georgina's cheek, and Serena wipes it away with her thumb.
"I don't believe you," she murmurs, but Blair can see she's already half gone. There's no way Serena can resist an onslaught from Georgina for too long.
A moment passes, Blair holding her breath while she waits for the fallout, and then Serena grabs hold of Georgina and throws her down onto the bed.
Georgina breaks into a smile. "You always liked to play rough."
Serena climbs on top of her, straddling her hips, and Blair is taken back to a year ago and field hockey, Serena straddling her, pinning her to the ground. She remembers the shock, and the way that her initial stupid fear of grass stains melted into fear of something else, something worse, and she remembers the burning heat of rage. And now Georgina is in her place, on her bed, as Serena leans down and kisses her mouth in a fury. She moves to Georgina's neck, eliciting gasps and moans that sound practically pornographic, and as she alternates between bites and kisses Serena pants, "Fuck, why can't I ever resist you?"
Her hands work her way down Georgina's body, fumbling when they reach the zipper on her jeans. Blair gasps and pulls away from the door, shutting it with a click, her heart hammering in her chest.
In a daze she stumbles down the hall, but when she reaches the top of the stairs she stops. It may be late, and most of the guests may be leaving, but she's still the hostess and must behave accordingly. She takes a couple of deep, steadying breaths, waiting until the sight that's just been burned onto her retinas has faded a little, and then she descends, the consummate hostess once more.
She meets the few remaining guests with smiles and polite words, even pausing to exchange a few pleasantries about college applications with Nate, but she doesn't stop for long, weaving through the crowd on the interminable walk to the kitchen. When she enters she's relieved to note that there's no one in there but a few kitchen staff hired for the event. They mostly ignore her while they continue washing champagne flutes, and she ignores them in turn as she pulls a platter of canapés in front of her and begins to eat.
---
There are only two vol-au-vents left on the plate when the door opens and Serena steps in, closing the door quietly behind her.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you."
"Maybe you should've looked somewhere other than Georgina Sparks's crotch," Blair snaps back. She glares at the few remaining kitchen staff and they scurry away, as scared as they ought to be.
Serena says nothing, but she doesn't back down from Blair's withering glare either; instead, she sits at the counter next to Blair and starts idly tapping a tune on the marble with her fingernails.
"Seriously, S, what the hell is going on? You and Georgina?"
Sighing, Serena looks down at her hands while she answers. "I don't know how to explain. We--Georgie and I--we used to..."
"Fuck?"
Serena glances sharply at Blair. "If that's what you want to call it."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you two make love?"
Blushing, Serena ducks her head, and if Blair feels a flicker of guilt for snapping at her best friend it's not enough to abate her anger.
"You should've told me," Blair says, her gaze on Serena hard and unforgiving.
"I didn't think you'd understand."
"Well, I don't, because she's vile. But you still should've told me."
Serena nods once, stiffly; she's quiet for a moment, then she says, "She's no worse than Chuck."
Blair shoots her a venomous look--like she needs to be reminded of that douchebag, when all those canapés are already sitting heavy in her stomach and making her feel ill--but Serena doesn't even cower.
The room suddenly feels too hot, too close, and Blair has to get out. "Excuse me," she says in her iciest voice, and she stands up. "I need to go to the bathroom, and you need to leave."
With a flick of her eyes to the near-empty plate in front of Blair, Serena lays a hand on Blair's arm, all the hurt and anger gone from her expression. "B, I won't let you do it."
Yanking her arm out of Serena's grasp, Blair stalks across the kitchen. She reaches the door and turns back to face Serena one last time. "You forfeited the right to play the caring friend when you fucked that whore on my bed."
She rushes to the bathroom and locks the door as a precaution, but there are no footsteps following her.
---
On Monday morning the courtyard of Constance Billard is buzzing with some fresh scandal that Gossip Girl has unearthed, but Blair, for once, is barely paying attention. Like everyone else, she checked her phone when she got a new message but when she saw that it was the Gossip Girl update and not an apology from Serena she deleted it, unread. Now Hazel's relaying the details--she was the one to send the tip, apparently--but all Blair's heard is something to do with an abortion, and she couldn't give a damn who got knocked up this time. Not when Serena is standing at the other end of the courtyard, by herself, looking subdued in the way that doesn't suit her.
Serena looks up and Blair averts her eyes, not quickly like she doesn't want to be caught looking, but slowly, deliberately, so Serena knows it's a snub. Blair can't get the image of Serena and Georgina out of her head and it's only right that she inflicts whatever pain she can on Serena in return.
Trying hard to look like she's paying attention to Hazel's story, Blair turns back to the group. Hazel is just winding up--"and then he used his drug money to pay for it"--when Penelope gasps, pointing toward the gate, and Hazel's moment in the limelight is over.
"Who is that?" Nelly Yuki asks, blinking in surprise at the sudden grimness of everyone's expressions.
"That," Blair says through gritted teeth, "is Georgina Sparks."
A wave of frenzied conversation follows Georgina as she strides through the courtyard, but either she doesn't notice or she doesn't care, because she doesn't waver from her course. She makes a beeline toward Serena, who only looks up when Georgina is right in front of her.
Her face pales; Blair can see it from all the way over the other side of the courtyard.
All talk dies when Georgina reaches Serena, but they're still too far away for the conversation to carry. Still, Blair can see how uncomfortable Serena is; she's always worn her feelings on her face, and right now she's got on her very best "let's talk about this later; please don't make a scene" expression--learned from the expert, Lily--but Georgina is acting all oblivious, smiling and chatting away. Serena says something and then, right there in the middle of Constance Billard for all the world to see, Georgina kisses Serena.
The courtyard erupts in a clamor of whispering and texting, Serena's look of confusion lost in the tumult to all but Blair.
Georgina turns away, a satisfied smirk on her face, but instead of walking out the gates she heads straight for Blair, triumph etched on her features.
Partly for bravado, but mainly to get out of earshot of her friends, Blair takes a few steps forward and meets Georgina, staring her down until Georgina laughs.
But Blair finds the situation significantly less amusing. "What are you doing here?" She keeps her voice low and menacing, and there's enough excited chatter around that people will only overhear them if they're making an effort. Which, Blair concedes, they probably are. "Are you on some sort of revenge kick because I got you sent to reform school? Because you know me, Georgina, and you know I won't roll over without a fight.
Georgina's lips quirk up in a smile. "Oh, Blair. Trust me, I wouldn't care about revenge--you're so far below me it's not worth it--but in a happy coincidence, it turns out that getting what I want means depriving you of what you want." She pauses, waiting for the words to sink in. "Think about who you really want, B, and know that I'm going to take them from you."
Blair pauses, her mental faculties stumbling to catch up. "Are you talking about Chuck? Because I really don't--"
"Stop pretending to be so naïve, B, it's unbecoming. You know who I mean, and you know it's already started." She throws a glance over her shoulders, but Serena has already gone.
Blair stands, frozen to the spot, quite certain that Georgina doesn't mean what she thinks she means. Because that would be ludicrous. Because Blair's not--
"Enjoy the show on Saturday? If I'd known you liked to watch, maybe I would have invited you in."
And with that, she flounces off, leaving Blair trying to figure out why on earth Georgina would be trying to imply... that.
A tap on her shoulder makes her spin round, surprised. "Don't do that," she snaps, and Penelope flinches at her tone.
"Sorry," she says, sounding anything but. "What was all that about with Georgina?"
It doesn't take long for Blair to regain her composure; all uncertainty ebbs away as she resumes her role as Queen Bee. This she knows. "Don't ask me to decipher the ramblings of a lunatic. Now, who's for Butter on Friday?"
---
Morning classes pass uneventfully. Blair tries to bury herself in Hamlet but she's too busy trying to forget what Georgina said to her to be able to think of anything else, and besides, her teacher is butchering the interpretation of the mousetrap play scene. Maybe Gertrude protests exactly the right amount--did anything think of that?
When the bell rings for lunch she almost lets herself get swept away in the crowd that's heading for the Met steps but at the last minute she catches herself and tells Iz that they shouldn't wait for her. She doesn't volunteer an excuse, and Iz knows better than to ask for one.
It doesn't take long for Blair to find Serena; she stands out too much to be able to hide, and she apparently hasn't tried. Blair finds her sitting in the French corridor, picking at a fruit cup, and she doesn't even look up at Blair's approach despite Blair's heels on the polished floor announcing her arrival.
Blair stands over her, arms folded. "So, Georgina's your girlfriend now? Lily's going to wonder what she did to turn both her children gay."
"I'm not in the mood for this, B."
With a sigh indicating that this is so very far beneath her, Blair sits down next to Serena, trying not to examine the floor too closely for dirt. Serena glances at her and from this close, Blair can see that Serena's eyes are slightly bloodshot.
"She's not my girlfriend. I tried to tell her that it was just a one-time thing, a lapse in judgment. I tried to tell her that I still have so many reasons to hate her." She shrugs, looking completely at a loss. "She wouldn't listen."
"That's Georgina Sparks for you." Blair lays an experimental hand on Serena's arm, trying to comfort her, but physical affection was never her strong suit and her hand falls away when Serena throws her hands in the air.
"She thinks we're together! She wouldn't go away until I agreed to meet her for drinks later."
Blair throws her a bemused look. "You're going on a date? It sounds like you are together."
"Blair!"
"Okay, fine. So what are you going to do?"
Serena shrugs, and says nothing, and for a minute or two they sit in silence. Blair tries to pat Serena's arm again and this time, Serena lets her.
"You know what I can't figure out?" Blair says slowly. "I can't figure out why part of you actually still likes her."
"I don't."
"Really? Because you looked pretty friendly on my bed on Saturday."
Serena shifts uncomfortably and stares at a spot on the floor. "It's not like you've never been attracted to someone against your better judgment. She's like my Chuck, you know?"
Her past is the last thing Blair wants to think about, so she dodges the mention of Chuck and changes tack. "So you are attracted to her? Lily really is going to wonder what she's done."
The words hang in the air, echoing round the empty corridor, and then Serena turns to Blair with baleful eyes. "I'm not ready for people to know yet."
"I think they already do." She thinks of the courtyard this morning, trying to calculate how many people were there, how many reports would have flown in to Gossip Girl, and how fast. Twenty within the minute, she figures, then another minute for Gossip Girl to upload the photos and post the story. The whole school would know before homeroom.
"So how are we going to get rid of Georgina?" Blair asks, trying to raise Serena's spirits. There's nothing cheerier than a bit of revenge plotting, in Blair's experience, and it's something that Serena doesn't partake of enough.
"Is that even possible?" Skepticism is written all over Serena's face. "Short of killing her, I mean."
"I could probably arrange that," Blair replies, and she's only half joking.
Serena smiles--weakly, but it's a start. She leans down to rest her head against Blair, settling comfortably, and says, "I'm sorry that I left on Saturday."
Blair goes to shrug, but Serena's leaning on her and she doesn't want to shift the weight off her shoulder. "I asked you to."
"I know. But I still should've stayed."
---
Blair spends the evening in quiet study, Dorota reading to her from her European History textbook while a manicurist does Blair's nails. It would probably be easier for Blair to read to herself, but she can't turn the pages while she's getting a manicure and she has to multi-task in order to get anything done.
Dorota is haltingly perservering through a particularly dull passage on nineteenth-century industrialization, Blair correcting her pronunciation of names every now and then, when the elevator doors ping open. It's after ten p.m.; Blair can't think who would be showing up at such a time. And then Serena steps out the elevator, and all makes sense, because who else would stop by unannounced at a time like this?
It's only when Serena approaches that Blair sees how dejected she looks, her head down, hands thrust in pockets.
"Please leave," Blair says, nodding to Dorota and the manicurist who go without question; Blair'll have to finish her last two nails off herself, making her manicure look all uneven and wrong, but it's a small sacrifice to make for Serena.
She takes Serena by the hand and pulls her down to sit on the sofa next to her. "What's wrong?" Blair asks, her thumb idly stroking Serena's palm.
"I don't really know. I went to meet Georgina," Serena replies, and Blair thinks that's enough of an explanation but Serena carries on. "It was... I'm not sure. Not what I expected. I tried to tell her that Saturday was just a one-off, and I didn't want to see her again. I tried to be honest and tell her that I'm not in love with her, but..."
"But she's Georgina."
Serena looks up and meets her gaze. "She refused to be cut out of my life."
"So what?" Blair starts to get impatient. "She doesn't have anything to hold over you anymore. You don't have to listen to her."
"I know." Serena sighs. "It's just... she seems different. She kept saying she's changed, and maybe she has. Maybe reform school was good for her."
Blair doesn't mean to laugh, not when Serena's feeling so conflicted, but she can't help it. "She broke out of reform school. It can't have been that good for her."
Shooting Blair a sharp look, Serena says, "Actually, her parents let her out, because they saw what progress she's made."
"So she says."
"B, she really seems different. It wasn't like before; she didn't--I don't know, threaten me, or try to bring me over to the dark side or whatever it is you think she's doing. She apologized repeatedly, and she said..."
"She said what?"
"She said she loves me. And I think she means it."
For a long time, Blair simply stares at Serena, wondering how she can even say all this, how she can be sucked in by Georgina yet again as if Georgina's not an evil harpy from the pits of hell. It defies all logic.
"B, I can't break her heart. I don't care what she did in the past, I can't do that to her."
Blair studies the painting on the opposite wall to avoid looking at Serena. "This is crazy." It is, isn't it? It seemed like the same old Georgina in the courtyard that morning, manipulative and cunning, but Serena couldn't--wouldn't--see that. She never does. "You're too nice for your own good, S. And I don't want to lose you."
Serena chuckles, the sound echoing unnaturally loud in the cold, empty room. "I'm not going anywhere. Why would you think that?"
"Because I don't trust her," Blair says, voice urgent now, but she can see Serena is wavering and she doesn't know how to get through to her. "Don't give her a chance, S. Don't."
"You don't know her. You only ever saw her bad side."
"That's because that's the only side she has!" She throws her hands up, incredulous. "You're too forgiving."
Serena stares resolutely at the floor. "Maybe that's because I know what it's like when people aren't forgiving enough."
"What she did to you was so much worse than what you did to Dan." She takes a breath. "Or what you did to me. Please, don't give her a chance. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness, because she hasn't changed."
Looking downcast, Serena sighs, and a couple of times she opens her mouth to speak, but the words aren't coming easily and Blair doesn't know what she can do but wait.
"It feels like a long time," Serena says eventually, looking Blair straight in the eye. "It's been a while, a few months since I was with Dan, and I'm... not used to being single. I don't know how to explain this, B, but it's like... it's like, here's someone--yes, someone who hurt me, but someone who once meant a lot to me--and she's right here, saying she wants me. If I can't be with..." She stops, averting her eyes, and fiddles with her bracelets for a second before continuing. "Can you understand? I've missed that. I've missed having someone love me."
She pauses and stares at Blair, waiting for a response that Blair can't force out. Blair only drops her gaze to the floor, waiting for something to happen so she doesn't have to be sitting here with Serena as those words hang over them.
She's still staring at the floor when Serena sighs and gets up, her footsteps echoing as she walks to the elevator. Blair only looks up when the doors close, trying to suppress the voice inside her that's saying, What about me?
---
Blair doesn't see Serena much for the rest of the week. Their territory divides up automatically, with Blair getting the steps of the Met and their favorite table in the courtyard and just about all of their usual haunts--plus all of their friends--while all Serena gets is negative space and Georgina. How this even happened, Blair's not sure, but she figures that it's about all Serena deserves if she's going to ignore all of Blair's well-intentioned advice and associate with people like that. During class, Serena sits at the front and keeps her head down, which is fine with Blair, and the only time they make eye contact is when they pass in the hallway and can't avoid it. The first time, Serena tries a smile, but Blair just rolls her eyes; the second, Serena attempts a hello only to be drowned out by Blair talking to the others about plans for Penelope's eighteenth. After that, Serena gives up, and Blair knows that if that's how little Serena cares about their friendship, she's made the right choice in distancing herself. If Serena cares, she'd try harder. She obviously doesn't.
The third time they pass in the corridor, they're both alone, and Blair can't help snarking, "How's your girlfriend?" She expects something from Serena: a faux-cheery "Fine, thank you," or even a casual insult like, "How's your boyfriend? Oh, right, you don't have one"--but she gets nothing. Serena glances at her with sad eyes but otherwise ignores her, and Blair's stomach flips with something unusual like empathy or guilt, she doesn't know what.
But even though the status quo is expected--deserved--she knows she has to do something, because this situation has become unacceptable. Fighting with Serena is nothing new, but this long endless cold shoulder is different somehow, and if they stay apart like this, it means that Georgina wins.
Georgina absolutely cannot win.
The assassination idea is probably a bit extreme, Blair concedes, but she has plenty of weapons in her arsenal and she's sure she can find something less lethal, but just as effective. Nobody is invincible; she just has to figure out Georgina's Achilles heel and how to exploit it.
The rest of the day is lost in scheming, even though Friday has all her favorite classes, but all her plans seem like dead ends. In the end she decides that it's not Georgina she needs to worry about, it's Serena, but when it comes to ways to change Serena's mind, Blair is at a loss.
She has to talk to Serena again; it's the only way they can sort it out. And, granted, Blair shouldn't have to be the one to reach out, but she doesn't mind playing magnanimous and being the bigger person if it's the only way to yield results, and besides, she's not even really sure why this Georgina thing has blown up between them. But it has, and that has to change.
---
When Blair rings the van der Woodsen/Bass doorbell, a maid answers and shows her through to the living room. Serena is absent, but Lily's there reading a book. She looks up when Blair enters and from the way she smiles at Blair like she's the second coming, Blair can deduce that Serena hasn't been keeping her mother informed about the state of their friendship.
"Blair, how lovely to see you." Lily puts her book down and gives Blair her full attention.
"It's good to see you too, Lily. Is Serena home?"
In an instant, Lily's face darkens. "I'm afraid she's out with Georgina," she says, the name laced with as much venom as a repressed Upper East Side housewife can manage. "Please tell me you know what's going on with them; Serena has barely spoken to me all week. Need I be worried? Is she in trouble again?"
Blair perches on the arm of a chair and chooses her words carefully. "I think... she might be. I know that Georgina's a bad influence, and I'm doing everything I can to bring Serena back to us. If you know where she is..."
"I'm her mother; I'm the last person to know where she is. She might have told Charles. I believe he's in his room, so feel free to go up and ask him."
Blair struggles not to pull a face. "I think I will. Thank you, Lily."
She takes her leave and goes upstairs to Chuck's room, pausing for a moment before she knocks on his door. Voluntarily conversing with Chuck Bass is around the bottom of her to-do list but she takes a deep breath and reminds herself that some sacrifices are necessary.
When Chuck answers the door it's clear that he's getting ready for a night out. He's wearing lavender dress pants and his navy shirt is half-unbuttoned, revealing a hint of chest hair, and his silk bowtie--lavender, to match his suit--is slung around his neck, ready to be tied. His lips curve up in a smirk when he sees Blair; she shoots him a disgusted look in response. She doesn't have time for his... Chuckness.
"Blair," he smarms, "I must say I'm surprised to see you come crawling back. I thought you had more dignity than that."
"Please," she says, rolling her eyes, "this has nothing to do with you. I'm looking for Serena. And we need a new plan to get rid of Georgina, because your last one sucked even bigger balls than you do."
"You wound me," he says, sarcastically placing his hands over his heart. "Need I remind you, the last plan was ours, and it happened to be very efficient."
"So that's why Serena is out with Georgina right now?"
Chuck's expression hardens. "It seems like my dear sister is enjoying her dalliance with the fairer sex. Why would I want to spoil her fun, especially if it means helping you?"
"Because, repellant degenerate though you are, you actually care about her, and you know that Georgina is a poisonous cancer that will ruin her life." She folds her arms. "This is not about us."
He sighs, and motions to her to enter his room. She does so, and tries to find the least Chuck-stained place to sit, but the whole room drips with him and she decides to stay standing.
Chuck finishes buttoning his shirt and stands in front of the mirror to tie his bowtie. "I don't suppose there's any way to get rid of her for good, short of hiring a hitman. Now, I'm happy to do that, but I suspect dear sis would disapprove." He catches Blair's eye in the reflection. "Have you tried telling her how you feel?"
"I've already given her a piece of my mind, but unless you've forgotten, yelling at Georgina doesn't tend to yield results."
Chuck turns around, bowtie perfectly in place, and holds Blair's gaze. "Not Georgina. Tell Serena how you feel."
Blair swallows; she doesn't really know what he's talking about, but she's loath to ask him to clarify. This is the second time in a week that someone she hates has implied something... unpalatable about her, and she really wishes they would stop.
"Come on, Blair," he says, a hint of the old tenderness creeping back into his voice. "Did you think I didn't know? Anyone with eyes can see how crazy you are about her. We all saw how torn up you were when she left."
"Because she's my best friend."
"Because she's more than that." He steps closer, so close his breath is on her face, and in a second the tenderness has vanished, defensive sleaze switched on in its place. "Much as I enjoyed our time together--even if you were, ah, new to certain things--I always knew you'd rather be with her."
Blair pulls away, averting her eyes, and after a second she realizes that she's trembling. She loathes him when he's like this, vulgar and gross, and because it's Chuck, she desperately wants to disregard what he says.
But it's Chuck, and he knows her.
She takes a couple of deep breaths until she's feeling steadier, and when she turns back to him she's hardened and polished once again. "Do you know where they are?"
He smiles, and maybe he's been tender all along. "They went out for dinner, then they were heading to 1Oak. You can probably catch them there."
She nods. "Georgina won't just disappear. She'll fight back."
Chuck smirks again, and there's something strange in there--something like pride. "You can handle her."
---
But it's not as easy as that. Blair goes home, locks herself in the bathroom, and she retches and retches but she can't throw anything up. It makes her feel even worse.
She stares at herself in the mirror, face ashen. "You've got to stop doing this," she mutters. "Come on, you're better than this."
It's not enough to stir her into action. She briefly thinks of getting changed and going to Butter instead, where she's supposed to be, but her heart's in it even less than usual and besides, she secretly hates that place. Bad memories. She calls Dorota and gets her to cancel, but even now her evening's officially free, she's hesitant to go to 1Oak and find Serena. Too much can go wrong there, and she wants to stave it off for as long as possible.
And that's how Blair finds herself wallowing in her room on a Friday night with only Lady Godiva to keep her company. She puts on Sabrina but turns it off after ten minutes; watching Audrey is a her-and-Serena thing, and the last thing she wants to think about is her and Serena, and whatever that might mean.
So she lies on her bed, eating chocolates she shouldn't allow herself, and tries really hard not to think about it. It's good to wallow, and she has a lot to wallow about. Her sleazy ex-boyfriend just informed her that she has a big gay crush on her best friend--and the worst thing is, she's pretty sure he's right--and her best friend definitely has a big gay crush on an evil psycho who at least two different people think ought to be murdered. And apparently Blair ought to tell Serena how she feels, but Serena is out with Georgina, and all Blair can do is stay in her room and hope the world goes away.
She watches the room darken around her and ponders the logistics of staying shut up inside forever, Howard Hughes-style, but her mind can't stop wandering back to Serena and Georgina. She imagines them sharing a candlelit dinner, or curled up in a booth at a club, or getting undressed on Blair's bed, and in every scenario the picture is wrong. This is not how the world is supposed to be. At about ten p.m. she finds herself sitting up straight, a fresh sense of determination coursing through her. Because she's fucking Blair Waldorf, and she makes things happen.
She calls Dorota and begins to get dressed.
---
She sits in the back of the car while the driver takes her to 1Oak and she doesn't even have time to feel properly nervous, because they arrive in no time at all. She has no difficulty getting past the velvet rope--perish the thought--and as she enters she gives the people lining up, freezing cold in their skimpy clothing, a well-crafted look of disdain.
Despite the extensive line outside, the club is not actually all that busy, and Blair doesn't know whether that's a good thing or not--it means an easy escape and fewer people to watch her make a scene, but also fewer people to distract attention away from her. It also means that it's easier to spot Serena; Blair's barely in the club for a minute before her eyes gravitate toward her. She's up by the fireplace, sitting on one of the leather couches with Georgina, and Blair's stomach lurches at the sight of them because they actually, amazingly, look like they're having fun. The despondent expression that Serena's been wearing all week is gone, replaced by a beaming smile and cheeks flushed with laughter.
They're probably high or something.
But it's different to how they used to look a couple of years ago, when Blair would have to chase after Serena to save her from whatever trouble she'd gotten in. They look relaxed, and they're not surrounded by their usual swarm of guys, they're just cuddled up together, talking and smiling, looking... happy.
It's almost enough to make Blair turn on the spot and leave, and maybe she would, but she can't figure Serena out, and that keeps her rooted to the floor. It makes no sense, because Serena's been looking miserable all week, and Blair was sure that it was because she was settling for someone she didn't want to be with, but maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it was because Blair has been absent, and she thought Blair didn't understand.
Or maybe Blair was right the first time and she's only looking happy now because Georgina's spiked her drink.
Yes, it's probably that.
With that resolution, Blair decides to make her presence known. She walks past the bar and up to the raised area by the fireplace, determined to do this, whatever 'this' might entail. Their expressions change when Blair approaches them with a falsely-cheerful "Hello;" Georgina's smile grows wider, gloating, but Serena's falters and she looks guilty and confused, her brow furrowed. She tries to extricate herself from Georgina's grasp but Georgina holds on tight, possessive of what isn't really hers.
"What are you doing here, B?" Serena says. "I thought you were going to Butter with the girls tonight."
Blair doesn't waste time enquiring how Serena knew her plans. Suspicious of Serena's demeanor, she takes hold of Serena's drink and when she sips it, she's surprised to find that it's just Coke.
"We're turning over a new leaf," Georgina helpfully supplies, but there's enough of a glint of evil in her eyes that Blair doesn't trust her. Not that Blair would ever trust her. She ignores Georgina and turns to Serena, placing a hand on her arm.
"Can we talk, S? It's important."
Georgina interjects before Serena can even say anything. "Anything you need to say to my girlfriend, you can say in front of me."
But Serena downs the rest of her Coke, and turns to Georgina. "Actually, I think I need to get some air. Can you get me another drink?"
Georgina is obviously rattled, and Blair can't help doing a mental victory dance. She smirks at Georgina as she pulls Serena through the crowd and out into the night air.
The smoking patio is on the small side, but the mirrored walls give the illusion of space. They shuffle through the gathered people to find a corner that's as quiet and smoke-free as possible, but the smell of cigarettes still lingers in the air and music from the club can still be heard, muffled so only the bass reverberates through.
For a moment they stare at each other, awkwardly trying to avoid what needs to be said. Blair turns to the mirror to check her hair, but she can't distract herself by fixing it because it still looks perfect. She turns back to Serena, who has her arms folded across her chest.
"What are you really doing here, B?"
And that's the million dollar question. "I... needed to see you," she says. "I need to speak to you."
"So go ahead."
"Okay," Blair huffs, exasperated more at herself than anything else. "It's just... Georgina? Really?"
"I've told you, I think she's really changed."
"She hasn't. S, she's exactly the same as she's always been."
"And how would you know?" Serena snaps, anger flushing her cheeks. "You haven't spent the past week with her, getting to know her all over again. No, you've spent a week avoiding me because apparently me dating someone you don't approve of is enough reason to cut me off completely--even though you said you don't want to lose me. What the hell, Blair?"
"I haven't been avoiding you," Blair says, her voice rising. "You made it perfectly clear that you were choosing her over me."
"It's not a competition! I'm allowed to know more than one person." Serena glares at her, and part of Blair is glad that Serena's finally growing a spine, even if it is Blair that she's standing up to.
"Of course you are," Blair says, "but she's the wrong person to know. She's not right for you, and you shouldn't be with her."
Serena shrugs. "I don't want to do this again, B. Not here, not now." She goes to leave, but Blair stops her with a hand on her arm.
"We're doing this now." She doesn't add, before I chicken out completely.
"Why? Are you really doing this for my benefit, or because you want everyone else to be as miserable as you are? Maybe I'm not in love with Georgie, but we have fun, and I think I deserve that."
"Don't you get it?" Blair says, her voice softening. "You deserve more than that. Don't settle for second best, S. You deserve to be with someone you love, someone who feels the same way about you."
Serena looks at Blair strangely and when she speaks it's barely a whisper. "Someone like who?"
Blair doesn't take her eyes off Serena's, doesn't blink. "Me."
Serena's mouth actually falls open; she breaks eye contact and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. When she looks back at Blair she seems confused, mostly, but then a smile tugs at the side of her mouth. She shake her head slightly. "I didn't think you..."
"Well, I do."
Serena breaks into a grin, then, her whole face lighting up, and Blair's insides do a somersault. She reaches out to touch Serena's cheek, stroking her face until she's cupping Serena's jaw and pulling her down into a kiss that, Blair realizes with a jolt, has been years in the making. Blair's eyes flutter shut as Serena's lips slide over hers, slick with gloss, and Serena's hands tangle in Blair's hair as she changes angle, opening her mouth to let her tongue slip out. Blair meets it, caresses it with her own more boldly than she thought she was capable of. She's barely aware of her surroundings, surprised when Serena shifts her round and pushes her against the mirrored wall. Blair gasps at the cool hard feeling of the mirror against her back but it's swallowed by Serena's mouth, her eager, greedy lips and tongue. Hands roaming along and down Serena's body, Blair finds Serena hips and pulls her closer, pressing their bodies so tight together that she can hardly breathe, overwhelmed by the heat and pressure.
Somewhere far away there's a wolf-whistle and, closer, there's an angry clearing of the throat that can only belong to one person. Blair refuses to let go of the moment, drinking in Serena because she has a thirst that only she can quench. Blair can hear Georgina start to talk but it's muffled by the roaring of blood in her ears, the bass line that's pounding through her body, Serena's moans vibrating in her mouth. Besides, it's not about besting Georgina anymore--even though Blair totally did--and it's not even about getting her to leave. Maybe she'll stick around and try to break them, but who cares? It's not about winning a game; it's just about Blair and Serena, and this strange curious thing between them. And really, when it comes down to it, that's the way it's always been.
---
Morning sun slants in through the curtains, waking Blair when it reaches her eyelids. They open slowly as she becomes aware of her surroundings; she's in her bed, her few remaining clothes rumpled and creased, and there's something slung across her stomach. An arm.
Serena.
Blair shifts onto her side and there's Serena, stumbling into wakefulness at the movement. Her eyes open, focus, and when she spots Blair, she smiles.
"Hey," she says, voice scratchy with sleep. She's impossibly beautiful in this moment, even with tousled hair and last night's makeup smudged around her eyes, and Blair's heart contracts painfully at the sight. She hopes she never has to let go of this, because she's sure she never could. There was some messiness last night when Serena had to face Georgina and break up with her, but now--now, Blair thinks it's going to be okay. Better than.
"Are you still sure you want to do this?" Serena asks, and there's a hint of fear in her eyes. It doesn't suit her.
Blair reaches out and takes Serena's hand, stroking her thumb against the soft skin of her palm, and even though it's hardly the first time she's felt Serena's skin on her own, it's different now, and it's still new. She smiles. "Of course I'm sure."
Serena, eyes brighter now, leans forward and captures Blair's lips in a lazy kiss. These, Blair ought to memorize; she wants to catalog every moment, keep a mental scrapbook of this time in her life. The new time. She wonders if this thing between them has always been there, obscured by years of boys and stupid fallings out but still shimmering away in the periphery of their lives. She wonder why it's only now that it's come into focus, and whether Serena saw it before her, and maybe one day she'll ask if Serena's always known. Maybe one day, when Serena isn't kissing a trail down her neck, finding her pulse point and sending her into bliss. Maybe one day she'll ask, but for now she has all the answers she needs.
Pairing: Blair/Serena, Serena/Georgina
Rating: R
Words: 8295
Disclaimer: Alas, all characters belong to people that aren't me.
Summary: Blair may not know exactly what she's fighting for, but she's determined not to let Georgina win.
Notes: Thanks to andthatisthat for the beta! This was written for peganix as part of the femslash08 challenge. Title from 'Go Ask Shakespeare' by Rufus Wainwright.
"What do you think of the Chanel?" Blair asks, parading in front of Serena, who's sitting on Blair's bed and flipping through the latest Vogue. There's a party chez Waldorf tomorrow, and Blair's having a fashion crisis that Serena is being less than helpful in diverting.
But Serena glances up eventually, eyes Blair up and down and breaks into a smile at the sight of her in the midnight blue dress. "It's perfect. You look beautiful."
Fighting down a blush, Blair nods, accepting the compliment as her due. She's about to start undressing to try on her second new outfit when Serena's phone beeps with a new message and she's suddenly distracted.
When Serena flips the phone open, she frowns. "It's from Dan. Why--oh God." Her eyes widen and she says nothing, staring at the tiny screen in disbelief.
"Here, let me see," Blair says, not waiting for a reply before she takes the phone from Serena's hand.
"Georgina's back in town. Thought u should know."
Blair doesn't even think about what she's doing; one glance at Serena's pale face and she's calling Humphrey back.
"Serena?" Dan sounds confused to hear from his ex-girlfriend, like he didn't just deliver some major news while carefully omitting any relevant detail.
Blair won't stand for that. "Daniel Humphrey, if you're lying about Georgina Sparks being back in town I will march all the way to Brooklyn myself to personally castrate you and feed your junk to a rabid dog. Do you understand?"
He splutters for about ten hours before he starts making sense. "Blair? Is that--why are you calling me?"
Blair rolls her eyes, realizes he can't see that from all the way in Brooklyn, and settles for a dramatic sigh instead. "I'm calling to threaten your life for upsetting Serena. I know it's hard for you, but try to keep up." She sighs again. "So, tell me what happened with Georgina, and make sure you leave nothing out."
"Well," Dan began, "it's weird, she just--she just showed up at the coffee shop where Vanessa works and, you know, I was there, because they have these amazing new croissants, not that you would care about that, you being you, but anyway, I was there--"
"Get on with it," Blair snaps, rapidly losing patience. "What did she say, what did you do?"
"Uh, I guess I--well, I sort of... glared at her."
Blair rolls her eyes, because it's that or burst out laughing, and she can't have Dan hanging up before he spills. "You glared? Dan, you're about as scary as a newborn puppy, and significantly less cute. What did she want?"
"She asked me where Serena was. I guess she didn't hear that we broke up," he says. "I told her that she wouldn't find Serena around here, and she probably shouldn't go looking for her."
"That's it?"
"Well, then Vanessa noticed her, and she yelled and chased her out of there."
A smile inadvertently forms on Blair's mouth. "I'm glad someone knows the proper way to deal with her." Blair doesn't really like to be complimenting Vanessa, of all people, but she tells herself that it's acceptable when the true goal is to insult a Humphrey, which is always a noble endeavor.
"Listen, Blair," Dan says, and she's surprised that he's still talking. "I know you're not my biggest fan, and I get that, I do, but can you let me speak to Serena? Please? I mean, this is her phone, it seems only fair."
Blair contemplates for a moment, and promptly hangs up. She tosses the phone back to Serena, who catches it and raises a questioning eyebrow.
"So, Georgina's back?"
Blair's mouth sets into a grim line. "Yeah, Georgina's back."
Serena runs a hand through her hair and says, "So what do we do?"
It shouldn't even be a question. "We get that bitch once and for all."
---
The party is a success; they always are. It's nearing the end of the night and Blair looks immaculate, still, because she's Blair Waldorf and perfection is her raison d'être. At her side, Serena sips on a glass of champagne, looking flushed but still amazing in her customary effortless way as she giggles about some businessman who was trying and, Blair fervently hopes, failing to hit on her. But Blair isn't really paying too much attention to Serena, not even when Serena tugs on her sleeve to show an impression of this clueless guy, because it's a party, and Blair is too busy making sure that everything is perfect to have fun.
"And then he said," Serena continues, still with her hand on Blair's arm even though she's no longer tugging, "then he said--oh, fuck."
Blair's head snaps round, the other guests forgotten, as she follows Serena's gaze.
Out of the elevator steps Georgina Sparks.
Rage threatens to boil over inside Blair, but she struggles to keep it in check as she says in a terse voice, "You stay here. I'll deal with this."
"No," Serena says, stilling Blair with the hand on her arm. "No, it's your party, and this is my mess." She smiles. "I'll talk to her. You can't fight all my battles, B."
It's no good; Blair opens her mouth to protest, but already Serena is striding along the hall to meet Georgina, whose grin widens at Serena's approach. The party is too loud for Blair to hear their conversation--which at least means they're not raising their voices and making a scene--but Blair studies them anyway. From where she's standing she can't see Serena's face, only Georgina's, and she can see that Georgina's put on that mock-sincere expression that she so loves, all puppy-dog eyes and seductive pout.
Their voices rise a little; Blair tries to move nearer to hear them, but then Serena is tugging on Georgina's arm and pulling her upstairs and out of sight.
Blair follows them, of course, slipping noiselessly through the throng of people and up the stairs. When she gets to the top she sees that her bedroom door is open and her stomach flips. They must be in there. Blair doesn't know what's more surprising: that Serena would choose her room over any other for a fight with Georgina Sparks, or that she wouldn't think to check that the door was shut all the way. She's tempted to barge right in and straighten everything out but she pauses, remembering Serena's insistence to fight her own battles, and she contents herself with peering in through the crack. It's better for her to be close by so she can intervene if necessary.
Inside the room Serena is brimming with anger; she has Georgina shoved up against the wall, pinning her there with forceful hands against Georgina's shoulders. "What do you want from me, Georgina? Why do you always want to ruin my life? You said you wanted to talk, so let's talk about that." She gives her an extra shove, looking like she's two seconds away from throttling her.
And there's Georgina, dripping fake earnestness once again. "It's not like that, I swear. You hurt me deeply when you left, S, but I've never wanted revenge. All I want is to be a part of your life."
A rush of anger flows through Blair when Serena laughs, a mirthless sound that Blair's never heard, and Blair hates Georgina for doing that to Serena, for making her cynical.
"So you weren't trying to hurt me and everyone around me because you hate me, it's because you love me? Is that what you're saying?"
Silence descends. It's a wonder Blair isn't discovered, her heart is beating so fast and so loud. Georgina doesn't answer Serena right away, just holds her gaze with those big blue eyes for a moment while Serena can draw her own conclusions.
"I'm done playing games," Georgina whispers, tears starting to brim in her eyes--Blair thinks she ought to be on the stage with talent like that--and Serena's grasp on her slackens. "I thought that if you had no one left, you'd turn to me." Her eyes are searching Serena's face, imploring, and even Blair is nearly convinced, that's how good she is.
Serena doesn't stand a chance.
"I fucked everything up--I see that now. And I'm sorry." A single tear, perfectly timed, drops down Georgina's cheek, and Serena wipes it away with her thumb.
"I don't believe you," she murmurs, but Blair can see she's already half gone. There's no way Serena can resist an onslaught from Georgina for too long.
A moment passes, Blair holding her breath while she waits for the fallout, and then Serena grabs hold of Georgina and throws her down onto the bed.
Georgina breaks into a smile. "You always liked to play rough."
Serena climbs on top of her, straddling her hips, and Blair is taken back to a year ago and field hockey, Serena straddling her, pinning her to the ground. She remembers the shock, and the way that her initial stupid fear of grass stains melted into fear of something else, something worse, and she remembers the burning heat of rage. And now Georgina is in her place, on her bed, as Serena leans down and kisses her mouth in a fury. She moves to Georgina's neck, eliciting gasps and moans that sound practically pornographic, and as she alternates between bites and kisses Serena pants, "Fuck, why can't I ever resist you?"
Her hands work her way down Georgina's body, fumbling when they reach the zipper on her jeans. Blair gasps and pulls away from the door, shutting it with a click, her heart hammering in her chest.
In a daze she stumbles down the hall, but when she reaches the top of the stairs she stops. It may be late, and most of the guests may be leaving, but she's still the hostess and must behave accordingly. She takes a couple of deep, steadying breaths, waiting until the sight that's just been burned onto her retinas has faded a little, and then she descends, the consummate hostess once more.
She meets the few remaining guests with smiles and polite words, even pausing to exchange a few pleasantries about college applications with Nate, but she doesn't stop for long, weaving through the crowd on the interminable walk to the kitchen. When she enters she's relieved to note that there's no one in there but a few kitchen staff hired for the event. They mostly ignore her while they continue washing champagne flutes, and she ignores them in turn as she pulls a platter of canapés in front of her and begins to eat.
---
There are only two vol-au-vents left on the plate when the door opens and Serena steps in, closing the door quietly behind her.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you."
"Maybe you should've looked somewhere other than Georgina Sparks's crotch," Blair snaps back. She glares at the few remaining kitchen staff and they scurry away, as scared as they ought to be.
Serena says nothing, but she doesn't back down from Blair's withering glare either; instead, she sits at the counter next to Blair and starts idly tapping a tune on the marble with her fingernails.
"Seriously, S, what the hell is going on? You and Georgina?"
Sighing, Serena looks down at her hands while she answers. "I don't know how to explain. We--Georgie and I--we used to..."
"Fuck?"
Serena glances sharply at Blair. "If that's what you want to call it."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you two make love?"
Blushing, Serena ducks her head, and if Blair feels a flicker of guilt for snapping at her best friend it's not enough to abate her anger.
"You should've told me," Blair says, her gaze on Serena hard and unforgiving.
"I didn't think you'd understand."
"Well, I don't, because she's vile. But you still should've told me."
Serena nods once, stiffly; she's quiet for a moment, then she says, "She's no worse than Chuck."
Blair shoots her a venomous look--like she needs to be reminded of that douchebag, when all those canapés are already sitting heavy in her stomach and making her feel ill--but Serena doesn't even cower.
The room suddenly feels too hot, too close, and Blair has to get out. "Excuse me," she says in her iciest voice, and she stands up. "I need to go to the bathroom, and you need to leave."
With a flick of her eyes to the near-empty plate in front of Blair, Serena lays a hand on Blair's arm, all the hurt and anger gone from her expression. "B, I won't let you do it."
Yanking her arm out of Serena's grasp, Blair stalks across the kitchen. She reaches the door and turns back to face Serena one last time. "You forfeited the right to play the caring friend when you fucked that whore on my bed."
She rushes to the bathroom and locks the door as a precaution, but there are no footsteps following her.
---
On Monday morning the courtyard of Constance Billard is buzzing with some fresh scandal that Gossip Girl has unearthed, but Blair, for once, is barely paying attention. Like everyone else, she checked her phone when she got a new message but when she saw that it was the Gossip Girl update and not an apology from Serena she deleted it, unread. Now Hazel's relaying the details--she was the one to send the tip, apparently--but all Blair's heard is something to do with an abortion, and she couldn't give a damn who got knocked up this time. Not when Serena is standing at the other end of the courtyard, by herself, looking subdued in the way that doesn't suit her.
Serena looks up and Blair averts her eyes, not quickly like she doesn't want to be caught looking, but slowly, deliberately, so Serena knows it's a snub. Blair can't get the image of Serena and Georgina out of her head and it's only right that she inflicts whatever pain she can on Serena in return.
Trying hard to look like she's paying attention to Hazel's story, Blair turns back to the group. Hazel is just winding up--"and then he used his drug money to pay for it"--when Penelope gasps, pointing toward the gate, and Hazel's moment in the limelight is over.
"Who is that?" Nelly Yuki asks, blinking in surprise at the sudden grimness of everyone's expressions.
"That," Blair says through gritted teeth, "is Georgina Sparks."
A wave of frenzied conversation follows Georgina as she strides through the courtyard, but either she doesn't notice or she doesn't care, because she doesn't waver from her course. She makes a beeline toward Serena, who only looks up when Georgina is right in front of her.
Her face pales; Blair can see it from all the way over the other side of the courtyard.
All talk dies when Georgina reaches Serena, but they're still too far away for the conversation to carry. Still, Blair can see how uncomfortable Serena is; she's always worn her feelings on her face, and right now she's got on her very best "let's talk about this later; please don't make a scene" expression--learned from the expert, Lily--but Georgina is acting all oblivious, smiling and chatting away. Serena says something and then, right there in the middle of Constance Billard for all the world to see, Georgina kisses Serena.
The courtyard erupts in a clamor of whispering and texting, Serena's look of confusion lost in the tumult to all but Blair.
Georgina turns away, a satisfied smirk on her face, but instead of walking out the gates she heads straight for Blair, triumph etched on her features.
Partly for bravado, but mainly to get out of earshot of her friends, Blair takes a few steps forward and meets Georgina, staring her down until Georgina laughs.
But Blair finds the situation significantly less amusing. "What are you doing here?" She keeps her voice low and menacing, and there's enough excited chatter around that people will only overhear them if they're making an effort. Which, Blair concedes, they probably are. "Are you on some sort of revenge kick because I got you sent to reform school? Because you know me, Georgina, and you know I won't roll over without a fight.
Georgina's lips quirk up in a smile. "Oh, Blair. Trust me, I wouldn't care about revenge--you're so far below me it's not worth it--but in a happy coincidence, it turns out that getting what I want means depriving you of what you want." She pauses, waiting for the words to sink in. "Think about who you really want, B, and know that I'm going to take them from you."
Blair pauses, her mental faculties stumbling to catch up. "Are you talking about Chuck? Because I really don't--"
"Stop pretending to be so naïve, B, it's unbecoming. You know who I mean, and you know it's already started." She throws a glance over her shoulders, but Serena has already gone.
Blair stands, frozen to the spot, quite certain that Georgina doesn't mean what she thinks she means. Because that would be ludicrous. Because Blair's not--
"Enjoy the show on Saturday? If I'd known you liked to watch, maybe I would have invited you in."
And with that, she flounces off, leaving Blair trying to figure out why on earth Georgina would be trying to imply... that.
A tap on her shoulder makes her spin round, surprised. "Don't do that," she snaps, and Penelope flinches at her tone.
"Sorry," she says, sounding anything but. "What was all that about with Georgina?"
It doesn't take long for Blair to regain her composure; all uncertainty ebbs away as she resumes her role as Queen Bee. This she knows. "Don't ask me to decipher the ramblings of a lunatic. Now, who's for Butter on Friday?"
---
Morning classes pass uneventfully. Blair tries to bury herself in Hamlet but she's too busy trying to forget what Georgina said to her to be able to think of anything else, and besides, her teacher is butchering the interpretation of the mousetrap play scene. Maybe Gertrude protests exactly the right amount--did anything think of that?
When the bell rings for lunch she almost lets herself get swept away in the crowd that's heading for the Met steps but at the last minute she catches herself and tells Iz that they shouldn't wait for her. She doesn't volunteer an excuse, and Iz knows better than to ask for one.
It doesn't take long for Blair to find Serena; she stands out too much to be able to hide, and she apparently hasn't tried. Blair finds her sitting in the French corridor, picking at a fruit cup, and she doesn't even look up at Blair's approach despite Blair's heels on the polished floor announcing her arrival.
Blair stands over her, arms folded. "So, Georgina's your girlfriend now? Lily's going to wonder what she did to turn both her children gay."
"I'm not in the mood for this, B."
With a sigh indicating that this is so very far beneath her, Blair sits down next to Serena, trying not to examine the floor too closely for dirt. Serena glances at her and from this close, Blair can see that Serena's eyes are slightly bloodshot.
"She's not my girlfriend. I tried to tell her that it was just a one-time thing, a lapse in judgment. I tried to tell her that I still have so many reasons to hate her." She shrugs, looking completely at a loss. "She wouldn't listen."
"That's Georgina Sparks for you." Blair lays an experimental hand on Serena's arm, trying to comfort her, but physical affection was never her strong suit and her hand falls away when Serena throws her hands in the air.
"She thinks we're together! She wouldn't go away until I agreed to meet her for drinks later."
Blair throws her a bemused look. "You're going on a date? It sounds like you are together."
"Blair!"
"Okay, fine. So what are you going to do?"
Serena shrugs, and says nothing, and for a minute or two they sit in silence. Blair tries to pat Serena's arm again and this time, Serena lets her.
"You know what I can't figure out?" Blair says slowly. "I can't figure out why part of you actually still likes her."
"I don't."
"Really? Because you looked pretty friendly on my bed on Saturday."
Serena shifts uncomfortably and stares at a spot on the floor. "It's not like you've never been attracted to someone against your better judgment. She's like my Chuck, you know?"
Her past is the last thing Blair wants to think about, so she dodges the mention of Chuck and changes tack. "So you are attracted to her? Lily really is going to wonder what she's done."
The words hang in the air, echoing round the empty corridor, and then Serena turns to Blair with baleful eyes. "I'm not ready for people to know yet."
"I think they already do." She thinks of the courtyard this morning, trying to calculate how many people were there, how many reports would have flown in to Gossip Girl, and how fast. Twenty within the minute, she figures, then another minute for Gossip Girl to upload the photos and post the story. The whole school would know before homeroom.
"So how are we going to get rid of Georgina?" Blair asks, trying to raise Serena's spirits. There's nothing cheerier than a bit of revenge plotting, in Blair's experience, and it's something that Serena doesn't partake of enough.
"Is that even possible?" Skepticism is written all over Serena's face. "Short of killing her, I mean."
"I could probably arrange that," Blair replies, and she's only half joking.
Serena smiles--weakly, but it's a start. She leans down to rest her head against Blair, settling comfortably, and says, "I'm sorry that I left on Saturday."
Blair goes to shrug, but Serena's leaning on her and she doesn't want to shift the weight off her shoulder. "I asked you to."
"I know. But I still should've stayed."
---
Blair spends the evening in quiet study, Dorota reading to her from her European History textbook while a manicurist does Blair's nails. It would probably be easier for Blair to read to herself, but she can't turn the pages while she's getting a manicure and she has to multi-task in order to get anything done.
Dorota is haltingly perservering through a particularly dull passage on nineteenth-century industrialization, Blair correcting her pronunciation of names every now and then, when the elevator doors ping open. It's after ten p.m.; Blair can't think who would be showing up at such a time. And then Serena steps out the elevator, and all makes sense, because who else would stop by unannounced at a time like this?
It's only when Serena approaches that Blair sees how dejected she looks, her head down, hands thrust in pockets.
"Please leave," Blair says, nodding to Dorota and the manicurist who go without question; Blair'll have to finish her last two nails off herself, making her manicure look all uneven and wrong, but it's a small sacrifice to make for Serena.
She takes Serena by the hand and pulls her down to sit on the sofa next to her. "What's wrong?" Blair asks, her thumb idly stroking Serena's palm.
"I don't really know. I went to meet Georgina," Serena replies, and Blair thinks that's enough of an explanation but Serena carries on. "It was... I'm not sure. Not what I expected. I tried to tell her that Saturday was just a one-off, and I didn't want to see her again. I tried to be honest and tell her that I'm not in love with her, but..."
"But she's Georgina."
Serena looks up and meets her gaze. "She refused to be cut out of my life."
"So what?" Blair starts to get impatient. "She doesn't have anything to hold over you anymore. You don't have to listen to her."
"I know." Serena sighs. "It's just... she seems different. She kept saying she's changed, and maybe she has. Maybe reform school was good for her."
Blair doesn't mean to laugh, not when Serena's feeling so conflicted, but she can't help it. "She broke out of reform school. It can't have been that good for her."
Shooting Blair a sharp look, Serena says, "Actually, her parents let her out, because they saw what progress she's made."
"So she says."
"B, she really seems different. It wasn't like before; she didn't--I don't know, threaten me, or try to bring me over to the dark side or whatever it is you think she's doing. She apologized repeatedly, and she said..."
"She said what?"
"She said she loves me. And I think she means it."
For a long time, Blair simply stares at Serena, wondering how she can even say all this, how she can be sucked in by Georgina yet again as if Georgina's not an evil harpy from the pits of hell. It defies all logic.
"B, I can't break her heart. I don't care what she did in the past, I can't do that to her."
Blair studies the painting on the opposite wall to avoid looking at Serena. "This is crazy." It is, isn't it? It seemed like the same old Georgina in the courtyard that morning, manipulative and cunning, but Serena couldn't--wouldn't--see that. She never does. "You're too nice for your own good, S. And I don't want to lose you."
Serena chuckles, the sound echoing unnaturally loud in the cold, empty room. "I'm not going anywhere. Why would you think that?"
"Because I don't trust her," Blair says, voice urgent now, but she can see Serena is wavering and she doesn't know how to get through to her. "Don't give her a chance, S. Don't."
"You don't know her. You only ever saw her bad side."
"That's because that's the only side she has!" She throws her hands up, incredulous. "You're too forgiving."
Serena stares resolutely at the floor. "Maybe that's because I know what it's like when people aren't forgiving enough."
"What she did to you was so much worse than what you did to Dan." She takes a breath. "Or what you did to me. Please, don't give her a chance. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness, because she hasn't changed."
Looking downcast, Serena sighs, and a couple of times she opens her mouth to speak, but the words aren't coming easily and Blair doesn't know what she can do but wait.
"It feels like a long time," Serena says eventually, looking Blair straight in the eye. "It's been a while, a few months since I was with Dan, and I'm... not used to being single. I don't know how to explain this, B, but it's like... it's like, here's someone--yes, someone who hurt me, but someone who once meant a lot to me--and she's right here, saying she wants me. If I can't be with..." She stops, averting her eyes, and fiddles with her bracelets for a second before continuing. "Can you understand? I've missed that. I've missed having someone love me."
She pauses and stares at Blair, waiting for a response that Blair can't force out. Blair only drops her gaze to the floor, waiting for something to happen so she doesn't have to be sitting here with Serena as those words hang over them.
She's still staring at the floor when Serena sighs and gets up, her footsteps echoing as she walks to the elevator. Blair only looks up when the doors close, trying to suppress the voice inside her that's saying, What about me?
---
Blair doesn't see Serena much for the rest of the week. Their territory divides up automatically, with Blair getting the steps of the Met and their favorite table in the courtyard and just about all of their usual haunts--plus all of their friends--while all Serena gets is negative space and Georgina. How this even happened, Blair's not sure, but she figures that it's about all Serena deserves if she's going to ignore all of Blair's well-intentioned advice and associate with people like that. During class, Serena sits at the front and keeps her head down, which is fine with Blair, and the only time they make eye contact is when they pass in the hallway and can't avoid it. The first time, Serena tries a smile, but Blair just rolls her eyes; the second, Serena attempts a hello only to be drowned out by Blair talking to the others about plans for Penelope's eighteenth. After that, Serena gives up, and Blair knows that if that's how little Serena cares about their friendship, she's made the right choice in distancing herself. If Serena cares, she'd try harder. She obviously doesn't.
The third time they pass in the corridor, they're both alone, and Blair can't help snarking, "How's your girlfriend?" She expects something from Serena: a faux-cheery "Fine, thank you," or even a casual insult like, "How's your boyfriend? Oh, right, you don't have one"--but she gets nothing. Serena glances at her with sad eyes but otherwise ignores her, and Blair's stomach flips with something unusual like empathy or guilt, she doesn't know what.
But even though the status quo is expected--deserved--she knows she has to do something, because this situation has become unacceptable. Fighting with Serena is nothing new, but this long endless cold shoulder is different somehow, and if they stay apart like this, it means that Georgina wins.
Georgina absolutely cannot win.
The assassination idea is probably a bit extreme, Blair concedes, but she has plenty of weapons in her arsenal and she's sure she can find something less lethal, but just as effective. Nobody is invincible; she just has to figure out Georgina's Achilles heel and how to exploit it.
The rest of the day is lost in scheming, even though Friday has all her favorite classes, but all her plans seem like dead ends. In the end she decides that it's not Georgina she needs to worry about, it's Serena, but when it comes to ways to change Serena's mind, Blair is at a loss.
She has to talk to Serena again; it's the only way they can sort it out. And, granted, Blair shouldn't have to be the one to reach out, but she doesn't mind playing magnanimous and being the bigger person if it's the only way to yield results, and besides, she's not even really sure why this Georgina thing has blown up between them. But it has, and that has to change.
---
When Blair rings the van der Woodsen/Bass doorbell, a maid answers and shows her through to the living room. Serena is absent, but Lily's there reading a book. She looks up when Blair enters and from the way she smiles at Blair like she's the second coming, Blair can deduce that Serena hasn't been keeping her mother informed about the state of their friendship.
"Blair, how lovely to see you." Lily puts her book down and gives Blair her full attention.
"It's good to see you too, Lily. Is Serena home?"
In an instant, Lily's face darkens. "I'm afraid she's out with Georgina," she says, the name laced with as much venom as a repressed Upper East Side housewife can manage. "Please tell me you know what's going on with them; Serena has barely spoken to me all week. Need I be worried? Is she in trouble again?"
Blair perches on the arm of a chair and chooses her words carefully. "I think... she might be. I know that Georgina's a bad influence, and I'm doing everything I can to bring Serena back to us. If you know where she is..."
"I'm her mother; I'm the last person to know where she is. She might have told Charles. I believe he's in his room, so feel free to go up and ask him."
Blair struggles not to pull a face. "I think I will. Thank you, Lily."
She takes her leave and goes upstairs to Chuck's room, pausing for a moment before she knocks on his door. Voluntarily conversing with Chuck Bass is around the bottom of her to-do list but she takes a deep breath and reminds herself that some sacrifices are necessary.
When Chuck answers the door it's clear that he's getting ready for a night out. He's wearing lavender dress pants and his navy shirt is half-unbuttoned, revealing a hint of chest hair, and his silk bowtie--lavender, to match his suit--is slung around his neck, ready to be tied. His lips curve up in a smirk when he sees Blair; she shoots him a disgusted look in response. She doesn't have time for his... Chuckness.
"Blair," he smarms, "I must say I'm surprised to see you come crawling back. I thought you had more dignity than that."
"Please," she says, rolling her eyes, "this has nothing to do with you. I'm looking for Serena. And we need a new plan to get rid of Georgina, because your last one sucked even bigger balls than you do."
"You wound me," he says, sarcastically placing his hands over his heart. "Need I remind you, the last plan was ours, and it happened to be very efficient."
"So that's why Serena is out with Georgina right now?"
Chuck's expression hardens. "It seems like my dear sister is enjoying her dalliance with the fairer sex. Why would I want to spoil her fun, especially if it means helping you?"
"Because, repellant degenerate though you are, you actually care about her, and you know that Georgina is a poisonous cancer that will ruin her life." She folds her arms. "This is not about us."
He sighs, and motions to her to enter his room. She does so, and tries to find the least Chuck-stained place to sit, but the whole room drips with him and she decides to stay standing.
Chuck finishes buttoning his shirt and stands in front of the mirror to tie his bowtie. "I don't suppose there's any way to get rid of her for good, short of hiring a hitman. Now, I'm happy to do that, but I suspect dear sis would disapprove." He catches Blair's eye in the reflection. "Have you tried telling her how you feel?"
"I've already given her a piece of my mind, but unless you've forgotten, yelling at Georgina doesn't tend to yield results."
Chuck turns around, bowtie perfectly in place, and holds Blair's gaze. "Not Georgina. Tell Serena how you feel."
Blair swallows; she doesn't really know what he's talking about, but she's loath to ask him to clarify. This is the second time in a week that someone she hates has implied something... unpalatable about her, and she really wishes they would stop.
"Come on, Blair," he says, a hint of the old tenderness creeping back into his voice. "Did you think I didn't know? Anyone with eyes can see how crazy you are about her. We all saw how torn up you were when she left."
"Because she's my best friend."
"Because she's more than that." He steps closer, so close his breath is on her face, and in a second the tenderness has vanished, defensive sleaze switched on in its place. "Much as I enjoyed our time together--even if you were, ah, new to certain things--I always knew you'd rather be with her."
Blair pulls away, averting her eyes, and after a second she realizes that she's trembling. She loathes him when he's like this, vulgar and gross, and because it's Chuck, she desperately wants to disregard what he says.
But it's Chuck, and he knows her.
She takes a couple of deep breaths until she's feeling steadier, and when she turns back to him she's hardened and polished once again. "Do you know where they are?"
He smiles, and maybe he's been tender all along. "They went out for dinner, then they were heading to 1Oak. You can probably catch them there."
She nods. "Georgina won't just disappear. She'll fight back."
Chuck smirks again, and there's something strange in there--something like pride. "You can handle her."
---
But it's not as easy as that. Blair goes home, locks herself in the bathroom, and she retches and retches but she can't throw anything up. It makes her feel even worse.
She stares at herself in the mirror, face ashen. "You've got to stop doing this," she mutters. "Come on, you're better than this."
It's not enough to stir her into action. She briefly thinks of getting changed and going to Butter instead, where she's supposed to be, but her heart's in it even less than usual and besides, she secretly hates that place. Bad memories. She calls Dorota and gets her to cancel, but even now her evening's officially free, she's hesitant to go to 1Oak and find Serena. Too much can go wrong there, and she wants to stave it off for as long as possible.
And that's how Blair finds herself wallowing in her room on a Friday night with only Lady Godiva to keep her company. She puts on Sabrina but turns it off after ten minutes; watching Audrey is a her-and-Serena thing, and the last thing she wants to think about is her and Serena, and whatever that might mean.
So she lies on her bed, eating chocolates she shouldn't allow herself, and tries really hard not to think about it. It's good to wallow, and she has a lot to wallow about. Her sleazy ex-boyfriend just informed her that she has a big gay crush on her best friend--and the worst thing is, she's pretty sure he's right--and her best friend definitely has a big gay crush on an evil psycho who at least two different people think ought to be murdered. And apparently Blair ought to tell Serena how she feels, but Serena is out with Georgina, and all Blair can do is stay in her room and hope the world goes away.
She watches the room darken around her and ponders the logistics of staying shut up inside forever, Howard Hughes-style, but her mind can't stop wandering back to Serena and Georgina. She imagines them sharing a candlelit dinner, or curled up in a booth at a club, or getting undressed on Blair's bed, and in every scenario the picture is wrong. This is not how the world is supposed to be. At about ten p.m. she finds herself sitting up straight, a fresh sense of determination coursing through her. Because she's fucking Blair Waldorf, and she makes things happen.
She calls Dorota and begins to get dressed.
---
She sits in the back of the car while the driver takes her to 1Oak and she doesn't even have time to feel properly nervous, because they arrive in no time at all. She has no difficulty getting past the velvet rope--perish the thought--and as she enters she gives the people lining up, freezing cold in their skimpy clothing, a well-crafted look of disdain.
Despite the extensive line outside, the club is not actually all that busy, and Blair doesn't know whether that's a good thing or not--it means an easy escape and fewer people to watch her make a scene, but also fewer people to distract attention away from her. It also means that it's easier to spot Serena; Blair's barely in the club for a minute before her eyes gravitate toward her. She's up by the fireplace, sitting on one of the leather couches with Georgina, and Blair's stomach lurches at the sight of them because they actually, amazingly, look like they're having fun. The despondent expression that Serena's been wearing all week is gone, replaced by a beaming smile and cheeks flushed with laughter.
They're probably high or something.
But it's different to how they used to look a couple of years ago, when Blair would have to chase after Serena to save her from whatever trouble she'd gotten in. They look relaxed, and they're not surrounded by their usual swarm of guys, they're just cuddled up together, talking and smiling, looking... happy.
It's almost enough to make Blair turn on the spot and leave, and maybe she would, but she can't figure Serena out, and that keeps her rooted to the floor. It makes no sense, because Serena's been looking miserable all week, and Blair was sure that it was because she was settling for someone she didn't want to be with, but maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it was because Blair has been absent, and she thought Blair didn't understand.
Or maybe Blair was right the first time and she's only looking happy now because Georgina's spiked her drink.
Yes, it's probably that.
With that resolution, Blair decides to make her presence known. She walks past the bar and up to the raised area by the fireplace, determined to do this, whatever 'this' might entail. Their expressions change when Blair approaches them with a falsely-cheerful "Hello;" Georgina's smile grows wider, gloating, but Serena's falters and she looks guilty and confused, her brow furrowed. She tries to extricate herself from Georgina's grasp but Georgina holds on tight, possessive of what isn't really hers.
"What are you doing here, B?" Serena says. "I thought you were going to Butter with the girls tonight."
Blair doesn't waste time enquiring how Serena knew her plans. Suspicious of Serena's demeanor, she takes hold of Serena's drink and when she sips it, she's surprised to find that it's just Coke.
"We're turning over a new leaf," Georgina helpfully supplies, but there's enough of a glint of evil in her eyes that Blair doesn't trust her. Not that Blair would ever trust her. She ignores Georgina and turns to Serena, placing a hand on her arm.
"Can we talk, S? It's important."
Georgina interjects before Serena can even say anything. "Anything you need to say to my girlfriend, you can say in front of me."
But Serena downs the rest of her Coke, and turns to Georgina. "Actually, I think I need to get some air. Can you get me another drink?"
Georgina is obviously rattled, and Blair can't help doing a mental victory dance. She smirks at Georgina as she pulls Serena through the crowd and out into the night air.
The smoking patio is on the small side, but the mirrored walls give the illusion of space. They shuffle through the gathered people to find a corner that's as quiet and smoke-free as possible, but the smell of cigarettes still lingers in the air and music from the club can still be heard, muffled so only the bass reverberates through.
For a moment they stare at each other, awkwardly trying to avoid what needs to be said. Blair turns to the mirror to check her hair, but she can't distract herself by fixing it because it still looks perfect. She turns back to Serena, who has her arms folded across her chest.
"What are you really doing here, B?"
And that's the million dollar question. "I... needed to see you," she says. "I need to speak to you."
"So go ahead."
"Okay," Blair huffs, exasperated more at herself than anything else. "It's just... Georgina? Really?"
"I've told you, I think she's really changed."
"She hasn't. S, she's exactly the same as she's always been."
"And how would you know?" Serena snaps, anger flushing her cheeks. "You haven't spent the past week with her, getting to know her all over again. No, you've spent a week avoiding me because apparently me dating someone you don't approve of is enough reason to cut me off completely--even though you said you don't want to lose me. What the hell, Blair?"
"I haven't been avoiding you," Blair says, her voice rising. "You made it perfectly clear that you were choosing her over me."
"It's not a competition! I'm allowed to know more than one person." Serena glares at her, and part of Blair is glad that Serena's finally growing a spine, even if it is Blair that she's standing up to.
"Of course you are," Blair says, "but she's the wrong person to know. She's not right for you, and you shouldn't be with her."
Serena shrugs. "I don't want to do this again, B. Not here, not now." She goes to leave, but Blair stops her with a hand on her arm.
"We're doing this now." She doesn't add, before I chicken out completely.
"Why? Are you really doing this for my benefit, or because you want everyone else to be as miserable as you are? Maybe I'm not in love with Georgie, but we have fun, and I think I deserve that."
"Don't you get it?" Blair says, her voice softening. "You deserve more than that. Don't settle for second best, S. You deserve to be with someone you love, someone who feels the same way about you."
Serena looks at Blair strangely and when she speaks it's barely a whisper. "Someone like who?"
Blair doesn't take her eyes off Serena's, doesn't blink. "Me."
Serena's mouth actually falls open; she breaks eye contact and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. When she looks back at Blair she seems confused, mostly, but then a smile tugs at the side of her mouth. She shake her head slightly. "I didn't think you..."
"Well, I do."
Serena breaks into a grin, then, her whole face lighting up, and Blair's insides do a somersault. She reaches out to touch Serena's cheek, stroking her face until she's cupping Serena's jaw and pulling her down into a kiss that, Blair realizes with a jolt, has been years in the making. Blair's eyes flutter shut as Serena's lips slide over hers, slick with gloss, and Serena's hands tangle in Blair's hair as she changes angle, opening her mouth to let her tongue slip out. Blair meets it, caresses it with her own more boldly than she thought she was capable of. She's barely aware of her surroundings, surprised when Serena shifts her round and pushes her against the mirrored wall. Blair gasps at the cool hard feeling of the mirror against her back but it's swallowed by Serena's mouth, her eager, greedy lips and tongue. Hands roaming along and down Serena's body, Blair finds Serena hips and pulls her closer, pressing their bodies so tight together that she can hardly breathe, overwhelmed by the heat and pressure.
Somewhere far away there's a wolf-whistle and, closer, there's an angry clearing of the throat that can only belong to one person. Blair refuses to let go of the moment, drinking in Serena because she has a thirst that only she can quench. Blair can hear Georgina start to talk but it's muffled by the roaring of blood in her ears, the bass line that's pounding through her body, Serena's moans vibrating in her mouth. Besides, it's not about besting Georgina anymore--even though Blair totally did--and it's not even about getting her to leave. Maybe she'll stick around and try to break them, but who cares? It's not about winning a game; it's just about Blair and Serena, and this strange curious thing between them. And really, when it comes down to it, that's the way it's always been.
---
Morning sun slants in through the curtains, waking Blair when it reaches her eyelids. They open slowly as she becomes aware of her surroundings; she's in her bed, her few remaining clothes rumpled and creased, and there's something slung across her stomach. An arm.
Serena.
Blair shifts onto her side and there's Serena, stumbling into wakefulness at the movement. Her eyes open, focus, and when she spots Blair, she smiles.
"Hey," she says, voice scratchy with sleep. She's impossibly beautiful in this moment, even with tousled hair and last night's makeup smudged around her eyes, and Blair's heart contracts painfully at the sight. She hopes she never has to let go of this, because she's sure she never could. There was some messiness last night when Serena had to face Georgina and break up with her, but now--now, Blair thinks it's going to be okay. Better than.
"Are you still sure you want to do this?" Serena asks, and there's a hint of fear in her eyes. It doesn't suit her.
Blair reaches out and takes Serena's hand, stroking her thumb against the soft skin of her palm, and even though it's hardly the first time she's felt Serena's skin on her own, it's different now, and it's still new. She smiles. "Of course I'm sure."
Serena, eyes brighter now, leans forward and captures Blair's lips in a lazy kiss. These, Blair ought to memorize; she wants to catalog every moment, keep a mental scrapbook of this time in her life. The new time. She wonders if this thing between them has always been there, obscured by years of boys and stupid fallings out but still shimmering away in the periphery of their lives. She wonder why it's only now that it's come into focus, and whether Serena saw it before her, and maybe one day she'll ask if Serena's always known. Maybe one day, when Serena isn't kissing a trail down her neck, finding her pulse point and sending her into bliss. Maybe one day she'll ask, but for now she has all the answers she needs.