Love Lessons (Part Fifteen)
Of course it wasn’t the first time he’d woken up with a girl in his arms, but it was different before, Emily had tried to create as much distance between them as possible, a gulf of guilt that made it impossible to even pretend that them being together was at all normal. When he woke up next to Katie though it was different, she looked so small, curled into him, pulled in tightly to his chest, he could feel her warm breath against him. She looked beautiful, tiny and beautiful and all he wanted to do was touch her, settling for gently stroking her hair, careful not to wake her. Looking around the room, JJ scanned the walls, looking at all of Katie’s posters of male celebrities all with the pearly white teeth, big muscles and fake tan, if this was the type of person that Katie fancied then it made him question, really, what was she doing with him?
“Perving over Daniel Craig are we?” Katie mumbled, just waking up to see where JJ’s eyes were fixed. She couldn’t help but smile as JJ furrowed her brow, flustered at being caught looking at Katie’s posters
“He’s really not that attractive, and he’s old, I can’t say I really understand the female desire towards him.” JJ explained, shaking his head before relaxing, it was easy to stay calm with Katie.
“Anyone looks fit in a suit.” Katie explained, resting her head on JJ’s chest, her fingers drawing lazy shapes on his body. It felt so good, that warm body next to hers, the protective arm that wrapped itself around her.
“Do you think I looked fit in a suit?” JJ asked, slightly nervously as he searched for some kind of approval.
“You took me by surprise that night, didn’t expect you to look so...” Katie remembered, licking her lips smiling at the thought of JJ, wondering why she hadn’t noticed how good he looked back then. Maybe she did? Maybe she was just too shallow to admit that he made her feel that way.
“Suave?” JJ suggested, cringing at the memory which made Katie start to giggle, leaning up to kiss JJ. It was long and lingering, forceful but beautiful. It took JJ a lot of self restraint to pull away from it. “How are you Katie?”
“I don’t want to talk about it” Katie huffed, turning away from JJ. Hating him for having to ruin the moment with the memories she’s spent entire night trying to push away.
“Please Katie, don’t shut me out. What happened last night really scared you, its ok to feel upset about it, but you have me, I might not be 007, but I'm here and I promise I'll look after you.” JJ attempted a smile, attempted to make light of this impossible situation in a vain attempt to make Katie smile and finally open up.
“You can’t change what happened! Just like you can’t change what happened with Effy in the woods. Bad things fucking happen, they happen and they fuck you up.” Katie snapped, revealing that last night wasn’t the only thing bothering her, it had brought back memories of the other attack she had suffered and it was making her angry.
“Please Katie... Please just let me help.” JJ begged, grabbing hold of Katie’s hand and trying to prove that he was strong enough for both of them.
Suddenly the door opened, both of them freezing in anticipation of who was going to walk through and catch them laying in bed together. JJ prayed it wasn’t Rob, he quite enjoyed life and didn’t really fancy being murdered by Katie’s crazed father. Instead it was Jenna who popped her head round the door, raising an eyebrow before speaking.
“I’d hop out of there before Rob catches you.” Jenna smiled, knowing that nothing had happened between them, simply grateful that someone was looking after her daughter, even if it was that peculiar boy that kind of scared her. “Katie darling we’re going to work, but we can stay if you need us to.”
“Go mum, JJ is here with me.” Katie nodded assuringly, easing Jenna’s mind. Jenna looked over to JJ who was now sat on Emily’s bed, smiling as if confirming what Katie had said.
“I’ll see you later sweetheart.” Jenna said, blowing Katie a kiss before exiting the room. Katie waited patiently for her parents to leave, not speaking a word until she heard the front door slam shut.
“You can go now J.” Katie insisted, looking at JJ to show that she was serious, she couldn’t stand having someone try to figure her out right now, trying to make everything better when it was impossible to do so.
“I can’t go anywhere, your mum thinks I'm staying with you to look after you and that’s what I'm going to do.” JJ explained, it all seeming so very basic in his head, not understanding why Katie would want to push him away.
“Just go JJ! Will you just bloody leave me alone.” Katie snapped showing she was serious, she stared JJ down until he got up and reached for his pile of clothes.
“Keep pushing me away and I might not come back.” JJ sighed, heading towards the bathroom to get changed, leaving Katie sat alone and crying, too proud to call him back.
**
Naomi woke up slowly, like she was fighting to get to the surface, she’d been so lost in a dream that was really about nothing, but really about everything. There was a darkness, and it was threatening to take over, to strangle her and the worst part was she had no idea what it was, where it was coming from and when it would hit. Slipping into reality, she was faintly aware of a crushing sensation on her legs, her eyes opening, she couldn’t help but laugh at Emily sitting on top of her, beaming back at her.
“Hi.” Emily smiled, a simple greeting and absolutely no explanation as to why she was sitting on a sleeping girl.
“Any particular reason i’m getting such a wonderful morning greeting?” Naomi asked, stressing the sarcasm on ‘wonderful’ knowing that it would make Emily giggle, beaming when it did.
“I woke up and I was just staring at you...” Emily began to explain.
“Creepy.” Naomi interjected with a teasing smile.
“...Well then I reached out and I was touching your arm, stroking your arm and it still wasn’t enough.” Emily mused, scratching her head as she remembered the feeling, Naomi trying to hold in a giggle because Emily really did look like a monkey just then, a really cute monkey, she clarified in her head.
“So you decided to straddle me?” Naomi asked, raising an eyebrow at Emily’s complete inability to explain, even though really Naomi knew exactly what she was saying, she just enjoyed teasing her frustrated little monkey girlfriend.
“Well, yeah.” Emily shrugged, like it was completely normal and really Naomi was the one who was strange for needing to ask.
“Okay then.” Naomi nodded, blinking, before reaching out her hands and grabbing hold of Emily’s, the two of them sat just staring at each other, because sometimes words really weren’t needed, not when their eyes could portray so many of their feelings.
“I bet you never thought you’d fall in love with me.” Emily whispered, as if she was completely unaware she was speaking her thoughts out loud. She looked surprised when Naomi responded, partly because she was then aware she’d said it, but partly because of Naomi’s answer.
“I did actually.” Naomi stated simply, it was the truth, she did always know she would fall in love with Emily. Emily looked back confused, and Naomi realised she’d have to elaborate. “I knew I'd fall in love with you, I knew if I let myself, that I'd fall so deep I wouldn’t be able to escape. It was kind of like quicksand, you know? The more I’d fight it, the deeper I would sink.”
“Romantic.” Emily groaned, rolling her eyes slightly at her girlfriend.
“You know me Ems. You know how scared I was to ever let someone take such complete hold of my heart, it was like I knew that I couldn’t just have a fling with you, it wouldn’t just be kisses or sex, it was something more than that, even from the start I knew it was something more.” Naomi explained, rubbing her thumbs over the back of Emily’s hands, caressing the skin gently. Smiling more when Emily leaned down, hovering just inches from her face, teasing her with a hungry stare before giving in and kissing her.
“You’re beautiful.” Emily sighed, rubbing her nose against the tip of Naomi’s, her hands placed either side of the blonde to steady herself.
“You’re still not getting any.” Naomi whispered with a wicked grin, breaking the seriousness of the moment, biting her lip to stop herself from laughing at Emily’s annoyance.
“Fucker.” Emily muttered, flipping herself off of Naomi so that she was laying alongside her again. Starting to giggle when Naomi finally couldn’t fight the laughter any longer, the two girls laughing so hard their whole bodies were shaking. Feeling for each others hands, they linked their fingers, eventually calming themselves.
“Well, this has been a joy, but I’ve got to get moving. Going to be late if I don’t start getting ready.” Naomi sighed, unwilling to pull herself away, instead moving even closer to Emily.
‘Why can’t we just stay in bed all day?” Emily questioned, sounding ever so slightly like a petulant child, but knowing that Naomi found it endearing, so much so that Naomi leaned in and kissed her gently.
“Because I’ve got to save the world.” Naomi smiled, reaching out to stroke Emily’s face.
“I’ve ironed your costume Superman, it’s hanging in the wardrobe.” Emily teased, placing her hand over Naomi’s.
“Thanks Lois.” Naomi replied with a smile, breaking herself away from Emily reluctantly as she got up to hunt for a towel.
“I’m going to be bored!” Emily complained, crossing her arms and pouting at Naomi who was now searching for some clothes.
“You can always come with me, you know what they say, the couple that protest together...” Naomi began, knowing that trying to persuade Emily to come to a protest was completely useless.
“...Die of hypothermia and boredom?” Emily finished, remembering the last time she’d accompanied Naomi on a protest, half the people who were supposed to turn up didn’t turn up, some fucker spilt paint on her, an ex-boyfriend of Naomi’s kept staring at them (Emily wasn’t sure if it was the infamous erectile dysfunction guy, she didn’t dare ask), it was freezing cold and they had to scarper before the police attempted to arrest them.
“Well, either way you’ll be bored, but you can either be bored alone, or bored with me, and just to remind you... I am fucking awesome.” Naomi boasted proudly, pulling a stupid grin to make Emily laugh.
“I would, but I’m planning a surprise for later. What time are you home?” Emily asked, devising a plan to romance Naomi.
“Five-ish, I might be earlier depends on how it goes. Or later if I get arrested.” Naomi laughed, reminding Emily of the protest they’d been on together, the angry police officers glaring at them, glaring even more when Naomi quipped back with a smart arse comment.
“Well, if you could avoid doing that it would be great babes.” Emily sighed rolling her eyes, before breaking out into a smile, she couldn’t help but smile at Naomi’s cheeky grin, it was just too cute.
“You’re the bestest monkey girlfriend ever.” Naomi laughed, walking out of the room slinging her towel over her shoulder as she made her way to the bathroom, leaving a confused Emily sat in bed.
“Huh?” Emily grunted, scratching her head once again.
**
Katie wished she hadn’t made JJ leave, she was just so frustrated, lashing out was far easier than actually confronting what was going on with her. When the doorbell rang later on that morning, she suddenly remembered that no one else was home, forcing her to answer the door herself. Even that was a struggle for Katie, she felt scared to create any kind of opening to the outside world, to the danger that could be waiting on the other side. She cursed her parents in her head for leaving her, granted they thought JJ would be with her, but they still shouldn’t have left.
With extreme caution, Katie pulled back the door, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw that it was only Ruby on the other side. Holding onto a carrier bag of magazines and chocolate, Ruby gave a nervous smile, not even sure if she should be here.
“Your sister isn’t around is she? Don’t fancy another headlock.” Ruby let out a nervous giggle, as Katie stepped aside to let the other girl, frowning at the choice of shorts when the weather was as cold as it was. Clearly this girl was about as educated as Naomi when it came to fashion.
“Ems hasn’t been home yet. How did you know I lived here?” Katie asked, narrowing her eyes, only smiling when Ruby passed the bag over and Katie spotted the copy of Cosmo inside.
“Cook told me. Just wanted to check you were alright, thought the magazines might cheer you up. Oh and chocolate, everyone loves chocolate.” Ruby smiled, holding up the large bar of Dairy Milk, which Katie couldn’t help but beam at.
“I’m fine.” Katie replied, a little sharper than she intended. Trying to restore a smile, because really she was grateful, even if this girl was a fashion impaired loser with a crush on her sisters girlfriend, and who she’d almost decked the night before.
“Right... I should go.” Ruby hurried, noticing that her presence wasn’t exactly being welcomed here, she placed the carrier bag down on the coffee table before making her way towards the door.
“Got any smokes?” Katie asked, almost desperate to stop someone else from walking away and leaving her alone. She’d even take Ruby for company right now.
Patting down her pockets, Ruby finally pulled out a packet of Marlboro lights, shaking it to check she actually had some left. The one thing she’d learnt about being with Cook, is that he didn’t seem to buy his own cigarettes, yet constantly had one on the go.
“Garden?” Katie asked, leading Ruby through the house, grabbing the bar of chocolate on the way. The two girls settled somewhere near the bottom of the garden. Sitting down awkwardly at first, before Katie broke out the chocolate and Ruby lit a cigarette, passing it over to Katie who took a long, hard drag.
“The police said anything else about the prick that did it?” Ruby asked, chewing on the corner of a chunk of chocolate, watching the horror of the memory flash in Katie’s eyes.
“They’ll never catch him. People like that, they just get away with it, they get to hurt you and nothing ever happens to them, they just carry on like normal.” Katie snapped aggressively, her fists clenching at the thought.
“This isn’t just about that guy last night is it? Cook told me about Effy...” Ruby trailed, not really sure how much Katie could handle right now, noticing how Katie had never handed the cigarette back to her, had single handedly smoked the entire thing in what seemed like record time.
“Fucking bitch. See people like that, they just carry on living. I wanted to hurt her, I even asked JJ to help me.” Katie sighed, remembering her plan, remembering how passionate she’d been about making Effy pay.
“What were you going to do to her?” Ruby asked curious, reaching for more chocolate as she kicked at some leaves with her trainers.
“Didn’t really know.” Katie blushed, embarrassed that her plan had basically been non-existent. “I just want her to get that what she did to me was wrong, I want her to suffer like I do, bet she doesn’t have fucking nightmares.”
“Should scare the shit out of her, make her think you’re going to hurt her.” Ruby shrugged, noticing the smile that crept onto Katie’s face, almost immediately. “I wouldn’t tell JJ what you’re doing either, no offense but he seems a little... Soft, when it comes to stuff like this.”
“I reckon Effy would see through me immediately. You’re right about JJ though, he never seemed keen on the idea.” Katie sighed, playing with the ties on her dressing gown.
“Maybe I could help?” Ruby suggested, chewing the inside of her cheek as she thought it over, considered what she was actually offering to a girl she barely knew, and was pretty sure she didn’t like.
“Why would you want to help me?” Katie asked, raising an eyebrow, she definitely had a lot of issues trusting people, especially people who were willing to help bring down a stranger.
“You’ve seen the way she looks at Cook.” Ruby shrugged, giving in to the craving and lighting another cigarette, this time getting at least a couple of drags in before passing if over to Katie.
“Didn’t think Cook was anymore than a fuck?” Katie questioned, of course she’d seen the way Effy looked at Cook, of course she knew that Effy had realised a little too late that it was Cook that she really loved.
“He isn’t. Doesn’t mean I want her looking at him though, she gets him then I lose my regular shag, then I...” Ruby trailed, because she was thinking about Naomi, and thinking about Naomi in such an obvious way in front of the sister of Naomi’s girlfriend probably wasn’t the wisest idea.
“Will find it even harder to cope with Naomi getting back together with Emily.” Katie interrupted, finishing Ruby’s sentence for her.
“I didn’t say that.” Ruby dismissed, dropping her head. Stubbing the cigarette out on the grass, before chucking it into a bush.
“You were thinking it.” Katie insisted, dipping her head to try and force Ruby to look her in the eyes, an impossible task and so Katie settled for nicking the chocolate off her.
“Want my help or not?” Ruby asked, trying to change the subject. Brushing her hair out of her face, showing Katie that she meant what she said, really it was because she needed a distraction. Needed to fight for Cook, because maybe he could be the key to getting over the unattainable blonde.
“Yeah... I do.” Katie nodded, sighing she rubbed at her arm, still bruised from last night. Remembering that this was about justice, she would never be able to find that guy and make him pay, but she might not feel so pathetic if she could hurt Effy, just a little bit.
“Not everyone in the world is bad Katie, you’re going to be okay, you know?” Ruby smiled, placing her hand on Katie’s shoulder. A strange, uneasy friendship being formed.
“I hope so.” Katie whispered, because she wouldn’t do anything just to feel normal again.
**
Emily struggled, laden down with shopping bags and wondering how exactly she’d managed to buy so much for just one meal. There was something about supermarkets that made Emily get carried away, she had enough food to feed a small dinner party, but she always got nervous when she was buying alcohol, praying that the person at the till wouldn’t I.D her. Somehow it always seemed a little less conspicuous if the wine was accompanied by gratuitous amounts of food, it had worked, the checkout girl hadn’t even raised an eyebrow as she’d slid it through the till, Emily quickly bagging it before she changed her mind. Now she was making her way towards Naomi’s house, patting her pocket as she searched the house-key she had for the Campbell place, something Gina had given her so that she always had a place to escape to, it was a nice gesture, made Emily feel wanted and loved, but didn’t stop her feeling slightly awkward using it. Today was a special occasion though, she wanted to have the meal ready for when Naomi got back from the protest rally she was at, Gina wouldn’t be home, she never was on a Saturday it always her day with Kieran, so now all Emily had to do was pray she wouldn’t screw up the recipe she’d found on the internet.
Slipping the key into the lock, Emily held a shopping bag between her teeth, the others slipped up her arms as she pushed through the door, practically collapsing under the weight of them. Finally being able to place them all down, Emily took a deep breath, flexing her hands and rubbing at the indentations the plastic handles had made across her palms.
“Is that you Nai?” Gina’s voice called from the living room, causing Emily to jump out of her skin, shocked that someone was home. Pulling herself together, Emily skipped over to the door and poked her head through.
“Only me Gina.” Emily smiled, stopping as she noticed the tear stained face of her girlfriends mother. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Gina cry before, she didn’t think she’d ever seen her with anything other than a smile on her face. “Is everything alright G?”
Gina was quick to wipe at her tears, trying to compose herself as the redhead made her way towards her. Slipping next to her on the sofa, immediately taking her hand in hers. Gina tried to muster a smile, tried to pretend everything was alright but instead she started crying again, Emily awkwardly removing her hand, instead wrapping Gina into a hug.
“Oh darling I'm sorry, just ignore me yeah? I’m just being silly.” Gina sniffed, gulping hard in an attempt to steady herself.
“What’s wrong Gina, Naomi’s okay isn’t she?” Emily asked, fear creeping into her voice, it was all she could think about, an explanation for why Gina would be so upset, suddenly Emily was terrified, tightening her grip on Gina.
“Naomi’s fine honey, oh I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you like that.” Gina apologised, realising how bad things must have looked, she could see how much Emily loved her daughter, and how scary a weeping mother must have looked.
“Sorry I just needed to check.” Emily smiled weakly, slipping her hand back into Gina’s, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze.
“Because you love her.” Gina mused, nodding her head as if she was confirming something to her head, as if she needed to get the details straight.
“I do.” Emily confirmed, slightly confused, she’d never seen Gina like this, so spaced out and thoughtful, so upset.
“I’m glad... Glad she has someone that loves her, someone that will look after her.” Gina nodded, gripping on tightly to Emily’s hand, meeting her eyes for a second before quickly looking away.
“You know I will. I know we have our stupid arguments, but I'll always love her and protect her.” Emily assured, she didn’t know why, but somehow knew she had to confirm to Gina.
“She doesn’t have anyone else, no-one else in this entire world.” Gina muttered softly, shaking her head and closing her eyes, trying to stop more tears from making their escape.
“She has you.” Emily reminded her, confused by Gina’s strange mood and choice of words.
“Her dad, I have no idea where he is, I don’t think she’d want anything to do with him even if he was around. My parents disowned me when I fell pregnant with Naomi, my sister hasn’t talked to me in just as long... There’s no-one left for her, I've left her so alone.” Gina said, seeming to completely ignore Emily’s reminder, musing on all the people she’d seen walk out of her life, walk out on both her and Naomi.
“Gina what’s wrong? You’re talking weird.” Emily asked, narrowing her eyes at Gina trying to figure her out
“I can’t tell you hon, I can’t put you in that position, Naomi can’t know and I don’t want you to have to lie to her.” Gina hung her head, as a parent all you want to do is protect your child from everything bad in the world, to make things as pain free as possible. When you only have each other though it makes things difficult.
“You like you need someone to talk to, think of me as your friend instead of Naomi’s girlfriend.” Emily suggested gently, not quite sure if she really wanted to open up this can of worms, could she really lie to Naomi? At the same time, could she really sit here and watch Gina struggle? Gina who had been like a second mother to her, it was impossible.
“You’re a good girl Emily, the best, I don’t think anyone else in this world could make Naomi as happy as you’ve made her. You need to keep on making her happy.” Gina murmured, barely above a whisper as she stroked the back of Emily’s hand.
“Why are you talking like this? What’s wrong?” Emily asked, this time more forcefully, she couldn’t just sit here and watch Gina like this. She couldn’t walk away either, regardless of whether Gina told her what was wrong, she still knew there was something going on.
“I’m scared Emily, I'm really scared.” Gina shook, beginning to sob once again, crossing her arms and hugging herself. Hands gripping onto her top, holding on to something, anything that kept her from falling.
“G? Come on.” Emily coaxed, swallowing as she prepared for whatever Gina was about to say. Part of her wishing that she’d never come to Naomi’s house, never walked through that door.
“I... I found a lump. I went to the doctors today, they did tests.” Gina finally managed to stutter out, as if saying the words out loud made them feel more real than before, it also felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. A weight that was swiftly, and unwittingly, transferred to Emily’s.
“Do they think its...” Emily trailed, her voice barely a croak, not being able to say that word, because it was a word that felt like a death sentence.
“You know how sometimes you can just feel it, feel something bad, even without confirmation. I know it Emily, I have cancer, and now I'm scared if I die... What will happen to Naomi?” Gina asked, though her voice sounded a lot clearer than before. Emily didn’t have answers, instead settling for wrapping her arms tightly round Gina. She felt shattered, wondering if she really could hide how broken she felt from Naomi.