Love Lessons (Part Eleven)
It amazed Naomi the speed that Emily could move at when she was upset, within seconds she’s pulled on her bra and was reaching for her top. Naomi was determined to fix this though, there was no way she was letting Emily walk away from her again. Flying to her feet, Naomi managed to grab hold of Emily, clinging on despite her desperation to get away.
“Emily this isn’t what you think.” Naomi rushed desperately, trying to meet Emily’s eyes, pleading with Emily to let her explain. All she needed to do was tell Emily the truth, let her know that it was just Cook’s stupid game.
“What the fuck is it then? Because it looks like exactly what I think it is.” Emily spat bitterly, wanting to get as far from Naomi as possible. Because the thought of Naomi having sex with someone else was making her feel sick.
“No Ems, you don’t get to walk away again. You have to stay here and listen to me, because this was nothing but a pathetic fucking dare.” Naomi demanded, pointing to the red mark on her stomach. Wishing she’d never played the stupid game, wishing she’d just kissed Cook instead.
“But it was her right? She did it, she kissed you, she did this.” Emily stuttered angrily, wishing you could wipe the lovebite away, erase it from Naomi’s body and mark her in her own way. Make Naomi hers again.
“It was the dare, I didn’t get to fucking choose. We were all fucking kissing, kissing and drinking. It was nothing, just a stupid drinking game. Cook’s stupid game.” Naomi defended anxiously needing Emily to believe it didn’t mean anything.
“So you’ve been getting around tonight then! Fucking hell Nai, did you have fun?!” Emily laughed, shaking her head as Naomi reached out for her hand.
“Don’t be like this! They’re my friends, I don’t sleep with my friends.” Naomi bit back, regretting her words immediately, knowing that a reference to Emily’s mistake with JJ probably wasn’t the best thing to bring up in the middle of an argument.
“Oh thats a dig at me is it! Great, lovely to know that every single disagreement we have comes back to one mistake I made before we were even together.” Emily raged, tears streaming down her face, her hands shaking.
“Maybe we weren’t official, but there was something happening, there was something between us and you still went and had sex with someone else Emily. So excuse me if I ask you to turn a blind eye to a fucking lovebite I got playing a drinking game!” Naomi snapped, they’d never really discussed Emily and JJ together, Naomi had just bypassed it and now she was finally releasing the hurt.
“Fuck off you self righteous bitch!” Emily screeched, surprising even herself with the tone of her voice.
“Fuck you right back Emily! You just waltzed into my life, messed everything up and then you go and walk away from me. You made me fall in love with you, just to break my heart!” Naomi screamed back, intimidating the smaller girl with her aggression, bursting into tears as she started talking about her feelings. Trying to hide her face because crying made her feel so week.
“Well maybe its payback for all the times you broke mine, i’m not quite sure how many it will take before we’re even, I lost count after a while...” Emily whispered bitterly, wiping away Naomi’s tears with her thumb, because she just couldn’t help but care.
“Why are you so bloody frustrating! I fucking love you Emily, I though we were going to make love and instead you pick up something completely ridiculous!” Naomi sighed, wrapping her hand over Emily’s, holding on as tightly as she could.
“Ridiculous? You’ve got a lovebite on your stomach! That’s not ridiculous, that means you had someone else kissing you, touching you.” Emily choked, closing her eyes to block out the mental image.
“Emily! Don’t be a twat, it was nothing. The only person I want touching me is you, the only person I want to be with is you! But you have so much going on with your family, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to explain to you that no matter how difficult things get i’m always going to be here.” Naomi promised, pulling Emily even closer, desperate to eliminate the space between them.
Emily didn’t know what to say, there were no words, nothing but the kiss she pressed to Naomi’s mouth. Her tears mingling with Naomi’s, Naomi muttering whispered ‘sorrys’ everytime Emily broke away for a breath. Emily could feel Naomi’s hands working down her body again, obviously wanting to carry on from where they’d left off earlier
“Lets not... I can’t... Do you mind if we just...?” Emily murmured, looking up at a confused Naomi, before pulling her into an embrace. “Lets not rush this.”
“Its fine, I just want to hold you. I just want you to be here when I wake up.” Naomi nodded, trying to suppress her hormones, which was difficult considering she’d been all worked up on more than one occasion tonight. But she respected what Emily wanted, leading her to the bed, wrapping her in a warm embrace. Placing soft and gentle kisses to her neck, both girls crying and holding each other as close as possible, laughing at themselves as Naomi tightly wrapped the duvet around them.
**
“Oh wow, oh bobbins, wow.” JJ stuttered, pulling back suddenly, leaving Katie looking very confused and surprised. She gently touched her lips where JJ’s had been, missing the contact.
“What’s wrong?” Katie asked, shakily reaching out to grab hold of JJ’s hand. She wondered whether she’d done something to upset him, he certainly looked distressed.
“Why are you doing this Katie? You don’t like me, you don’t like boys like me.” JJ muttered, blinking back a tear, he wondered whether this was some big joke, Katie would tell Cook and Freddie and they’d all laugh at him.
“JJ I do like you, I like you a lot. I’m bloody confused by it, but I know I like you.” Katie insisted, kissing JJ’s cheek, kissing away the tear that had escaped and was rolling down his face.
“Everyone thinks I'm and idiot. I’ll never find anyone, people can’t love people like me, I'm a mong, a spazzo, an autistic fuck!” JJ spat out angrily, holding his head in his hands. Shaking as he felt Katie’s hands on top of his.
“You’re JJ. Not any of those other things, I only see JJ.” Katie smiled. “I don’t understand why you’d like me. I’m a bitch, a cow, rude, horrible and nasty. I’m thick, nothing like Emily.” Katie’s face changing as she considered their differences.
JJ looked up surprised, he hadn’t realised that Katie thought so little of herself, he’d always gone along with the facade she put up for everyone else, Katie Fitch, oozing with confidence. It was only now, as he looked into her eyes that he could see the real Katie Fitch, the one she hid away, the one that was insecure and truely beautiful, inside and out.
“Katie...” JJ started, not knowing what to say, all he could do was watch Katie stand up, breathing in deep shaky breaths.
“This shouldn’t have happened. I’m not good enough for you, I’m not Emily, you can’t just squint your eyes and pretend.” Katie spat out, staring at herself in the mirror, reapplying her makeup, forcing on the mask that she wore, the fake Katie.
“Katie stop it, please let us just talk. I didn’t mean you were a bad person, I just can’t understand why you’d like me, it’s my lack of self confidence, not you. I don’t want you to be Emily, I want Katie.” JJ begged, trying to get Katie’s attention, fearing the moment was lost.
“You want a fuck, well find someone else! Just get out of here JJ, I don’t want to do this anymore, this stupid plan, these stupid lessons. Forget it all!” Katie yelled, forcing JJ away from her roughly.
“You want people to believe you’re different to this perceived image, then you go and act like this! I like you Katie, a lot, I like you. I know you. I know you love Lady Gaga, you can’t stop listening to her album, which annoys Emily but you don’t care. Your favourite movie is Dirty Dancing, you want someone to treat you like that, you want to dance with someone like that. You watch all that American plastic crap on television, but you don’t really enjoy it, in fact you’ve fallen asleep during ‘The Hills’ more than once. You like reading, but you told Emily a couple of years ago that reading was for losers, so now you do it in secret, because you don’t like being proved wrong. Emily is the most important person in your life, it scares you how much you rely on her, you always pretended it was her following you, but really it was you that needed her. It never really bothered you that she was gay, it didn’t even bother you that people might think you’re gay. It bothered you that Emily was so sure of love, so sure of who she is, you feel like a mess in comparison. But you’re not, you’re beautiful and intelligent, you’re funny and special, you act like a bitch because it’s easier for people to just automatically hate you, rather than try and then have them hate you.” JJ sighed, listing off points about Katie felt like the most natural thing ever, he really did know Katie.
“JJ please go.” Katie murmured, swallowing the lump in her throat. Watching as he wordlessly shook his head and made his way out of the room, leaving Katie to dissolve into tears.
**
“I could lay here forever.” Emily sighed, her limbs still linked with Naomi’s, they’d removed their trousers, but remained in underwear as Naomi respected Emily’s request to take things slow. Emily placed her hand on Naomi’s stomach once again, rubbing absentmindedly at the mark, hating that it was there, wishing she could just get rid of it.
“We could lay here forever, but there are a number of problems with the plan. We’d probably die of starvation or dehydration, so our forever wouldn’t be that long at all. It’s probably best if we do move at some point.” Naomi chuckled, kissing the top of Emily’s head, trying to ignore Emily’s movements on her stomach.
“I am hungry actually.” Emily grinned, her eyes pleading for Naomi to go and fetch her something.
“Ems it’s one in the morning, you’re seriously hungry?” Naomi sighed, laughing at the cute little pout that Emily was pulling, trying to look adorable enough to persuade Naomi to feed her.
“I love your sandwiches, have I ever mentioned how much I love your sandwiches?” Emily murmured, kissing Naomi’s neck, teasing Naomi with her fingertips tracing lightly all over her body.
“Fucking hell, I need to get out of here, you my darling girlfriend are a tease! I’ll go and make your bloody sandwich.” Naomi sighed, pulling herself away from Emily reluctantly, kissing her forehead lightly before grabbing a T-shirt and pulling it on.
Making her way down the stairs, Naomi crept quietly, trying not to wake her mother. She didn’t need to have worried though, the closer she got to downstairs, the louder she could hear a panicked squeal emerging from the kitchen. Tensing, she worried who could possibly have gotten into her house. Grabbing an umbrella from the coat-stand, Naomi armed herself, prepared to hurt whoever was in the kitchen.
“Oh my bloody god no! Why! Why!!!!” Gina squealed, tears in her eyes. Naomi tensed, biting her lip as she looked around the kitchen, the floor covered in the remains of a blackbird.
“Mum?” Naomi asked, raising an eyebrow as she watched her mother run out into the garden. Staring down a ginger cat who was licking herself happily whilst Gina just shot her an exasperated look.
“Why? Why Pauline?! I fed you! Why would you feel the need to commit such a vicious murder in my kitchen? Make love, not war! You’re supposed to be a pacifist!” Gina sighed, turning back to Naomi who was trying to suppress her laughter.
“She’s a cat. Cat’s kill birds mum.” Naomi reminded her mother, handing Gina a dustpan and brush to clean up Pauline’s massacre.
“I thought my cat would be different.” Gina pouted, wincing as she scraped up the bits of dead bird and numerous feathers. Dropping it ceremoniously into the bin, sighing as she plonked herself down at the kitchen table. “Anyway, what are you doing up?”
“Emily wants a sandwich.” Naomi replied, searching the fridge for ingredients. Pulling out the bits and pieces and placing them on the breadboard.
“Oh so Emily’s still here then?” Gina asked innocently, sipping at her cup of tea. Trying to contain her smile.
“You bloody know Emily’s still here, don’t be a cow. Anyway she’ll be around a lot more, we’re back together.” Naomi shrugged, trying to make it seem like a random piece of information, when in fact it was the most exciting thing in the world to Naomi, and by the look on Gina’s face, to her as well.
“Well darling, I’m more than a bit ecstatic. Emily’s like the daughter I never had.” Gina teased, ducking as Naomi threw a piece of bread in her direction.
“Fuck off. I always knew you bloody preferred Emily.” Naomi huffed, buttering the slices of bread in front of her.
“Nonsense. I love you more than anyone else in this entire world.” Gina smiled, kissing Naomi’s cheek, laughing as Naomi rubbed at her cheek furiously afterwards. Trying not to smile at how happy her mother looked.
“You really like Emily don’t you, you like her for me?” Naomi asked, she’d never really asked for Gina’s opinion on her choice of partner before. She’d just assumed that Gina liked Emily.
“I think she’s beautiful, clever, very brave and very patient for putting up with you. I think she’s absolutely perfect.” Gina nodded, finishing up her tea as she stifled a yawn, the early hour starting to effect her.
“I worry sometimes, because I think she’s too perfect. I think i’m too in love with her, and I never believed any of that bollocks, especially not at this age.” Naomi admitted, biting her lip as she considered her feelings, considered whether it was possible to love someone as much as she loved Emily.
“Love just sneaks up on you, I don’t think it matters what age you are, it’s just a case of when you stumble into the path of your soulmate.” Gina mused, picking at a piece of stray lettuce that sat next to Naomi’s sandwich.
“Do you ever think about him?” Naomi asked nervously, both women knowing exactly who they were talking about, the only man Naomi knew her mother had ever really loved.
“I can’t help thinking about him, your eyes are a constant reminder. There are other things as well, parts of your personality. I wish I could claim you completely as my own, but I recognise so much of him in you.” Gina admitted, stroking her daughters face, her soft features.
“That scares me.” Naomi admitted, because if she truely was like her father, then it didn’t matter how much the other person loved her, she would find a way to stumble and flee, just as he had.
“You’re so much better than he ever was. He’s an idiot for not sticking around, he missed out on raising one of the greatest humans I've ever had the pleasure of creating.” Gina assured, wrapping her arms around her daughter.
“Do you think he’d like me? Do you think he’d be ok... With the gay stuff you know?” Naomi asked, blushing, but it was something she’d wanted to ask for a long time. With her mum it was different, it was easy to tell her because she knew her mums love was unconditional, but her father, her was something completely different.
“Baby, you’re Naomi. Your sexuality really doesn’t matter, or define you for that matter. I love you regardless, and I think he would to. You should be proud of who you are, not worried of what people think of you.” Gina explained, stroking Naomi’s hair, hoping that her words were helping.
“You’re a really amazing mum, you know that right?” Naomi asked, burying herself in her mothers arms, enjoying the familiar safety.
“Well I can’t say it’s something you tell me often, but it sounds good.” Gina laughed, kissing Naomi’s forehead again. “I need to get some sleep, and you need to get that sandwich to your gorgeous girlfriend. Look after her sweetheart.”
Naomi nodded, watching her mother leave the room. Composing herself, Naomi grabbed the plate and made her way back up to bed.
**
“Katie? Katie are you in there, I need to talk.” James called, knocking on Katie’s bedroom door. Katie sat up, wiping her tears away before walking over to the door and letting her little brother into the room.
“What’s up?” Katie sniffed, returning back to her bed, wrapping herself her duvet. Watching as James made himself comfortable on Emily’s bed.
“Are you ok?” James asked, biting his lip, he could clearly see that Katie had been crying. He found that sisters were very complicated beings, but that it was quite nice to look after them, to check that they weren’t upset.
“I’m fine, is that all you came to ask?” Katie questioned, a little snappier than she intended to be, regretting it when she saw James’s face dropped.
“If I liked a girl, what would I say to her? Would I tell her she had nice tits? Or is that a little too forward?” James rushed, blushing as soon as he’d let slip the question.
“Oh... Right well don’t talk about her tits, girls don’t like a perv. Just ask her out.” Katie shrugged, smiling at how nervous James looked, she’d never heard him talk about a girl before.
“Do you think she’ll say yes?” James asked puzzled, he didn’t think it could be as simple as just asking a girl and her saying yes.
“James you’re a Fitch. Of course she’ll say yes! We’re fierce and fit!” Katie laughed, chucking her old teddy bear at James. He laughed back, leaning back on Emily’s bed as he prepared to ask Katie a million more questions about the fine art of dating. Sometimes having a sister wasn’t too bad at all.