What a random night...

[boughtbyhim2003]

Ok... So tonight was kinda weird... And today was kinda weird.. Well, let's just say that the last week has been weird.. And life is a hard thing to keep up with, GEEZ!!! So..Other than the weirdness, the week has been pretty great.. I have felt like me again.. I'm so happy compared to what I was.. I have all of my classes straight, I'm signed up for ALL music classes, like I really don't have to leave Moore Hall... At All... And all of my classes start after 9 except Fridays with Lab band, which I'm pretty happy with. I have my lessons on Thursday. My busiest days are Mondays and Wednesdays, where my only break is concert choir time... No, I'm not in concert choir this semester... It's a break that I've needed.. and sadly I'm not in steel drum band!! Makes me want to CRY!! I DON'T WANT TO QUIT THAT!! But I need this vocal diction class so I guess it's ok if for a semester I miss it... I GUESS... Blah.. anyway I haven't missed a class yet, and I'm going to see if I can avoid missing class period, for the whole semester. I really feel the need to make up for everything that happened last semester. I feel like I let a lot of my professors down, but more importantly, I let myself down. I never used to be a person who had no credibility, who had no focus... And I'm getting back to that person... It's going to be hard work, but I'm doing a good job thus far.. So Monday I went to all of my classes and they were all really short because it was the first day of class so I came back to the apartment a few times to try and get things organized. Then I went to work and got my check and we had auditions for singers. The I came back here and did something, but i don't remember what... Ain't that great?? lol... anyway... I felt like doodoo Tuesday so I laid around in the apartment for a while... Then I went to Walmart to see if I could get my hair cut and the lady there was a total nincompoop.. She was almost wrapping someone's hair for a perm and I asked how long it would be and she said about an hour... Then I CALLED like 15 minutes later from the apartment and she said that it would be two.... Yeah... So the supercuts in WalMart will never get my business... People who lie just bother me... But I looked in the phonebook and found a number to this little ma and pa hari cut place off of Prospect Rd and I went there and the ladies were really really sweet... And she did a great job, and was really talkative and knew a lot of the people from around here that I know... And here's a funny thing, she went to UNCP and she knew Dr. Walter.. It made me laugh.. But anyway my hair is cute and short I suppose.... AND!! I'm excited because I can pull it all up in a ponytail!! Or piggie tails!! YAY!!! And then I went to band and I got to conduct my piece.. I'm kinda scared about conducting in front of people now.. Like really, I wanna finish off my Education degree in music here, but then I really wanna take off to grad school somewhere and do a performance degree in voice... I don't want to teach right now, I'm too self-concious and scared that I'll do something completely wrong and teach a child a wrong technique and then Give myself a bad name at places where this child goes off to... I guess you take a risk in everything that you do, but I don't want to risk being the mess-up teacher, you know??? At least not right now... I think that maybe if I can afford to go off to Grad school and I get in for voice and Performance and after everything takes off, like if I have a career in voice or whatever (which I doubt, but hey, I can't predict the future, and I am my own worst critic) then maybe after I have some experience under my belt that I will feel more comfortable, more like I can teach someone else something, like I know something.. I guess that I just want to get all of the knowledge about music that I can attain before I try and teach someone else... So I'm not quite sure of what I want to do right now... I'm sure that for the next few months I am going to be going back and forth because I am quite indecisive, but still, I may have conflicting dreams, but at least I have some now... So Wow I got off on a really random tanget... WhOoPs!! Wednesday I went to class yet again... and I had a music majors meeting... and a Basketball game, and I was SO EXTREMELY TIRED!! Like for REAL!! And monday I went and worked out with Lauren and Beth and I was going to Tuesday and Wednesday, but really couldn't because I was tired and because of other reasons, but still... So today I had my lessons.. My clarinet lesson started off the day pretty well, and then I went to Styles, and I never realized that Travis Stockley was so smart.. like really I wasn't sure if he knew much of anything, like I thought that he was just a crazy little man, but really every class that I go to with him my mind changes more and more, I am really beginning to get a deeper appreciation for him because he REALLY knows his musical theater stuff, and REALLY knows what he is talking about.. just Wow! Well, then I went to my voice lesson, and I didn't sing so I was kinda sad, but we picked out songs.. then I walked to Lumbee Hall (because I need exercise) and back to Moore Hall, yes, they FINALLY opened it!! Just the bottom floor though, not including the band room, but I can't WAIT!! Holy Moses!! lol... then I went to band.. and then Strings.. and our strings teacher is a sweet little lady, but her teaching method isn't getting it for me.. It's too slow paced, I'm like COME ON!! GIVE ME A FINGERING CHART ALREADY!! I'm ready to just play this thingy!! GEEZ!! So I sat in class and figured out how to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.. I'm such a nerd... Then after that class ran over 15 to 20 minutes I went to Jason and Andrew's Jr. Recital, which was GREAT!! Then I went to 434 for like ever... lol.. And I didn't have but one drink, after the cops came and talked to everyone and carded everyone... And some people really shouldn't get drunk.. like I think that maybe I'm one of them.. but still they upset me with some of the things that they said about dating and girls and stuff but it's no biggie because I realize that every guy out there isn't like that. They don't play a "Game" and lie and such to get what they want, for physical purposes or whatever... A had a decent length conversation with someone about it, and really, it's about love... No more, no less.. And it should be nothing but extraordinary... Some people are just out to get anything that they can out of anyone.. Really, where have all of the good people gone?? Anyway.. This is making me sad.. So it's time for something funny... I went to campus police to see if they would let me in Moore Hall and you have to have a pass and crap so they wouldn't let me in, but that was cool, and one of the cops had come to the apartment earlier and carded everyone... and he was like "Now I know where I know you from! You're the McDonald's girl, the one that always talked in the British accent.." Haha.. I have a legacy at the McDonalds of Pembroke.. Ain't that great?? So all of Campus police know me as the McDonald's girl... I think that's so funny... But yeah.. Things are a lot better, they've improved so much! I hope that they rest of everyone's week goes swell!! Oh, and keep your calendars open for March 17th!! The SAI Colony at UNCP (which I am highly involved with) has out post-petition recital and you better be there!!!

If I ran away I'd never have the strength to go very far. How would they hear the beating of my heart? Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide, will I grow old? How will they hear, when will they learn, how will they know???

The light that you could never see, it shines inside, you can't take that from me...

I hope I live to tell the secrets I have learned, 'til then it will burn inside of me..

This used to be the place I ran to whenever I was in need of a friend. Why did it have to end?

Say your lines, but do you feel it?? Do you mean what you say when there is no one around??

It's funny that you can get used to the tears and the pain...

You can't hurt me now...

Just a faded smile frozen in time...

Love always,
Ashley