(no subject)
i don't think i've ever been quite this frustrated before. well actually, i can't tell if it's frustration or not. to be honest, i don't know what i'm feeling, or what i'm going through. it's an odd feeling. i feel...is it empty? i'm not sure.
i feel so overwhelmed with feelings right now. i have this inexplainable feeling coming from the death of my cousin. i guess THAT's an empty feeling. it confuses me still that he's gone. i wonder when i'll finally digest the fact? he's gone. i know. i know i know i know. but should i be feeling something else? i. for some reason the concept of him being dead is so confusing. sometimes i'll think about it and i get so confused that i just stop thinking about it. other times, i understand. and i can imagine it. and it's a really morbid feeling. i'm just so caught up on how i was such a crappy cousin and how i didn't appreciate him when he was here. i'm still feeling naive for thinking he'd get better and that everything would be okay again. oh, and i have this habit now when i'm outdoors. i'm always looking at the sky. i don't know. for some reason it makes me think of jeff. maybe i'm thinking that he's in the heavens. but, i dunno. sometimes when i do, i find myself holding back tears. i mean, let's face it. who cries at school?
on another note, a..friend? of mine recently told me that her sister, who's an ex-friend of jeff's, told her that she could care less that jeff died. that he was a waste of oxygen anyway and that he was useless.
well, vi. to put it simply, you are a self-centered bitch. by simply hearing you say that, i have come to the conclusion that you think that you are the center of the world and that anyone who crosses you does not deserve to live.
quite frankly, you are wrong. despite popular belief, the world does not revolve around you. open your eyes. grow up. also, have some respect for other people, if not yourself. i don't care if you whore around and make yourself look stupid, but please have some respect for others.
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i'm stressed because i need to learn to drive still, and i need to apply for scholarships and grants and stuff for college. oh, and i need to sign up for the stupid placement test for college english and math classes. oh, oh oh. and i also need to apply for a dorm room. i hope i'm not too late and that the rooms aren't all taken. oh, god forbid. histressyoumoofoo.
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in addition, i've been hopelessly crushing on a guy for a year, and for some odd reasons the feelings don't seem to be fading away. ...this is odd because you'd expect them to be gone by now, especially since i have no classes with him and we don't talk that much. and uh, yes. hopeless because apparently he wants the good looks that i don't have. and because yesterday was vday and i saw him hug, flirt, and eat cupcakes with the girl whom i think he likes. etc etc etc. whatever. stupid high school crushes. hiiiii retard. boys aren't important, get over it. slapslap
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i feel as though my friend isn't as sensitive as she should be.
i can't make an emo comment anymore? am i not allowed to pessimistic things? can i not speak my mind truthfully around you? does it annoy you that much when i say that i give up? sure, you can get annoyed. but is "stop being emo" honestly the best way to boost my morale?
...is that even considered a method of boosting morale? i'm not mad at you. it just upsets me that i can tolerate the things you say so much more. it's just interesting how i catch so many little details about you, but i can never get my feelings across to you without "sounding emo". and even then, it feels as if you don't want to listen to me because my emosity annoys you. i guess i'm sorry that i can't speak my mind well without sounding like i'm crying for your shower of attention.
honestly, i don't need you to shower me with attention. i'd just like you to know how i feel. for once, i just want someone in real life to know when i'm being serious and actually frustrated. because, i am. (and believe it or not, i can be serious. hard to believe, i know.)at times, it just feels like i'm overwhelmed by all of these feelings. i become so overwhelmed that i don't even know what i'm feeling anymore. it's an odd feeling, really. i don't know what it is. it just doesn't feel right. i feel like crying but i just can't seem to cry. it seems as though the only time i'm able to cry is when i'm writing my feelings out, like i am now. and even then. i don't know if i feel any better than i did before.
well. i dunno. maybe i am looking for attention. for all i know, it's my mind trying to make myself sound better than the average emo kid. maybe, just maybe i'm in denial.
dear gods, i'm emo?
...
emomo.
haha, and i can still make a joke at this depressing time.
maybe i'm incapable of being serious after all.
i feel so overwhelmed with feelings right now. i have this inexplainable feeling coming from the death of my cousin. i guess THAT's an empty feeling. it confuses me still that he's gone. i wonder when i'll finally digest the fact? he's gone. i know. i know i know i know. but should i be feeling something else? i. for some reason the concept of him being dead is so confusing. sometimes i'll think about it and i get so confused that i just stop thinking about it. other times, i understand. and i can imagine it. and it's a really morbid feeling. i'm just so caught up on how i was such a crappy cousin and how i didn't appreciate him when he was here. i'm still feeling naive for thinking he'd get better and that everything would be okay again. oh, and i have this habit now when i'm outdoors. i'm always looking at the sky. i don't know. for some reason it makes me think of jeff. maybe i'm thinking that he's in the heavens. but, i dunno. sometimes when i do, i find myself holding back tears. i mean, let's face it. who cries at school?
on another note, a..friend? of mine recently told me that her sister, who's an ex-friend of jeff's, told her that she could care less that jeff died. that he was a waste of oxygen anyway and that he was useless.
well, vi. to put it simply, you are a self-centered bitch. by simply hearing you say that, i have come to the conclusion that you think that you are the center of the world and that anyone who crosses you does not deserve to live.
quite frankly, you are wrong. despite popular belief, the world does not revolve around you. open your eyes. grow up. also, have some respect for other people, if not yourself. i don't care if you whore around and make yourself look stupid, but please have some respect for others.
--
i'm stressed because i need to learn to drive still, and i need to apply for scholarships and grants and stuff for college. oh, and i need to sign up for the stupid placement test for college english and math classes. oh, oh oh. and i also need to apply for a dorm room. i hope i'm not too late and that the rooms aren't all taken. oh, god forbid. histressyoumoofoo.
--
in addition, i've been hopelessly crushing on a guy for a year, and for some odd reasons the feelings don't seem to be fading away. ...this is odd because you'd expect them to be gone by now, especially since i have no classes with him and we don't talk that much. and uh, yes. hopeless because apparently he wants the good looks that i don't have. and because yesterday was vday and i saw him hug, flirt, and eat cupcakes with the girl whom i think he likes. etc etc etc. whatever. stupid high school crushes. hiiiii retard. boys aren't important, get over it. slapslap
--
i feel as though my friend isn't as sensitive as she should be.
i can't make an emo comment anymore? am i not allowed to pessimistic things? can i not speak my mind truthfully around you? does it annoy you that much when i say that i give up? sure, you can get annoyed. but is "stop being emo" honestly the best way to boost my morale?
...is that even considered a method of boosting morale? i'm not mad at you. it just upsets me that i can tolerate the things you say so much more. it's just interesting how i catch so many little details about you, but i can never get my feelings across to you without "sounding emo". and even then, it feels as if you don't want to listen to me because my emosity annoys you. i guess i'm sorry that i can't speak my mind well without sounding like i'm crying for your shower of attention.
honestly, i don't need you to shower me with attention. i'd just like you to know how i feel. for once, i just want someone in real life to know when i'm being serious and actually frustrated. because, i am. (and believe it or not, i can be serious. hard to believe, i know.)at times, it just feels like i'm overwhelmed by all of these feelings. i become so overwhelmed that i don't even know what i'm feeling anymore. it's an odd feeling, really. i don't know what it is. it just doesn't feel right. i feel like crying but i just can't seem to cry. it seems as though the only time i'm able to cry is when i'm writing my feelings out, like i am now. and even then. i don't know if i feel any better than i did before.
well. i dunno. maybe i am looking for attention. for all i know, it's my mind trying to make myself sound better than the average emo kid. maybe, just maybe i'm in denial.
dear gods, i'm emo?
...
emomo.
haha, and i can still make a joke at this depressing time.
maybe i'm incapable of being serious after all.