You never think it'll happen to people you know. You're attending a quiet little school. The students are amiable, friendly, even cuddly. And then it happens ( Read more... )

Looks like I've done it again. That's right, I've single-handedly isolated another one of the millions of things that's wrong with the world, and come up with a dazzlingly brilliant way of fixing it ( Read more... )

This column is later than I intended it to be, for a very good reason. For the last week I have been in mortal combat with a strain of cold the likes of which I have never seen. For fear of my germs spreading to others, I have been concentrating on the systematic execution of every diseased cell in my body. This has resulted in a 40% loss of brain ( Read more... )

I’ve found myself wearing socks a lot more lately, though not by choice. The fungus growing on my feet is currently in the stage during which it releases spores, and in the interest of general health and hygiene I’ve been very careful to wear protection ( Read more... )

Strolling down the beach of Lake Huron over Labor Day weekend forced me to come to an inescapable conclusion: I, Alex Mattingly, am out of shape. I am not skinny, I am not fat, I am not wiry, I am not muscular. I am almost unrecognizable as a categorizable human body. My grandfather refers to me simply as "the thing that won't donate a kidney ( Read more... )

I suppose it's time I admit it. I, Alex Mattingly, have a thing for guys named Kurt. It isn't anything to do with experimenting in college, though at least one Kurt was. No, I fear it's more fundamental than that. The only way I know how to deal with this is by introducing you to all three of them, and thereby relieving myself of this long-kept ( Read more... )