Fic: Slow Burn 4/?
Title: Slow Burn
Author: Bouyant_tomato
Summary: Sam reflecting on his life, on his special day. The day he
realises that he had demons blood, the day his demons blood burned for
Dean. The day he actually done something about it and claimed him.
Rating: PG (in this chapter anyways)
Warning: Emo!Sam?
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
“I’m going to start singing if you don’t get up.”
Dean widened his eyes comically. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
Sam smirked. “Somewhere over the rainbow!” He sang loudly.
“Oh Jesus, alright, alright! I’m up. Sometimes I wish it was a choice to be gay, or bi or whatever.”
Sam remembers the first time he found out Dean was able to romantically like girls and guys. It had scared the shit out of him. It was the first time that he realised what he was fully capable of but it didn’t come out of nowhere. No, this had been building up for some time.
~~~
He was thirteen in a rapidly changing body and it was too rapid for his own liking. He knew that he was supposed to grow in height and he knew that his dick was supposed to get bigger but this was insane! He was only an inch shorter than Dean but his dick was already two inches bigger than Dean, well roughly (he had taken a few sneak
peeks).
However it wasn’t just his physical appearances that hadchanged, it was also his abilities. He began to realise that not everybody had the same sense of smell as he did and his hearing was finer too. He could also do things- like psychic things. He started to play around with his ‘powers’ after the Chimera incident and he now could command it at his will about 7 out of 10 times. He needed a little more practice.
It had happened all so fast! He was sure that puberty was supposed to be drawn out and gradual and he had no doubts that he was still growing, but he had grown in such a short period of time! This also didn’t feel like
anything of what the health text books said. It said that his body can be prone to aches and pains, he never did, it didn’t mention anything about the heightened senses and he already knew that his ‘powers’ were supernatural. He just couldn’t understand why!
Was he somehow affected by the supernatural creatures they came in contact with? If so then why didn’t Dean go through the same things? He didn’t think it was a curse, his mind wasn’t addled…
Well that might not be so true, actually.
His mind goes real fuzzy when Dean and he have to share beds. True the bed sharing doesn’t happen often now that Dean is seventeen but when it does Sam just wants to trail his fingers down the golden chest, palm his pecs, pinch those nipples, stroke his leg against Dean’s. Sam knew it was so, so wrong but Dean smelt so good. It was so weird, it was like knowing a fact that doesn’t have any emotional connection to it- like math. One plus one give you two, but if that changes it’s not such a huge deal to you emotionally.
Dean sometimes has lingering traces of other people and that make his blood boil. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? Why couldn’t Dean take care of himself without using others? God knows Sam has too.
That was another thing. Sam wanted to have sex, so much sex. However he had this weird lump at the base when he gets too horny. He knew that that was strange too. The lump is often so sensitive and it swells impossibly big. At first he thought it was a form of cancer, but then realised it was stupid. None of the books he researched said that cancer bumps were supposed to feel good and swell to the size of a mandarin!
This swelling to its full size usually happens when Dean is in bed with him and the smell of Dean is there with him. Sam can just stare and fondle himself and imagine. He couldn’t tell Dean though, or anybody else for that matter. His dad would probably think he is a supernatural freak and end him and Dean… if Dean shunned him he would be at a complete loss.
What he thinks of Dean and their relationship is so fucked. Dean was mother, father and brother. Always telling him to do his homework (“Do your homework Sammy.” “Why? I know you don’t.” “Yeah, well I have better things
to do, you have no life, so do it.”), cooking for him, teaching him the finer points of weaponry, getting into stupid arguments about who is hotter on T.V and what they should watch/listen to. Then of course there is touch. He read
somewhere that at approximately six months of age babies formulate an attachment to their primary care giver. Well that had obviously been his father. However there was this study with baby chimps saying that out of the
two ‘mother types’ that was given to it (one had been the one to feed him/ give him water and the other gave the baby chimp a sense of touch) the chimp would always stay with the ‘touch mother’. For as long as Sam could remember Dean was never afraid to touch him. When they were younger, he was holding his hand to school, hugs, comfort rubs when he was crying. When Sam got older there were hair ruffles and pats on the back. The lines were just so blurred.
It was always so confusing when he thought about Dean. He just wanted to run to him, tell him everything and be comforted, hugged and fall asleep with his brothers scent surrounding him. He was such a baby.
~~~
Present Sam felt his heart clench at those particular memories. He would never forget how the hurt had felt- it was as if being rejected without it being said.
“Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?”
Sam looked to Dean and raised his eyebrow. “You are advocating share and care?”
“Don’t change the subject Sasquatch. Talk.”
Sam looked to Dean. He saw the sleepy determination on his face. His thirteen year old self shouldn’t have been worried. Dean loved him for as long as Sam could remember. Dean was always the one to tell Sam he wasn’t a monster. Even when he could rip things apart with his mind and get so angry and dark when the mood called for it.
“I’m just remembering things. When I was thirteen.”
“Don’t tell me you were thinking about Collin and I.” Dean said getting up from the bed and walking around the room picking a few things up.
Sam took a sharp inhale. “No, but thanks to you, I’m thinking of it now.” He practically growled this last part. Fucking Collin or ‘Mister Reinhart’, he should say, as that was how Sam knew him at thirteen and the rest of his school.
“Well, I’m gonna take a shower since I know you’re so prissy. Hygene,hygene, hygene. Such a freak.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever man, whatever.” As Dean disappeared into the bathroom, Sam couldn’t help but drift back into memory land and about Dean and Mister Reinhart. The fucker.
Part 5