Fic: How To Stake Out A Cemetery In Mayfield, U.S.A. (Hint: Bring Plenty Of Chocolate) (1/1)
Title: How To Stake Out A Cemetery In Mayfield, U.S.A. (Hint: Bring Plenty Of Chocolate) (1/1)
Author: BradyGirl_12
Pairings/Characters: Kristen Bouchard, David Acosta, Ben Shakir
Fandom: Evil
Genres: Fluff, Humor
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Spoilers: For How To Train A Werewolf (4x02)
Summary: The Trio stakes out a cemetery.
Date Of Completion: June 14, 2024
Date Of Posting: July 2, 2024
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em, Paramount does, more’s the pity.
Word Count: 1080
Feedback welcome and appreciated.
When the moon's out bright,
And the clouds are low,
The spirits walk
At the caw
Of the crow.
Wolfpacks howl
As creatures shuffle.
Wolfpacks growl
As trees bend
And ruffle.
Graveyard dust,
Fine and gray,
Comes the daylight,
It blows away.
Abigail Vanderhuesen
"Macabre"
1897 C.E.
Kristen really, really wanted a cigarette. It had been years since she'd craved one, but somehow staking out a cemetery in the dead of night had stirred one up, so here they were.
Well, it wasn't her first time hanging out in a cemetery at the dead of night, but in high school that had included drinking, smoking and sexual shenanigans.
She looked at her two companions, David and Ben, and wondered how these two Wally Cleavers would react to such a confession. Okay, admittedly Ben could be a snarky Eddie Haskell, but she had the feeling she was the wild one of this bunch.
The night was cool, a light breeze blowing through the silent cemetery. Waiting for a werewolf hadn't been on the agenda in high school, but they had told ghost stories.
She looked with fondness at her partners, good guys she trusted to watch her back. Lately she had been feeling alone on an island ever since learning of what fuckin' Leland had done with her egg. Damn him, though in his case he would probably enjoy it. Thank the Universe for Ben and David, if the Universe cared at all.
"What are you smiling at?" David asked in an amused tone.
"Oh, just chillin' in this lovely garden spot."
"A graveyard?" Ben scoffed.
"Yeah, can't you just feel the ambience?"
"You mean the ancient headstones and trees with bare branches?" Ben rooted around for a candy bar in the knapsack they'd brought.
"I'm not sure they're ancient," Kristen said doubtfully.
"Of course they're ancient! Some of these headstones go back to before the Revolution."
"Birth or death dates?" asked David.
"Who cares?" Ben frowned as he continued searching.
"Well, a birth date before 1775 is pretty old, but a death date would be even older."
Ben looked at David as if he had two heads. Kristen squinted just to double-check. In their line of work, who knew?
"Yeah, well..." Ben pulled out a Snickers bar in triumph. He began to unwrap it.
"Well, what?"
"What what?"
"You were about to say something."
"Was I?" Ben took a bite. "Mmm." He closed his eyes.
"Well, buddy, what about it?"
"Don't bother me, man, I'm enjoying my chocolate bar."
David shook his head. "A sad case," he said to Kristen.
"Agreed," she said with a nod. The clouds momentarily obscured the half-moon.
"Lack of intellectual curiosity," sniffed David.
"Totally."
Ben frowned. "What are you two up to?"
"Giving you the business," Kristen said breezily.
"Huh?"
David's eyes lit up with understanding. "Great, you give the business very well."
"What's all this business about the business?" Ben grumbled.
"Man, you're from Squaresville," said David.
Kristen's eyes gleamed and she and David burst out laughing.
"Didn't you ever watch Leave It To Beaver?" David asked Ben.
"Leave It To...oh, brother."
"Brother Wally," said Kristen.
"You think I'm Wally? Puh-leeze, I'm more like Eddie Haskell. Man, look at you, David: picture-perfect, probably the star quarterback of the football team, dated the head cheerleader and escorted her to the prom when she was elected Homecoming Queen."
"As a matter of fact..." David said smugly.
"Oh, c'mon!"
Kristen grinned as she fished around in the knapsack. It was like Ben had read her mind. Well, that was why the three of them worked so well together. She pulled out a Hersey bar.
"You're Eddie Haskell? You're more the Beaver type."
"Ha! My sarcastic wit is known all over New York."
"Mayfield."
"Huh?"
"Mayfield is the town where the Cleavers live."
"Probably a Grade-A student, too," Ben muttered.
"As a matter of fact..." David grinned.
Ben groaned as Kristen laughed. She unwrapped her Hersey bar.
"Really, I see the world through the eyes of a realist." Ben took another bite of his Snickers bar.
"And Eddie Haskell's a realist?"
"Sure. Remember the episode when he says a frat brother dropping water balloons next to you can do you more good than ol' Professor Glockenspiel in chem lab. Wally pooh-poohed it, if course, but Eddie was right. It's not what you know, it's who you know."
"Sounds pretty cynical," David observed.
"See? Wally," said Ben.
"Why?" Because I believe life isn't all people out for Number One?"
"You're sitting here in a cemetery in the middle of the night watching for a werewolf. Does that sound like sunshine and roses to you?" Ben polished off his chocolate bar with satisfaction.
David's expression was exasperated. Kristen laughed. "Good one, Eddie." She dug into the knapsack for a soda and came up with a can of Diet Sprite. Popping the tab, she took a healthy swallow.
"Do you two think you're on a picnic or something? We're supposed to be working," David groused.
"Listen, if we have to stake out a cemetery in good ol' Mayfield, U.S.A., waiting for a werewolf to show up, I want plenty of chocolate. And lots of fizzy drinks, too." Kristen and Ben high-fived each other.
"Two against one, huh?" David snarked.
"Have a chocolate bar," Kristen riposted.
David grumbled and rooted around in the knapsack and came up with a Mars bar and a can of Diet Cherry Coke. He ate and drank, glaring at his two unrepentant partners the whole time.
"Just like down at the soda shoppe, huh, Wally?" teased Ben.
"Oh, yeah."
"Plenty of jerks, huh?"
"If you mean Eddie and your buddy Lumpy, yeah." David's eyes gleamed.
"Ha, ha. I'm talking soda jerks."
"In idyllic Mayfield? Piffle."
"Piffle?" Ben had a new candy bar and a can of sugar-free lemonade.
"Piffle."
Kristen regarded the cozy little scene with satisfaction. Okay, maybe only Lily Munster or Morticia Addams would consider a cemetery cozy, but David and Ben would understand.
And, man, she needed that right now: understanding, whether it was getting the Leave It To Beaver references or just doing their jobs, she needed uncomplicated.
Sitting in a cemetery in the moonlight, noshing on candy and drinking sodas, though I wouldn't mind a vodka right now. No borscht, though.
As the clouds passed over the moon again, a strange sound got their attention. Kristen polished off her Hersey bar.
Time to go back to work.
Werewolves in Mayfield, U.S.A. Who woulda thunk it?
This story can also be read at AO3.
This entry has been cross-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment on either entry as you wish. :)