(no subject)
Title: Anger in the First Degree
Dislaimer: I don’t own anything resembling CSI or its characters.
Author: Boubabe14
Characters: Grissom, Sara
Rating: G
A/N: Thanks to phdelicious for her willingness to beta even with the computer breakdown. Muchos Gracias!
When work gets in the way, how do Grissom and Sara cope?
Every picture frame hanging on the first floor chattered against the walls as the door slammed shut. Car keys careened off the kitchen counter as her briefcase plowed across the long table in front of the couch. Sara was too angry to be concerned about the arrangement of their living space at the moment.
“I can’t believe this! Damn this town! Damn this job! And damn Grissom while You’re at it,” she railed to God and whoever else was within a 100 meter listening radius of the house. If there was an answer forthcoming, she wasn’t able to hear it as the sound of the garage door opener rumbled through her outburst. Whirling to face the door leading to the garage, she waited for it to open, not patiently, and definitely not in a welcoming manner. As seconds ticked by and no movement of the door was detected, she began to pace, muttering curses and questions with every stride. The muffled noises coming from the garage went unnoticed as her anger morphed into fury. In the instant her building momentum started to move her toward the door, it suddenly opened.
He might have had an inkling of what he could expect upon entering their home, but he was still not fully prepared for the wrath that descended on him as he stepped inside.
“How could you say that? What could you have possibly been thinking when you decided to take over this case with Warrick?” The scathing delivery of the words was nothing compared to the lethal intensity of the brown eyes pointedly glaring at him and moving ever closer.
He tried to ease his way farther into the open room, but Sara had already built up a full head of steam as she backed him up against the door.
“Sara, we are not doing this here,” he declared in his best supervisor tone.
“We most certainly are, Dr. Grissom. Right now,” she stated emphatically. “And don’t even think of using that patronizing tone with me. You aren’t my supervisor in this house.”
“Stop it, Sara. We promised each other we would not discuss work situations at home. You were the one that insisted on that rule,” he said as he began to inch her out of his face and into the room.
“Then I’m breaking it. I am not about to spend the weekend with this hanging over us. So let’s just get it out now.” Her anger was still rolling off her in waves as she marched toward the kitchen.
Grissom grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him again as his own anger started to flare in match to hers. “Fine then. If you want to discuss this now, we’ll discuss it, but not here. Come on.”
Sara started to balk as Grissom pulled her toward the garage, but his grip was firm and determined as he steered her to the car.
“Get in,” was all he said as he opened the car door then headed toward the driver side.
“What are you doing?” she asked, standing with her hand on the doorframe.
“I am not discussing this at home,” he growled. “Get. in.”
So she did, not very willingly, but still too angry to think about the whys right now. The garage door opened once again to disgorge its occupants, and Sara opened her mouth to begin her tirade anew.
“Stop, Sara. Don’t say anything.”
“How are we going to discuss this if you won’t let me talk?”
Grissom’s lips made a quick downturn as he replied. “You aren’t discussing. You’re yelling, and I am not going to continue like this in the car. Wait until we get there.” Grissom was quickly reverting back into supervisor mode. He rarely pulled rank on his people, even at the office. His supervisory title was not something he felt compelled to exercise in most situations. He believed they were a team of professionals who were capable of finding the most efficient melding of roles as each case developed.
“You are not my supervisor in this car either, Grissom, and if you expect me to sit here and take your orders this entire drive to…to…where the hell are we going anyway?” The car was easing onto the interstate and heading out of town by the time Sara began to notice her surroundings. Her question was repeated in a more demanding tone as she turned back to face her current nemesis.
“We are going someplace where we can discuss the situation and not be interrupted, and not interrupt anyone else’s Saturday morning while doing so. Just sit back and take a few deep breaths until we get there.” He risked a quick glance in her direction and seeing her mouth open in rebuttal, he immediately issued another directive. “ Enough, Sara, and since you insist on discussing work I happen to be your supervisor right now, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. So just be quiet until we get where we’re going. You can voice all your arguments then.”
He thought about adding another warning, but decided not to push any harder than he already had. He hadn’t meant to lord his position over her like this, but he could see no other way to obtain enough quiet to regroup his thoughts before confronting the situation.
Sara could scarcely believe what she had just heard. There had been only a few times in the past year when Grissom had truly treated her like a subordinate. She’d thought he was past all the game playing, especially in front of the rest of the team. But here, in the confines of the car, it was too much. She forced herself to look out the window at the passing scenery and began to think about what she was going to say when they arrived at his intended destination. With her arms crossed and her emotions still seething, she thought back upon the night’s events and wondered, not for the first time, “What the hell happened?”
<<<<<<>>>>>>>
It all began simply enough. Grissom assigned Sara and Greg a seemingly normal B&E in a seemingly normal, upscale neighborhood of Las Vegas. The homeowner, a wealthy local lawyer with political aspirations, and his wife were seemingly normal people, anxious to help the investigation proceed. When Greg inadvertently stumbled into the stainless steel designer CD rack, knocking it over and breaking several cases in the process, Sara spied a broken false panel in the wall the rack smashed into on its fatal tumble to the floor. The child pornography photos and videos splayed across the hidden alcove were anything but normal.
Sara quickly called Grissom to inform him of the new development. She and Greg were just beginning to catalogue the video tapes when her cell phone buzzed along her right hip. Her annoyance quickly turned to confusion as Grissom ordered her to stop processing until his arrival. When he, Warrick, and the Sheriff all showed up together, her confusion quickly turned to displeasure. She and Greg didn’t need supervision while processing the scene and the evidence.
“What’s going on, Grissom?” she asked as he met them coming down the driveway.
“Sara, you and Greg head back to the lab and start processing the B&E evidence. Warrick and I will take over the other case.” He turned as though finished, but Sara stopped him.
“Wait a minute, Grissom. Greg and I have already started on this. Why are you and Warrick here?”
Grissom looked into familiar brown eyes and immediately reconsidered his options. “Greg, take Warrick and the Sheriff and fill them in on the status of your findings in the house. Sara, could I talk to you a moment?” and took her arm to steer her to the back of the Denali parked nearby. He tried to think of a diplomatic way to explain the situation as he walked them around the vehicle. “Sara, the Sheriff felt the situation called for a different face on this particular case. I know you are aware that Mr. Franklin has already filed to run for city council next year. This could quickly turn into a political nightmare if it isn’t handled properly.”
“So are you saying you have suddenly decided to pander to the politicians? Or perhaps you’re saying that I can’t handle this properly as the lead investigator?”
“Well, the Sheriff requested I head the investigation to show the public that the Lab is putting our most experienced team on it.”
“Okay, I can see that, but why Warrick? Greg and I can continue to run the case under you.”
“Warrick gets the assignment because Ecklie thinks you…well, you know what Ecklie thinks about you. It’s nothing new, Sara.”
“Yes, I know what Ecklie thinks, but since when do you agree with Ecklie? My solve rate is better than Warrick’s, and our solve rate for cases we work together is better than any at the lab. Warrick’s assignment to this case is totally uncalled for. And you know it!”
“Sara, my hands are tied. Ecklie and the Sheriff both have a vested interest in seeing how this case plays out, and I have to respond to their concerns. This isn’t a…”
“’Negotiation.’ Yeah, I caught that the first time around.” She could not hide the bitterness in her voice as she finished his thought.
He could see the hurt in her eyes as she listened to his voice, but the darkening of her brown orbs was a dangerous sign of what was to come. “Duck and cover, Gil” he thought to himself. He knew what Sara’s reaction would be, much better than she realized, especially after their past year together. He observed her much more closely and much more often than she suspected, and he loved watching her mind work, expressing the thought process through her eyes and her small facial movements. Well…usually he loved watching it. Right now, when he knew what was coming, knew it was warranted, it wasn’t as much enjoyment as excruciating. He knew she would blame him, knew there was no avoiding that outcome. Yet, he was the supervisor here, and Greg and the others were coming out of the house, cautiously glancing at the pair.
“Grissom, I can’t believe…” she started to make her case.
“Sara, the decision is mine to make, and I’ve made it. Take Greg and head back to the lab.” With that, he turned dismissively and walked past the Sheriff, who nodded his approval as Warrick joined Grissom. Greg approached Sara with their kits as she stalked over to the door of the Denali. The scowl on Grissom’s face as he began surveying the crime scene was enough to warn others not to approach the Boss right now. His actions were automatic as he started to evaluate the evidence in front of him, yet in the back of his mind a small voice kept asking, “What the hell just happened?”
<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Sara suddenly realized the vehicle was no longer moving and looked toward Grissom as he shut off the engine. The surroundings were familiar as she gazed upon the secluded overlook at Lead Mead. An involuntary sigh escaped her lips. She looked at the gentle landscape, a place where other of their conflicts had been resolved, only those past incidents involved discussions of a more intimate nature, not the fight she was bracing for now. As she opened the door and exited into the morning sunlight, a grudging acknowledgement for Grissom’s recognition of the importance of the discussion came to her.
“You already planned to come here, didn’t you?” she asked.
Grissom rounded the front of the Denali as he spoke. “I anticipated your…need to discuss the situation further. I hoped that we could take advantage of neutral territory and our past successes established here.” He smiled uncertainly, wishing silently that her anger would be somewhat cooled by his gesture.
“Neutral…as if that will make me feel better about this. Grissom, regardless of what you seem to think, this is not something I take pleasure in. Do you have any idea why I am so angry with you? Has that analytical mind of yours figured this out?”
He shrugged noncommittally as he began to walk slowly toward the lake. “I assume it was my decision to remove you and Greg from the case. I’m not that oblivious to your feelings, Sara.”
She could feel her emotions begin to roil again as she followed him to the water’s edge. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Do you know why your decision was wrong?”
“It wasn’t wrong, Sara. I made the decision based on what was best for the case…and to some extent, what was best for us.”
“Please tell me you’re just joking to lighten the mood, because I can’t believe you honestly think that.”
“And what was so wrong about my decision? Catherine always pushes me to be more politic. Maybe I am learning how to do that. The Sheriff wanted the public to see the lab was taking the case very seriously, so I decided to change assignments. It had nothing to do with you or Greg.”
“Nothing to do with…with…” she sputtered over the words as her mind absorbed his statements. “Grissom, it had everything to do with me. Don’t you get it? Every time you decide to pull me off a case because of what the Sheriff or Ecklie or Catherine perceives as my abilities, it supports their assumptions! You only justify their position when you respond to their requests!”
The stinging accusation was only worsened by the truth behind it, and Grissom began realizing his error even as she spoke. He started to reply when she held her hand up to stop him.
“No, Grissom, it’s my turn. I kept quiet when you asked, and now I’ll have my say. You need to realize what a professional slap in the face it is to have you lend credence to your superiors and their lack of respect for my abilities. I want that respect from others because my performance while working here speaks for itself. I need to know I have that respect from you because I’ve earned it in spite of, and sometimes because of, accepting the challenges you asked me to take on.” Sara closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding of her heart. She didn’t want to be this angry with him, but she had to convince him that her professional standing was not something she was willing to compromise. When she opened her eyes to the sunrise reflected on the lake, she remembered another dawn, one bright start of a new day for her and for the man she loved. With a sigh of both longing and frustration, Sara turned to face that man. “Grissom, I think I deserve that acknowledgement from you as my supervisor. Can you at least agree with me on that?”
Grissom had been listening intently, trying to pull together the threads of her logic. He had truly believed his actions were justified at the time, but hearing Sara’s frustration through the anger of her words, he began to re-evaluate his decision. “Sara…I think I understand what you’re saying. I never intended this to be seen as an insult to your ability or that I agree in any way with Ecklie’s judgment of you. You know I value your skills and professional insight as any supervisor would.” He paused to take a step toward her, needing the security of nearness to say the rest, and peered into familiar brown eyes. “That said, the circumstances that brought you here…I mean, the reason I brought you here has always made our relationship suspect in Ecklie’s eyes. We agreed early on that those lingering suspicions would make it difficult for us to begin, let alone continue, a relationship. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that I can’t always do what’s best for you when so much of us is at stake. I, uh…You…” He stopped with a shake of his head and a down-turned gaze, not knowing how to go on without bringing in the emotions he was trying so hard to keep at bay. Even after the months of reassurances he received from Sara, Grissom still harbored doubts about his ability to fulfill her expectations. He never wanted to be in the position of choosing their work partnership over what he considered now to be a connection with Sara that destiny had set in motion years ago. Even with an analytical ability honed by the challenges of his job, he was frustrated at his inability to find a balance here. A sigh of despair escaped involuntarily, but was not lost on the morning breeze.
Sara heard it loud and clear. Looking over the bowed head of salt and pepper curls and onto the sunlight dappled lake, she felt her anger diminish. As the energy of her wrath left, she felt the strain of emotion and exhaustion take its toll. With a shaky hand, she reached for him, not quite certain what to say. It had taken her some months to learn to be patient in his silence, to recognize that it was his time to regroup, but she found that any gentle, physical connection she offered helped ease his insecurities. As he lifted his eyes to look at her in response, she turned her gaze back to the water. She was not willing, nor did she want, to give in on this, and she knew those blue eyes would completely disarm her resolve. When she had once again steeled herself to remain strong, she looked down at their entwined hands and then up into his eyes. “Griss, I can’t just agree to disagree with you on this. We are not on equal footing, and you hold the power here. If we can’t come to some resolution on this, everything else becomes more complicated. I’m not willing to lose what we have, not as your employee, not as your student, not as your love, and I sure as hell will fight to keep it all. But you have to be willing to fight for us with me.” Sara swallowed the emotions that threatened to steal her voice as she squeezed his warm hand. “I don’t know any better way to say I love you.”
As he fought with his own emotions, Grissom reached for Sara’s other hand, knowing they had left their work roles for the moment. “Honey, I wish things were different at the office, and I know that it was mostly my actions and decisions that are directly responsible for our situation. But I…I won’t apologize for what I did. Those same decisions also brought us together to some degree.” Upon saying that, he saw something flare in Sara’s eyes once more. He decided instantly to try another tack. “However, I do see your point here. I just…I just don’t know how to resolve the problem. You know I love you more than I ever dreamed possible, but I’m not as certain as you are that fighting the politics of the situation is worth the risk of losing you. Is there a specific strategy you had in mind here?”
“No, I …not really. I only know that we have to think of something. I mean really, we are two smart people experienced with answering questions and solving puzzles. Surely, we can come up with a solution, can’t we?” Sara looked at him hopefully with a slight smile, wanting to be confident but needing to see his confidence as well. She searched Grissom’s eyes for assurance as she brought their hands up to her chest.
Grissom smiled back at her gesture, removing his hands from her grasp and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t trust himself to hide his doubts from her intent gaze. As he gave her a gentle hug, he began to move them toward the truck. “Come on, Sara. Let’s go home.”
Dislaimer: I don’t own anything resembling CSI or its characters.
Author: Boubabe14
Characters: Grissom, Sara
Rating: G
A/N: Thanks to phdelicious for her willingness to beta even with the computer breakdown. Muchos Gracias!
When work gets in the way, how do Grissom and Sara cope?
Every picture frame hanging on the first floor chattered against the walls as the door slammed shut. Car keys careened off the kitchen counter as her briefcase plowed across the long table in front of the couch. Sara was too angry to be concerned about the arrangement of their living space at the moment.
“I can’t believe this! Damn this town! Damn this job! And damn Grissom while You’re at it,” she railed to God and whoever else was within a 100 meter listening radius of the house. If there was an answer forthcoming, she wasn’t able to hear it as the sound of the garage door opener rumbled through her outburst. Whirling to face the door leading to the garage, she waited for it to open, not patiently, and definitely not in a welcoming manner. As seconds ticked by and no movement of the door was detected, she began to pace, muttering curses and questions with every stride. The muffled noises coming from the garage went unnoticed as her anger morphed into fury. In the instant her building momentum started to move her toward the door, it suddenly opened.
He might have had an inkling of what he could expect upon entering their home, but he was still not fully prepared for the wrath that descended on him as he stepped inside.
“How could you say that? What could you have possibly been thinking when you decided to take over this case with Warrick?” The scathing delivery of the words was nothing compared to the lethal intensity of the brown eyes pointedly glaring at him and moving ever closer.
He tried to ease his way farther into the open room, but Sara had already built up a full head of steam as she backed him up against the door.
“Sara, we are not doing this here,” he declared in his best supervisor tone.
“We most certainly are, Dr. Grissom. Right now,” she stated emphatically. “And don’t even think of using that patronizing tone with me. You aren’t my supervisor in this house.”
“Stop it, Sara. We promised each other we would not discuss work situations at home. You were the one that insisted on that rule,” he said as he began to inch her out of his face and into the room.
“Then I’m breaking it. I am not about to spend the weekend with this hanging over us. So let’s just get it out now.” Her anger was still rolling off her in waves as she marched toward the kitchen.
Grissom grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him again as his own anger started to flare in match to hers. “Fine then. If you want to discuss this now, we’ll discuss it, but not here. Come on.”
Sara started to balk as Grissom pulled her toward the garage, but his grip was firm and determined as he steered her to the car.
“Get in,” was all he said as he opened the car door then headed toward the driver side.
“What are you doing?” she asked, standing with her hand on the doorframe.
“I am not discussing this at home,” he growled. “Get. in.”
So she did, not very willingly, but still too angry to think about the whys right now. The garage door opened once again to disgorge its occupants, and Sara opened her mouth to begin her tirade anew.
“Stop, Sara. Don’t say anything.”
“How are we going to discuss this if you won’t let me talk?”
Grissom’s lips made a quick downturn as he replied. “You aren’t discussing. You’re yelling, and I am not going to continue like this in the car. Wait until we get there.” Grissom was quickly reverting back into supervisor mode. He rarely pulled rank on his people, even at the office. His supervisory title was not something he felt compelled to exercise in most situations. He believed they were a team of professionals who were capable of finding the most efficient melding of roles as each case developed.
“You are not my supervisor in this car either, Grissom, and if you expect me to sit here and take your orders this entire drive to…to…where the hell are we going anyway?” The car was easing onto the interstate and heading out of town by the time Sara began to notice her surroundings. Her question was repeated in a more demanding tone as she turned back to face her current nemesis.
“We are going someplace where we can discuss the situation and not be interrupted, and not interrupt anyone else’s Saturday morning while doing so. Just sit back and take a few deep breaths until we get there.” He risked a quick glance in her direction and seeing her mouth open in rebuttal, he immediately issued another directive. “ Enough, Sara, and since you insist on discussing work I happen to be your supervisor right now, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. So just be quiet until we get where we’re going. You can voice all your arguments then.”
He thought about adding another warning, but decided not to push any harder than he already had. He hadn’t meant to lord his position over her like this, but he could see no other way to obtain enough quiet to regroup his thoughts before confronting the situation.
Sara could scarcely believe what she had just heard. There had been only a few times in the past year when Grissom had truly treated her like a subordinate. She’d thought he was past all the game playing, especially in front of the rest of the team. But here, in the confines of the car, it was too much. She forced herself to look out the window at the passing scenery and began to think about what she was going to say when they arrived at his intended destination. With her arms crossed and her emotions still seething, she thought back upon the night’s events and wondered, not for the first time, “What the hell happened?”
<<<<<<>>>>>>>
It all began simply enough. Grissom assigned Sara and Greg a seemingly normal B&E in a seemingly normal, upscale neighborhood of Las Vegas. The homeowner, a wealthy local lawyer with political aspirations, and his wife were seemingly normal people, anxious to help the investigation proceed. When Greg inadvertently stumbled into the stainless steel designer CD rack, knocking it over and breaking several cases in the process, Sara spied a broken false panel in the wall the rack smashed into on its fatal tumble to the floor. The child pornography photos and videos splayed across the hidden alcove were anything but normal.
Sara quickly called Grissom to inform him of the new development. She and Greg were just beginning to catalogue the video tapes when her cell phone buzzed along her right hip. Her annoyance quickly turned to confusion as Grissom ordered her to stop processing until his arrival. When he, Warrick, and the Sheriff all showed up together, her confusion quickly turned to displeasure. She and Greg didn’t need supervision while processing the scene and the evidence.
“What’s going on, Grissom?” she asked as he met them coming down the driveway.
“Sara, you and Greg head back to the lab and start processing the B&E evidence. Warrick and I will take over the other case.” He turned as though finished, but Sara stopped him.
“Wait a minute, Grissom. Greg and I have already started on this. Why are you and Warrick here?”
Grissom looked into familiar brown eyes and immediately reconsidered his options. “Greg, take Warrick and the Sheriff and fill them in on the status of your findings in the house. Sara, could I talk to you a moment?” and took her arm to steer her to the back of the Denali parked nearby. He tried to think of a diplomatic way to explain the situation as he walked them around the vehicle. “Sara, the Sheriff felt the situation called for a different face on this particular case. I know you are aware that Mr. Franklin has already filed to run for city council next year. This could quickly turn into a political nightmare if it isn’t handled properly.”
“So are you saying you have suddenly decided to pander to the politicians? Or perhaps you’re saying that I can’t handle this properly as the lead investigator?”
“Well, the Sheriff requested I head the investigation to show the public that the Lab is putting our most experienced team on it.”
“Okay, I can see that, but why Warrick? Greg and I can continue to run the case under you.”
“Warrick gets the assignment because Ecklie thinks you…well, you know what Ecklie thinks about you. It’s nothing new, Sara.”
“Yes, I know what Ecklie thinks, but since when do you agree with Ecklie? My solve rate is better than Warrick’s, and our solve rate for cases we work together is better than any at the lab. Warrick’s assignment to this case is totally uncalled for. And you know it!”
“Sara, my hands are tied. Ecklie and the Sheriff both have a vested interest in seeing how this case plays out, and I have to respond to their concerns. This isn’t a…”
“’Negotiation.’ Yeah, I caught that the first time around.” She could not hide the bitterness in her voice as she finished his thought.
He could see the hurt in her eyes as she listened to his voice, but the darkening of her brown orbs was a dangerous sign of what was to come. “Duck and cover, Gil” he thought to himself. He knew what Sara’s reaction would be, much better than she realized, especially after their past year together. He observed her much more closely and much more often than she suspected, and he loved watching her mind work, expressing the thought process through her eyes and her small facial movements. Well…usually he loved watching it. Right now, when he knew what was coming, knew it was warranted, it wasn’t as much enjoyment as excruciating. He knew she would blame him, knew there was no avoiding that outcome. Yet, he was the supervisor here, and Greg and the others were coming out of the house, cautiously glancing at the pair.
“Grissom, I can’t believe…” she started to make her case.
“Sara, the decision is mine to make, and I’ve made it. Take Greg and head back to the lab.” With that, he turned dismissively and walked past the Sheriff, who nodded his approval as Warrick joined Grissom. Greg approached Sara with their kits as she stalked over to the door of the Denali. The scowl on Grissom’s face as he began surveying the crime scene was enough to warn others not to approach the Boss right now. His actions were automatic as he started to evaluate the evidence in front of him, yet in the back of his mind a small voice kept asking, “What the hell just happened?”
<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Sara suddenly realized the vehicle was no longer moving and looked toward Grissom as he shut off the engine. The surroundings were familiar as she gazed upon the secluded overlook at Lead Mead. An involuntary sigh escaped her lips. She looked at the gentle landscape, a place where other of their conflicts had been resolved, only those past incidents involved discussions of a more intimate nature, not the fight she was bracing for now. As she opened the door and exited into the morning sunlight, a grudging acknowledgement for Grissom’s recognition of the importance of the discussion came to her.
“You already planned to come here, didn’t you?” she asked.
Grissom rounded the front of the Denali as he spoke. “I anticipated your…need to discuss the situation further. I hoped that we could take advantage of neutral territory and our past successes established here.” He smiled uncertainly, wishing silently that her anger would be somewhat cooled by his gesture.
“Neutral…as if that will make me feel better about this. Grissom, regardless of what you seem to think, this is not something I take pleasure in. Do you have any idea why I am so angry with you? Has that analytical mind of yours figured this out?”
He shrugged noncommittally as he began to walk slowly toward the lake. “I assume it was my decision to remove you and Greg from the case. I’m not that oblivious to your feelings, Sara.”
She could feel her emotions begin to roil again as she followed him to the water’s edge. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Do you know why your decision was wrong?”
“It wasn’t wrong, Sara. I made the decision based on what was best for the case…and to some extent, what was best for us.”
“Please tell me you’re just joking to lighten the mood, because I can’t believe you honestly think that.”
“And what was so wrong about my decision? Catherine always pushes me to be more politic. Maybe I am learning how to do that. The Sheriff wanted the public to see the lab was taking the case very seriously, so I decided to change assignments. It had nothing to do with you or Greg.”
“Nothing to do with…with…” she sputtered over the words as her mind absorbed his statements. “Grissom, it had everything to do with me. Don’t you get it? Every time you decide to pull me off a case because of what the Sheriff or Ecklie or Catherine perceives as my abilities, it supports their assumptions! You only justify their position when you respond to their requests!”
The stinging accusation was only worsened by the truth behind it, and Grissom began realizing his error even as she spoke. He started to reply when she held her hand up to stop him.
“No, Grissom, it’s my turn. I kept quiet when you asked, and now I’ll have my say. You need to realize what a professional slap in the face it is to have you lend credence to your superiors and their lack of respect for my abilities. I want that respect from others because my performance while working here speaks for itself. I need to know I have that respect from you because I’ve earned it in spite of, and sometimes because of, accepting the challenges you asked me to take on.” Sara closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding of her heart. She didn’t want to be this angry with him, but she had to convince him that her professional standing was not something she was willing to compromise. When she opened her eyes to the sunrise reflected on the lake, she remembered another dawn, one bright start of a new day for her and for the man she loved. With a sigh of both longing and frustration, Sara turned to face that man. “Grissom, I think I deserve that acknowledgement from you as my supervisor. Can you at least agree with me on that?”
Grissom had been listening intently, trying to pull together the threads of her logic. He had truly believed his actions were justified at the time, but hearing Sara’s frustration through the anger of her words, he began to re-evaluate his decision. “Sara…I think I understand what you’re saying. I never intended this to be seen as an insult to your ability or that I agree in any way with Ecklie’s judgment of you. You know I value your skills and professional insight as any supervisor would.” He paused to take a step toward her, needing the security of nearness to say the rest, and peered into familiar brown eyes. “That said, the circumstances that brought you here…I mean, the reason I brought you here has always made our relationship suspect in Ecklie’s eyes. We agreed early on that those lingering suspicions would make it difficult for us to begin, let alone continue, a relationship. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that I can’t always do what’s best for you when so much of us is at stake. I, uh…You…” He stopped with a shake of his head and a down-turned gaze, not knowing how to go on without bringing in the emotions he was trying so hard to keep at bay. Even after the months of reassurances he received from Sara, Grissom still harbored doubts about his ability to fulfill her expectations. He never wanted to be in the position of choosing their work partnership over what he considered now to be a connection with Sara that destiny had set in motion years ago. Even with an analytical ability honed by the challenges of his job, he was frustrated at his inability to find a balance here. A sigh of despair escaped involuntarily, but was not lost on the morning breeze.
Sara heard it loud and clear. Looking over the bowed head of salt and pepper curls and onto the sunlight dappled lake, she felt her anger diminish. As the energy of her wrath left, she felt the strain of emotion and exhaustion take its toll. With a shaky hand, she reached for him, not quite certain what to say. It had taken her some months to learn to be patient in his silence, to recognize that it was his time to regroup, but she found that any gentle, physical connection she offered helped ease his insecurities. As he lifted his eyes to look at her in response, she turned her gaze back to the water. She was not willing, nor did she want, to give in on this, and she knew those blue eyes would completely disarm her resolve. When she had once again steeled herself to remain strong, she looked down at their entwined hands and then up into his eyes. “Griss, I can’t just agree to disagree with you on this. We are not on equal footing, and you hold the power here. If we can’t come to some resolution on this, everything else becomes more complicated. I’m not willing to lose what we have, not as your employee, not as your student, not as your love, and I sure as hell will fight to keep it all. But you have to be willing to fight for us with me.” Sara swallowed the emotions that threatened to steal her voice as she squeezed his warm hand. “I don’t know any better way to say I love you.”
As he fought with his own emotions, Grissom reached for Sara’s other hand, knowing they had left their work roles for the moment. “Honey, I wish things were different at the office, and I know that it was mostly my actions and decisions that are directly responsible for our situation. But I…I won’t apologize for what I did. Those same decisions also brought us together to some degree.” Upon saying that, he saw something flare in Sara’s eyes once more. He decided instantly to try another tack. “However, I do see your point here. I just…I just don’t know how to resolve the problem. You know I love you more than I ever dreamed possible, but I’m not as certain as you are that fighting the politics of the situation is worth the risk of losing you. Is there a specific strategy you had in mind here?”
“No, I …not really. I only know that we have to think of something. I mean really, we are two smart people experienced with answering questions and solving puzzles. Surely, we can come up with a solution, can’t we?” Sara looked at him hopefully with a slight smile, wanting to be confident but needing to see his confidence as well. She searched Grissom’s eyes for assurance as she brought their hands up to her chest.
Grissom smiled back at her gesture, removing his hands from her grasp and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t trust himself to hide his doubts from her intent gaze. As he gave her a gentle hug, he began to move them toward the truck. “Come on, Sara. Let’s go home.”