Scenes from a Preternatural Presidency -- 2. Bullet Points (C)
A stream of shots damaged another screen, until two more shooters were grabbed and translocated out by the vamps, and I shook my head.
“I take it that’s a no, so I have some advice for you all, which is that you really should mind your threat environment a great deal more closely, and as I’ve pointed out all along the guns you claim to need won’t cut it.” Unable to stop a grin, I raised Manannán’s Bane like a wand. “Expelliarmus!”
It had taken a long conversation between Underhill and Medicine Wolf, with Elder Spirits and Gray Lords listening in, but as the two principals were thoroughly intrigued by what I wanted, I got it. Both the Columbia and Snake have serious volume and velocity, and while Skuffles and I watched with as much fascination as everyone else, if far less surprise, a goodly chunk of the water flowing in both abruptly shifted in space to flow up from the scrubland of Sacajawea SP, immersing and washing over armed protestors with real force while gravity kept them on the ground. Medicine Wolf could manage most of it, but Underhill was lending the spatial side of the magic and adding a modified version of Manannán’s knock-down wall-of-water technique, a repurposing that pleased me, amused all fae, and imbued the water with a grasping affinity for weapons. In the TV wideshot it looked as if a massive waterspout had suddenly erupted from the park, and while most of the water just curved away to splash back where it should be, creating foaming eddies and turbulence, some of it formed a conveyor carrying not only long arms but any and all weapons it had encountered while drenching and pummelling protestors, dumping them into the waiting barges with a rolling clangour before that water too returned to its proper course. It all took less than a minute, and Skuffles and I are proud to say it didn’t kill anyone, though there were broken and dislocated fingers, a deal of bruising, and any amount of mild hypothermia. As the last weapons clattered into a barge, formerly armed protestors found themselves not only soaked to the skin, coughing up river water, and in a large, muddy heap, but abruptly ringed by a dire-wolfpack several hundred strong and all on the scale of Medicine Wolf, created for the occasion. They couldn’t do much except loom, stare, growl, snarl, and emanate mild chill, but that was plenty. Ignoring the croggled looks everyone was giving me I returned myself and Skuffles to the surviving big screens, remarkably unaffected by any water.
“Now, wet and disarmed people, as Jesse will tell you my vengeance is legend, but in your cases - saving those who fired at big screens, who are at the very least going to pay for the damage - I think looking very silly indeed on global TV is sufficient. There is a case for prosecuting you all for any number of things, but we don’t need to increase our prison population and I can’t be bothered, having better things to do. Then again, very few of you had Nevada, California, Oregon, or Washington licenses for your guns, even when they were legal, so most will be arrested, with charges left on file, because I doubt you brought all your illegal weapons along and that gives probable cause to search your various properties and seize anything now unlawful. Several hundred judges, state and federal, are standing by to process warrants, and none of Medicine Wolf will let anyone wet go anywhere except through processing. But on the up side, once you’re processed, there are dry clothes and food available at cost from the US Army. Bye now, and travel safely home once the police let you and have searched it, hey ?”
All that had been broadcast everywhere, of course, but I’d been speaking only to the wet, and shifted gaze and register.
“My fellow Americans, and others who watch, be assured that the soggy and arrested will receive proper care, and that with the help of some selkies Medicine Wolf ensured no fish were harmed during all that. My thanks to our medicine manitou, for everything, and the selkies have made me very glad, as has Underhill. Know also that the timing of events today, if carefully calculated and in some measure predatory, has ensured that everything has been strictly lawful. Citizens have the right to protest, and to bear arms - but not, any more, automatic ones, and my only comment on that is Hallelujah! I will, however, add loudly that I am very happy indeed to have kept not just one but four major campaign promises, and though the spectacle today has been about gun control, the big bullet points tonight include the Medicine Wolf Accords, which everyone taking any federal oath of office must now swear to uphold, as my predecessor and I did, and the constitutional security all preternatural and female citizens now have, that their rights cannot be abridged because of anything they are, only by what they do, and that only following lawful conviction - just as it has been for Anglo men, at least on paper, from the get-go.”
I gave the world a wide, wide smile, Skuffles adding a matching coyote grin.
“High time, too, so there should be some serious parties tonight, and all week. But this won’t be the last friction these changes occasion - the number of female employees entitled to immediate pay-rises is staggering, and I’ll admit I tend to think the most useful thing the less sane gun enthusiasts’ cavalcade has done is mask more rational if still discriminatory economic squealing about the cost of the ERA. Their bad. Still, I do ask each and every citizen, minor or adult, to take a deep breath and act with restraint and kindness in the coming weeks and months. We have collectively made some far-reaching decisions, lawfully and constitutionally, and now we have to implement them in the same way. It will take time, effort, and money, but the more of you who actively co-operate the better it’ll be for everyone, and the greater the general benefit. I’ll be updating you all on that when I report on the State of the Union in January.”
And wouldn’t that be fun ? I’d wondered quite hard about addressing threat environments more fully, but decided show not tell was just fine, and both Adam and Skuffles had agreed.
“Now, I have cooking to do and people to see, but there’s one more thing. When I sprang the Paramount Totem Pole and Tipi on you all, there was a line I really wanted to use but didn’t, about us, the US, getting back to being the home of the braves … but however that grabs you I think today we took a long step back towards being the land of the free, not least free of the worry that any fruitcake with a yen to go postal can lay hands on automatic weapons at will. And though that doesn’t mean all the killing will stop, or even the sprees, which you know they won’t, it surely does mean they’ll start getting rarer, and in time that our gun-deaths generally might actually drop some. At the very least that means we can sleep tonight and wake tomorrow with more hope than we’ve had since forever. Enjoy, people - I will.”
That was it, as far as I was concerned, though KEPR and PBS at least would go right on covering the processing, and once the live light went out I gave a dumbfounded if very relieved Chief Munday a clap on one broad shoulder.
“Told you, Chief. Magic trumps symbolism, and I get that back several ways in any case.”
“Dear God, yes.” He shook his head. “I just don’t think big enough, Ms President. Or sideways enough.”
“You think Pasco-sized just fine, Chief. Let’s check reports - I’ll bet a fair few fingers got broken or dislocated when water took the guns.”
A fair few had, but there were no more serious injuries, the preliminary estimate for confiscated weapons was 30,000+ automatic handguns and rifles, with thousands of combat knives, a hotch-potch of still-legal weapons, and a disturbing number of grenades, which army ordnance was dealing with. The combination of soaked shock, nothing to shoot with, and all the glowering dire wolves was ensuring peaceful compliance, albeit with much vocal resentment at having been out-thought, overpowered, and weirded out, but that was their problem. The general and Chief Munday headed out to support Pasco PD personnel and soldiers seeing the processed back to their vehicles and strongly encouraging immediate departure, and Westfield, who had taken point with the judges, appreciating the strategy, reported home searches and seizures already being duly authorised in many states.
“Congratulations, Ms President.” He gave me a wry smile. “I don’t think EDs are supposed to do triple bows of awesomeness, but I’m feeling it. We all lost sight of the other Amendments, didn’t we ? And the timing in Olympia was for Underhill and other preternaturals, and women, as well as strict legality ?”
“Yup on all counts.”
“And expelliarmus ?”
“Hey, I read Rowling as well as Tolkien, and the post-Parklanders will get it. Now, I’m going to private mode for the rest of today as far as all staffers are concerned, ED, and I’m expecting some happy arrivals before long so Grant’s welcome in the kitchen if you can get yourself off-duty, which you should. You too, Leslie. We’ve got four excellent reasons to celebrate.”
It took them a while, which was fine by me as I wanted, and got, a long, triumphant, and heartfelt three-way hug from Adam and Jesse, after which Frank insisted on a toast and Adam broke out champagne.
“It’s a privilege to work with you, Mercy, and you’ve made more history. First time since the Bill of Rights that anyone’s passed more than one amendment at a time, and a new record for fastest ratification - was 100 days, now it’s 88.” Trust Frank to know. “And your whole strategy worked beautifully to get the ERA in there without more fuss.”
Rachel raised her glass to me. “Oh yeah. I still can’t quite believe it. Andrea will be over the moon too.”
Jesse was scanning social media with a grin, but looked up. “Most everyone female and preternatural is. And post-Parkland is howling joy, as well as laughing itself sick over expelliarmus.” She raised her glass in my direction. “Outstanding again, Mom. You and Dad will also like the comments vets are making under #MindYourThreatEnvironment.”
“More amused than spooked, then ?”
“Both. Call it impressed sideways and every other way. And hey, Skuffles, there’s #SheMovesRiversToo!”
Skuffles yipped amusement. Good one. Though we just did the asking. That much water is manitou or fae business. Is there any heavyweight reaction yet ?
“Not that I’ve seen. They’re still on WTF, mostly, rewatching the clip of the magic and goggling at all the dire wolves.”
“Tomorrow’s soon enough for op-eds. And I want to do some cooking.”
Which I did, putting together as big a risotto as my largest wok would hold stir-fry, and using the ten-gallon pack saucepan for Basmati rice. Many spare hands found themselves recruited to chop peppers, sweet and hot, zucchini, garlic, onion, and heads of celery while I browned and flavoured minced beef, and as it came together and the rice water eventually boiled guests began to arrive. Sally brought Clay and Donna, Jenna and Jude joined Leslie, Mary brought her kids, Maya her family, and Irpa, Þorgeðr, Vanna, and Vorðr had collected both Warren from Olympia and Charles and Anna from Aspen Creek. My excitable father blew in with Bear and Jill, Darryl, Auriele, and the pack trickled in, Zee and Tad came, Ramona brought most of the Freed, who wanted some hugging and got it, and then there were Gray Lords - a grinning Baba Yaga and a truly happy Gwyn ap Lugh, who took my hands for a moment and inclined his head as deeply as I’d ever seen before seriously surprising me.
“Mercedes Elf-friend. Without incurring obligation, you have my warmest thanks for this day, and Underhill’s renewed blessing. I did not doubt your word, but I did not expect so unprecedentedly rapid a ratification.”
I returned his grasp, not unmoved. “I hear you, Gwyn ap Lugh, and also without obligation, you and Underhill have my true thanks in return for the bloodlessness of today. The Medicine Wolf Accords are as locked down in this nation as it is humanly possible to make them, at which I too rejoice. And there’s this to amuse you - that if I hadn’t seen Manannán do his wall-of-water thing that time, I wouldn’t have thought to apply it to this. As Uncle Mike would say, wouldn’t he have his seaweed in a stew again tonight ?”
Ap Lugh’s laugh was rich. “Indeed he would, Mercy. And your vengeance truly is legend. Like cancels like, I deem.”
“That’s the one.”
Jesse was interested, which let me get back to the risotto, borrowing wolf strength to decant rice, mix-in stir-fry, and brown it all some more in arrayed woks before serving. When ap Lugh was done explaining my appropriation of Manannán’s favourite I-am-an-invincible-sea-god technique, he and Jesse started discussing patterns both saw in my having previously duckponded Manannán and had Bonarata vacuumed on global TV, and lots of people were listening while they ate. It was mildly embarrassing, but they stayed away from the Duckpond’s other purposes, and I had no particular objection to friends understanding that I’d been frugally, if vengefully, efficient with everything except other beings’ freely offered magic, nor that Underhill, Gray Lords, and Medicine Wolf were all quite close to giggling at the outcome. When it turned up, having decided the dire-wolfpack needed no more supervising, things spilled into the garden though after a while I had to head back in to take a secure call from the ex-Man. He was in what I knew was his private study, with a Dead & Company gig streaming, and when he saw me raised his usual amber glass - a really peaty single malt, I’d discovered, to which I thought he was welcome.
“President She Fixes The Impossible. Way to go, Mercy, and how. I knew it was gonna be magic, and sideways, but I had not quite imagined being able to recruit the Columbia and Snake in defiance of gravity. My bad.”
I had some champagne and raised a glass back.
“You’re in good company. It took Underhill lending Medicine Wolf some spatial sideways, which was not so easy to arrange, but they were both really into it, for numbers 28 and 29. 30 and 31 were a bonus.”
He laughed. “I’ll say. And on my own behalf, and that of every one of your successors, you get big, big thanks for the right to bear non-automatic arms. Unbelievable. My wife offers the same for the ERA. She’d given up hope of that one, having seen why I couldn’t do it. We’re both very happy campers tonight.”
His was praise that warmed me, and I raised my glass again.
“I had two questions, though, if I may?” I nodded, wondering. “First, the scorn you added about the, ah, newly soggy?”
I waggled my free hand. “Four parts deterrence for others now, though it won’t work as well as I’d like, three parts the PD and National Guard bill, which is eye-watering, two parts genuine bafflement at being stupid enough to be set up like that - file next to Bonarata - and one part preternatural PR, because it highlighted the wall-of-water element that pokes Manannán in the eye, again.”
I explained, minimally, and he listened hard.
“Huh. Counting fae coup, then.”
I grinned. “Sorta. I don’t think there’s anyone who still fancies their chances, but fae can always do with being reminded to mind my Ps and Qs as well as their own. And there are any number who’d like me to do this or that for them, often perfectly reasonably, so keeping them honest is good housekeeping, you might say.”
“That I get. And Adam really does feel some scorn for less sane gun enthusiasts.”
“Oh yeah. Kiddos being gunned down for no reason at all enrages him deeply. Warren and Darryl too, and others. There are few if any less sane wolf gun enthusiasts. And Jesse may pragmatically go with SAGE, but she’d prefer a world where gun ownership was far more restricted than will ever happen here.”
“More huh. The kids I get, thanks to my grands, but I hadn’t twigged wolves generally shared that view.”
I shrugged, mindful of my glass. “It varies, but wolves aren’t much impressed by guns as a measure of dominance and any threat to cubs needs serious nixing. It’s one reason Adam never liked the NRA. Ask Glen Sawyer about it.”
“Ah. Right. We had that conversation, but I hadn’t understood deeply enough. Anyway, the other thing is all those dire wolves. You asked Medicine Wolf to bring its pack on?”
I laughed. “Nah. The objections still apply. Those wolves aren’t much more than glamour, a kind of magic Medicine Wolf finds both absurd and very interesting. Don’t ask me - it’s something beyond my stars to do with being absent but visible.” I shrugged. “I just call it magic. Ap Lugh’s knights might be in there somewhere, too. Any which way, the extra wolves are 99% intimidation, though if any of the soggy had tried to leg it or worse, Medicine Wolf proper would have stepped in. It superintended for a while but is now out back shooting the breeze while the PDs and Army get on with the processing. The other wolves will disappear once that’s done.”
“Good. It’s an eye-popper all the same. Will you be explaining that out loud?”
“In outline. Detail isn’t human business.”
“Won’t stop the questions.” He shook his head reflectively and sipped, while the band segued from ‘Althea’ into ‘Brown-Eyed Women’. “Amazing. You spectacularly overpowered them, expending God knows how much magical power, and poured on the righteous scorn, yet still come off as acting with notable restraint. It’s a hell of a follow-up to redrawing the DC skyline.”
“Huh. What they have in common is people annoying me.” I sighed. “Maybe I should be hitting the heavy bag some more, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. And presidential powers plus magical amplification makes for … well, let’s call it excessive restraint.”
He stared, then laughed. “Good one. And I wasn’t complaining, just marvelling. I’m as jealous of your PR as I am of your maxi-me. But what I really called to say, besides those thank-yous, is that as implementation of the Amendments will now happen under its own weight, and is mostly state and agency business governors and directors can push for you, you might consider foreign policy for a while. All else aside, you’ll be hosting the G7 next year, so experience says a longer European trip this year would pay dividends, sooner or later, and some African and Asian visits might do a lot for getting them greener. I know it’s the thing you like least, but it’s another bullet that has to be bitten.”
I sighed again, but raised my glass to him and drank. “Yeah, I know. And now Jesse’s prom has happened, Adam and I have been aiming for a summer holiday, assuming things simmer down again as we hope they will. That’ll probably be Spain, and I want some family time, but I can cook for guests in the evenings - I want kitchen time too. Then we’ll need to get Jesse settled at Georgetown, and Sally and Jenna, but once that’s sorted I could do some wider jaunting.”
“Heh. Not much of that with Air Force One, but that sounds good. Give Adam and Jesse my best, please, and get back to the party, or what must be an overflowing inbox.”
I checked after he rang off, and he was right about that, but the top two screens were all wildly excited congratulations from almost everyone who had access, which was nice but needed no answer, at least tonight. I also checked reports, but while there had been a whole bunch of public order arrests in Texas and Florida there were no president-sized problems, and allowing for everyone being considerably freaked far more people were very happily amused than weren’t. Heading outside again I found myself and a dragooned Skuffles surrounded by the kiddos present, while Sara Oliver, the youngest, not so solemnly presented me with a really nice pale blue tee that had the text of the 31st Amendment below an image of me and Skuffles and the legend BEST PRESIDENTS EVER FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO GROW UP SAFELY, which left my heart very full, and made Skuffles just as sentimental even though it wouldn’t fit her.
“Thank you all, so much. It’s a lovely gift.” I grinned. “Not sure I’ll be able to wear it in public, though.”
“That depends, Mom.” Jesse’s eyes were dancing. “It was Sara’s and Josh’s idea, and everyone chipped in for this one, but they’d sell like hot cakes everywhere, to parents as well as kiddos, and Josh and Sara have no objections to lots of royalties if you and Skuffles will license the image. Nor does Mary.”
Skuffles and I both stared at her, then at one another, but magical coyotes have very little modesty, as I knew all too well, kiddos growing up safely had always been more than half the point, and who was I to argue with them, especially when I agreed ?
“I take it that’s a no, so I have some advice for you all, which is that you really should mind your threat environment a great deal more closely, and as I’ve pointed out all along the guns you claim to need won’t cut it.” Unable to stop a grin, I raised Manannán’s Bane like a wand. “Expelliarmus!”
It had taken a long conversation between Underhill and Medicine Wolf, with Elder Spirits and Gray Lords listening in, but as the two principals were thoroughly intrigued by what I wanted, I got it. Both the Columbia and Snake have serious volume and velocity, and while Skuffles and I watched with as much fascination as everyone else, if far less surprise, a goodly chunk of the water flowing in both abruptly shifted in space to flow up from the scrubland of Sacajawea SP, immersing and washing over armed protestors with real force while gravity kept them on the ground. Medicine Wolf could manage most of it, but Underhill was lending the spatial side of the magic and adding a modified version of Manannán’s knock-down wall-of-water technique, a repurposing that pleased me, amused all fae, and imbued the water with a grasping affinity for weapons. In the TV wideshot it looked as if a massive waterspout had suddenly erupted from the park, and while most of the water just curved away to splash back where it should be, creating foaming eddies and turbulence, some of it formed a conveyor carrying not only long arms but any and all weapons it had encountered while drenching and pummelling protestors, dumping them into the waiting barges with a rolling clangour before that water too returned to its proper course. It all took less than a minute, and Skuffles and I are proud to say it didn’t kill anyone, though there were broken and dislocated fingers, a deal of bruising, and any amount of mild hypothermia. As the last weapons clattered into a barge, formerly armed protestors found themselves not only soaked to the skin, coughing up river water, and in a large, muddy heap, but abruptly ringed by a dire-wolfpack several hundred strong and all on the scale of Medicine Wolf, created for the occasion. They couldn’t do much except loom, stare, growl, snarl, and emanate mild chill, but that was plenty. Ignoring the croggled looks everyone was giving me I returned myself and Skuffles to the surviving big screens, remarkably unaffected by any water.
“Now, wet and disarmed people, as Jesse will tell you my vengeance is legend, but in your cases - saving those who fired at big screens, who are at the very least going to pay for the damage - I think looking very silly indeed on global TV is sufficient. There is a case for prosecuting you all for any number of things, but we don’t need to increase our prison population and I can’t be bothered, having better things to do. Then again, very few of you had Nevada, California, Oregon, or Washington licenses for your guns, even when they were legal, so most will be arrested, with charges left on file, because I doubt you brought all your illegal weapons along and that gives probable cause to search your various properties and seize anything now unlawful. Several hundred judges, state and federal, are standing by to process warrants, and none of Medicine Wolf will let anyone wet go anywhere except through processing. But on the up side, once you’re processed, there are dry clothes and food available at cost from the US Army. Bye now, and travel safely home once the police let you and have searched it, hey ?”
All that had been broadcast everywhere, of course, but I’d been speaking only to the wet, and shifted gaze and register.
“My fellow Americans, and others who watch, be assured that the soggy and arrested will receive proper care, and that with the help of some selkies Medicine Wolf ensured no fish were harmed during all that. My thanks to our medicine manitou, for everything, and the selkies have made me very glad, as has Underhill. Know also that the timing of events today, if carefully calculated and in some measure predatory, has ensured that everything has been strictly lawful. Citizens have the right to protest, and to bear arms - but not, any more, automatic ones, and my only comment on that is Hallelujah! I will, however, add loudly that I am very happy indeed to have kept not just one but four major campaign promises, and though the spectacle today has been about gun control, the big bullet points tonight include the Medicine Wolf Accords, which everyone taking any federal oath of office must now swear to uphold, as my predecessor and I did, and the constitutional security all preternatural and female citizens now have, that their rights cannot be abridged because of anything they are, only by what they do, and that only following lawful conviction - just as it has been for Anglo men, at least on paper, from the get-go.”
I gave the world a wide, wide smile, Skuffles adding a matching coyote grin.
“High time, too, so there should be some serious parties tonight, and all week. But this won’t be the last friction these changes occasion - the number of female employees entitled to immediate pay-rises is staggering, and I’ll admit I tend to think the most useful thing the less sane gun enthusiasts’ cavalcade has done is mask more rational if still discriminatory economic squealing about the cost of the ERA. Their bad. Still, I do ask each and every citizen, minor or adult, to take a deep breath and act with restraint and kindness in the coming weeks and months. We have collectively made some far-reaching decisions, lawfully and constitutionally, and now we have to implement them in the same way. It will take time, effort, and money, but the more of you who actively co-operate the better it’ll be for everyone, and the greater the general benefit. I’ll be updating you all on that when I report on the State of the Union in January.”
And wouldn’t that be fun ? I’d wondered quite hard about addressing threat environments more fully, but decided show not tell was just fine, and both Adam and Skuffles had agreed.
“Now, I have cooking to do and people to see, but there’s one more thing. When I sprang the Paramount Totem Pole and Tipi on you all, there was a line I really wanted to use but didn’t, about us, the US, getting back to being the home of the braves … but however that grabs you I think today we took a long step back towards being the land of the free, not least free of the worry that any fruitcake with a yen to go postal can lay hands on automatic weapons at will. And though that doesn’t mean all the killing will stop, or even the sprees, which you know they won’t, it surely does mean they’ll start getting rarer, and in time that our gun-deaths generally might actually drop some. At the very least that means we can sleep tonight and wake tomorrow with more hope than we’ve had since forever. Enjoy, people - I will.”
That was it, as far as I was concerned, though KEPR and PBS at least would go right on covering the processing, and once the live light went out I gave a dumbfounded if very relieved Chief Munday a clap on one broad shoulder.
“Told you, Chief. Magic trumps symbolism, and I get that back several ways in any case.”
“Dear God, yes.” He shook his head. “I just don’t think big enough, Ms President. Or sideways enough.”
“You think Pasco-sized just fine, Chief. Let’s check reports - I’ll bet a fair few fingers got broken or dislocated when water took the guns.”
A fair few had, but there were no more serious injuries, the preliminary estimate for confiscated weapons was 30,000+ automatic handguns and rifles, with thousands of combat knives, a hotch-potch of still-legal weapons, and a disturbing number of grenades, which army ordnance was dealing with. The combination of soaked shock, nothing to shoot with, and all the glowering dire wolves was ensuring peaceful compliance, albeit with much vocal resentment at having been out-thought, overpowered, and weirded out, but that was their problem. The general and Chief Munday headed out to support Pasco PD personnel and soldiers seeing the processed back to their vehicles and strongly encouraging immediate departure, and Westfield, who had taken point with the judges, appreciating the strategy, reported home searches and seizures already being duly authorised in many states.
“Congratulations, Ms President.” He gave me a wry smile. “I don’t think EDs are supposed to do triple bows of awesomeness, but I’m feeling it. We all lost sight of the other Amendments, didn’t we ? And the timing in Olympia was for Underhill and other preternaturals, and women, as well as strict legality ?”
“Yup on all counts.”
“And expelliarmus ?”
“Hey, I read Rowling as well as Tolkien, and the post-Parklanders will get it. Now, I’m going to private mode for the rest of today as far as all staffers are concerned, ED, and I’m expecting some happy arrivals before long so Grant’s welcome in the kitchen if you can get yourself off-duty, which you should. You too, Leslie. We’ve got four excellent reasons to celebrate.”
It took them a while, which was fine by me as I wanted, and got, a long, triumphant, and heartfelt three-way hug from Adam and Jesse, after which Frank insisted on a toast and Adam broke out champagne.
“It’s a privilege to work with you, Mercy, and you’ve made more history. First time since the Bill of Rights that anyone’s passed more than one amendment at a time, and a new record for fastest ratification - was 100 days, now it’s 88.” Trust Frank to know. “And your whole strategy worked beautifully to get the ERA in there without more fuss.”
Rachel raised her glass to me. “Oh yeah. I still can’t quite believe it. Andrea will be over the moon too.”
Jesse was scanning social media with a grin, but looked up. “Most everyone female and preternatural is. And post-Parkland is howling joy, as well as laughing itself sick over expelliarmus.” She raised her glass in my direction. “Outstanding again, Mom. You and Dad will also like the comments vets are making under #MindYourThreatEnvironment.”
“More amused than spooked, then ?”
“Both. Call it impressed sideways and every other way. And hey, Skuffles, there’s #SheMovesRiversToo!”
Skuffles yipped amusement. Good one. Though we just did the asking. That much water is manitou or fae business. Is there any heavyweight reaction yet ?
“Not that I’ve seen. They’re still on WTF, mostly, rewatching the clip of the magic and goggling at all the dire wolves.”
“Tomorrow’s soon enough for op-eds. And I want to do some cooking.”
Which I did, putting together as big a risotto as my largest wok would hold stir-fry, and using the ten-gallon pack saucepan for Basmati rice. Many spare hands found themselves recruited to chop peppers, sweet and hot, zucchini, garlic, onion, and heads of celery while I browned and flavoured minced beef, and as it came together and the rice water eventually boiled guests began to arrive. Sally brought Clay and Donna, Jenna and Jude joined Leslie, Mary brought her kids, Maya her family, and Irpa, Þorgeðr, Vanna, and Vorðr had collected both Warren from Olympia and Charles and Anna from Aspen Creek. My excitable father blew in with Bear and Jill, Darryl, Auriele, and the pack trickled in, Zee and Tad came, Ramona brought most of the Freed, who wanted some hugging and got it, and then there were Gray Lords - a grinning Baba Yaga and a truly happy Gwyn ap Lugh, who took my hands for a moment and inclined his head as deeply as I’d ever seen before seriously surprising me.
“Mercedes Elf-friend. Without incurring obligation, you have my warmest thanks for this day, and Underhill’s renewed blessing. I did not doubt your word, but I did not expect so unprecedentedly rapid a ratification.”
I returned his grasp, not unmoved. “I hear you, Gwyn ap Lugh, and also without obligation, you and Underhill have my true thanks in return for the bloodlessness of today. The Medicine Wolf Accords are as locked down in this nation as it is humanly possible to make them, at which I too rejoice. And there’s this to amuse you - that if I hadn’t seen Manannán do his wall-of-water thing that time, I wouldn’t have thought to apply it to this. As Uncle Mike would say, wouldn’t he have his seaweed in a stew again tonight ?”
Ap Lugh’s laugh was rich. “Indeed he would, Mercy. And your vengeance truly is legend. Like cancels like, I deem.”
“That’s the one.”
Jesse was interested, which let me get back to the risotto, borrowing wolf strength to decant rice, mix-in stir-fry, and brown it all some more in arrayed woks before serving. When ap Lugh was done explaining my appropriation of Manannán’s favourite I-am-an-invincible-sea-god technique, he and Jesse started discussing patterns both saw in my having previously duckponded Manannán and had Bonarata vacuumed on global TV, and lots of people were listening while they ate. It was mildly embarrassing, but they stayed away from the Duckpond’s other purposes, and I had no particular objection to friends understanding that I’d been frugally, if vengefully, efficient with everything except other beings’ freely offered magic, nor that Underhill, Gray Lords, and Medicine Wolf were all quite close to giggling at the outcome. When it turned up, having decided the dire-wolfpack needed no more supervising, things spilled into the garden though after a while I had to head back in to take a secure call from the ex-Man. He was in what I knew was his private study, with a Dead & Company gig streaming, and when he saw me raised his usual amber glass - a really peaty single malt, I’d discovered, to which I thought he was welcome.
“President She Fixes The Impossible. Way to go, Mercy, and how. I knew it was gonna be magic, and sideways, but I had not quite imagined being able to recruit the Columbia and Snake in defiance of gravity. My bad.”
I had some champagne and raised a glass back.
“You’re in good company. It took Underhill lending Medicine Wolf some spatial sideways, which was not so easy to arrange, but they were both really into it, for numbers 28 and 29. 30 and 31 were a bonus.”
He laughed. “I’ll say. And on my own behalf, and that of every one of your successors, you get big, big thanks for the right to bear non-automatic arms. Unbelievable. My wife offers the same for the ERA. She’d given up hope of that one, having seen why I couldn’t do it. We’re both very happy campers tonight.”
His was praise that warmed me, and I raised my glass again.
“I had two questions, though, if I may?” I nodded, wondering. “First, the scorn you added about the, ah, newly soggy?”
I waggled my free hand. “Four parts deterrence for others now, though it won’t work as well as I’d like, three parts the PD and National Guard bill, which is eye-watering, two parts genuine bafflement at being stupid enough to be set up like that - file next to Bonarata - and one part preternatural PR, because it highlighted the wall-of-water element that pokes Manannán in the eye, again.”
I explained, minimally, and he listened hard.
“Huh. Counting fae coup, then.”
I grinned. “Sorta. I don’t think there’s anyone who still fancies their chances, but fae can always do with being reminded to mind my Ps and Qs as well as their own. And there are any number who’d like me to do this or that for them, often perfectly reasonably, so keeping them honest is good housekeeping, you might say.”
“That I get. And Adam really does feel some scorn for less sane gun enthusiasts.”
“Oh yeah. Kiddos being gunned down for no reason at all enrages him deeply. Warren and Darryl too, and others. There are few if any less sane wolf gun enthusiasts. And Jesse may pragmatically go with SAGE, but she’d prefer a world where gun ownership was far more restricted than will ever happen here.”
“More huh. The kids I get, thanks to my grands, but I hadn’t twigged wolves generally shared that view.”
I shrugged, mindful of my glass. “It varies, but wolves aren’t much impressed by guns as a measure of dominance and any threat to cubs needs serious nixing. It’s one reason Adam never liked the NRA. Ask Glen Sawyer about it.”
“Ah. Right. We had that conversation, but I hadn’t understood deeply enough. Anyway, the other thing is all those dire wolves. You asked Medicine Wolf to bring its pack on?”
I laughed. “Nah. The objections still apply. Those wolves aren’t much more than glamour, a kind of magic Medicine Wolf finds both absurd and very interesting. Don’t ask me - it’s something beyond my stars to do with being absent but visible.” I shrugged. “I just call it magic. Ap Lugh’s knights might be in there somewhere, too. Any which way, the extra wolves are 99% intimidation, though if any of the soggy had tried to leg it or worse, Medicine Wolf proper would have stepped in. It superintended for a while but is now out back shooting the breeze while the PDs and Army get on with the processing. The other wolves will disappear once that’s done.”
“Good. It’s an eye-popper all the same. Will you be explaining that out loud?”
“In outline. Detail isn’t human business.”
“Won’t stop the questions.” He shook his head reflectively and sipped, while the band segued from ‘Althea’ into ‘Brown-Eyed Women’. “Amazing. You spectacularly overpowered them, expending God knows how much magical power, and poured on the righteous scorn, yet still come off as acting with notable restraint. It’s a hell of a follow-up to redrawing the DC skyline.”
“Huh. What they have in common is people annoying me.” I sighed. “Maybe I should be hitting the heavy bag some more, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. And presidential powers plus magical amplification makes for … well, let’s call it excessive restraint.”
He stared, then laughed. “Good one. And I wasn’t complaining, just marvelling. I’m as jealous of your PR as I am of your maxi-me. But what I really called to say, besides those thank-yous, is that as implementation of the Amendments will now happen under its own weight, and is mostly state and agency business governors and directors can push for you, you might consider foreign policy for a while. All else aside, you’ll be hosting the G7 next year, so experience says a longer European trip this year would pay dividends, sooner or later, and some African and Asian visits might do a lot for getting them greener. I know it’s the thing you like least, but it’s another bullet that has to be bitten.”
I sighed again, but raised my glass to him and drank. “Yeah, I know. And now Jesse’s prom has happened, Adam and I have been aiming for a summer holiday, assuming things simmer down again as we hope they will. That’ll probably be Spain, and I want some family time, but I can cook for guests in the evenings - I want kitchen time too. Then we’ll need to get Jesse settled at Georgetown, and Sally and Jenna, but once that’s sorted I could do some wider jaunting.”
“Heh. Not much of that with Air Force One, but that sounds good. Give Adam and Jesse my best, please, and get back to the party, or what must be an overflowing inbox.”
I checked after he rang off, and he was right about that, but the top two screens were all wildly excited congratulations from almost everyone who had access, which was nice but needed no answer, at least tonight. I also checked reports, but while there had been a whole bunch of public order arrests in Texas and Florida there were no president-sized problems, and allowing for everyone being considerably freaked far more people were very happily amused than weren’t. Heading outside again I found myself and a dragooned Skuffles surrounded by the kiddos present, while Sara Oliver, the youngest, not so solemnly presented me with a really nice pale blue tee that had the text of the 31st Amendment below an image of me and Skuffles and the legend BEST PRESIDENTS EVER FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO GROW UP SAFELY, which left my heart very full, and made Skuffles just as sentimental even though it wouldn’t fit her.
“Thank you all, so much. It’s a lovely gift.” I grinned. “Not sure I’ll be able to wear it in public, though.”
“That depends, Mom.” Jesse’s eyes were dancing. “It was Sara’s and Josh’s idea, and everyone chipped in for this one, but they’d sell like hot cakes everywhere, to parents as well as kiddos, and Josh and Sara have no objections to lots of royalties if you and Skuffles will license the image. Nor does Mary.”
Skuffles and I both stared at her, then at one another, but magical coyotes have very little modesty, as I knew all too well, kiddos growing up safely had always been more than half the point, and who was I to argue with them, especially when I agreed ?